Diary of a Teenaged Mimic

Dear Diary,

Yeah, anybody who can tell you that you screwed up in a way that makes you thank them for it deserves some props. Come the day, the man definitely deserves his gold retirement watch.

So yesterday morning Least Lancaster and I jogged away the morning, only not really. Bastard that he is, he kept incrementally upping his pace, trying to get ahead of me. Which I couldn’t allow, because even I know you’re not supposed to beat your subordinates, and his normally punchable face becomes irresistibly punchable when he’s smug. So by the time we broke for lunch, we were both more or less exhausted and covered in sweat.

Lunch was lunch. Hamburger in gravy is hamburger in gravy. Nom.

After lunch, we did it again; by the time dinner rolled around, I was starting to feel the burn and he was wheezing, but neither of us fell out, so I counted it as a win.

I looked at him when he was still wheezing when we hit the stairs and said, ”if you’re still wheezing like that tomorrow, Cadet, we’re gonna have to slow shit down. We’re trying to get back in fighting trim, not destroy one or both of us.”

He just stared at me, a booger look on his face, until finally he gave in and nodded. I raised an eyebrow and he wheezed out, ”agreed, ma’am.” Then he went down the stairs headed for dinner. I just stood there for a little bit, trying to figure out how the fuck I was supposed to check to make sure this wasn’t some kind of dream or nightmare. I surreptitiously kept checking over my shoulder for chibi hibachi chef Saffron chucking shrimp at me, but no joy.

Of course, that put an entirely different kind of bug up my ass. At dinner I called one of the Maids over and asked, ”do you guys ever get shrimp here, or is too spendy to feed to Cadets?”

She stared at me, then creaked out, ”Shrimp?”

”Yeah, you know, little crustaceans, like lobsters but smaller? Itty bitty ocean crayfish? Shrimp. I’m kinda jonesing for some.” She didn’t reply, just nodded and moved off. The rest of the cadets gave me kinda odd looks, but nobody said anything until I asked, ”what?”

They all buried themselves in their shoe leather beef and salt licks cut in the shape of ham steaks. All except Angel, anyway, who just shook her head and said, ”I thought you were a little weird when you got the Headmaster to start buying fish, but at least there I figured you were doing a good deed for the fishermen or something. But... shrimp?” She shook her head and returned to masticating the shoe leather.

”Okay, what’s the deal? What’s wrong with shrimp?”

Bill turned to me and, after a couple moments of obviously trying to think of the right words, said, ”you come across as,” a quick pause, ”not rich, exactly, but definitely not poor. Your first response might not be to take charge, but you don’t hesitate when you have to, and you don’t,” here he paused again to note the others kinda nodding along. ”You don’t see blonde hair and keep your eyes pointed below the neck out of habit.”

I frowned at him. ”I don’t see you guys sucking up to the Barbie Brigade either. Kinda the opposite, in fact.”

”Yeah, I know, but for the Yards, I’m rich, and the guy who tutored Angel, Saffron, and I drilled most of that out of us. We’ve got a chance to compete on a level playing field. Levelish, anyway. And kowtowing would screw that up, so we don’t, but it’s an effort. But you? It’s like you never even had it drilled into you.”

I sat there for a minute, trying to think of how much I could say without giving away stuff I really didn’t want out in the open. I sure as shit knew some of what they were talking about. The impulses were different, but you didn’t grow up in Camden without knowing that if you saw a cop, you ran, if you saw light skin, you played dumb as fuck. If you saw a gun, you dove for cover or did whatever the fuck they told you to do. Eventually I said, ”I guess things weren’t quite the same where I’m from, but I get what you’re saying. Different dance floor, same fuckin’ dance. But,” here I paused, reviewing my words to make extra sure I wasn’t going to screw this up. ”Then the absolute worst case scenario hit, shit went down, and if I wasn’t the luckiest bitch in four cities I would have been feeding the Kraken. I got hurt. Bad. I pretty much thought I was dead. Instead, I wound up here, and here and now I’ve got a chance to be somebody. To make a difference. Maybe even a little bit of a chance to change the world for the better, so our kids, or maybe their kids? Won’t have to wade through the same rivers of shit we did growing up.”

By the end, they were all nodding along; we had a whole thing. Bill finally said, ”yeah. Yeah, I think I get it. It’s the whole ’shrimp for breakfast’ thing.” At my look he explained, ”eat shrimp for breakfast, and nothing worse is gonna happen to you that day.”

I snorted, ”back where I’m from, they say ’frog’ rather than ’shrimp’, but I get you. But what’s the deal with shrimp, though?”

Angel shook her head and said, ”sometimes I’ve kinda wanted to ask you where you’re from, because if it gave you that kind of confidence, I kinda wanted to give it a try living there. But now? I want to know just to make sure I don’t wind up there.”

I snorted. ”Yeah, I’ve been told the trip isn’t easy to make, and you absolutely aren’t gonna get there by accident. But still, any of you want to clue me in about the shrimp?”

Angel laughed and said, ”can’t believe you haven’t figured this out yet, but in the Yards? You probably eat fish more than you want, because it’s cheap as shit and ain’t nobody got Drivers’ money every day. No offense.”

Bill just nodded and said, ”none taken.”

Angel continued, ”fish isn’t half bad if you fry it, don’t think about it too much, and can ignore the flavor. But shrimp? The only people who eat shrimp are the ones who are so poor they can’t afford fish.”

Raven, her voice quiet as always, said, ”I heard Selkies like them.”

Angel snorted. ”I heard Mermaids and Sirens like them too, but Selkies eat their fish raw half the time, and Mermaids and Sirens eat it raw all of the time. No shade intended, when you live underwater you can’t exactly build a cookfire. But anybody eating raw fish can’t have anything like a refined palate, you know?”

I decided right then that I was gonna talk with Marie about the shrimp, and that I wasn’t going to talk to the ROTCs about sushi until I could get my hands on a legit sushi chef, if such a thing even existed in the here and now.

After dinner I went back to the cell to find Marie and Isnomi playing pounce. I interrupted by, once I’d stripped off my pumpkin spice reeking uniform, Mimicking Saffron and holding my arms out to Isnomi. She jumped on the chance for extra noms and cuddles, and I spent the time talking with Marie about what she knew and I remembered of shrimp recipes. That eventually segued into us talking about fish and fish recipes. By the time Saffron got home, Marie had an unusual speculative look on her face. She helped Saffron out of the dress of Glowing Midnight, especially the boots, which unlike the rest of the dress weren’t designed for ease of access. Then, after tucking all three of us into bed, she shut off the light and headed for the door.

”Where you going, Marie?”

A smile in her voice, she said, ”Work.”

I frowned, but for once she actually sounded like she looked forward to it. ”Will you be back tonight?”

She stepped back, kissed Isnomi on the forehead, then kissed Saffron and I on the lips before standing back up and saying, ”Maybe.”

”Love you, Marie.” The other two echoed me, and I felt more than heard Marie’s purr.

Right before she closed the door, she paused and said, ”Love. You. Too.”

That left the rest of us boggled until we drifted off to sleep.

No chibi-Saffron-hibachi for your girl. I’m guessing the restaurant closes at midnight or some shit. Other than that, just vibed under the stars, and woke when false dawn lit the sky. Saffron was half dressed in Glowing Midnight, Isnomi had her pants on and was trying to tie her shirt, and Marie lay on her floor-bed snoring lightly. I pushed myself out of bed quietly, helped Isnomi until Saffron finished dressing, then stood and made sure she was thoroughly kissed before she left to head up the Council for the day. Once I got my own clothes on, Isnomi and I headed for breakfast, and I realized that everything we’d done had been in more or less complete silence. Not some kind of silence Spell bullshit, but nobody said a word, as we all tried to keep our movements quiet to let Marie sleep.

I felt some kinda way about that. Nothing bad, but maybe a little melancholy? Like the ’new’ had worn off of things, maybe? Although I realized at that point that ’newness worn off’ was, itself, a new thing.

After breakfast I’d intended to head up to the Practice Yard, but duBois stopped by the ROTC table on his way out. ”Come see me when you’re done eating.”

”Yes, Sir!” I said after swallowing a mouthful of leftover. ”Ye, Sah!” parroted Isnomi.

He didn’t say anything about that, so I brought her with me. Can’t hurt for her to get more exposure to the Academy, since it seems more and more likely she’ll wind up going here someday herself. When I walked in, duBois waved me to a seat. I sat, and Isnomi climbed up into my lap and sat as well. Somehow, miraculously, neither of us fidgeted. I know I only managed it because I was trying to be a Good Example for my daughter, and I think she was trying to outlast me or something.

At any rate, we sat there waiting while duBois did paperwork until he finished the last of it. Then he turned around, paused a moment, then held his hands out for Isnomi. She half turned to me, and at my nod scrambled up and jumped into his hands. Dude would make a great grandpa, really; he caught her, juggled her a little like he didn’t make the catch as giggles squeaked out of her, then spun her around to face me and set her on his knee before meeting my gaze.

”I’m not going to dress you down, because you normally wouldn’t be commanding an expedition until you were at least a Senior Cadet, and by then you’d have had at least the one required course on Command. But...” He paused.

I sighed and said, ”but I fucked up.”

He shot me a lopsided grin. ”Yeah. Do you know how?”

I thought about it for a second. ”Something about sending Bill to you?”

He nodded, and Isnomi copied him, her arms folded and her face solemn. ”Do you know why?”

Again I thought about it, but shook my head. ”No, Sir. I was trying to delegate, because I remember something from tutoring about not doing everything yourself, and I’m still not where I’d like to be physically before leaving.”

He blew out a breath before saying, ”normally I’d say that the expedition commander shouldn’t be doing that much physical work, or they’re soldiering, not commanding, but not only are you likely to need your particular brand of chaos if Calverton is responsible for Lancaster House going silent, but you’re also recovering from some injuries.”

”Not gonna mention how you were out scouting with the only other Hero in the expedition?”

He shot me a sharp look, but being right gave me the stones to ignore it. ”Loki been teaching you some Divination, I take it?”

”He has.” I wasn’t about to volunteer that I’d gotten that particular knowledge without scrying. Achievement: Perfect Lie, Acquired!

Indeed. Well done, Tabitha Diaz.

Marshall duBois grimaced, then smiled and said, ”do as I say, not as I do. Still, that’s not really what I called you up here for.” He waited, but I knew this trick, and he’d made a mistake taking Isnomi. I could wait as long as I needed to, but after copying his expectant stare for like thirty seconds, she got bored, turned around, and started fixing his collar. ”You’d normally learn this early on in your Command class, but as noted, you haven’t had that class yet. Simple thing about delegation: delegate as much as you can, but never delegate conversations with someone further up the Chain of Command.”

I winced. ”Oops.”

He smiled. ”Like I said, I’m not going to give you shit about something you hadn’t been taught. But...”

I nodded. ”Now I have been taught. So, who can I take?”

”How about you tell me what you need?”

I nodded again. He was the very tippy top of my chain of command, after all, so I guess he decided how the conversation went. After a quick bit of math in my head, I said, ”nine Cadets other than myself, and thirty Volunteer units, preferably ones heavy on Veterans.”

When I paused, he said, ”why thirty?”

”Heroes and Cadets have been trained, if need be, to go twenty four seven until we drop. Not so much with Volunteers, so if we’re gonna be doing shit where we need a unit for each of us, we need to bring three per Cadet.”

He chewed on that for a bit, his eyes flickering on the wall behind me as he did some mental math. ”You can have twenty. Normally ten Cadets would warrant fifteen, but I see your point. You’ll have to lower the down-time ratio, but you’ll have enough to give them some down time. Why the frown?”

I started as I realized I was frowning. I hadn’t intended to, but I replied, ”I wanted to have some spares in case we pick up any Heroes around Lancaster House.”

He smiled at me. ”Good thinking, but Lancaster left plenty of units behind; some of them should suffice for any Heroes you grab along the way.”

I shook my head. ”They won’t be Cured, though.”

”Nothing we can do about that, Diaz. As for your units, you’ve got your pick of whatever’s available. Have Driver bring me a list when you’ve chosen your twenty. I take it you’ve got nine Cadets in mind?”

”Driver, Mac Conno, Raven Aetos, uh... Fred and Bonnie from the ROTC table. Carruthers, Rosen, Rider, and of course Lancaster.”

He might have mouthed ’raven?’ as I listed out the others, but when I finished my list he said, ”you’re not worried about taking Lancaster’s two lackeys with you?”

I shook my head. ”No, Sir. Or, rather, I’m more worried that Lancaster House will see him as a puppet if everyone else is obviously a friend of mine.”

Echoing the question I’d been asked earlier, he said, ”he won’t be?”

I nodded decisively and replied, ”if I have to, sir, I will ram my hand up his ass and work his mouth like a ventriloquist’s dummy, but honestly? I think he and I have come to a working understanding. Also, he owes me for the whole ’saved his life’ thing, which I will emphasize if I need to.”

He smiled at me. ”Have Driver bring me the list of Cadets as well, just so the paperwork’s filed properly, but they’re all approved.”

”What about supplies and gear, Sir?”

He nodded, ”get me those two lists by Dinner tomorrow. As for supplies and gear, you’re approved for whatever we’ve got that the Expedition can carry. Again, just make sure you get me a list of everything you’re taking before you go.”

”Thank you sir.” Sudden inspiration grabbed me. ”What about vehicles, sir?”

He frowned, ”normally we don’t take carts along with Volunteer units; if they can’t carry it on their back, they can’t carry it if the cart breaks.”

”I was thinking boats, sir.”

He paused a moment, then shook his head. ”Getting yourself a head start up the Schuylkill isn’t a terrible idea, but right now every boat we’ve got is either ferrying people toward New Amsterdam or bringing in fish to keep working bellies full. Denied.”

I bit back a sigh and said, ”understood, sir. Will that be all?”

He looked at me for a second, handed me Isnomi, then posed with his face half turned away, the fingertips of one hand spread across his brow. Then, in such a spot-on imitation of Lancaster I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing, he said, ”that will be all. Do try not to fuck it up this time.”

”Understood, sir! No fucking in an upward direction will be tolerated. All fucking will be downward or side-to-side, Sir!”

I vacated his office while he was still laughing, then met Lancaster in the yard. He had one of the shitty metal practice swords, just about one-handed longsword length for him, and he was going through basic sword moves when I arrived. He shot Isnomi a bit of a disapproving look, but when he didn’t say anything I let it slide. Baby steps. I shook my head and nodded at his sword. ”You really ought to be using a two-hander.”

He frowned. ”Too slow by half. Those are for the unskilled to bash through spears and parries.”

”Okay, point, but what about a bastard sword. Hand and a half. Katana. Whatever you’d call it. Only a little bit heavier blade, but a shit ton more leverage from the extended grip.”

He frowned at me. ”In most cases that would leave me without a free hand to Shape Mana.”

I sighed, set Isnomi down and gave her a bit of a scoot off toward where some Cadets had the obstacle course set up, then without warning jumped toward Lancaster, a Mana Blade coming down toward his face in a full overhead swing. Credit where it’s due, he got his sword up to parry, and even slid sideways enough that the molten metal where the Mana Blade went right through his sword hit his jacket rather than his face. I froze with the Mana Blade hovering next to his ear, meeting his gaze and trying to ignore the growing welt where the blade of his sword had bonked his forehead before heading for the ground.

I dispersed my Mana Blade, taking half a step back as I did. ”You’re a swordsman, Larry. Way fuckin’ better than me. Even if you weren’t, you’re so much better with a sword, and it’s so much more natural for you, that you’re not gonna be casting in combat. Or if you do, it’s either not a real dangerous combat, you’re not the one in the front line, or you’ve fucked up, because you are straight up deadly with a sword as long as you keep your head out of your ass.”

He didn’t reply as he brushed the ash and solidified metal off of his shoulder, exposing a few rings worked into the lining of his jacket, then leaned over and scooped up the metal and his blade, hissing a little as he picked it up. He sighed. ”I find it maddening that someone as dim as you continues to be right so often when you disagree with me.”

I smiled at him to take the sting out of my words as I waved him toward one of the equipment sheds. ”Yeah, that just means we’re both equally moronic. Have some faith, though; I managed to get promoted to the lofty rank of Cadet despite my mental handicaps, and I’m sure with your father and brother pulling the right strings, you’ll make it there as well someday.”

He rolled his eyes as he walked along behind me. ”You realize that everyone assuming my father’s influence is why I’m here accounts for a great deal of my frustration?”

I glanced back to check on Isnomi. I figured Saffron might kick my ass for letting her play by herself on the obstacle course, but I also knew my kid; if I told her to run laps or do something else boring with the obstacle course right there, she’d wind up sneaking over to it. This way instead of hiding she straight up showed off, trying to get my attention, which made it a lot easier to keep an eye on her. At the moment she’d twigged to the fact that whoever set up the obstacle course had set up the climbing net and the rope wall, and she was scampering up one of them, then doing a flying-squirrel leap to the bottom of the other, then repeating the process the other way in a kind of endless vertical figure eight.

Without looking at Lancaster I said, ”isn’t it, though?”

He sighed. ”That would account for most of the remainder of my frustration.” He sorted through the shitty metal practice blades until he found one the right length of blade and hilt to stand in for a hand-and-a-half sword for him. I picked out a pair of long dagger length hunks of pot metal, then sighed, put them back, and picked out a ’sword’ of my own. He frowned. ”Why are you intent on learning swordplay? Twin short blades really do seem more your style.”

I smiled at him. ”Yeah, but learning the sword from you? Lets me predict how swordsmen react. If I know that, I can fuck with them more when I’m doing my thing.”

We spent the rest of the morning and all afternoon alternating between sparring with blades until Lancaster flagged, then watching Isnomi do daredevil stunts on the obstacle course. If the other Cadets had any complaints, I guess my new rarified rank got them to keep them to themselves, because other than griping quietly when they had to deal not just with the regular obstacle, but with a moving obstacle that used them as springboards more often than not? They didn’t say a word.

Dinner was awesome. Not only had Saffron finished up her Council work early enough to join us? Tonight’s dinner was an absolute all-you-can-eat shrimp festival, with just about every damn style Bubba mentioned to Forrest represented. Not only that, but Marie’s Cookery Conjuring managed to absolutely nail all of it so well that the rest of the ROTC table sat with me to share the mostly leftover shrimp that had been delivered to the other tables along with their shoe leather and salt licks.

’Shrimp is for poor people’ my lily white lack-of-an-ass.