Diary of a Teenaged Mimic

Dear Diary,

You ever do something without thinking about it, like something that ought to be important and not possible to do without thinking about it, and you only realize you’re doing it when people point out that it’s been pissing them off, scaring them, or both?

So right around sunset, with the sun halfway behind the horizon to the west, Dionysus snuck up behind me and startled me enough to land me ass-first on the pavement. I blame the ice. Nobody’s gonna give a shit if I go ham on a bit of ice on the ground. Not that I really had to; he put his weight on it when he stepped over to help me up, and it shattered to fragments.

Like I said, big motherfucker, and definitely most of it was muscle, not fat. Of course, apparently that outer layer of fat gave him quite a bit of insulation, because he stood there wearing something somewhere between a toga and a kilt, and he didn’t look cold. ”Hey, D. How’s it hangin’?”

He laughed as he pulled me up into a hug, ”To the right, at least for today! I hear you’ve been looking for me?”

I nodded, idly making sure the me walking next to Lancaster was still walking and not landing on the pavement. ”Yeah, I wanted to ask you if you’ve found anything out about the, y’know,” I waved my hand around in the air, ”on the other side?”

He shuddered a little, then stepped to the nearest shop door, lifting me to my feet and pulling me through the doorway all with one big motion. Inside there were a couple tables and a counter separating the front of the shop from the back. There were a couple stools right on this side of the counter as well. He stepped to the counter, said, ”ouzo, and two glasses”, and guided me to one of the tables. When we’d both made ourselves comfortable, which for me meant shrugging off the jacket, he poured us each a shot. He picked his up, said ”salud!” and held his toward me, so I picked mine up, repeated his toast, and clinked the glasses together before I took a shot. He poured us both another, but I recalled my last time drinking with him. I wasn’t afraid of alcohol poisoning, but I was kind of concerned about doing something dumb. Or someone dumber.

So I just kind of nursed my shots; by the third one, the guy behind the counter brought out some taller tumblers and a pitcher of water. Dionysus had at least six in him by then, and for the next one he mixed a shot of ouzo with some of the ice water. I followed suit, and realized that along with the anise flavor, which wasn’t a big selling point for me, the ouzo also had some cinnamon, maybe some cardamom or lemon? Not a gourmet, so I couldn’t tell you for sure, but drinking it mixed with water definitely brought the flavors out better than shooting it straight.

He nodded after my first sip of the watered ouzo. ”How’s the family?”

I smiled. Thinking about them brought that out. ”Isnomi’s growing like a weed, Marie’s spending a lot of time with her while I’m walking the walls, and Saffron is,” here I sighed and took another drink of ouzo. ”Saffron is with the Grand Army.”

Dionysus winced, then nodded sympathetically. ”I feel your pain there. Too many times my followers, especially my favorites, get roped into fighting some war or another. My brother is never sated by the constant bickering between Cities, nor even with games held in his honor. He wants blood, and buckets of it, all at once.”

”Speaking of, I heard that he’s the instigator of this latest thing from New Amsterdam?”

He nodded heavily, ”it’s true. My Priest tried to be the voice of reason, and wound up jailed, awaiting execution should the war not favor New Amsterdam.”

”The fuck? I knew he was an asshole, but executing one of yours because he or his chosen general fuck up? That’s just wrong.” I took another gulp of liquor, hoping that the flavor would wash the dirty taste of talking about Ares out of my brain. It gave me something else to think about for the few seconds the flavors overloaded my brain, at least.

He just heaved a sigh, taking another big drink himself afterward. ”You speak truth, but few in New Amsterdam seek my patronage. Not none, mind you, but those who do aren’t generally flush with political power.”

I tried to think of a polite way to phrase it, but eventually just blurted out, ”so you want Phileo and Camden to lose?”

He pulled back, more than a little offended, ”no, I want you to beat them so bloody they learn what it means to take one of mine hostage.”

”And if he dies?” I asked quietly.

”Then I carry him personally to Hades, and ensure his treatment in the afterlife is fair.”

I scratched my head; the hat was warm, but just a little itchy. I pulled it off and stuffed it in the pocket of my coat. ”I recall reading that of all of his Pantheon, Hades is the least fucked up.”

Dionysus frowned, more pensive than upset, though. ”I suppose you’re right. But I would still play the psychopomp role for one of mine who martyred themselves pursuing my ends, preaching my words.”

”I guess that means you haven’t got any info about what the ’Damn Army is up to then?”

”Not a great deal, no. I know that more in Newark are turning to me for courage than normal, and there are some of that ilk moving along the coast as well. But beyond that? The great black blanket makes anything involving the Other Side hard to do.” He shrugged again, then shuddered.

”What’s wrong?”

”I’ve tried stepping across a few times. It’s...” He held up one hand for patience. ”It’s warm, and fuzzy, and terrifying.”

I blinked owlishly at that, sipping more ouzo, meanwhile trying to stay on the sidewalk with my other body. ”Why terrifying?’

”I get the impression that it could, if it wished, snuff me out like a candle. Less than a candle even, but more just a wisp of smoke. I half expect that’s why Ares got a bug up his ass about it.”

”Because it wants to kill Gods?” I really needed to stay sober to try and keep from saying the wrong thing, so I took another drink of the slightly cloudy water in front of me.

He shook his head again. ”No. Not ’wants to’. Can. Can do so without even thinking about it. Worst of all? It doesn’t want to. It doesn’t even not want to. Crushing the life out of one of us would be incidental, because it thinks less of us than we would think of the ants in a field of grass. Should we step on one, crushing it to death? We would neither notice, nor care.”

Things finally clicked into place, sort of. ”So he’s pissed that something terrified him without half trying?”

Dionysus brought one broad finger up to the tip of his nose. ”There you have it. Ignore his bleating about injury to his sister. His true motivation is fear, expressed the only way he knows how; by anger.”

I shook my head, ”Fuckin’ toxic masculinity. Even here.”

He snorted, ”I am a man, and I am not toxic.” He paused, then grinned. ”Except in large doses!”

I chuckled at that despite myself. For whatever reason, his humor was hitting home. I tipped up the bottle to refill my glass, then hunted through two more open ones before finding one to half fill it. I poured the rest full of water from one of the pitchers. I snort-chuckled, ”Explains why Marie can hold her liquor so well. And, y’know, other stuff she’s good at holding.” I leered at him, and he near busted a gut laughing.

”Aye! Let us talk of more pleasant things! Tell me, has Marie told you about her childhood, before she became one of my Maenads?”

I shook my head, then blinked as the room kept shaking after. ”Nope.”

”Then let me tell you that tale!”

What followed was a disjointed mishmash of his fondest Marie memories that lasted halfway through the night. By the time I stepped back to my room, Marie herself was curled around Isnomi on the floor. I divested myself of my coat, hat, and uniform, yanked a blanket down to cover all of us, and dropped off to sleep.

I woke when Marie shook me; she and the Menace were both ready to go for the day. I pushed myself upright to give them their daily hugs and kisses, then stumbled back to bed. I even tried duplicating myself, since other me hadn’t been drunk until she stepped back to me on entering my room, but no dice. Just had one of me up on top of the roof freezing her ass off before she stepped back. So I put on my Big Girl Panties, along with my thickest uniform and my coat, and wandered off to a day of fencing practice. And headaches. Lots and lots of headaches.

Y’know, nobody tells kids that Adult Pastimes have Adult Consequences. Maybe we should. I sure as hell am gonna tell the Menace before she gets old enough to start drinking.

I mean, if I remember. This is me we’re talking about here.