Data-Driven Daoist

「You shouldn’t have come here, you dense two-legged—」

Before Fei Rui could finish, Elder Chang slapped him away with a wide palm. Fei Rui rolled like an oversized egg and landed on his back. His legs twitched at the sky. 「No! No no no! It’s mine, it’s mine—」

Elder Chang moved the bale of hay. There was a hidden space in the bale, with random items littered inside. Paper, parchments, glass vials, half a broom, a Coverall glove, two spirit stones, dried ghoul skins—

「It’s my stash!」

”You dumb crab.” Yu Han massaged his temples.

”The Cultivator shares the Spirit’s burden,” Elder Chang said to him. ”If your companion steals, that is your responsibility.”

”I didn’t…” Yu Han crouched down to Fei Rui’s level. ”Where did you get all these?”

「From the wooden cave you humans live in,」 Fei Rui said tearily.

”You can’t take without permission,” Yu Han said. Even though that’s the most cost-effective method, he added inwardly.

「B-But big small worm said I could! He does it all the time, so how come he can do it and I can’t? He doesn’t even like collections and stashes, but he eats all these—」”Just because Worm Daoist Feral Spot said it’s okay, doesn’t mean you can break Sect rules!” Yu Han said. Damn that worm. He made sure to say the worm’s name extra loud.

”So it’s that thief again!” Elder Chang was incensed. He pushed Yu Han aside, saying, ”Even if the thief tries to lead your companion astray, it’s your duty to guide them back to the proper path. Got it?”

Yu Han nodded ferociously, like he was digging with his chin.

Elder Chang berated Fei Rui, who shrunk until he was the size of a teacup. He made promises to have a “talk” with Feral Spot.

Amen, Yu Han prayed for the Annelida soul.

After that, Elder Chang gathered the four into the discussion chambers.

”You’ve both applied to join the Night Soil Collectors. Good, good. I knew I didn’t misjudge you.” There was a smile on Elder Chang’s face. ”At the end of the day, the greed of a Cultivator overcomes any stigma they have towards waste work.”

Li Yao and Fang Zhao offered uneasy smiles.

”Your Coveralls will be delivered by the night,” Elder Chang said. ”As promised before, you may use yard property in your Hidden Realm excursion. Take some of the processed Filth Eating Ghoul skin and put it in the small compartment under the larger one, where the Coveralls are stored. Lest they don’t get repaired.”

Wait, these coveralls are being repaired with ghoul skin? Yu Han’s hands shook. Are they made out of it too? How does it work? Are we literally wearing the skin of our enemies?

”Four vials of Pure Qi assimilating Elixirs will be delivered too,” Elder Chang said. ”The Dawn Mist Crane tribe is busy with the name change of the Unending Drizzle Hall, but the delivery work inside the Sect continues. Got it?”

Not really. But Yu Han nodded.

”I’ve heard from the Law Enforcement Hall,” Elder Chang said. ”Dare you still venture to the Hidden Realm with foes at your back?”

They had discussed this thoroughly. All four of them had agreed that with Fei Rui, their safety was not totally compromised.

”We fear no scum,” Li Yao said. ”If they come, we’ll send them running with swords between their neck and heart.”

”Quit the posturing,” Elder Chang said.

Li Yao blushed. It was the first time Yu Han had seen the guy show any shame.

Elder Chang passed on four pieces of paper. ”Beaconing Talismans. If you’re near enough to the gateway village, the Law Enforcement Hall disciples stationed there will rush to help.”

”Our gratitudes!” Yu Han was the first to bow, followed by the others.

”Indomitable spirit. Keep at it,” Elder Chang said. ”In a few levels, you’ll be eligible for rewards from the Medical and Alchemy Halls. Keep Cultivating, keep fighting, and don’t listen to Wen’s cowardly philosophy. He is tired of bickering about honour with his family is all.”

With that, he was gone. Yu Han, Li Yao, and Huang Niuniu took their Pure Qi Assimilating Elixirs that night, while Fang Zhao saved his.

The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

The first time Fang Zhao and Li Yao went out on ghoul exterminating rounds—technically their second time—Yu Han and Huang Niuniu acted as seniors to show them the ropes.

They trained during morning, and during the afternoons they cleaned the waste.

Yu Han’s experiments continued at night in Deep Sleep. He now had five shelves full of data—memories saved in pearls, sorted into specific categories. He would sometimes train in the crabscape, too, to see if there were any effects.

There weren’t any negative ones. His Arts True Qi gains were normal. Though he did notice some anomalies.

”Did you hear that?” Yu Han said to Fei Rui as they passed by the Tunnel of Doom.

「Things on the other side make noises sometimes,」 Fei Rui said, rubbing one claw against the other. 「Wanna go in? We can tell them not to make noises by making them unable to make noises.」

”Hell no!” Yu Han firmly refused. ”I don’t want to be doomed.”

「I’ll have to go there to pass my tribulation. Yu Han, won’t you come with me? Won’t you? Won’t you?」

”We can talk about this later,” Yu Han said.

「Okay!」

Another five days passed, leaving four days until Wen Liujie’s return, according to the letter.

Fang Zhao had successfully learnt all six Martial Arts.

”It’s not fair!” Huang Niuniu pouted.

”Sister Huang…” Fang Zhao tried to placate the young woman. ”It’s not that I’m more talented than you. What I learnt are Elite Grade Martial Arts. Yours is an Earth Grade one! Besides, you have the strange method of training True Qi with wisps, while I can’t even level up. How can I compare to you?”

It disgusted Yu Han that such empty flattery worked. Was Huang Niuniu dumb or smart? Or was she just bipolar?

That night, she successfully learnt the Spiral Dance of the Willow and the Wisp too. It was beautiful, fireflies surrounding her as the deadly whips sliced through the air.

They celebrated, and she cooked meat stew. The smell somehow overpowered the musky odour of the compost pits.

”I don’t think it’s supposed to look like this.” Li Yao poked the floating meat, which looked like a drowned, washed-up corpse. ”Cow Girl, you followed the recipe, right? Just spices, sauces, and meat?”

”Shut up and eat, you brute,” she commanded.

The stew tasted fine to Yu Han. After all, he was used to eating the spites. The others would have to acquire the taste, or they wouldn’t be able to enjoy Huang Niuniu’s—

Hold on a minute. A possibility crossed Yu Han’s mind. I always assumed the Deep Sea Spites were supposed to smell and taste horrible. But could it just be Niu’er’s cooking?

He shook his head. Fuck. His taste buds were changed forever.

Don’t panic. There isn’t enough data. He would need to have her cook some other dishes.

Fei Rui leapt down from a beam on the ceiling.

”Good heavens, crab!” Li Yao shouted. ”Scared the shit outta me. Can’t you—”

”Don’t yell at him!” Huang Niuniu shouted back.

「Yu Han, one of the two-legged monsters is here. I think they’re not monsters at all, but humans!」

”Where is he?” Yu Han asked the crab. Finally, after ten days of no activity, the Mad Bloodhounds had come to spy on them.

「Just outside the wooden sticks buried in the ground behind the hot water place that makes my insides feel funny.」

The fence by the hotspring?

Yu Han explained the situation to the others.

”I-It’s a pervert!” Huang Niuniu was horrified. She enjoyed taking baths in the hot springs. The monkeys were good company, and in the female side of the partition, only female monkeys were allowed.

”There’s three monkeys there, according to Fei Rui. None of them noticed,” Yu Han said.

”What do we do now?” Li Yao asked. There was a deadly gleam in his eyes. Fang Zhao cracked his knuckles.

”Fei Rui, can you knock him out?” Yu Han said. ”Without being detected?”

The crab spun for a minute as if to think, then nodded with his eyestalks.「I can go like this!」 Fei Rui’s camouflage activated. 「And then I can go behind him and bam him on the head!」

”What if he dies, though?” Yu Han asked. Loss of consciousness through head blows were only movie myths. He consulted with the others, and Li Yao had a solution.

He pointed at a certain spot on his neck. ”Here. Choke it for a bit and he’ll pass out, ’cause he won’t be able to breathe and blood won’t go to his head.”

After Yu Han’s translation, Fei Rui ran up and down the corridor. He practised with the wooden pillar and said, 「Okay!」

It didn’t soothe Yu Han’s worries at all. Murder was a serious crime. But they couldn’t live in fear. If they were coming for Huang Niuniu, Yu Han would rather strike first.

They walked to the changing areas while talking loudly, pretending as if they would use the hot springs. A few minutes later, there was a soft thud from outside.

「I got him!」 Fei Rui shouted.

They left the main compound and saw Fei Rui hanging an unconscious young man on a tree with some vines. The peeper’s neck was swollen. But there was breath.

”We can throw him in the pits,” Li Yao said. He played with his swords. ”Tell Feral Spot to be quiet. He’ll be part of the Sect in a few months.”

”That’s a joke, right?” Yu Han asked.

”Maybe.” Li Yao grinned. He proceeded to loot the unconscious young man. Some papers with strange characters on them, a brush with a spirit stone attached. A sword, a dagger, some spirit stones and monster cores, two vials. And of course, all the clothes. They decided to keep everything in Fang Zhao’s ring.

”Fei Rui, go into his dream,” Yu Han said. ”Remember the pearls I showed you before? The ones where we are acting out the play?” Yu Han paused. ”And the ones with big baddie Sima Yan and his gang of bad guys. Take them and project it in his dreams. Can you do that?”

「Okay!」 Fei Rui giggled. He did a small dance, then retracted one eyestalk. 「This is so much fun. We make plans and then we play with the bad guys before eating them, right?」

”We don’t eat them,” Yu Han said. ”If you want food, we can buy it for you from the marketplace.”

「Can I eat an apple?」

”Sure.”

Fei Rui completed the assignment. The unconscious guy was squirming and muttering nonsense about fucking up nobles. Only the crab knew how successful their attempt was, but Yu Han decided to trust in him.

”Throw him in the ditch by the Grotto of Three Old Frogs,” Yu Han said.

”You think this will work?” Li Yao said.

”If it does, our enemies will fight each other,” Yu Han said. ”If it doesn’t, it’ll at least buy us some time.”

The Mad Bloodhounds didn’t make any moves for the two days, though they did hear that a commoner courtyard had beaten up a few noble disciples so badly that the Law Enforcement Hall had to get involved. The Mad Bloodhounds were the prime suspects, and because of the nagging from a certain Inner Sect disciple, they were under investigation.

”Evil fucking genius!” Li Yao clapped Yu Han’s shoulder.

The next day, Yu Han reached his True Qi cap, and his Trial appeared before his eyes.