Beastmen Are Crazy, So I Sell Them Therapy

Chapter 90: Chapter 88: Combat Evaluation Test

Hell.

That was the only word that accurately described what I went through.

Training.

They called it training but I called it attempted murder.

We didn’t even do anything extreme—just basic stretches, light exercises, things that looked harmless on the surface.

But apparently, my body disagreed with the concept of ”basic,” because by the end of it, I felt like my soul had been gently removed from my body and had not returned.

Gawain had even helped me last night to continue my training.

Helped.

If that was help, I feared what his idea of torture looked like.

Now?

Every single muscle in my body was sore.

I lay there on my bed, staring at the ceiling, contemplating my life choices and whether I could simply retire from existence.

Beep.

That single, traitorous sound echoed through my room like a warning bell of incoming suffering.

I didn’t even need to look to see who it was since I had personally given him my pin—an act of trust that now felt like the worst decision of my life.

At the time, it seemed reasonable, practical, even.

He was my manny, after all. In charge of waking me up, keeping things in order... occasionally cleaning my room when it looked like a small storm had passed through it.

But now?

It just meant he had unrestricted access to ruin my mornings.

The door slid open and right on cue, the harbinger of responsibility stepped in.

”My Lady,” he called, far too energetic for someone existing at this hour. ”Wake up or we’re going to be late.”

I remained exactly where I was, motionless and spiritually absent.

”I’m already awake,” I muttered into the void. ”I just don’t see the point in moving anymore.”

He walked closer, silently judging me.

”Don’t give me that look.”

”We only did stretching and light workout,” he said, looking down at me like I had personally disappointed the concept of physical fitness. ”And you already look like you’re on your deathbed.”

I didn’t even argue because he was right but also, he didn’t have to say it like that.

He reached for my hands and that’s when my brain started giving me warning signals.

’Danger! Danger! He’s a threat!’

”Don’t you dare pull me,” I warned weakly, narrowing my eyes. ”Or else—”

”Or else what?” he said, already pulling me up without a single ounce of mercy.

Pain.

Pain everywhere.

”OR ELSE I’LL DIE! YOU DAMN SNAKE!!!” I yelled, my soul leaving my body for the second time.

”Don’t be so dramatic, My Lady,” he said flatly, completely unaffected as he dragged—no, escorted—me towards the bathroom. ”You won’t die from this.”

”I see the light—!”

”That’s the balcony.”

He pushed me inside like a responsible caretaker dealing with a very uncooperative patient.

”Now take a cold shower,” he added. ”And don’t take too long.”

”Yeah...” I mumbled, sitting down on the toilet cover like a defeated warrior who had lost to stretching.

Silence.

”My Lady,” he called from outside.

I didn’t respond.

”My Lady, take a shower now.”

”I said yes...”

And yet I didn’t move. Instead, I reached over and turned on the shower as water started falling.

I held my hand only to hiss and immediately retracted my hand.

”It’s too cold,” I muttered in disbelief as I kept staring at it. ”Maybe if I could turn the heater on just a bit then—”

From outside, Gawain’s voice came immediately, as if he had been waiting for this exact moment.

”Cold water helps reduce muscle inflammation and accelerates recovery.”

”...Are you reading my mind now?”

”No. I’m just smarter than you.”

”Alright! Alright!” I snapped, standing up dramatically like I was about to face my greatest enemy.

Which, unfortunately was the shower.

I stared at the falling water.

It stared back.

This was it.

The final battle.

”...If I don’t make it out,” I muttered, placing a hand over my chest, ”tell them I fought bravely.”

”You’re just taking a shower, not going to war,” Gawain replied instantly.

I took a deep breath, bravely stepped forward, and the moment the cold water hit my skin—

”AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH—!!!”

”Stop screaming!” he shouted from outside.

”I’VE BEEN BETRAYED!!!”

”IT’S WATER!”

”IT’S ICE!!!”

”JUST BATHE!”

”This is abuse!”

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

We are now on the entrance of one of the Academy’s forest land.

”Listen up!” Dmitri Grant called out, his voice cutting through the murmurs. ”Various Rogues have already been deployed deep in the forest. Once the timer starts, you better start finding one—and hope you get the easiest one to defeat.”

Hope.

That didn’t sound reassuring at all.

”Now go to your groups and wait for my signal.”

I sighed for the third time. Possibly the fourth, but who was counting?

My body was still sore from yesterday’s betrayal—I mean, training—and now I was expected to go rogue hunting like I wasn’t one stretch away from collapsing.

I turned my head slowly and there they were.

My group who was already gathered and didn’t seem to remember that I was still a part of them.

I stared at them for a moment before forcing my legs to move.

One step.

Two steps.

Regret.

By the time I reached them, I had already accepted my fate.

Of course, the first person to notice me was Ravian.

”Blanca!” he said brightly, like we were long-lost friends instead of accidental acquaintances with a very questionable first meeting. ”I’m glad you could finally join us!”

Before I could react, he grabbed my hand as he pulled me slightly closer, turning towards the others with that same easy smile.

”Everyone, this is Blanca—”

”I don’t care,” Stephano cut in immediately, arms crossed, eyes already narrowed like my existence personally inconvenienced him.

My earlier exhaustion suddenly did a disappearing act, and in its place, annoyance snuck in like an uninvited guest who refuses to leave.

”My, how charming,” I said sweetly but my eyes were glaring at him. ”But since I don’t know you, shouldn’t we introduce ourselves properly? For the sake of completing this hunt?”

Honestly, this guy really annoys the hell out of me—so much so, I’m considering investing in a noise-canceling ears and eyes just to personally block him out.

Stephano’s expression tightened slightly.

Vivienne quickly stepped in before this turned into a full-blown argument, her gaze briefly flicking to my hand—still in Ravian’s—before smiling apologetically.

”Please excuse his behavior,” she said gently. ”He’s a bit grumpy, especially in the mornings.”

”A bit?” I muttered under my breath.

Before I could even process what was happening, Vivienne suddenly reached forward and grabbed my hand—the same one Ravian Caspiold had been holding.

Ravian blinked, visibly caught off guard, his grip loosening as if his brain had momentarily lagged behind the situation.

Just like that, my hand found its freedom.

...Only to be captured again.

Vivienne clasped my hand between both of hers, warm, soft, and alarmingly enthusiastic.

”I know you already know me but I’m introducing myself again. I’m Vivienne Rosenthal but you can call me Vivi since you’re part of our group now!” she said, smiling so brightly I almost needed eye protection.

I stared at our hands before slowly smiling. ”Thank you for the offer,” I said politely, already pulling my hand away, ”but I’ll stick to calling you Vivienne.”

Out of the corner of my eye, Ravian Caspiold was already reaching for it again.

’Absolutely not.’

I sidestepped instantly, dodging him efficiently and for one glorious second, I thought I had succeeded.

Apparently, this man had contingency plans because he grabbed my other hand instead.

”What—” I didn’t even get to finish.

He pulled me closer, effortlessly redirecting me towards Silvano.

”This is Silvano,” Ravian said smoothly, completely ignoring my silent struggle.

Silvano, to his credit, simply nodded slightly. ”Silvano.”

”Blanca,” I replied, equally brief.

Now that we’re done with the introductions, I slowly looked down, towards our intertwined hands, then back at him.

”...Are you planning to keep that?” I asked flatly.

He looked at our hands then smiled. ”No,” and yet he still didn’t let go.

I stared at him. ”Let go.”

”Oh—right.”

He finally released it, clearing his throat like nothing happened.

I took two steps back then clasped my hands behind my back, composing myself.

”Since we’re all here,” Ravian continued smoothly, like he hadn’t just violated my personal space, ”we should probably discuss a strategy.”

’Strategy?’

I glanced at Gawain—who was clearly enjoying his teammates —then back at them.

”...Or,” I said slowly, ”we go in, find something weak, defeat it quickly, and leave.”

Simple. Efficient. Low interaction.

Perfect.

Stephano scoffed. ”That’s your plan?”

”Yes.”

”That’s not a plan.”

”That’s survival.”

Vivienne looked between us cheerfully. ”Maybe we can combine ideas...?”

Silvano finally spoke, voice calm. ”We should at least stay within range of each other.”

I nodded immediately. ”Agreed.”

Ravian smiled again. ”See? We’re already working well together.”

’No. I’m tolerating all of you.’

”What if we should all enter the forest in our beast forms? That way we can quickly catch a Rogue,” Vivienne suddenly announced, already sounding like she’d decided for everyone.

No.

Absolutely not.

That was a terrible idea.

”That’s actually a good idea,” Stephano Rupera agreed, already looking energized. ”We can at least rank second or third if we move fast.”

Second or third?

At this rate, I was aiming for survival.

Vivienne turned. ”Sil?”

Silvano gave a calm nod.

”What about you Ravi?” she asked next.

”Fine by me,” Ravian shrugged lightly.

”Try to keep up with me then!” Vivienne said, suddenly competitive.

...She didn’t even ask me. Not even a courtesy glance.

Because if she did, my answer would’ve been— ”Absolutely not.”

I waited for at least one of them to ask me. Surely someone would realize I was still here but no one did.

They were already talking among themselves like I was a decorative plant that somehow wandered into their group.

I was still in the middle of internally panicking when a loud signal echoed through the forest.

BOOM!

Without warning, they all shifted to their beast forms.

Vivienne—a rabbit.

Ravian—a white lion.

Silvano—a viper.

Stephano—a black panther.

And before I could even process the blatant disrespect—they were already gone, disappearing into the forest like I was never part of the plan.

I stood there all alone in silence as a leaf fell somewhere in the background like it was trying to comfort me.

My eye twitched. ”...Ah.”

I slowly looked at the empty path ahead.

”Right,” I muttered.

Because here’s the thing, shifting into my beast form is useless.

Absolutely useless.

They were all full-grown, majestic, powerful creatures while me?

I was still a cub.

A small, very unhelpful, very snack-sized cub.

I inhaled slowly, exhaled, inhaled again, but my eye started twitching in annoyance.

”Are these brats serious right now?” I muttered, placing a hand on my hip as I glared into the trees. ”They just left me here like I’m optional?”

No answer.

I clicked my tongue.

”You know what?” I said, cracking my knuckles like I was about to commit something questionable. ”Fuck this.”

They wanted to run ahead and play speedrun beast edition?

”Then I will absolutely ruin that for them.”

A slow, dangerous smile spread across my face.

”Oh, you want to finish fast huh?” I muttered.

I took a step forward.

Then another.

”Let’s see how fast you win,” I continued, voice dripping with determination, ”when I start catching up all of you.”

Because if I was going down—

We were all going down.

Together.

As a team.

Whether they liked it or not.

”Let the sabotage begin you spoiled, annoying brats.”