Ashes to Crown

Chapter 206: Chapter 33: Departure

The night was deep, and the lights of the Imperial City had dimmed, but it was far from quiet—especially here in the front palace halls.

Imperial Guards were on patrol, officials who had finished their work stood talking in low voices under the eaves, and eunuchs moved about carrying refreshments. When a procession was seen approaching, everyone stopped what they were doing.

”Your Majesty, the Empress,” they said, bowing their heads in greeting.

Chu Zhao nodded. ”Thank you for your hard work, my lords.”

”We are only doing our duty,” the officials replied in unison.

Chu Zhao looked toward one of the palace halls. ”Is the Lord Grand Tutor here?”

”The Lord Grand Tutor is here,” the officials quickly replied.

Chu Zhao then turned to the waiting eunuchs. ”The autumn night is damp. Take good care of the lords.”

The eunuchs acknowledged her order in unison.

Chu Zhao walked past them and headed toward the Grand Tutor’s hall.

The officials watched as the Empress passed, noticing the eunuchs in her retinue carrying food containers. It looked like enough for a full banquet. ’Is she bringing the Grand Tutor a late-night meal?’

These days, all three of the Grand Tutor’s daily meals were specially prepared by the Imperial Chefs. And now, the Empress herself was personally delivering him a late-night snack—

The Imperial Tutor was truly no ordinary man.

However—

”I heard the Empress and the Grand Tutor argued after the banquet.”

”I heard that too. The Grand Tutor flew into a rage.”

”Third Young Master Xie was there at the time, too.”

”I wonder what outrageous demand the Empress made this time.”

”Do you think the Empress was put up to it by Third Young Master Xie—”

”Shh! Watch your tongue.”

...

...

Many people entered the hall, their chaotic footsteps shattering the room’s previous silence.

Deng Yi remained seated at his desk, not even bothering to rise. It was as if the person who had just entered wasn’t the Empress, so a bow was out of the question.

The officials already inside the hall quickly ducked their heads and retreated, pretending they hadn’t seen a thing. ’This Grand Tutor is of humble birth and rose to power suddenly, but his temper is extraordinarily fierce.’

’What can be done about it? The little Emperor and little Empress will have to endure him for many years to come.’

Chu Zhao also seemed not to notice Deng Yi’s rudeness. She had the eunuchs arrange the dishes on a table, and then all the eunuchs and Palace Maids withdrew, leaving only Xiao Man behind.

Xiao Man typically faded into the background, but this time, she gave Deng Yi a few extra, wary glances. She could sense a certain hostility from him—

’—even though it was obvious at a glance that this Deng Yi was no fighter, unlike that Xie Yanfang, who looked like a frail young master but was actually a killer.’

’But then again, these officials kill more people than martial artists, even without knowing any kung fu themselves.’

’They kill without a blade.’

”Lord Grand Tutor,” Chu Zhao said with a smile. ”I personally selected these dishes for you. Please, have a taste.”

Deng Yi said flatly, ”I’m not hungry.”

Chu Zhao curtsied and said with a smile, ”Grand Tutor, please don’t be angry with me.”

Deng Yi replied, ”Since Your Majesty has already made your decision, why would you listen to anyone else? It’s pointless whether I am angry or not, so I am not angry.”

He was telling the truth. At this moment, he felt no anger. His expression was calm, his face impassive.

He wasn’t angry, nor did he care.

Chu Zhao let out a soft sigh and took a step forward. ”Lord Deng.” She bowed again. ”Ah Zhao thanks you.”

She was no longer using the formal ”I, the Empress” and ”Grand Tutor,” but had reverted to their former terms of address. Deng Yi looked at her and said coolly, ”I am merely doing my duty as a subject. I dare not accept Your Majesty’s gratitude.”

Chu Zhao said, ”When you flew into a rage and rebuked me earlier, Lord Deng, that was you fulfilling your duty to protect the sovereign. As for me leaving the Imperial City, leaving the Capital City... the Grand Tutor’s dissatisfaction is actually a good thing for me.”

Deng Yi looked at her without speaking.

The young woman smiled frankly. ”If both the Grand Tutor and the Third Young Master were eager for me to leave, then I truly wouldn’t dare go.”

She was certainly being direct.

Only when the two of them were at odds could the three of them maintain a balance.

Deng Yi said, ”Your Majesty jests. What is there that Miss Ah Zhao wouldn’t dare do? Regardless of whether I approve or not, Miss Ah Zhao’s luggage is already packed. You’re just waiting to scale the walls and leave tonight, aren’t you?”

Chu Zhao laughed and looked at Xiao Man. ”Xiao Man, is our luggage packed?”

’What are they playing at? I’ll never understand these Capital City people,’ Xiao Man thought, turning her head away and muttering, ”I don’t know. I’m not in charge of packing. Ask Ah Le.”

Of course, Chu Zhao wasn’t actually asking. She just watched Deng Yi with a wide smile.

Deng Yi was silent for a moment. He reached for the fruit tea on the desk and was about to down it in one go, but he paused. ”It’s true that I don’t care if you go—”

’Chu Zhao’s existence wasn’t a necessity for him; in fact, it might even be better if she weren’t around. She was never part of his original plans.’

’But since she did exist—’

He paused. ’He still had to give her situation some thought.’

”I don’t understand.”

’What difference would it make to go see him once?’

Chu Zhao sat down across from him, poured herself a cup of fruit tea, and downed it in one gulp before speaking. ”He is my father, and I am his daughter. I have to see him one last time before he passes.”

Deng Yi said, ”And what difference will that make? You know perfectly well the state of your father’s health. Seeing him one last time won’t bring him back from the dead.”

His words were difficult to answer. Chu Zhao sounded a little helpless. ”Lord Deng, you can’t look at it like that.”

Deng Yi said coolly, ”I must seem ridiculous to Your Majesty, but this is simply the kind of person I am.” He drained his fruit tea in a single gulp. ”That day in the palace, I already paid my respects to my mother from afar.”

Even when he had obtained the Jade Seal and the Tiger Talisman from the Emperor, the thought of fighting his way out of the palace to check on his mother’s safety had never once crossed his mind.

”It is a futile exercise,” he said. ”What does it accomplish, other than giving you a moment of comfort?”

’It seemed there really was nothing else,’ Chu Zhao thought, remaining silent.

”In this life, from the moment we are born, we begin to lose things,” Deng Yi said. ”Our task is to hold on to what we can, not to covet what we can’t keep. This is especially true for people like us, who have come this far. If we become trapped by our desires and attachments, not only will we suffer, but those around us will meet a terrible end as well.”

Chu Zhao was silent for a moment. ”In all my life, no one has ever spoken to me this way.” She then raised her cup of fruit tea in a solemn gesture. ”Thank you for your lesson, Teacher.”

She had called him Teacher.

Deng Yi neither objected nor paid any mind to her form of address. ”That’s only because you had not yet reached this position,” he said. ”There was no need to tell you such things.”

’But I have been in this position before,’ Chu Zhao thought. She shook her head. ’No, that’s not right. Being Empress in that lifetime was different from being Empress now. The Empress in that life was dependent on Xiao Xun. This time, I chose this for myself.’

’Yes, the position is completely different.’

Chu Zhao once again drained her fruit tea. ”I came today to thank you, Teacher. With you here, Ah Zhao can leave with her mind at ease.”

With that, she rose and walked out.

Xiao Man followed close behind.

’Her mind at ease? Does she really trust me that much?’ Deng Yi remained seated at his desk, picked up his chopsticks, and slowly began to eat.

...

...

As Chu Zhao walked through the palace halls, the attendant eunuchs dispersed, leaving only her and Xiao Man. They stepped into a narrow passage between high palace walls, and the darkness swallowed them whole.

In the darkness, Chu Zhao removed the red hairpin from her hair, unfastened the pendants at her waist, and shed her magnificent ceremonial robes, revealing the practical traveling clothes she wore underneath.

Of course, she knew that seeing her father one last time couldn’t bring him back from the dead. She knew it was a futile act that would accomplish nothing beyond giving her own heart a moment of comfort.

But what Deng Yi didn’t know was that this futile act was a chance she had earned only by dying once before.

If she could fulfill this wish, it would be worth dying a second time.

This life is short and difficult. To be able to fulfill a heartfelt wish is the greatest fortune one can ask for.