Ashes to Crown

Chapter 205: Chapter 32: Yu

The palace was brightly lit on this autumn night. As Chu Zhao approached the sleeping chambers, she could still hear the laughter of Palace Maids from inside.

”Your Majesty is such a good painter!”

”Is this a cat?”

”No, it’s a parrot!”

Chu Zhao stepped into the hall and asked with a smile, ”What are you up to, Yu?”

Xiao Yu, who was sitting at the desk, immediately stood up and ran toward Chu Zhao. ”Sister!”

Chu Zhao caught him in her arms and asked, ”Is this homework from your tutor? You attended court, studied, and went to a banquet, and now you still have to paint so late at night? Our Yu is working too hard!”

She crouched down and whispered to the child.

”Should I speak to the Grand Tutor and let you have a day off?”

Xiao Yu shook his head. ”It’s no trouble! This isn’t homework from my tutor. I wanted to paint it myself.” He said, taking Chu Zhao’s hand. ”Sister, come and see.”

Chu Zhao followed him to the desk and looked at the painting spread across it. A design was sketched out in hesitant, unpracticed strokes.

”Are you just starting to learn how to paint, Yu?” Chu Zhao made no attempt to hide her amusement. She didn’t praise him, but said with a hint of smugness, ”When I first started, I was much better than you.”

The boy’s face flushed slightly. ”I’ll work hard,” he said, then added in a small voice, ”I saw your paintings, Sister.”

Only then did Chu Zhao notice a collection of writings on the table—the Chu Garden Anthology. She couldn’t help but smile. ”You’re looking at this?”

Seeing her smile, Xiao Yu nodded vigorously. ”I asked Eunuch Qi to find it for me. You’re so amazing, Sister. You can do anything. I want to be just like you.”

Chu Zhao looked into the boy’s clear eyes, feeling a mix of amusement and wistfulness.

She sat down and let Xiao Yu lean against her. ”I can’t do everything, you know.”

She reached out and flipped through the anthology, discovering that all the sections about her had been marked. It was clear that Xiao Yu had only been reading about her.

Chu Zhao flipped to the sections written by other people.

”You see? Many people are much more talented than I am.”

”I’m working hard to learn, too.”

Xiao Yu nodded. ”Then I’ll work hard and learn, just like you, Sister.”

Chu Zhao patted his forehead. ”That’s right. We both have to work hard!”

Xiao Yu gave her a smile, though it vanished almost immediately.

The boy rarely smiled, and Chu Zhao understood why. Even adults would struggle to cope after the trauma of watching one’s parents die a horrible death; how could a six-year-old possibly be expected to smile?

Though the boy appeared to have returned to normal, no longer crying or causing trouble, he actually slept every night clutching a bamboo tube—the gift he had intended to give the Crown Prince, a toy for a father and son to play with.

Thankfully, these past few days, he’d stopped waking up startled in the middle of the night.

Chu Zhao pulled him close and said softly, ”Yu, remember this: you should work hard for your own sake, not for anyone else.”

Xiao Yu looked at her, only half-understanding.

”For example, you should paint because you want to, not because I know how, or because you think I’ll like it,” Chu Zhao explained.

She gently stroked the boy’s head.

’He was so young and so dependent on her; it would be all too easy to turn him into her puppet.’

’A child so young, yet he was also the most exalted person in the realm, the one who held the world’s authority in his hands.’

’Turning him into her puppet, making him happy only when she was happy and sad only when she was sad, would be incredibly advantageous for her.’

’But—’

’She had been someone else’s puppet before, her entire existence dictated by their moods, her world revolving around them with no room for herself.’

’How could she have the heart to let this child become what she had been?’

’This boy’s life had been just as tragic. He had survived against all odds, just like her. He deserved to live a life of his own, to be his own person.’

”Our Yu can like other people, he can admire them, but he must always be Yu. He must never become someone else.”

”Everyone has their own unique strengths, and Yu, you have your own as well.”

’He only half-understood his sister’s words. They were different from what he’d heard before. His mother had always told him how amazing his third maternal uncle was, a master of music, chess, calligraphy, painting, riding, and archery. She’d always said he should be just like his third uncle.’

’He had desperately wanted to be like his third uncle, so that his uncle would praise him and like him.’

’Of course, now, he didn’t care whether his third uncle was amazing or not. He no longer wanted to be like him, and he cared even less whether his uncle liked him.’

’He didn’t like that third uncle anymore.’

’He liked Sister Chu Zhao. He wanted to become like her, to be just like her. Then she would surely be happy and like him even more.’

’But apparently, that wasn’t it at all.’

Xiao Yu nodded. ”I’ll remember, Sister.”

The boy’s expression was earnest, but he was a child, after all. He couldn’t hide the nervous anxiety in his eyes.

He was worried he’d say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing, worried that this sister wouldn’t like him. Chu Zhao had never interacted with Xiao Yu before, so she didn’t know what kind of child the Imperial Grandson—a pampered prince raised deep within the palace—had been.

A child like that must have been doted on by everyone. No one would have dared to anger him or do anything to make him unhappy. He should have been completely carefree.

But in a single night, everything had changed.

The impact on a child would be immense.

”Yu,” Chu Zhao said softly. She had him sit down, then took his hand and looked into his eyes. ”It’s okay if you can’t remember, or if you don’t understand, or if you make a mistake. You’re still little. You can learn slowly. Don’t be afraid. As long as you aren’t afraid, there is nothing in this world that can scare you.”

Xiao Yu nodded again, much more relaxed this time. A faint smile even touched his lips.

He still only half-understood, but one thing was crystal clear. He leaned over and nestled into Chu Zhao’s embrace. His sister was especially good to him. Her kindness was different from the kindness of Eunuch Qi, the other eunuchs and Palace Maids, and the courtiers.

It was like his mother’s kindness—and yet, not.

In any case, it was genuine.

As Chu Zhao looked at the child nestled against her, she thought of the child she never got to meet in her past life, and of the mother she herself had never met.

She gently stroked his head.

”Yu,” she said, ”I... was born without a mother.”

Xiao Yu looked up at her in surprise. ’Is Sister like me? Does she not have a mother either?’

Chu Zhao looked at him. ”My mother died giving birth to me.”

The six-year-old boy didn’t quite understand what that meant.

”Giving birth can be very dangerous. A lot of mothers die from accidents,” Chu Zhao explained simply. ”For both the mother and the baby to be safe and sound... that’s the luckiest thing that can happen.”

As she spoke, she gently pinched Xiao Yu’s cheek.

”I’m so envious of you. You and your mother were one of the lucky pairs.”

’Were he and his mother really lucky?’ Xiao Yu wanted to smile, but he couldn’t. Ever since the incident, he hadn’t even dared to think about his mother—

Warm arms wrapped around him, chasing away the chill, and a soft, feminine voice drifted down from above.

”You had your mother by your side for all those years. I didn’t have a single day.”

”I’ve never known what it feels like to have a mother.”

’Sister is so pitiful.’ Xiao Yu reached out, wrapped his arms around Chu Zhao, and gently patted her back—just as his mother used to pat him.

”But I believe my mother loved me very much, Yu,” Chu Zhao said softly, letting the boy comfort her. ”Even though our mothers are gone, their love never disappears. They’ll always be in our hearts, always with us.”

Xiao Yu nodded against her, humming firmly in agreement. Then he looked up.

”Sister,” he said. ”Do you want to go see your father?”

Chu Zhao froze. ”How did you—”

”Eunuch Qi said you were arguing with Grand Tutor Deng,” Xiao Yu said. ”I was worried, so I ran over to check. I heard what you said.”

He was the Emperor, after all. No one dared to stop him from approaching to listen, and no one dared defy an order to alert the three people inside the hall.

Chu Zhao was silent for a moment. She had planned to find the right time to tell Xiao Yu gently, but since he already knew—

”Yes.” She nodded, her gaze falling. ”My father is dying. Yu, I’m going to lose my father, too.”

A small hand rose to gently stroke her cheek, as if to wipe away a tear.

”Sister,” Xiao Yu said, ”you should go see him. Quickly. Don’t be like me. That night... I didn’t go talk to my father. I ran off because I was angry, and then I never got to see him again.”

Chu Zhao hadn’t been crying, but at his words, a single tear slid down her cheek.

’Oh, Yu...’