The Shadow of Great Britain

170: Chapter 122 Boomerang 170: Chapter 122 Boomerang Arthur stepped out of the room, the Red Devil’s roar crashing in waves one after another.

Fortunately, he was quite accustomed to the creature’s occasional bouts of illness, so he didn’t take it to heart.

Leaving the room, Arthur made a beeline for a door at the end of the corridor, Eld’s room.

However, before he could make it there to knock, he saw Darwin emerge from the next room, as the Cambridge priest gently tapped on the upstairs washroom door and called out, “Alexander, are you through yet?”

The languid voice of the Great Dumas wafted from inside, “Charles, what’s the matter?

I reckon it will be a while longer for me.”

Darwin said helplessly, “Didn’t you say you were good at making friends with the ladies?

Eld took it seriously.

So, he sent me to ask you if you could, considering he took you to the theatre, not be angry with him anymore and, when you’re not busy, perhaps show him how to approach a lady he admires.”

No sooner had Darwin finished speaking than they heard the Great Dumas’s voice resonate from the toilet, “Charles, my apologies.

Please tell him that I’m currently fully engaged in using the toilet and, due to my limited abilities, I can only focus all my attention on dealing with a turd.”

Darwin said with a mix of laughter and consternation, “If I really replied to him like that, he’d strangle me for sure.

You know the kid just can’t swallow his pride and apologize to you, but he has assured me that he won’t make jokes about your nationality and identity anymore.”

But upon hearing this, the Great Dumas was still relentless, “Charles, you don’t understand.

What he said this time was too offensive; he actually called me a transformed monkey.”

Arthur, who happened to pass by, couldn’t help but chime in with condemnation, “That is indeed too much!

This is simply academic plagiarism by Eld!”

The Great Dumas in the toilet, hearing Arthur agree with him, continued to complain, “Right?

Arthur, aren’t you a policeman?

With Eld repeating this behavior time and again, shouldn’t you lock him up in the station?

After all, you at Scotland Yard even arrest protesting workers for blocking the roads, so there’s no reason to let a brain blockage like Eld get off scot-free!”

Arthur knew that the Great Dumas was snidely hitting at his suppression of the workers’ protest, but since he had done it, he had no intention of offering an explanation, convincing the Great Dumas was unlikely anyway.

Instead of stating his reasons, Arthur preferred to respond sarcastically, “Sorry, Alexander, Scotland Yard is different from the French military police; we don’t waste our time putting donkeys on trial.”

No sooner had Arthur uttered these words than, before the Great Dumas could retaliate, Darwin became curious.

He scratched his ‘little Mediterranean Sea’ and asked, “Do the French really put a donkey on trial?”

Arthur nodded, “From what I know, the French have indeed tried at least one donkey.

The incident isn’t too far back, just in the previous century, around 1750, when a Frenchman named Jacques Ferron was sued by the Paris prosecutor for having sexual relations with a female donkey, and they demanded the adulterous couple be sentenced to death.

But thankfully, the parish priest stood up in time.

The priest vouched for the donkey’s good character, claiming he had known the donkey for four years—a virtuous and well-mannered beast that had never caused any scandal or gossip.

Thus, the court ultimately sentenced Jacques Ferron to be burnt at the stake, while the donkey was released on the spot because, based on the priest’s testimony, the judges determined it hadn’t willingly participated in the crime.”

Upon hearing this, Darwin let out a sigh of relief, “Thank God, that does sound like a reasonable verdict.”

Little did they know, the Great Dumas could not help but angrily interject, “Trial of a donkey, what’s so surprising about that?

Don’t think you’re alone in knowing these things, I’m a novelist, and I too like to collect such odd news!

As I am aware, Basel in Switzerland once condemned a rooster to be burnt at the stake for laying eggs, the crime being against God’s natural law.

Italy also prosecuted a mole with charges of ‘digging burrows and destroying crops.’ Since the mole failed to appear in court three consecutive times, it was eventually sentenced to expulsion from the country.

However, taking into consideration the mole’s young age, at the suggestion of its defense attorney, the court agreed to a 14-day stay of execution.

Moreover, if I’m not mistaken, you Brits once put a monkey on trial as well, right?

That trial took place quite recently, during the late Napoleonic Wars.”

At these words, Arthur instantly felt like he was backed into a corner, the smile leaving his face, and his tone markedly more serious.

“Alexander, are you sure you want to bring that up?”

The Great Dumas, thinking he had the upper hand, disdainfully replied, “Arthur, weren’t you just boasting how Britain was more civilized than France?

Yet in the end, while other countries’ animal trials mostly occurred during the Middle Ages, yours took place just a few years ago.”

Arthur warned again, “Alexander, I’m sparing you the details of that case for your own good!

You must understand, British courts make decisions based on past precedent!”

Great Dumas seemed a bit angry when he heard this, “Arthur, what do you mean?

Do you think I have something in common with that monkey that was put on trial, so much so that the judge should use that case as a precedent for reference?”

“No, Alexander, you are certainly more civilized than a monkey.

But…”

“But what?”

Arthur said helplessly, “But according to the archived records, that monkey that was sentenced to be burnt at the stake could also speak French.”

A flush of water was heard, followed by the bathroom door slowly opening.

Great Dumas stood at the door, with his trademark bushy hair, cursing loudly, “Arthur, do you think I’d believe your nonsense?”

Arthur wasn’t upset, “Alexander, if you knew the actual case, you wouldn’t think I was deceiving you.

You know, it was during the Napoleonic Wars, that monkey was the sole survivor from a shipwrecked French vessel, and it swam to Hartlepool from the nearby waters.

But the local residents universally thought its chattering sounded very much like French, so they were convinced it must be a French spy.

After much deliberation, the local judge finally found the monkey guilty of espionage and had it hanged on the beach.”

So, do you still think I’m bluffing you?”

Upon hearing this, Great Dumas couldn’t help but roll his eyes, “You British are all sick in the head, one after the other.

How on earth did you manage to mistake a monkey for a French spy?

Can the British really not tell the difference between humans and monkeys?”

Upon hearing this, Arthur said apologetically, “I’m sorry, Alexander, that’s up to Charles to decide.

If you have any troubles in this regard, please consult him.

I also don’t know how Charles ended up relating monkeys to humans.”

Upon hearing this, Darwin complained, “Arthur, how many times do I have to tell you?

I may indeed be a Lamarckian, but that doesn’t mean I believe there’s any connection between monkeys and humans.”

But Arthur didn’t take Darwin’s protest to heart and instead spoke to Great Dumas, “Speaking of which, how’s your draft coming along?

General Cordington’s banquet is tomorrow, and if you’re not prepared, don’t blame me for not giving you the chance to make a name for yourself in London.”

Great Dumas, full of confidence, patted his chest, “Don’t worry, I…”

He hadn’t finished speaking when Eld burst out from the next room holding a manuscript, walking and reading from it, “Education doesn’t equate to understanding.

The learned and the perceptive are different, the former is created by memory, the latter by philosophy.

Dammit!

Alexander, are you really mocking me in your book?

Are you implying that I’m the former?”

Arthur, Great Dumas, and Darwin looked at each other, and almost in unison they said, “Eld, I think you’re overthinking it.

Everyone believes you belong to neither.”

Eld frowned upon hearing this, “What do you three mean by that?

Are you jealous of me?”

Great Dumas unapologetically snatched the manuscript back from Eld’s hands, pointing to a line on it, “I haven’t gone blind to envy you.

Even if I reserved some phrases to satirize others, they are especially for our very own Mr.

Arthur Hastings, like this one.”

Arthur looked down and saw the line clearly written—An officer wrapped in ribbons is no longer a man; he becomes a deaf and mute, icy statue of law.

Reciting hollow statutes, as though he truly wields justice.

Arthur read the sentence and just smiled, saying, “In politics, there are no people, only ideas; no emotions, only interests.

Even if someone is killed in the name of politics, you can’t say an individual was murdered, it’s merely the removal of an obstacle.”

Upon hearing this, Great Dumas’s gaze grew cold, “When did you become like this?”

Arthur took a breath with pursed lips, looking straight into Great Dumas’s eyes, he said seriously, “Alexander, those weren’t my words.”

With a touch of sarcasm, Great Dumas couldn’t help but retort, “Is that so?

Then who’s the cold-hearted bitch that said it?”

Arthur replied with an embarrassed smile, “Alexander, you should really leave some room for yourself when you speak.

I’m sorry to inform you that the bitch in question is very likely to be yourself.”