The Quantum Wanderer

“Yes, I have already the some of the other guys with me.”

“Come on over, then!”

I open a portal and we all go to the room that I use to go to Rajesh’s.

“Welcome, friend!”

Rajesh extends his arms. Sidhu and the other demons kowtow.

“Hello, Rajesh. You guys, please stand up. Let’s just have a party.” I tell them in [demon].

Sidhu stands up. I look at Leopold, and then I remember that not everyone here will speak [demon]. I switch back to [common].

“Sorry, guys. I just got used to speaking in demon when I come over.”

“When did you learn to speak it?” Leopold asks.

“Rajesh shared a teacher, he taught me. It was just learning another language. Nothing too special. He is a very good teacher, actually.”

Leopold has a malicious smile on his face. I think he is going to pull a Muninn.

“What was the first sentence he taught you?”

“Come on, man, I forgot.”

“No you didn’t. I have a pretty good idea on your intelligence right now. Just make us happy.”

“It was ‘bend the knee’.”

“How does it sound in [demon]?”

“Kopwe chapetiu mwen om kot.”

Rajesh giggles. Sidhu is nodding at the sentence, particularly happy with it. Leopold looks at him.

“Would please do the honors, your majesty?”

“The closes in [common] would be ‘Bow down to your god’.”

Leopold is laughing out loud now. I shrug. Aymon and Andrew are trying to hide any emotion. Charles is visibly intrigued. Leopold senses it. He looks at me.

“You didn’t mention the church?”

“I didn’t think it would make any difference.”

Leopold turned to Charles.

“Marcelo is their god.”

Charles turns to me, flabbergasted. I shrug.

“It’s more the idea of me, actually. I have passed them some knowledge. A little bit on sanitation, the basic idea of a machine that could get clear water from sea water.”

Rajesh intervenes.

“One thing we learned is that the Great Adventurer follows the path of balance and justice. He is a god of wisdom and knowledge.”

Sidhu continues.

“Humbleness and clemency as well.” Sidhu complemented.

I shrug.

“I don’t think I ever was particularly humble or clement.”

Rajesh went over to the liquor cabinet, and started pouring drinks. Without turning his back, he said from his position.

“Friend, can you open a portal for lord Dávrin? He could join us for a little chat before we start the party itself.”

“Of course.”

I open a portal to the room in Dávrin’s palace, and he joins us. I can hear his laugh through the portal. Rajesh clears his throat.

“Lord Dávrin, we are not in the right place yet, we are just starting with some drinking.”

Dávrin tells some people to wait a little longer, and comes through the portal.

“Hello, friend! Friends! How are you all? Oh, we have new faces!”

After him Brokkr appears as well. He raises his hand, and grunts. Rajesh comes over with the liquor. A lot of it. After Brokkr takes the first sip of ale, his humor starts to improve. I nod to them all.

“Let’s do the introductions. This is Charles, Cecilia’s father. Everyone here is a friend. Leopold, Aymon, Andrew. These are lord Dávrin and master Brokkr.”

Charles has his inquiry face on.

“I can understand the lord title… But what is a master?”

Brokkr intervenes, interrupting Leopold.

“A master is a smith that never stopped hitting the metal.”

Charles is satisfied with the explanation. Rajesh raises his glass to Dávrin.

“Lord Dávrin, it is a pleasure to reconnect with you in person. How have you been? How are the negotiations with the guild for the weapons’ restriction?”

Dávrin was drinking ale, and took his time answering.

“It is as if they had already been instructed to propose exactly what we would agree on. The gods must be happy on the coincidence.”

Dávrin, Rajesh and Leopold giggle with this. Sidhu is satisfied. Aymon and Charles are just observing all the situation.

“It’s a if the guild received a revelation, straight from a god!”

Leopold added. But it did not have the impact he wanted. Dávrin turns to him and makes an inquisitive face.

“YOU? Oh, of course it had to be you. Considering you are not the human king, emperor or pope, that would be my next guess for someone in Marcelo’s circle.”

“I am not friends with either the king or the pope” I looked at Sidhu. “Nergal’s pope, though. I don’t even know them.”

“At least you met his nephew.” Leopold mentioned, trying to change the course of conversation. “It is really risky to be an asshole near you.”

I lift my hands, in surrender.

“In my defense, it was Piotr’s job.”

They all started laughing wholeheartedly. Charles and Aymon are staring at each other, kind of left out of the conversation. Aymon looks at Leopold that stops laughing to explain.

“Have you heard that the king has a nephew that all of a sudden went nitwit?”

“Yes. Didn’t you mention that he used to be the guild master in Lirastra?”

“Exactly, that’s the one. He paid for the top head of Lirastra’s crime syndicate to find out who Marcelo is.”

Charles and Aymon are really paying attention to him right now.

“Then what happened?”

“Do you remember a couple of nobles in Lirastra that disappeared? From their bedroom?”

“Yes.” Aymon answers.

“She was the crime syndicate’s leader.” Leopold continues. “And then Marcelo had a heart to heart talk with the king’s nephew. Actually, a dragon to heart. And that’s the state the guy ended up in. I almost feel sorry for him. But he was a big fuck up.” He turns to the others. “Pardon my language.”

Dávrin gives out a laugh. “Cursing and drinking is what keeps your beard curly, my friend. Never apologize for that!”

I giggle.

“I still think I wasn’t completely fair on that occasion. The guild had helped me giving out some information, so I ended up sparing the asshole. I don’t know if he would still be breathing nowadays… Although there is spying and there is spying… Do you guys believe that there was one that tried to kidnap my butler’s family? That one really pissed me off.”

“That ended up being a bishop in the Holy Kingdom, right?” Rajesh asks.

“Yes. Those guys really like to mess up. You see, it’s like I told you, I don’t look for those things. Like the dwarves imprisoned in the cathedral thing… My cook’s son in law was a guard in Esdhor. He did not agree to the way the dwarves were being treated. That’s how I learned about that.”

A silence sets on the group while we enjoy the liquor and contemplate on the things that have happened recently. I look at Leopold.

“That being said, do you guys have any additional news?”

“Not much. Did you hear about the new Wrax faith that is spreading throughout the Empire?”

“I have seen one of the churches, in the capital. I didn’t know about it spreading, though.”

“Yes. The Emperor has been having some issues with the Holy Kingdom because of that.”

I hold my chin.

“Though having the issue is good.”

“How so?” Asks Rajesh.

“Well, the Holy Kingdom uses the faith to them try to get control on other regions. They first expand the faith, in a way that can be palatable for the locals. Then they get economical control, by restricting the unfaithful. Last step is getting control from the country from the inside. High placed fanatics can do a lot of damage. Once it is set, it is done. Some people can question a new tax, but very few would question some decision by their god.

“During the spy thing, I got some Intel that they were halfway through that process with Arthuria. The project is probably halted, though, now that the cardinal that was ahead of that and his right hand are gone.”

“What about the Empire? Doesn’t it have any expansionist plans?” Asks Rajesh.

“I have no idea. But then it is not like that they would tell me stuff like that. I don’t like to participate in wars.”

Leopold starts laughing.

“Participating? You wouldn’t participate. You would just choose.”

I shrug.

“Perhaps. But I still wouldn’t like to hurt people like that.”

Rajesh puts his glass down.

“Shall we go to the party venue?”

“Lead the way.” I answer.

We all walk with Rajesh, and we go through some corridors. We come across the eventual group of soldiers, that kowtow to the group. Whenever this happens, Rajesh looks at me me, and I tell them that they can stand up.

We end up in a larger room. There are some couches in a semi circle, around a central open area. Rajesh gestures towards the arrangement.

“Is this what you had in mind, lord Dávrin?”

“This will work fine. You guys are in for the spectacle of a life time. Sir Marcelo, can you open the connection magic to the main square in Rockslide?”

“Of course.”

I open a portal. Dávrin takes a look.

“Can you make it bigger?”

“Sure. How big?”

“Enough to pass a small cart.”

I enlarge the portal. Once it is there, Dávrin jumps into it. We wait for him, and some moments later, he comes out. Behind him there is a small cart, being pulled by two dwarves. They set the cart a little after the center of the couches.

Then in comes a group of half a dozen female dwarves. I have to admit that their beards look like a shampoo commercial on Earth. I can say that Dávrin’s expression towards them is less than savory. He really is moved by them.

“Dávrin, can I close the portal?”

“Uh… What? Oh, sure. Please close it, friend.”

I close the portal, he places his attention back on the girls. The girls are tilting the cart, and out of it a huge slab of rock comes out. Then they go inside the cart, and pull out hammers from it. They are all huge, two hand hammers. As big as a pickaxe. But they have different formats.

Rajesh gestures to the couches, and we sit down. I sense there is a bit of competition for sitting on my side between Rajesh, Dávrin and Sidhu. The others don’t care as much. I sigh, but there is not much I can do.

Five girls stay in the back, one is in the front. The girls in the back start singing, but their rock sing thing. The sound that reminds me of a didgeridoo. But it is a little bit higher note. The girl dwarf in the front approaches us. She is shaking her beard, the way some girls shake their hair. She goes straight to Brokkr and brushes his face with it. He is not that impressed. The girl asks us, to no one in particular.

“So, who is the lucky groom?”

Her next victim is Dávrin. She brushes her beard on his face, then his ear. He shakes all over. He is visibly shaken. He can barely point at me and whisper, holding himself.

“It is him.”

She looks at me. At first her face betrays her lack of interest on a shaven person. But then she looks closer. Her brows shut up, she takes a step back.

“Wait – it can’t be you, right?”

“It can’t be who?”

“Are you sir Marcelo? Are you Wrax’s messenger?”

“I don’t know about being Wrax-“

I get interrupted by Muninn. He was on the back. He likes high places, so he was on the top of a beam. He flies down, and lands on my shoulder, with a thud. The girl throws herself to the ground, kowtowing.

I look at Muninn, I am pissed. He is smiling.

“I AM SORRY! I should have recognized that that magic could only be done by you!”

The other girls stopped the singing immediately. They all drop the hammers they were holding, and throw themselves to the ground. I sigh.

“Girls, please, just  stand up. I am just a guy  in a bachelor’s party.”  I turn to Dávrin. “Dávrin, help me out here.”

“It’s ok girls, he is just around to see some… Dwarven culture…” Even while saying that, he was kind of biting his lower lip.

The girl in the front takes a look at us. I nod at her. She stands up slowly. The other girls stand up after her. Dávrin is noticeably loosing his momentum. He kind of howls.

“THIS IS A PARTEEEEE!!!!!”

The girls in the back restart the singing. This time, they start banging the stone with their hammers. Each hammer has a different sound, it all composes to some music that feels like dance music played with the didgeridoo. It is strange, but it sounds good. The girl in the front starts dancing. The dance feels a little too masculine to me, the kind of moves a rapper would do.

Dávrin starts moving his shoulders. The others were not as impressed. Brokkr looks at the whole thing as if it was tiresome. I can feel him feeling ashamed because of his nephew. After Dávrin, Leopold and Aymon were actually enjoying the party. They were also moving with the music. Sidhu and Rajesh were paying attention more on a curious level than anything else.

The girl in the front realizes pretty soon that I am not a good target for her advances. She starts focusing more on Dávrin.

The booze keeps flowing. The music is almost hypnotic. More booze. The girl in the front shows her cleavage underneath the beard. She was shaking her chin, and the beard would swing, and go all the way to her back.

Dávrin shook, nervously. I look at Muninn, and he is having as much fun as I am. He is smiling. But  his smiles always feel a little malicious. I sigh and we continue enjoying the booze and music.

After some hours of this show, I am pretty sure Dávrin soiled his pants at some point. We are all drunk. I forcibly lowered my resistances, so that I could get high with the booze. I feel I am pretty safe here. The girl in the front announces.

“Now it’s time for the groom to do the last hit!”

The girls in the back are chanting. “Last hit!” “Last hit!” “Last hit!”

A girl in the back brings out a hammer. It is completely made of metal. I look at the hammer, and I turn to Dávrin.

“What ish the lasht hit?”

“The groom is supposed to hit the stone last, with enough strength to break it! It is a sign of good luck if the rock breaks! You are supposed to put your whole strength into it!”

“Last hit!” “Last hit!” “Last hit!”

I hear a girl talking last hit behind me, but it was actually Muninn, he mimicked one of the girl’s voice.

I grab the hammer, it feels very light on my hand. I test the weight with a single hand. Last hit it is. I reinforce myself, my muscles bulge up. The girls walk towards my back, the get close to the couch. Everyone is looking at me I turn to the stone, I notice that Muninn assumes his large size in the back. I shrug. I slam it with a single hand, I try not to put too much strength into it.

The stone explodes. The floor gives out, and I fall in the lower floor. I hear people entering the room above, asking what is going one. Among those, I can hear Muninn’s voice.

“HAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA! FUCK ME SIDEWAYS!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

I take a look around me, and I dust off the dirt and a couple of rocks from me. I am in the middle of a pile of rocks, that used to be the ceiling for this and the floor for the room above. I jump up, and then I see the scene.

The girls are sitting down on the couch, flabbergasted. The wall opposite the couches has small pebles perforations. The only area that did not suffer any damage was the area around the couch. I look at my hand, the hammer handle now is in a square angle.

Everyone kind of sobbered up. There is a silence around the room. Dávrin stands up, and claps his hands.

“It is safe to say that… Even good things have their run, right?”

Everyone nods.

“Master Marcelo, perhaps you could do the travel magic thing?”

I am still a little oozy, so I nod to Muninn. He is still laughing. He walks close to the cart, and opens a portal in front of it. He then pushes the cart with one foot. It is kind of easy, considering he is bigger than the cart right now.

The girls, Dávrin and Brokkr start moving towards the portal. Dávrin turns around, and talks to Rajesh.

“Lord Rajesh, I am sorry for this. If master Marcelo allows, I will have a team sent to fix the damage.”

I raise my hand, with a thumbs up gesture. Muninn opens the portals for the others. Leopold and Aymon. Then Andrew. At last, ours. I turn to Rajesh and Sidhu. I apologize for the floor, and I tell them that I will pay for the damage.

“No harm, friend! This was absolutely… Fantastic. I am pretty sure that if you allow Sidhu to share this, you can call us even.”

“Sure.”

I go back home. After this long party, and everything that happened, I just go to bed.

Next morning, I wake up alone on the bed. I start to feel a hangover, but I decide that enough is enough, I turn my regeneration back on. The hangover is gone. I get a shower, then downstairs.

The girls are already at breakfast, Charles is not there. Muninn is, he is looking at me with his always almost malicious smile.

Cecilia greats me, way louder than normal.

“GOOD MORNING!! HOW ARE YOU FEELING?”

I giggle a little.

“You do realize that I have no hangover, right? I already turned the regeneration back on”

Muninn shakes his head, from one side to the other.  “Amateur…” He looked like Rudolph describing a dirty underwear.

I sit down.

“Good morning, girls. Cecs, how is your father?”

“He is still sleeping.”

Aquamarine is the one to ask.

“How was the night, my lord?”

The scene of me destroying Rajesh’s castle comes to mind.

“Shit! I am going to have to pay for some dwarves to fix Rajesh’s castle.”

“What did you do?” Cecilia asks.

I told them about the music the dwarven girls played, how it was. There was a lot of booze as well.

“And by the end, it is customary for the groom to try to destroy  this rock with a hammer. Even drunk I should have that if there is an asshole helping you do something, it is going to be bad.”

“Excuseeee me, father! I didn’t convince you to do anything! Besides, who do you think saved your precious friends?”

“Really…? I remember you getting into your big size…”

“Yes, really. Did you not see how the other wall ended? How do you think the couch was the only part unaffected? Did you think it was sir Shitaton?”

“Well… Thanks, I guess. That was really nice of you.”

Huginn caresses his neck with her head, and he stands proud. I continue.

“What did you girls did yesterday?”

“We watched something that Huginn called a movie, my lord.  Really interesting.”

“Really? How?”

“Not difficult, father. Some very light mind magic, really. A sensorial disorientation, but then redirected into the images and sounds of a movie.”

“Interesting, I hadn’t thought of doing something like that. What about the material for the movie? What images and sounds did you use?”

“One in your memory, father. Pretty woman.”

“Cool. Did you girls enjoy?”

I look at their faces. I can see that not all of them had the same opinions.

“We all enjoyed seeing a little bit of what your world was like, my lord.”  Opal says.

That is certainly a start.

“What about the relationship between the hero and the heroine?”

“Well, she really was a prostitute, and then complained about being called a prostitute. That was weird. The prostitutes I know are a lot more resilient than that.” Cecilia ponders. I am impressed by how conservative her views are. “Of course, if you can marry anyone you want, you can marry a courtesan, but being offended because later someone remembered how your wife tasted in bed is a given for the choices she made.”

“I didn’t understand why she didn’t just punch the bald guy in the guts when he pushes himself over her. Or why the hero didn’t just kill him. If they wanted her so much, they could have just fought.” Offers Ruby.

The other 3 dragonesses are nodding in agreement, though.  I giggle at the scene in front of me. Perhaps I could have some shows’ reruns by Huginn. I can see how the movie doesn’t play to well to this culture, though. I get back to the situation at hand.

“What do you girls want to do today?”

“We were thinking of going to knight school, my lord. It is a nice way to pass the time.”  Ruby answers.

“What about you, my lord?” Shandon asks.

“I have to try to sort out the damage I caused in Rajesh’s home. I think I am going to get in touch with Dávrin and try to get a crew to fix the damage I caused in Rajesh’s.”

Muninn starts chanting, imitating the girls’ voices.

“Last hit! Last hit!”

I look at him with my unhappy face, he just laughed. Loud. The girls laugh a little as well, starting with Cecilia. The others eventually join in. for a couple of laughs. The girls go upstairs, to change for their uniforms. A little bit of time later they come down. The girls say their goodbies for the day, and I open a portal for them.

I go to my study and I pull Dávrin’s Comm Gem out. I inject mana in it. Sure enough, some time later, I can hear Dávrin coming.

“Hello, friend.”

He is speaking in a very lower voice. He is not quite the explosive personality of usual.

“Are you ok, Dávrin?”

“A little hang over, perhaps, friend.”

“Oh, that makes sense. I wonder if I could talk to you a little bit?”

“Sure, friend. We can meet in your room.”