The Overlord of Puluo

The Mountain-Uprooting Lord had once lost to Bei Wushuang and surrendered five kilometers of land in the southeast.

Li Banfeng knew that Bei Wushuang’s territory was somewhere in this direction, but he had not expected to run into him the moment he entered his territory.

Did he come looking for me? Li Banfeng thought. Judging by the wandering merchant’s attitude, he really wanted to kill me.

Li Banfeng had no chance of winning a direct fight against Bei Wushuang, but he might still be able to escape. If all else failed, he could enter the Pocket Dwelling. Ideally, he would lure Bei Wushuang inside with him, but even if that failed, he could at least hide there for a while.

The problem was that he did not know which Daoist path Bei Wushuang cultivated, or whether he would even have a chance to take out his key. This would be an extremely difficult fight, so it would be best to avoid one altogether.

Li Banfeng was in Bei Wushuang’s territory, and Bei Wushuang had clearly come prepared. Li Banfeng, meanwhile, knew far too little about him. Had he not seen Bei Wushuang with his own eyes, he would not even have known that he was a camel.

The fight would be difficult, but Li Banfeng remained perfectly calm. His composure, in turn, made Bei Wushuang somewhat uneasy.

Bei Wushuang was a straightforward fellow, and he did not bother speaking in riddles. ”You came from Meng Yuchun’s territory. Someone told me that you are her lover.”

There was no need to think about who had told him. It had to be Xia. Xia probably never would have expected that only she and Feng had heard the claim that Li Banfeng was Meng Yuchun’s lover.

The Camel continued, ”Meng Yuchun’s lover suddenly showed up in my territory and this makes me feel terrible. With my usual temper, I would have killed you without caring what brought you here, just to make sure you could never cause me trouble later. But now that I have seen what you can do, I don’t think killing you would be quite so easy.

”I have once seen a level-nine Wanderlust Cultivator use Passing Flowers on Horseback, but even he didn’t use it as fiercely as you. I cannot tell what level your cultivation has reached, so I would rather not fight you. Let me ask you a few questions. If you answer them honestly, we can forget all about what happened today.”

Li Banfeng nodded and said, ”Give it a go.”

”The first question is... Did you come from the Ridges of Bottomless Stomachs?”

Li Banfeng shook his head.

Bei Wushuang said, ”Old Pan of the Ridges of Bottomless Stomachs is a friend of mine. If you know him well, we can forget all about what happened today.”

Do I know Pan Dehai well? Is this guy really a friend of Pan Dehai?

In a situation like this, it was best not to claim a friendship that might not hold up. Li Banfeng shook his head. ”I know Pan Dehai, but I would not say we are close.”

Hearing Li Banfeng call Pan Dehai by name made Bei Wushuang even more cautious.

”Then let me ask you something else. What did you come to my territory for?”

Li Banfeng answered truthfully, ”I came to look for Heavenspring Joysoil.”

”What do you need Heavenspring Joysoil for?”

Li Banfeng put on a serious face and made up an answer. ”For Meng Yuchun.”

Bei Wushuang stuck out his tongue at him, as though he were laughing. ”You are still so young, and you are already having trouble keeping it up?”

This camel really like sticking his tongue out and Li Banfeng had no idea if he was doing this to mock or if he was doing this out of a habit.

Li Banfeng chuckled and said, ”I don’t know if I am young or not, but everyone has been through times when they cannot keep it up.”

Bei Wushuang asked another question. ”How did you know there was Heavenspring Joysoil in my territory?”

”I heard it from a Three-joy Bug.”

This part was true.

”You can understand what Three-joy Bugs say?” Bei Wushuang sounded very doubtful as even he could not understand them.

”I wouldn’t say I can understand every word. It sounds muffled and I can figure out a few things here and there. I followed that Three-joy Bug here,” Li Banfeng said as he pointed into the distance. ”You saw it just now. The two of you frightened it away.

By this point, there was not the slightest flaw in Li Banfeng’s story.

The camel nodded his head and said, ”I believe you now. I will take you to the Heavenspring Joysoil, and you may take as much as you can carry.”

Li Banfeng thanked him and followed Bei Wushuang deeper into the territory.

After walking more than ten kilometers, they came to a cave. The camel led Li Banfeng inside, turning this way and that through more than a dozen forks before they reached a hole in the ground.

Bei Wushuang gave a snort. ”The Heavenspring Joysoil is down there. Go and collect it yourself.”

Li Banfeng looked at the hole, then at the camel.

Bei Wushuang stuck his tongue out at him. ”What is the matter? Are you afraid? You are a Wanderlust Cultivator, and you have Seeking Fortune and Avoiding Calamity. If I meant to harm you, surely you would be able to tell.”

Li Banfeng had not sensed any malicious intent, but Bei Wushuang’s cultivation was far above his own. It would hardly be strange if Li Banfeng could not detect his malice.

However, if he refused to climb down now, Bei Wushuang would most likely realise that his cultivation was nowhere near as high as he had assumed. He might even begin to question why Li Banfeng had come here.

If Li Banfeng went down, the worst that could happen was that he would fall into Bei Wushuang’s trap. He could hide inside the Pocket Dwelling and even use it to escape from Bei Wushuang’s territory. As for how he would retrieve the key afterward, he could discuss that with Wifey when the time came.

After weighing his choices, Li Banfeng climbed into the hole. It was only three to five metres deep. He took a sack from his waist and used a trowel to fill it halfway with soil before returning to the mouth of the cave.

Bei Wushuang glanced at the sack in his hand. ”Is that enough? You can take more if you need it.”

Li Banfeng shook his head and said, ”Thank you, but this is more than enough.”

This amount of soil was nowhere near enough to build a train station.

However, if it was meant to be used as medicine, then according to Wifey’s description, he had taken more than enough. Li Banfeng had only collected half a sack because he did not want to arouse Bei Wushuang’s suspicions.

As for the soil needed to build the platform, there was no need for Li Banfeng to carry it away himself. He had already learned how to handle such things back at Oil Lake.

Li Banfeng thanked Bei Wushuang once again. The matter should have ended there, but Bei Wushuang unexpectedly made another request.

”It is already quite late. Meng Yuchun is probably waiting for you to return and join her in bed. Since you have obtained the Heavenspring Joysoil, why not eat one little ball of it now? By the time you get home, the medicine will have taken effect, and you can show Meng Yuchun what you are capable of.”

Li Banfeng held up the half-filled sack of soil. ”I am supposed to eat it just like this?”

”How else would you eat it? Heavenspring Joysoil is a medicinal ingredient that is swallowed directly. Were you planning to take it home and make soup with it? Or do you have some other use for it?”

Bei Wushuang really was an easily suspicious guy.

Li Banfeng smiled. ”All right. I will eat it here.”

He pinched up a little soil, rolled it into a pill, and swallowed it.

Bei Wushuang gave another snort. ”If you ever need more Heavenspring Joysoil, come and get it from me. Just make sure you let me know beforehand. We will forget what happened today. I will not see you out. See you next time.”

Li Banfeng cupped his fists, hoisted the half-sack of soil over his shoulder, and left Bei Wushuang’s territory.

He had killed one of Bei Wushuang’s subordinates right before his eyes, so he had thought a fierce battle was unavoidable. To his surprise, Bei Wushuang had actually let the matter slide.

Li Banfeng had not gone far after crossing the boundary when Meng Yuchun came hurrying towards him. ”Li Qi, I have been looking everywhere for you. The Cook Monster found out something. Xia and Bei Wushuang might be working together.”

Li Banfeng’s expression grew tense. ”So that is what is going on.”

”He also found out something else. Bei Wushuang may have fallen out with Pan Dehai, the land deity of the Ridges of Bottomless Stomachs. The two of them might go to war soon.”

Li Banfeng’s breathing grew faster. ”Is that really true?”

Meng Yuchun sighed. ”I never expected it either. Come back to my place first, and we can discuss what we should do about this.”

”I won’t be going to your place. I have something urgent to deal with.” Li Banfeng hurried away, quickly leaving Meng Yuchun behind. His instincts told him that it would be best not to go to her house right now.

Li Banfeng found a suitable place to hide the key, then hurried back into the Pocket Dwelling.

Something was wrong. He felt short of breath. His heart was pounding, and waves of numbness were spreading through his body. It seemed that he had been poisoned.

What exactly did I eat just now? Nevermind. The poison will be out of my body once I get home.

The moment Li Banfeng stepped inside, Wifey cried happily, ”Husband dear, it was a success! We have enough Heavenspring Joysoil now.”

”Enough?” Li Banfeng hurried to the third room and opened the door. That was where the Pocket Dwelling had hidden all the oil it stole from Face Not-Big last time.

As soon as he opened the door, he found the whole room piled high with soil.

The Glove stared at the enormous heap and said admiringly, ”When it comes to quick fingers, our old master is the finest of us all. I cannot even compare.”

”Do not speak such nonsense!” The Pocket Dwelling scolded. It shuddered and shouted sternly, ”I am nothing like you!”

Whenever the Pocket Dwelling found something it fancied, it moved with astonishing speed. It had not only filled the third room, but the sixth, seventh, and eighth rooms as well. There was so much soil that Crimson Lotus had been squeezed out and forced to move into the fifth room.

Li Banfeng examined the soil carefully. Its colour, texture, and quality were exactly the same as the soil in his sack. This meant that Bei Wushuang had not lied. The thing Li Banfeng swallowed really was Heavenspring Joysoil.

Just then, a fierce heat began to spread through his body. His head spun, his skin burned, and he dropped onto the bed, gasping for breath.

Wifey touched his forehead and let out a frightened cry. ”Husband dear! Why are you burning up like a stove?”

”I ate some Joysoil,” Li Banfeng said.

”What did you eat that for?”

”I ran into Bei Wushuang. If I didn’t eat it, I wouldn’t have been able to leave.”

”How much did you eat?”

Li Banfeng held up his fingers to show her the size of the pill and the Gramophone gasped, sucking in such a sharp breath that a whole cloud of steam vanished back into her speaker horn.

”Husband dear,” she said quickly, ”you should sleep first. Fall asleep.”

A warm curl of steam stroked gently over Li Banfeng, and before long, his eyes closed and he drifted off. However, the Gramophone knew that he wouldn’t stay asleep for a long time.

The ball of joysoil had been enormous and something dreadful was about to happen. And it was not only Li Banfeng who would be in danger, she would be in danger too. If he woke up and had his way with her, she would be rattled, shaken, and very likely taken to pieces before the night was over.

”Ying dear,” Wifey called in the sweetest voice she could manage. ”Fetch some water for Husband dear. The poor man is burning hot.”

The water was kept in the second room, and Hong Ying was so used to being ordered about that she did not think twice. She put down her eyebrow pencil and lipstick, picked up a bucket, and went off to fetch it.

Behind her, the Gramophone lifted herself from the floor on a soft puff of steam and floated after her without making the tiniest sound.

When Hong Ying sensed the danger, she whirled around. However, it was too late then.

Hong Ying did not expect the Gramophone to attack her. The Gramophone stabbed her two needles into the spearbody. As the needles quivered, she pumped steam into her body.

Hong Ying then went stiff and could not move at all.

”You wicked woman!” she cried. ”What are you doing?”

The Gramophone did not answer.

She folded Hong Ying up as neatly as a blanket, with her knees and hands tucked underneath, her head poking out at the front, and her bottom sticking up at the back. Then she shoved the whole bundle into a wooden cabinet.

Next, she pulled three speaker horns off several other gramophones and fastened them to the cabinet. She trimmed a little here, adjusted a little there, then brought over some paint and gave the whole thing a careful finishing touch.

Before long, there stood a false gramophone that looked almost exactly like her.

”Ying, you are a fine young lady with a door at the front and another at the back. Tonight, I shall finally make your wish come true.”

What wish are you talking about? Hong Ying asked to ask, but she could no longer speak after the steam had been pumped into her body.

The Gramophone might have caught her by surprise, but Hong Ying had never expected that her strength had already recovered this much.

Once everything was properly arranged, the Gramophone carried the ”false gramophone” into the main room, then quietly hid herself in the second room.

Before long, Li Banfeng opened his eyes. His face was flushed red as he turned to look at the ”Gramophone” beside the bed.

Hong Ying heard him move something from inside the wooden cabinet, but she could not move at all.

What is this madman trying to do? Why has he gone behind me? Why is he opening the cabinet?

What is that smell? Machine oil? So slippery... Is this what machine oil feels like? Why is he rubbing it there?

There is only one door at the front and one entrance at the back. Surely he cannot have chosen the wrong one? He... he really has chosen the wrong one... This oiling hurts too much!

Hong Ying’s whole body trembled with pain, but she could not make a sound.

The Gramophone hid in the Second Room and sighed to herself. Hong Ying, you shameless hussy. You are getting quite a good deal this time. I would be lying if I tell you I am not angry, but Husband dear ate far too much Joysoil. There is no way I can handle all of that myself. Since you have a door at the front and another at the back, you can bear it for me first...

The main room suddenly fell silent. Then Wifey heard Li Banfeng muttering to himself, ”This does not feel right.”

Wifey gave a violent shudder. A moment later, the door to the second room opened.

”Wifey, I knew that was not you!”

Li Banfeng came towards her with the oil can in his hand and a fierce look on his face.

Wifey tried to flee, but Li Banfeng caught her from behind and wrapped his arms around her.

Gongs and drums burst into life, and Wifey’s shrill operatic cry rang through the room. ”Husband dear! Just do it with her! Just make do with her for now! Husband dear! Husband deeeaar!”

Author’s Note:

PS: Banfeng once said that a man should know his wife when he gets into bed and know his shoes when he gets out of it. This is the most basic requirement for any Homebound Cultivator.