The Overlord of Puluo

Li Banfeng returned to Miss Chu’s residence. Seeing that she was still fast asleep, he quietly entered the Pocket Dwelling.

His wifey cried out, ”Heyaaaaa~ Husband dear~ How did you get hurt like this?”

Li Banfeng was indeed badly injured. His face was bruised and swollen, almost beyond recognition.

”Wifey, I need to ask you something. Do you know Granny Bitter?”

”Granny Bitter? Which Granny Bitter?”

”The Granny Bitter from Bitter Greens Manor.”

Li Banfeng had already asked the liquor gourd, the Tang Saber, and even the Judge’s Brush. Not a single enchanted artifact by his side recognized Granny Bitter.

Perhaps some memories had vanished along with their souls, or perhaps they had never known anything about Bitter Greens Manor to begin with. It seemed that only his wifey would know about Granny Bitter.

Tak-tak-tak-tak! Hyah!

”Granny Bitter of Bitter Greens Manor!”

”Yes,” Li Banfeng nodded. ”Is she the local land deity of Bitter Greens Manor?”

Tak-tak-tak-tak! Hyah!

”Heyaaa~ Heyaaa~ She is not a land deity.”

From the way the gramophone spoke, she clearly knew this Granny Bitter. Yet there was something strange about her tone.

”Heyaa~ Heyaa~ If she is not a land deity, then what could she be?” the gramophone sang again.

Why is wifey asking me? Li Banfeng wondered. He ran his hand along the gramophone’s tonearm and reached out to tickle wifey under the arm.

”Wifey, are you alright?”

However, the gramophone did not laugh.

Eh? Why isn’t she ticklish anymore?

Huff... huff... huff...

Steam burst out in violent jets. The gears spun at high speed, and the flame inside the fuel tank leapt high. Li Banfeng hurried to add water to the tank. He was afraid wifey would burn herself dry.

What happened to my wifey?

”Heyaa~ Heyaaa~ She is not a land deity, then what could she be? What could she be? oooooooooohahahahahahahahahahahhahahahAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH!”

His wifey did not merely laugh. She exploded.

Steam shot out in furious white spurts, as if a dozen angry kettles had all begun shrieking at once. The gears inside her belly whirred and clanked and spun so fast that Li Banfeng half-expected them to rattle loose and fly across the room. The little flame in her fuel tank flared up with a greedy whoosh, licking at the metal walls as though it meant to roast them.

The entire main room vanished into a thick, damp cloud.

”Wifey, what happened to you?” Li Banfeng asked, and for once, his voice was not the least bit calm.

The laughter stopped. Quite suddenly.

”Who are you?” the gramophone asked.

The voice that came out of her was no longer warm and syrupy and full of coy sweetness. It was flat. Thin. Cold as a coin left overnight in snow.

Li Banfeng swallowed.

”I am your husband,” he said.

”Heyaaa~ Husband dear~ Have you returned from buying groceries?” The wifey’s voice turned soft again, sweet as melted sugar.

”Today... I didn’t buy any groceries.”

There was a pause.

”If you did not buy groceries, then you are not my husband. My husband never lets me go hungry. Who exactly are you?”

Li Banfeng did not know how to answer. A sudden gust of wind tore through the outer room. The Crimson Lotus shot forward, wrapped tightly around him, and yanked him into the outer room.

The door slammed shut behind them.

A rapid succession of explosive cracks went off outside the door. Li Banfeng’s heart jumped straight into his throat. He was really worried that something would happen to his wifey.

When the noise finally quieted to an uneasy silence, he could bear it no longer. He flung the door open and darted out.

The gramophone was still there. It stood in its usual place as though nothing at all had occurred. However, the room was abnormally hot.

”Wifey?” Li Banfeng called out.

Huff... huff...

After several bursts of steam, the gramophone responded, ”Heyaaa~ Husband dear~”

Oh good. She still recognizes me, Li Banfeng muttered inwardly as he let out a slight breath of relief.

Huff... huff...

”Has my husband returned from buying groceries?”

Li Banfeng’s throat tightened. He had no idea how to answer.

His gaze drifted to the Songstress Flower propped against the wall. If things truly went wrong, he could feed that to his wifey. But what remained of it was only spirit essence. Its soul had already been devoured.

Would she even find something like that appetizing?

As he hesitated, his wifey suddenly asked, ”Husband, who injured you like this?”

It’s the same question again. Did my wifey lost her memory? Did she forget everything that just happened? I mustn’t answer carelessly this time.

If he said he had been beaten by some ruthless figure, she would definitely ask who it was. And if that led her to remember Granny Bitter, she might lose her mind again.

Li Banfeng knew he had to distract her as much as possible and keep her from associating anything with Granny Bitter.

”It was just a few petty thieves. There were too many of them. I was outnumbered and got hurt.”

”What kind of petty thieves?” the gramophone wifey demanded angrily. ”Are they Wanderlust Cultivators? If they were, bring them here. I will kill them. Hahaha, I will kill them!”

Li Banfeng shook his head. ”They were not Wanderlust Cultivators.”

”Even if they aren’t Wanderlust Cultivators, bring them home. Anyone who injures my husband deserves to die. I will kill them all! Hahaha!”

My wifey is still not too normal.

Li Banfeng decided to humor her. ”Yes, we will kill them all. Wifey, are you tired? If you are, you should rest for a while.”

Huff~

The gramophone let out a yawn.

”Now that you mention it, I am a little tired. Husband, go find those petty thieves later. Let this little wifey rest for a moment.”

Before his wifey drifted off to sleep, Li Banfeng took out the old teapot. ”I have reached the fourth level of Homebound cultivation. I should be able to undo the seal on this enchanted artifact now.”

”Heyaaaa~ This teapot is far too high of a level,” she replied. ”Husband dear~ If you unseal it now, it may not be good for you.”

”You are being too cautious. Back then, Zhong Desong was only level two, yet he used it all the time.”

”He was an Ascetic Cultivator, which is why he can endure the torment this teapot brings. Oh well. Husband dear~ Bring it here. Let this little wifey speak with it first.”

Li Banfeng placed the teapot in front of the gramophone. Though he had the ability of Perceiving the Spirit’s Melody, the exchange that followed moved far too quickly for him to grasp. All he saw was the record spinning so fast it blurred into a dark whirl, and all he heard from the horn was a rapid barrage of drumbeats.

His wifey was clearly intimidating the teapot. The rhythm from the horn had taken on the sharp insistence of someone delivering a stern warning. If Li Banfeng had to guess, they were bargaining about the price Li Banfeng would have to pay to use the teapot.

After more than five minutes, the gramophone released a small puff of steam.

”The matter is settled. A price must still be paid to use an enchanted artifact. Previously, the cost was too high. Each use required scalding the master once. Now the cost has changed. He only requires that the husband take a hot bath.”

Li Banfeng glanced at the teapot. ”Is that not the same thing?”

”Husband dear~ You don’t have to worry. The bathwater will not be too hot. He will not hurt you.”

So I get a free bath whenever I use this enchanted artifact? Could there really be such a bargain? Li Banfeng thought. He felt very suspicious of the teapot’s intention.

At this moment, his wifey yawned and said, ”Husband dear~ This little wifey is very tired. I shall sleep first.”

Once his wifey fell asleep, Li Banfeng carried the teapot to the fifth room.

The fifth room sat at the very end of the corridor branching off the third room, farthest from the gramophone. It was newly opened and still bare. He had not furnished it yet and the space felt hollow and faintly cold.

Cradling the teapot in both hands, he lowered his voice and asked, ”Do you know Bitter Greens Manor?”

The teapot replied, ”I do. All Ascetic Cultivators in this world come from Bitter Greens Manor.”

Li Banfeng frowned. ”Don’t all people become cultivators through the Peddler’s medicinal powder?”

The teapot gave a soft chuckle. ”Not necessarily. The Peddler is only one source. There are many others. Wealthy families keep their own stores of medicinal powder for Literary Cultivators and Martial Cultivators. Those are not bought from the Peddler.”

Li Banfeng fell silent.

Ma Wu mentioned this before. The great clans kept reserves of medicinal powder, and those reserves were not purchased from the Peddler. So where do they come from?

”As for the affairs of wealthy families, this old man does not know,” the teapot said. ”But the medicinal powder for Ascetic Cultivators all comes from Bitter Greens Manor.

”Bitter Greens Manor has no borders. It connects to every corner of Puluo Province. Anyone who wishes to enter may do so. They may stay three days at the Free Meal Hall. If they can endure the bitterness, Granny Bitter will grant them the powder for Ascetic Cultivation. From that moment on, they would step onto this Daoist Path.”

Li Banfeng narrowed his eyes. ”So anyone can go there and get the powder for Ascetic Cultivation? There’s no need to accumulate Dao affinity first?”

”Bitter Greens Manor is a special place,” the teapot replied. ”If you stay there for three days, you can naturally accumulate Dao affinity.”

”Something like the Three-Headed Fork?”

”It is completely different from the Three-Headed Fork,” the teapot said. ”The Three-Headed Fork is not a place one should visit. You might accumulate more than just Dao affinity there.

”Young man, you asked about Granny Bitter earlier. Are you perhaps at the Bitter Greens Manor?”

Li Banfeng did not deny it. ”I am at Bitter Greens Manor right now. I cannot leave. Granny Bitter refuses to let me go. She says she wants to temper me.”

”If she refuses to let you leave, then stay there for the time being,” the teapot replied. ”We do not even keep a calendar in this house, so I cannot tell you what month it is now. In any case, she stays no more than three months each year. Once she leaves, you can leave as well. Don’t argue with her and don’t fight her. You will not win. Even if there are a thousand of you, ten thousand of you, you will not win.”

A thousand? Ten thousand? That sounds absurdly exaggerated. What level is she? Can the local land deity keep her in check?

”My wifey said she is not the land deity of Bitter Greens Manor. Then who is the land deity there?”

”Bitter Greens Manor once had a land deity. Now it does not. And do not compare a mere land deity to Granny Bitter. They are not worthy.”

Not even a land deity is worthy of comparison? Li Banfeng thought and asked, ”What is Granny Bitter’s level of cultivation?”

The teapot coughed twice before speaking.

”Young man, I am your enchanted artifact. When it comes to fighting, I will not falter. But I have my own disposition. I will not serve as anyone’s lackey.

”If you hold me in high regard, then let us be friends despite the difference in age. Call me Oldie Brodie and I will call you Little Brodie.

”If you look down on me, then call me Oldie. I will still fulfill my duty without fail.

”I do not remember much. What I do remember, I will naturally tell you. As for Granny Bitter, I have forgotten most of it. What I have forgotten, do not ask.”

Although Li Banfeng still did not fully trust the teapot, he agreed with the idea of treating each other as equals.

”Oldie Brodie, I won’t press you about Granny Bitter. But tell me more about Bitter Greens Manor. I have to stay here for more than two months. What exactly am I supposed to be careful about?”

”Remember three rules,” the teapot replied. ”The first is bitterness. In Bitter Greens Manor, you must endure hardship. Do not come here seeking comfort.

”No drinking. No smoking. No craving fine food. No chasing women.

”Your house,” the teapot continued, ”is... unusual. Inside it, you may indulge yourself with your wives as you please. But the moment you step beyond its threshold and into the manor proper, the rules apply. Without exception.”

”The world outside Bitter Greens Manor is full of delights,” the teapot went on, almost wistfully. ”There will be time enough for pleasure. Do not ruin something far greater for the sake of a moment’s weakness.”

”And if I do?” Li Banfeng asked. ”If I ruin this... great matter?”

”If I remember correctly,” the teapot said, ”those who break the rules in Bitter Greens Manor face only two outcomes. Those Granny Bitter does not wish to keep are driven out. Those she does wish to keep are sent to the new land.

”Younger Brother, I do not know much about your affairs outside, but I suspect you have been to the new land. You know how dangerous it is.

”And the new land connected to Bitter Greens Manor is especially dangerous. If Granny Bitter sends you there, she will not allow you to come back to the manor. You would have to remain in the new land for the rest of your life. Consider that carefully.”

To the new land! It’s good to go to the new land! This way, I can walk back to Blue Poplar Village, Li Banfeng thought.

As Li Banfeng was pondering, the teapot spoke again. ”The second rule is this: do not ask about origins. In the manor, you are not to ask anyone about their past. Do not even ask their name. That is an unwritten rule.”

”What happens if I break that rule?”

”Nothing will happen outright,” the teapot said. ”It is simply that others will come to dislike you. Perhaps even hate you. Those who enter Bitter Greens Manor come to endure hardship. Whatever identities they hold outside have no bearing on what happens within these grounds.

”The third rule is this: no killing. In Bitter Greens Manor, even Granny Bitter herself does not kill. This rule must never be broken. The first time I went there, two men fought over grain. One died. The other vanished that very night.

”No one knew where he went. No one knew whether he was dead or alive. In Bitter Greens Manor, this is always how it ends when someone is killed.”

No wonder Li Banfeng had felt such overwhelming danger when he considered killing Miss Chu. It was a warning. He could cause trouble in Bitter Greens Manor, but he absolutely could not let it escalate into a death. At least there was one small comfort. If he stirred up trouble here, Granny Bitter would not kill him.

The old teapot continued, ”As long as you do not break these three rules, Granny Bitter generally does not concern herself with other matters.”

Li Banfeng asked, ”Since you have returned to your old grounds, do you want to go back and take a look?”

”Little Brodie, I will say this again,” the teapot replied. ”If you intend to fight in Bitter Greens Manor, I will not hesitate when the time comes. However, if you do not intend to fight, then do not take me out. Do not let me see that place again.”

There was no mistaking the bitterness in its voice. The teapot carried deep resentment toward Bitter Greens Manor.

Li Banfeng said nothing more. He put the teapot away and returned to the main room to sleep.

He felt that the teapot was a little different from the other enchanted artifact. Compared to the others, it seemed to possess something more.

***

The next morning, Li Banfeng stepped out of the Pocket Dwelling and slipped the key away. Miss Chu was sprawled across the top of the wall, craning her neck as she peered in every direction.

He walked up behind her and suddenly barked, ”What are you looking at!”

Miss Chu yelped and tumbled off the wall with a thud. ”What are you doing? Are you trying to scare someone to death?”

Li Banfeng questioned, ”You are acting so suspicious. What are you doing on the top of the wall?”

”I was looking for you! Who knows where you ran off to so early? Tomorrow is Free Meals Day. Come with me. Don’t wait for Granny Bitter to hammer you again.”

Once they were outside and walking along the path, Li Banfeng asked, ”What does ’free meals’ mean?”

”It means everyone in the manor goes to the Free Meal Hall tomorrow and eats for free for a whole day.”

Such a good thing would happen here?

”Still steamed corn buns?”

Miss Chu gave him a bitter smile. ”If only it were corn buns. At the Free Meal Hall, you have to eat rice.”

”Isn’t rice better than corn buns?”

”You will understand when you get there.”

”The meal is tomorrow. Why are we leaving today? Isn’t that a bit early?”

”There’s only one Free Meal Hall in all of Bitter Greens Manor,” Miss Chu said. ”I live relatively close. Those who live far away have to set out three days in advance.”

Everyone in the Bitter Greens Manor eats at the same place? How big must the hall be? Li Banfeng wondered.

Li Banfeng followed Miss Chu for an entire day and night. In actuality, the Free Meal Hall was not that far away, merely around forty kilometers.

However, Miss Chu was not a Wanderlust Cultivator and could not move as swiftly as he could. The road was uneven, and the wind hurled thick sand into their faces. By the time they arrived, the eastern sky had already begun to pale with the first light of dawn.

All the people of Bitter Greens Manor had gathered outside the Free Meal Hall, standing in silence as they waited for the meal to begin.

The so-called Free Meal Hall was nothing grand. It was merely a large earthen house, its mud walls cracked by wind and age. Inside, it could barely hold seven or eight large tables.

Could a place like that possibly accommodate everyone from the manor? It really could.

Li Banfeng glanced around and counted roughly. There were only a little over sixty people gathered in front of the hall.

”There are still quite a few who haven’t arrived, right?” he asked.

Miss Chu swept her gaze over the crowd. ”Almost everyone is here.”

”Are there only this many people in Bitter Greens Manor?”

”That’s already quite a lot,” Miss Chu said. ”Ascetic Cultivators are rare to begin with. Those willing to return to Bitter Greens Manor to cultivate are even rarer. Anyone who has reached a high level of cultivation would not come here without a reason.”

At seven in the morning, the Free Meal Hall began serving food. The man at the door ladled rice into bowls one by one, each portion accompanied by the manor’s signature bitter greens.

Li Banfeng took a mouthful of plain rice.

Crunch.

He chewed twice and paused, carefully judging the ratio of sand to grain.

Is this half sand and half rice? No! It feels like there is more sand than rice.

Li Banfeng nearly gagged. Miss Chu quickly grabbed his arm and stopped him. ”You can’t throw up. If you do, you will get beaten.”

He forced the rice down, swallowing it with visible effort. Then he set the bowl on the ground. ”I am full.”

Miss Chu shook her head anxiously. ”You can’t leave anything behind. If you do, you will get beaten too!”

The man ladling out the rice was watching from afar, anger flickering in his eyes. Li Banfeng still put the bowl down.

Miss Chu’s face was drained of color. ”Don’t cause trouble. The man serving the rice is coming over.”

Li Banfeng slowly rose to his feet. ”So he’s the one planning to beat me? Good. Then I will fight him.”

It wasn’t that he couldn’t endure the hardship. He simply couldn’t swallow the humiliation. It was perfectly good rice. Why mix sand into it?

Behind the Free Meal Hall, sacks of grain lay piled high in the open yard. Bitter Greens Manor had few residents. There was more than enough food. So why humiliate people like this?

The man serving the rice strode toward them, fury blazing in his eyes. After only two steps, he suddenly stopped, turned on his heel, and marched back the way he came.

Li Banfeng had already squared his shoulders, ready for a fight. When the man retreated instead, he frowned and wondered why he wasn’t coming over.

Miss Chu lowered her head and hurriedly stuffed rice into her mouth, not daring to say another word.

Suddenly, Li Banfeng felt that another person had appeared next to him. He turned his head and saw Granny Bitter standing behind him.

Inside the Free Meal Hall, everyone lowered their heads and did not dare move. They knew who had arrived. They knew Li Banfeng was about to suffer.

Granny Bitter looked at Li Banfeng and spoke in an even tone. ”Refusing to eat when there is food. It seems you still haven’t been tempered enough.”

Looks like I am about to get beaten again, Li Banfeng muttered inwardly. Fine. Beat me up then. But I am not eating this bowl of rice. Not a single grain. Mixing sand into perfectly good rice just to humiliate people? I won’t swallow that!

Seeing how stubborn he was, Granny Bitter did not hit him. Instead, she reached into her pocket and took out a stalk of bitter greens.

”In the end, you still can’t endure hardship,” she said. ”If you refuse to eat the rice, then eat this instead.”

Miss Chu crouched down and tugged at Li Banfeng’s trouser leg. Her eyes were red with panic.

Master Qi, I am begging you, she pleaded silently. Just eat it. Please... stop courting death.

Author’s Note:

PS: Why is Granny Bitter forcing him to eat the veggies?