The Overlord of Puluo

An iron-thread insect wriggled beneath his cheekbone, its head poking out from the inner corner of his eye.

Li Banfeng saw its head. It was dangerously close to his eyeball.

The insect had a mouth, though Li Banfeng could not see what it looked like inside. He knew only one thing. That mouth was aimed straight at his eyeball, about to take a bite out of it.

Li Banfeng leaped onto the ”shore,” grabbed the iron-thread insect, and yanked with all his strength.

The insect’s skin was extremely rough and thick, lined with tiny barbs. Li Banfeng forcibly ripped the iron-thread insect from his eye, pulling out a bloody chunk of his flesh with it.

He flung the insect to the ground. He wanted to stomp on it, but his feet were already numb.

His leather shoes were riddled with holes. He had no idea how many iron-thread insects had burrowed into his feet.

He unlocked the Pocket Dwelling, threw the house key as far away as he could, and staggered inside.

Li Banfeng collapsed onto the floor. Waves of itchiness and numbness spread through his body as hundreds of insects writhed inside him.

Whoosh~

A ball of steam rushed over and enveloped him. The steam seeped into his wounds, killing the insects one by one.

Three styluses extended from the Gramophone. She first removed Li Banfeng’s shoes and then tore apart his socks.

Both of his feet were covered in densely packed holes, each about the size of an incense tip. There were still iron-thread insects wriggling in some of the holes.

”Oi, oi, oi, not all of them died!” the Gramophone exclaimed. ”Where did these vile creatures come from? The insects that make up the Iron-Thread River shouldn’t be this tough.”

Li Banfeng heard her words, but he had no strength to reply.

Even if he could speak, he didn’t have an answer for her. He had no idea why these insects were like this.

The Gramophone stripped off Li Banfeng’s clothes. Steam spiraled up and down around him. After a quarter of an hour, the insects wriggling inside Li Banfeng’s body finally fell still.

It was very easy for the Gramophone to kill the iron-thread insects, but she had been worried about harming Li Banfeng.

The Gramophone slid one of her styluses into a hole near Li Banfeng’s ankle bone. After probing for a moment, it pulled out an iron-thread insect more than ten centimeters long.

The Gramophone used all three of her styluses to pick out the dead iron-thread insects one by one.

As the Gramophone worked on the task, Li Banfeng jerked repeatedly. He stammered, ”Dear wife, be gentler. Especially the sensitive spots, please be gentle there.”

There were plenty of iron-thread insects in the sensitive spots of his body.

Pop... crackle... pop...~

The Gramophone deliberately gave a few extra tugs.

”Ohooo~ My dear husband, when you were oiling my parts, why didn’t you say that you’d be gentle’? Now you know how it feels, don’t you? Ohohohoho!”

***

Surrounded by a group of attendants, Lu Dongjun stepped off the train. He had come from Greenwater City to the Ridge of Bottomless Stomachs.

As soon as he left the train platform, reporters surrounded him.

”Mr. Lu, are you here this time to provide disaster relief?”

Lu Dongjun put on a small smile. ”I said before that providing disaster relief is useless until the pests are eliminated. The purpose of my visit this time is to wipe out the Annihilation Mosquitoes from the Ridge of Bottomless Stomachs completely. We’re not leaving a single one alive.”

”Mr. Lu, it’s a severe disaster situation all over the Ridge of Bottomless Stomachs. Where do you plan to start?”

”I plan to start with the First Ridge.”

The Ridge of Bottomless Stomachs consisted of three mountain ridges in total. The First Ridge was the most prosperous and was a medium-sized city. The Second Ridge was made up of three towns, while the Third Ridge was relatively remote, with dozens of villages of varying sizes.

Another reporter asked, ”Mr. Lu, the major influential families have exhausted every method, and the Outer Provinces have also mobilized considerable forces, yet none of them could deal with the Annihilation Mosquitoes. How confident are you this time?”

Lu Dongjun looked at the reporter and replied calmly, ”I am completely confident.”

Click, click, click.

The photographers on-scene kept snapping photos of him.

Lu Dongjun’s words truly stunned the reporters.

Lu Dongjun continued, ”This is not empty boasting. I believe that if any of the major influential families in Puluo were to show their true strength, they could completely eradicate these pests.

”But did any of them do that? They feared revealing the extent of their strength. They feared inviting unnecessary trouble. Even now, while the people of the Ridge of Bottomless Stomachs starve and suffer, they are still busy scheming against one another.

”But the Lu Family is different from them. I, Lu Dongjun, am different from them. I will say this here and now. If the Annihilation Mosquitoes are not wiped out, I will not leave the Ridge of Bottomless Stomachs!”

The reporters were deeply shaken.

One of them asked cautiously, ”I heard that there have been some conflicts between you and your family. Would you mind telling us a bit about that?”

Lu Dongjun smiled and said, ”Conflicts? Are you referring to Qiu Zhiheng? Does he bear the surname Lu? Is he a member of the Lu Family? What right does he have to meddle in the Lu Family’s affairs? After I’ve resolved the problems here, I will return to Greenwater Bay to set the matters of my own household in order. I will give my elder brother an explanation, give the Lu Family an explanation, and give Puluo an explanation!”

Wan Jinxian had prepared that little speech in advance, and Lu Dongjun had memorized it perfectly.

The reporters still wanted to press Lu Dongjun about his conflict with Qiu Zhiheng, but Lu Dongjun lowered his hand and said, ”The most urgent matter right now is not those trivial family issues of mine. Ensuring that the people of the Ridge of Bottomless Stomachs survive is the top priority.

”I have already made the preparations. I am prepared to fight the pests to the death. I hope that the major influential families and major gangs of the Ridge of Bottomless Stomachs can set aside their grudges and fight shoulder to shoulder with me. I believe that as long as we work together with one heart, we will surely be able to—”

Just as his speech reached its climax, a mosquito flew straight into Lu Dongjun’s mouth, making him cough twice.

Under normal circumstances, something so comical would never happen to a level-eight Martial Cultivator.

However, Lu Dongjun was a bit excited, and there were many mosquitoes of the Ridge of Bottomless Stomachs, so many that they seemed to get everywhere. Fortunately, the mosquitoes there only ate grain and did not suck blood, so they did not directly harm people.

The mosquitoes had gathered there because they had their eyes on the grain Lu Dongjun had brought with him.

Wan Jinxian had treated that grain with special methods and sealed it inside glass containers. It was not meant to be eaten but to kill mosquitoes.

Lu Dongjun had accidentally swallowed a mosquito, but it was only a minor blemish on an otherwise brilliant speech.

After leaving the train station, Wan Jinxian brought Lu Dongjun to a residence.

This was the residence he had prepared for Lu Dongjun. It could not compare to the luxury of Lu Dongjun’s residence in Greenwater Bay, but it had all the necessities.

After settling in, Lu Dongjun summoned Wan Jinxian and said, ”If you ask me, we should act tomorrow and wipe out the mosquitoes in the First Ridge first!”

Wan Jinxian shook his head and said, ”Master, you’re being too impatient. You need to listen to me on this. Wait two more days before taking action. Let the reporters build up the momentum and let everyone across the Ridge of Bottomless Stomachs know exactly who saved them!”

***

Lu Dongjun’s publicity stunt got a lot of attention. He Yuxiu looked at the newspaper and laughed in anger. ”Fuck, that bastard Lu Dongjun. The way he talks is fucking disgusting. It’s like he’s the only one doing any real work, and everyone else is just there to watch. I really want to see what the fuck he’s going to use to wipe out the Annihilation Mosquitoes!”

He Haiqin, the head of the He Family, sat in silence for a long while before shaking his head slightly. ”For Lu Dongjun to dare say something like that, it must mean he must have some tricks up his sleeve.”

He Yuxiu spat, ”What fucking tricks could he have? With that pea brain of his, you couldn’t even dig out enough to match a tael in weight. He’s nowhere near as good as his older brother. I bet he couldn’t stay on in Greenwater City anymore and ran off to the Ridge of Bottomless Stomachs to put on a show and scam people while living idly.”

”We can’t be careless. If he really wipes out the mosquitoes, the Ridge of Bottomless Stomachs will belong to him from then on,” He Haiqin said. Then he called out, ”Haisheng!”

He Haisheng was He Haiqin’s younger brother, He Jiaqing’s third uncle.

”Go to the Ridge of Bottomless Stomachs. Keep a low profile and observe Lu Dongjun in secret. Go see what tricks he’s trying to pull!”

***

Huff, huff~

After killing off all the iron-thread insects inside Li Banfeng’s body, the Gramophone set its sights on that chunk of flesh belonging to Pan Dehai.

The sound of the huqin[1] rang out, followed by a voice singing an old song.

「”The pipa sounds too mellow,

The song is too heartbreaking,

The affairs of this world are truly hard to speak of, truly hard to speak of,

The flowers are beautiful, yet so few come to admire them,

How could a crow ever be worthy of a phoenix?~ 」

The song was called ”Crow Paired with a Phoenix.” Its melody was mournful and melancholic, and its lyrics conveyed a resentful bitterness. However, when Li Banfeng’s wife sang it, the song took on a very different kind of charm.

What kind of charm? The kind that made Li Banfeng explode with anger!

Wrapped head to toe in bandages, Li Banfeng glared at the Gramophone. ”Why are you singing this? Are you saying I’m unworthy of being with you?”

”Oh, my dear husband, I’m not talking about you. I’m talking about this piece of flesh. It’s a good thing, but at your current level, you can’t eat it. If it’s just left like this and loses its vitality, wouldn’t that be a waste?”

She spoke in circles, but at the core, the meaning was the same.

Li Banfeng was still furious. ”If you’re hungry, then just eat it. Why call me a crow? Why not say I’m a toad instead?”

”Oh, my dear husband, I really wasn’t talking about you. How could you be a toad? Even if you were a toad, you’d be a golden toad!”

”Enough, enough. Just eat it already!”

The Gramophone stopped holding back. She used two of her styluses to pierce into the chunk of flesh, greedily absorbing the spirit essence within.

The Arcane Crimson Lotus did not eat the living, and the Gramophone did not eat the dead. Those were their natures.

So was this chunk of flesh alive or dead?

It was hard to define. Judging from how greedily the Gramophone was eating it, the chunk of flesh lay somewhere between life and death. It possessed spirit essence, but it was by no means a complete soul.

After a full hour, the Gramophone finally finished devouring all the spirit essence within the flesh. What remained of the flesh would be handed over to the Arcane Crimson Lotus.

The Arcane Crimson Lotus was in the outer room. Li Banfeng could not get out of bed, and the Gramophone could not directly come into contact with the Arcane Crimson Lotus. Once they did, they would start fighting.

The Gramophone pushed open the door to the outer room and shouted, ”Bitch, there’s something good to eat. Come out and stuff yourself!”

Before the Arcane Crimson Lotus could respond, someone else rushed to the doorway and shouted, ”I laugh to the heavens as I stride out. How could someone like me be a mere weed?”

The Tang saber charged in and sliced off a small piece of Pan Dehai’s flesh.

Feeling satisfied about obtaining the piece of flesh, the Tang saber boomed with laughter, ”Hohohohoh!”

Afraid of retaliation from the Gramophone and the Arcane Crimson Lotus, the Tang saber hurried off to the third room.

The Blood-Drinking Pendulum took the opportunity to suck a few mouthfuls of blood from the chunk of flesh. The Gramophone did not stop her. ”That lowly wench did perform a great service. Let her drink.”

The Threaded Earring cried out, ”Master~”

Li Banfeng placed the Threaded Earring beside the table. ”Eat it yourself!”

Eat it myself? If only it were that easy.

The Threaded Earring could not move, and she did not dare act rashly in front of the Gramophone.

The Threaded Earring greeted the Gramophone respectfully. ”Madam...”

The Gramophone snorted coldly and used a swirl of steam to carry the Threaded Earring onto the flesh, coating her completely in grease.

The Threaded Earring was delighted and thanked the Gramophone repeatedly.

The Gramophone replied icily, ”No need to thank me. This meal today will let all you lowly things eat your fill.”

From the third room, the Tang saber laughed loudly. ”We are men of valor, not lowly things!”

The Gramophone shouted, ”Say one more word, and I will melt you down for iron!”

The Arcane Crimson Lotus did not wait for anyone else. It whipped up a gust of wind, collected the chunk of flesh, closed its petals, and began refining pills.

Was there anyone else? Yes, there was!

An aged voice sobbed, ”I am cold. Who will warm me up?”

It was the teapot, the one that Ascetic Cultivator Zhong Desong had given to Li Banfeng.

The teapot’s level had been too high and required too great a price for Li Banfeng to hear it speak, so it had remained sealed. For some reason, it could actually speak today.

In truth, the reason was that the Gramophone had deliberately let it speak.

”Oh, my, you old ghost. Now you know what it feels like to be cold, hahahaha! Want to eat? Have you learned the rules? If you cannot learn them, you will only be allowed to watch in the future.”

”I understand the rules. Madam, please show mercy and spare me.”

This teapot truly has very useful, so Li Banfeng shot the Gramphone a meaningful look.

She replied, ”My dear husband, do not fret. Once I add another room to this house for you in the future, this teapot will not dare act out of line.”

That meant once Li Banfeng advanced another level, he would be able to control the teapot.

Another advancement? It’s possible.

Pan Dehai was quite extraordinary. Now that the Gramophone had eaten his flesh, it was very likely that she would regain a significant amount of her strength.

However, advancing another level meant Li Banfeng would become a level-four Homebound Cultivator while remaining at level two as a Wanderlust Cultivator. He would get hit with backlash because of the imbalance. Then wouldn’t Li Banfeng be torn apart all over again?

Nevertheless, there was nothing he could do to stop it. Firstly, he could not tell his wife that he was also a Wanderlust Cultivator. Secondly, his wife never warned him before advancing his level as a Homebound Cultivator.

Li Banfeng had to find an opportunity to quickly raise his Wanderlust Cultivation to the third level.

Huff~ Hiss, hiss... hiss~

The Gramophone yawned. ”My dear, rest here and focus on your recovery. I’m tired and need to sleep for a while.”

Her latest meal was not easy to digest, so she soon fell into a deep sleep.

§§§

Author’s note:

P.S. Li Banfeng is still lost. How is he going to get back?

The answer is easy. Follow the Iron-Thread River... but walk along the river in the direction of the upstream!

Could it really be that simple?

1. A two-stringed Chinese fiddle. More info here. ☜