The Noble Lady of Lust

Chapter 97: Fragments of Existence

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But... then why do I feel this tightness in my chest? Why is there something inside me that still resists, that refuses to accept it? Who would cry for someone like me if I disappear? Is it the same in this life? Who would cry for...?

Oh, wait, yes... there was someone.

Silly Eira cried recently when I started dating her sister. Well, I can’t say I wasn’t amused by her reaction when she pounced on me with anger and teary eyes.

If I leave now, she’ll probably celebrate, that damned siscon of my angel.... But... Selene. Yes, Selene cried when I came back from hunting those crystalline beasts. And she’s not one to cry for just anyone.

And looking back further, when we were hunting in the beginning, I remember how Elena cried a little when I was badly wounded. Though she tried to hide it, scolding me for being reckless while healing me with potions.

And Alice... Alice cried when she couldn’t fulfill her destiny, or rather, her fantasies of a fated meeting. It was over something silly, sure, but she certainly cried a little.

They would cry if I died here.... They would, wouldn’t they? ...They probably would....

They all cried for me. They weren’t just tears. Those tears are examination that somehow I matter. That I’ve done more than just exist in this world.

Come to think of it, even if I’m not myself, I’ve seen many people cry for my alternate future self.

He lived through so many goodbyes, so many encounters and eternal goodbyes.... That shaped the existence of what my alternate self was, and he bequeathed everything that built it to me....

It is true,

I cannot fall.

Not like this, pathetically.

My alternate self suffered, worse things than me but he didn’t give up. He suffered, he struggled, he lost... he still got up, if he could why couldn’t I, this is not even a hint of what my alternate self suffered.

I can’t let all that I’ve lived go to waste, I’m not going to fall in a little place like this, this damned examination is nothing more than another step on my way.

I am not going to fall for this place that only talks nonsense, a place that is only playing with words and my feelings as it pleases.

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At that moment, I opened my eyes. I looked around and saw my three reflections: my old self, my self from my previous life and Seraphina.

I also saw how the darkness had consumed me from my feet to my neck, leaving only my face uncovered. It was a viscous, organic darkness, simply disgusting.

[Huh? .... what happened? It was time to rest, why did you open your eyes? Let’s go back to nothing as we always wish, it’s so close... now what’s stopping you...? we have nothing, let’s give up, we were doing well, just obediently close your eyes again and rest].

My fat self spoke to me when he noticed I opened my eyes again, but no... I couldn’t just listen to them again.

”You think I’m going to give up because you say so, you fucker!!? Who do you think you are to tell me what I want? It’s true, in my past life I wanted to just end it all, I didn’t want anything, I didn’t expect anything, I was tired of it.”

[Then just...]

”Shut up! I’m not done. Fuck!!!, In my past life it sucked, I did so many things wrong and just seeing you reminds me of it. Yes, it’s true, I’ve run away and escaped from reality. but I’ve had enough of that, you want me to give up and let it all go, that’s really fucking running away!!. it’s true, sometimes some things in this world make it seem like fiction and I tend to unconsciously categorize it that way.”

I began to free myself from that slimy darkness. My hands broke free, and began to tear away chunk by chunk of the darkness that clung to me.

”But so what? I’m facing and living this world as seriously as I can. Even if they were, I don’t think of anyone in this world as a made-up or play character. I think of them as real, living people!.”

[Lies! You just...]

”Fuck! I told you to shut up!. I’m talking!!. Listen, you piece of shit. No one, absolutely no one is going to tell me what I believe is true or false! You’re just a piece of shit created from my insecurities, and I’m going to destroy you!”

I ripped away every last piece of that darkness and tore it away, freeing my feet. The heaviness and feeling of suffocation hadn’t stopped, but I simply ignored them and started walking toward the mirror of my more talkative self.

”Only I decide what to do with my life. I’m not running away from anything. In the past, maybe, but now I’m enjoying every day of this fucking new life that crappy goddess gave me. And yes, if I want to make a harem, my resolution is not as a simple collection.

[...]

”I’m going to love each and every one of them until they don’t want me anymore! You just say shit because you’ve never been in love, but now I’m sure, you piece of shit. I like those girls. I love them and I will seriously care for them to the end.”

My throat was dry, I didn’t know if it was possible here, but I didn’t want to stop. My steps slowly but surely approached the mirror.

”I love Elena, who has been with me since I came into this world and has accepted everything from me. I love Alice, who was the first to declare her love to someone as undeserving as me, who didn’t have the courage to return it. The same with Selene. She, by now, knows I cheated on her. and yet she didn’t leave my side. As disgusting and vile as I was, she chose me! Fuck, my ties in this world aren’t something someone like you should judge.”

Thud

I hit the mirror with my fist, but it merely made a thud. Still, I didn’t stop.

”They are bonds I built. Only they and I will decide if we want to break them when I tell them the whole truth. Same with Astrid, even though our relationship is only based on lust, only she and I will decide how to proceed.”

Thud....Thud....Thud...

My strokes were increasing in force and began to crack the mirror.

”Same with my friends - Silvia, Lys, even that bastard and degenerate William. He’s a good friend now. Team Dynamite, the indecipherable Cordelia, the transvestite Aurora, the annoying Eira... and my idiot father, along with my kind and dangerous stepmothers, each and every one will decide how to proceed and no one has the right to interfere.”

Bommmm... bommmm... bammmm.

”Fuck, I’m just starting this fucking life and you want me to give up like this, fuck you! I know what’s coming won’t be easy, but I can’t let it all end here, not in a little place like this! So fuck you, you fat piece of shit, We should have exercised and changed our lifestyle to begin with, because I should even think about going back to being you, you and I aren’t the same anymore!”

Bommmm...bammmm.... bommmm... .

”You still said things that made sense, you piece of shit.... I’ll keep that in mind.”

Crack,... crack.... Shatter

Finishing what I wanted to say, I cracked the mirror of my previous life self, but I wasn’t done. I continued on to the other mirror. This time I was faster and I was starting to feel stronger.

”And you, old woman, you yourself told me to go ahead, no matter how disgusting, idiotic and stupid my dream was. And you’re absolutely fucking right! My life is mine alone, and I’ll do what I want with it! No one is going to tell me what to do. And fuck you too for calling me a creep, you’re not even the one who gave me those memories, you’re just a badly made thing out of this shitty mirror.”

Shatter.... Clink.... Clink

Just one blow was enough to break the second mirror of old Seraphina, who was just staring at me impassively. Without wasting time, I went towards the last one.

”And as for you... go complain to the fucking goddess who reincarnated me in your body! What are you doing here? You don’t contribute anything, you’ve only come here to say stupid things complaining. I already know what kind of trash of a person you were, because of your memories!, you have no right to tell me anything. Your parents, who loved you, didn’t even realize that I usurped your body, Even when I acted like myself., they didn’t even hesitate, because they never knew what they were raising, you are the most bizarre thinking person I know, so fuck you, bitch.”

Shatter.... Clink.... Clink!

Breaking Seraphina’s last mirror, I finally felt like I had let off steam and all the bad feelings and oppressions were released from me. And finally, to make my point clear:

”Fuck you all, and get me out of here! I don’t have time to talk bullshit, I have a goal to accomplish and my insecurities are not going to stop me.”

Saying that, I began to gather a large amount of mana inside my body. This was my mind and the limit was my imagination, so I began to create something that should be impossible.

I began to glow all over my body with a mixture of pink, deep purple and gold. In my hand appeared a beautifully carved golden spear; it was my legacy weapon.

Once I had it in my hands, I finally felt a little connection with reality, I positioned myself and with all my strength, I shouted attacking the nothingness.

”THE ART OF LUST, NINTH POSTURE: ULTIMATE ECSTASY!!!”