The Forsaken Hero

Apprehension stalked me during the two days that followed, each minute an agonizing hour. Whether training with Sari or studying alone in Haven’s library, the feeling never left me, a weight on my shoulders and a tautness in my chest. Some things I anticipated, like Korra’s return, but she had yet to reach Sangra City. Even more pressing, the center of my trepidation, was the upcoming banquet with the Ellenwinters and conversation with Luke. There was nothing I could do about the first, but the second...?

I wasn’t avoiding him, exactly, but every time I heard his voice or felt his presence, my body reacted on its own, turning aside or slipping back into another room. It had been hopeless and naive to think it would be as easy as doing something he liked. I hadn’t even considered that he might not like anything! What if he didn’t, and he just pretended to because he thought it would make me happy? Like R’lisea said, it would be cold tea all over again, except this time, I would be consciously aware of it the whole time.

Or worse, what if he didn’t even care enough to do that much? I couldn’t bear the thought that he would insist he was interested in what I was, that he loved flowers and walks and sitting by the fire. I wouldn’t be a burden, I’d already decided that much. But how, then, could I face him knowing he might say exactly that?

I struggled with those thoughts as I wandered down the main hall of the second story of Sunsinger Manor, hands collapsed in my lap, tail dragging behind me. The Star Guard followed at a distance. They, too, were caught in my gloom, subdued in their movements and whispered conversation. I slowed, curious what they might be discussing, but my ears twitched, picking up Luke’s voice, followed by R’lissea.

I froze, looking around and seeing that the hallway wall to my left had vanished, opening to overlook the main entryway. Distracted by my thoughts, I hadn’t even realized I’d reached the twin grand staircase framing the lobby.

Luke’s voice drew my gaze along the glowing, mirror-like floor beneath the front doors to the small, open sitting room nestled beneath the lower landing of the other staircase. I leaned over the railing, gripping it tightly with both hands, and caught a glimpse of them sitting at a small, circular table of dark mahogany. Luke’s back was to me, but R’lissea leaned forward slightly, resting her chin on the palm of her hand.

”Really?” she asked, wearing a bemused look. ”That’s the only thing you enjoy? That’s...unbelievable. Not that you like it, but that it’s...” she chuckled, shaking her head. ”It’s perfect.”

Luke’s hand rose, running over his horn. The tip of his tail flicked in agitation.

”I know, but I can’t think of anything else. I don’t want to lie to her, but...” he let out a groan, gripping his horn tightly. ”Is there anything I can do?”

R’lissea shrugged, but before she could respond, her gaze flicked up, catching my eye. Her eyes widened slightly, the beginnings of a smile teasing her lips. I let out a squeak, turning and fleeing back the way I’d come, my ears burning in embarrassment.

”Wait, Xiviyah! Where are you–” Luxxa started to say.

But I ran past her, not stopping until I reached my room. Flinging myself on the bed, I buried my face in my pillow. My tail waved wildly, tangling in my skirt.

It wasn’t the first time I’d overheard Luke asking R’lissea for advice concerning me, but this time, it wasn’t the same. I had so many more feelings now, so much more confusion and uncertainty regarding the apostle. He always seemed so in control and aware of his thoughts and actions, but now, knowing he felt the same, that he didn’t understand me any more than I understood him...it was exhilarating.

After the adrenaline faded and my grip on my pillow loosened, I turned over on my back, staring at the ceiling. Borealis stared back, roosting on the back of the headboard. He cocked his head, giving me a curious look, and I giggled, reaching up and pulling him into my arms.

”Looks like I was worried for nothing,” I said, nuzzling him with my cheek. ”Luke’s trying to figure it out, too. He even said he didn’t want to lie to me!”

Borealis squawked, waving his wings enthusiastically. I had no idea whether he understood what I was saying, or if he just wanted to join in on my mood. Either way, it made my smile widen, and I sat up. That was when I noticed Luxxa and the other Star Guard were there, watching me with bemused expressions. My face colored, and I half-raised Borealis, hiding behind his crystalline feathers.

”I...didn’t know you were there...” I mumbled, tail twitching again.

Jenna gave me a wide grin. ”Just pretend we’re not.”

My blush warmed. ”Did she tell him? That I was there?”

Jenna shook her head. ”No, but I might. He pretends to be so cool and composed around you...I’d love to see the look on his face.”

Luxxa gave her a hard look before turning to me, her face softening. ”You can’t keep avoiding him forever, you know.”

”I know. It’s just...” I lowered Borealis, stroking his wings. His feathers were soft and cool, clinking like glass. ”I didn’t know he felt like that. He never tells me anything.”

”You should try wearing one of your Blacksand dresses,” Jenna suggested. ”That always seems to make him a little more talkative.”

”Really?” I asked, but blushed as I realized she was teasing.

”Be nice, Jenna,” Luxxa said with a sigh. ”She’s already got enough on her mind, with the banquet and all.”

My stomach tightened. ”Oh, right. The banquet...”

”Right. Sorry.” But Jenna’s smile lingered. ”But if you’re interested, that’s the perfect time. A nice, formal excuse.”

I hid the rest of the day in my room, petting Borealis, studying my ninth-level tome, and later cuddling with Fable when he snuck in through the balcony. I half-expected R’lissea, Luke, or even Elise to come knocking on the door, but when night fell, everything remained quiet.

The next morning, I was awoken by a stream of soul speak. Scarcely had I rolled out of bed, my nightdress hanging askew over one shoulder, when a gust of wind blew the balcony door open, and Zephyriss ghosted in.

”She’s here?” I asked, a thrill driving the cobwebs from my mind.

”Indeed. The Water Hero’s ship approaches the outer walls. They’ll be at the sky port in half an hour,” she replied. Moving into the room, she took a deep breath, exhaling a breeze that filled the room with the scent of rain. ”Is it true the Lord of Ash agreed to a duel with one of those starry fellows?”

”He fought Ernyst. I, um, didn’t see who won, but it was...scary.”

”Hmph. I would imagine. But to think he dared accept that without inviting me,” she said, scowling. ”I have half a mind to challenge him myself. It’s been ages since I’ve seen him properly duel anyone. I wonder if he’s grown rusty with his condescension.”

”Have you known Fyren for long?” I asked.

”Just a few millennia, ever since I ascended to the rank of Demon Lord. But if you think you’ll get more of that from me, you’re mistaken. It’s not time for you, yet,” she said, giving me a teasing grin.

My cheeks warmed, and I looked away, hiding a pout. ”Can’t you say something?’

She let out a light laugh, patting my head. ”Patience is a virtue. All in good time.”

With that, Zephyriss turned around the room, stirring the pages of my tomes, and flitted out the door, her wings of ashen cloud trailing behind her. I watched for a second, then went to my wardrobe to dress. My fingers passed over the soft whites and pastels, but lingered for a moment on the dark, shimmering folds of my Blacksand attire, casting a sideways glance at the servant’s quarters, where I knew Jenna was dressing for the day. With a small shiver, I reached past it, choosing a simple red off-shoulder dress with black ruffles and a ribbon tie.

When I entered the main hall, Anrynth was waiting, having been informed of the skyship’s return. He stood at the bottom of the grand staircase, hands clasped behind his back, watching the front doors. R’lissea was there, leaning against the banister, hands folded at her waist.

”Are you ready, my Lady?” he asked, smiling as I practically ran down the stairs.

I started to nod, then caught R’lissea’s eye, and my voice died in my throat. I slowed to a stop at the foot of the stairs, suddenly interested in the floor.

”Good morning,” she said with a gentle smile. ”You seem excited.”

”Korra’s coming back,” I mumbled, picking at the ruffles on my skirt.

”Is that right? How did you hear? Selena only just received a missive stating that the Sunsinger Garrison would be returning this morning.”

”I, uh, sort of had some demons watching the city...”

She chuckled, shaking her head. ”You’re getting more and more comfortable using them, aren’t you. It’s still kind of weird to me, working with the demons.” She must have mistaken the trepidation on my face for shame at her words, and quickly added, ”It’s a good thing, I think.”

I nodded, not bothering to correct her. But why wasn’t she saying anything? I’d been certain she’d seen me on the banister. Was she just saving it to tease me about when I wasn’t braced for it?

But she never brought it up. In short order, a carriage and guard were ready, and Selena herself appeared.

”You’re coming too?” R”lissea asked curiously.

”Naturally. Our garrison has fought long and hard for our name. The least I can do is welcome them back personally,” Selena said. She turned to me and raised an eyebrow. ”The better one to ask that to is Xiviyah, here. I assume you came here because you want to come too. Are you certain that’s a good idea?”

I nodded with as much earnestness as I could muster. ”I’ll be okay, I promise.”

She regarded me for a long moment before nodding slowly. ”I didn’t realize you and the water hero were that close.”

”Korra found her before anyone else,” R’lissea explained.

”Ah, I see. You’ll have to tell me more about that later. But for now, let’s head to the Skyport. Anrynth, are you to be our coach today?”

”Yes, my Lady,” Anrynth said, saluting sharply. ”I volunteered once I heard the Oracle would be accompanying you.”

She nodded, and together, we made our way into the manor courtyard. I checked over my shoulder as Luxxa gave me a hand into the carriage, half-expecting to see Luke, but the doorway was empty. I felt the urge to call him with a demon, but R’lissea grabbed my hand, pulling me in after her.

”You can sit by me,” she said, smiling.

I gave her a received smile back, the decision made for me. But I couldn’t help looking out the window, giving one last lingering look back as we pulled out of the courtyard. Next time. I would find a chance to speak to him next time.