The Forsaken Hero

”Are you sure?” I asked, peering at Korra. My tail flicked anxiously across Fable’s back. She nodded, her piercing green eyes firm.

”Eric said the war’s all but swallowed the other roads. The Blue Canyon’s all that’s left, and even that’s under attack.”

My breath hitched. I gripped Fable’s silver fur so hard my knuckles whitened. ”Really? But I thought you said there was still lots of trade from Brithlite?”

”That was before. It’s been a few weeks since we left, and the war’s moved even further south than we anticipated. If we’re not quick, we might even miss this chance. If that happens, the only way through will be to cut through one army or the other. Even I don’t like that prospect.”

”Oh.” My voice barely squeaked out.

We’d left the village several days ago, traveling quickly on Fable’s back. His soul had progressed with mine, instantly jumping to the fifth level and allowing us to move even faster than before. I’d been excited at first, we were going to find Sari even sooner, but now the accelerated pace churned my stomach; a hollow trepidation grew inside with every thud of Fable’s massive paws.

”What’s wrong with Blue Canyon?” Korra asked, a teasing lilt to her voice. I looked away, a steady blush rising on my face, and she giggled, not even bothering to hide her smile. ”Oh, Xiviyah...you can’t be serious.”

I took a shallow breath, fingers twisting into the fabric of my skirt. ”I-is it really that big?”

”Huge!” she cried, throwing her hands up for emphasis. ”Even at this speed, it’ll take a week to cross!”

Her sudden shout startled me back, the tip of my tail twitching violently. Korra laughed lightly and clapped her hands, and my blush darkened. My hand tightened on my horn, taking comfort in the familiar ridges, and I glared at her. Unfortunately, that only seemed to encourage her, and she devolved into another fit of giggles.

My tail twitched in agitation, and I tucked my chin against my chest, hiding my face. A part of me wanted to smile, to pretend it didn’t bother me. But my tremor in my hand was unmistakable, the thump of my heart against my chest too real. ”Please, Korra...”

”Okay, okay, sorry,” she said, still chuckling. ”But seriously, Xiviyah, you killed a demon apostle and survived both the inquisitors and the Circle. And now some cliffs get you all flustered?”

My throat tightened, a shiver passing down my spine and tail. ”The canyon isn’t a monster. It’s...it’s...” I swallowed hard, my voice small and shaky, ”...it’s scary.”

And then her arms were around me, pulling me into a tight embrace from behind. ”Oh, Xiviyah...sometimes you’re just too cute and lovable. But scary? Isn’t that why you’ve been practicing all that magic.”

”Y-yeah, but still...”

I squirmed in her grip, but she seemed to hardly notice. The physical difference between us had drastically increased when she broke through, and it was clear she hadn’t adapted to it yet. Because of the innate weakness forced on me by the Sun God’s curse, even if I struggled and kicked with everything I had, I’d still feel like a small child. Sometimes, I thought she felt that way too.

Despite my frailty, I refused to be idle. Recovering to fifth level meant new opportunities, and I’d done nothing but study the spellbooks and tomes Thron had thoughtfully gathered for me. The one she mentioned in particular, an air spell named Hover, was of particular interest. Even now, I kept it tightly clasped between my knees, just waiting for the terrain to calm so I could properly study it.

Korra raised her hand to my cheek, tilting my chin up to meet my eyes. ”And what about that other one you’re working on? You’ve pretty much got it mastered, but you cast it again and again without finishing it. Are you trying to modify it or something?”

”It’s...nothing. Just a hope, really,” I murmured. Aside from the staff, Fate had given me one final gift. It hadn’t come from her, technically, but the illusory demonkin she sent through the gate. The spell the Curse Demon used to save Elise. ”It’s only fifth level, but I don’t think I had enough mana for it even when I was at seventh. It’s hopelessly complicated, too, and I’m worried about trying to modify it.”

”What does it do, though?” she asked curiously.

I rubbed a horn, feeling a strange reluctance to answer. But that meant keeping another secret from her, something I’d sworn never to do. I couldn’t walk down that path again.

So, taking a deep breath, I met her gaze. ”It’s supposed to be able to heal my soul. I’ve been recovering well this far, but the stronger I grow the slower it seems to get. The gap between the fifth and sixth level’s so big, I feel that it might take years for it to happen! If I could just do it now, I could save her. I could save everyone!”

I bit my lip, holding back a wince as my nails bit into the palms of my hands. The swish of tail cutting across Fable’s fur rose above even the crunch of stone beneath the wolf’s heavy footfalls. Conscious of Korra’s amused expression, I snatched it out of the air and pinned it in my lap with a threatening glare. Even if I somehow learned to master my facial expressions, I doubted anything I could do would convince my tail to be less transparent. Traitor.

”Xiviyah.”

I flinched as Korra’s hand fell on my shoulder, looking up with a guilty start. I opened my mouth to apologize for the outburst, fearing she’d think I was irritated with her, but her gentle smile stopped me in my tracks.

”It’s okay to be frustrated, Xiviyah.”

My grip on my tail tightened, sending a jolt of pain through the sensitive appendage. ”Is it...?” I whispered, eyes growing wet. If I were to get frustrated and lash out, I would be punished. That lesson had been brutally forced into my during my last life, and I now kept myself empty of any anger or irritation. It was my place to be mistreated, to suffer. Otherwise, they would...they? What they?

Korra giggled softly as a myriad of expressions flitted across my face. Fear, confusion, and finally dawning realization. I was free now. There was no they to do anything to me. Perhaps I should have understood that months ago when I was first freed, but the thought had never even occurred to me. There were other, more pressing, thoughts and emotions I was dealing with.

”To be honest,” she continued, still hiding a smile, ”I expected you to be a lot more bitter when we found you. That was my greatest fear actually, that you’d resent me for everything I allowed to happen to you.” Her smile faded and she pressed a hand to her chest, voice growing soft. ”I abandoned you, Xiviyah. That night, when the church decided to let Alex have his way with you, I was prepared to let it happen. But even as I pushed you away and left your room, I couldn’t get you out of my mind. I’ve never seen anyone look so hurt or betrayed. Yet was never a hint of anger or indignation. You just cried. Alone”

I couldn’t breathe, let alone speak. Not even my tail shivered. Among all the memories I’d suppressed or blurred, that one alone was buried deepest of all, nestled between Aurle’s death and the despair that drove me to kill myself in my previous life. Tears welled up in my eyes and flowed freely down my cheeks.

Korra’s fingers brushed my face, coming away wet with tears. She looked near to crying herself, but she swallowed hard and continued. ”That was when I decided it didn’t matter. Even if everything the church said was true, even if you were the reason he died, I couldn’t stay silent anymore. It was because of you I managed to find joy and meaning in this world, to become the hero I knew I could be.”

A sob rose in my chest. ”I-I didn’t...”

”Yes, you did. It may not have seemed much to one laden with your heavy burdens, but to me, our conversation in the banquet meant everything. You were so brave and kind, despite hiding so much of your own pain. I don’t know why I decided to tell you about how I died, about the man who betrayed my affection and defiled my body, but I’m so glad I did. That changed everything for me, and I’m determined to see that change come to you. Watching you smile was the proudest moment of my life, but that’s not everything. I’m not going anywhere until you’ve basked in light as bright as the shadows you hide in were dark.”

”I-I’ll try,” I whispered, clutching my tail in my lap. ”I’ll try.”

She cleared her throat, and I shivered as her hand found the spot between my horns. A pleasant tingle raced down my spine as her fingers played through my hair, chasing away the lingering darkness my memories had evoked. ”Sorry for derailing our conversation, but I couldn’t hide that any longer, not after you’ve been so brave telling me the things that are hard for you to talk about. Basically, the point is, you can trust me. What’s so difficult about this spell?”

I blinked, caught off guard by the sudden change in her voice. ”Spell?”

”You know, the one that’s going to heal your soul? I think that’s what we talking about before, right?”

I nodded, smiling faintly, and wiped away the last of my tears. Korra really was as transitory as the sea; emotional and heartfelt one minute, curious the next. It wasn’t easy to match her resilience, but after a few breaths, I was ready to try. It was about time she learned of the dangers of the spell Fate had given me.