The Fantastic Little Farmer

Chapter 39: Chapter 39: Bitten by a Venomous Snake

Zhang Yun cried out!

Damn it, what kind of perverted snake was this?! It actually crawled up his pant leg!

It would be one thing if it just bit his leg, but what if it mistook his ”snake” for another snake and took a bite out of it... Good grief! Could he even find someone to suck the venom out of there right now?

Zhang Yun frantically slapped his pants, but he quickly realized this was a mistake. It would only cause the startled snake to keep slithering upwards! The correct method was to tie off his pant leg first to block its path, at the very least protecting his family jewels from a sneak attack!

Unfortunately, it was already too late...

As Zhang Yun swatted at it, the frightened snake didn’t flee toward the light. Instead, it continued to burrow into the dark recesses of his pants. Zhang Yun wanted to cry but had no tears left!

At this moment, he truly understood the frustration Xu Jin had felt the other day—having a wealth of skills but being completely unable to use them. No matter how much strength he possessed now, he couldn’t just beat himself to a pulp.

In this moment of crisis, a burst of inspiration hit him. He remembered a skill he had practiced diligently since his student days! Back then, during late-night dorm chats, someone had said that men needed to learn how to unhook a bra and quickly take off their pants with one hand. Only then could they naturally transition into the heat of passion when they got a girlfriend. Otherwise, fumbling around during the crucial moment would just ruin the mood.

Unhooking a bra with one hand was out of the question right now, but taking off pants with one hand was something they had all practiced. This current crisis made Zhang Yun sigh with the realization that every skill had its purpose. Who would have thought that a quick pants-removal technique could save his little brother’s life at a critical juncture?

Alas, man proposes, but God disposes!

In hot weather, he usually wore elastic shorts that could be pulled off in a single motion, allowing him to quickly wrap up the snake and throw it out. But today, Zhang Yun was pretending to have gone through great hardship deep in the remote mountains to dig up ginseng. He needed his clothes to show traces of wear and tear to bring to town. To withstand scratches and scrapes without needing a change of clothes, he had specifically worn jeans. Even with wide legs, jeans secured by a belt were a hassle to take off.

Failing to free himself smoothly, Zhang Yun had to change tactics. He quickly scrambled up and jumped around vigorously, trying to shake the snake out of his pant leg!

All of this happened in the blink of an eye. Zhang Yun’s series of maneuvers took less than ten seconds. As he hopped around, he felt the snake slithering up his leg. Finding the fabric at his crotch too tight to squeeze through, it went around to the back. When it could go no further, it panicked and bit him right on the buttocks!

”Die!”

During Zhang Yun’s frantic slapping and jumping, a small snake—not even as big as his own—fell from his pant leg. Before he could raise his foot to stomp on it, the snake quickly darted into a rock crevice and disappeared!

”Damn it!”

Zhang Yun cursed under his breath, not daring to linger in this secluded corner any longer. There might be a snake nest nearby, and the little snake had attacked him thinking he was an invading enemy. Coming out and circling around to the base of a large tree, Zhang Yun quickly took off his jeans to inspect his injuries.

He had only noticed that the snake was quite small—far less imposing than his own seven-inch ”snake”—but it was very agile. It had slithered away before he could get a clear look at its species. The bite wound itself was nothing; the crucial question was whether it was venomous!

”Good grief... just my rotten luck...”

Looking at the bitten area on his thigh, which had already turned a bruised black around the edges, Zhang Yun let out a bitter laugh. He quickly took out his phone and adjusted it to a good angle to snap a picture. Getting bitten by a venomous snake wasn’t an everyday occurrence. This was rare material! He needed to post it to his Friends Circle immediately to calm his nerves!

”Is this easy?! I even got bitten by a venomous snake just to dig up the legendary wild mountain ginseng!”

When posting to his Friends Circle, Zhang Yun didn’t forget to block the village and relatives groups. He could tell them later. He wasn’t home yet, and he didn’t want to scare his dad.

After posting, Zhang Yun took out a small knife, made a cut over the snake bite, and squeezed out the black blood. Currently, other than some numbness around the wound, he didn’t feel any other discomfort. He guessed the snake was venomous, but not highly toxic. Squeezing out the tainted blood should be enough to fix it.

After he squeezed for a while, the dark, bruised blood gradually turned red. The numb sensation also faded, replaced by a returning sting of pain. Zhang Yun hadn’t brought any snake medicine with him, but drawing from his Experience of being cut by Li Bing last time, this superficial wound shouldn’t be a major issue.

But now there was another serious problem!

He couldn’t see the bite on his backside! He couldn’t just blindly cut with a knife; if he wasn’t careful, he’d butcher himself...

”I can use my phone, open the front-facing camera on video mode, and put it on the ground. That should work like a mirror, right?” he thought.

Zhang Yun set his phone down and twisted his head to test it. Although craning his neck at such an angle was strenuous and he couldn’t see the details without getting closer, he could at least get a rough view.

”Zhang Yun! Are you okay?”

The sudden voice startled Zhang Yun! Following the sound, he saw Xiuxun hurrying over, with Auntie Pang trotting slower behind her.

”Um... don’t come over yet...” Zhang Yun hurriedly grabbed his jeans to cover his front.

Auntie Pang yelled from behind, ”You silly boy! You’ve been bitten by a snake and you’re still worried about your pride! What do you have to be shy about? Didn’t we see everything yesterday morning after you finished swimming?”

Zhang Yun blushed. How could that be the same? Yesterday, he had sprinted back to the wooden cabin, offering only a fleeting glimpse. But now, they would have to get up close to his wound...

”I’m fine, I just got bitten by a snake, that’s all...”

Xiuxun had already run up to him. She set down her basket and stood in front of him.

Auntie Pang, however, came to a halt. Bending over with her hands on her knees, she gasped for breath. ”Let Xiuxun help you. I won’t look, alright? I’ll stand a little higher and keep watch for you two!”

Zhang Yun was left speechless. Considering what had happened in the cornfield yesterday, Auntie Pang also knew his secret, so he didn’t feel quite as shy and awkward anymore. It seemed they had arranged to head into the mountains early in the morning to dig for herbs again, and were on their way back when Xiuxun saw his Friends Circle post.

Hadn’t he blocked the village group?

Zhang Yun recalled his actions. He had selected ”invisible to” specific groups, rather than ”visible to” certain groups. The people he had recently added over the past few days—Zhang Lifeng, Xiuxun, Chen Hui, and Ouyang Mingruo—hadn’t been assigned to any groups yet.

When Xiuxun had looked at his Friends Circle post just moments ago, the bitten area was black, which clearly meant it was venomous. Recognizing the background in the photo, she had immediately rushed over. With a life at stake, there was no room for modesty; she simply reached out and pulled his jeans aside.

”Let me see how it is.”

Zhang Yun coughed dryly. ”I already cut the skin open myself and squeezed out the tainted blood.”

”Thank goodness you acted so quickly. As long as we stop the bleeding...”

Xiuxun’s face suddenly flushed red. She remembered that when Zhang Yun injured his arm last time, she had held the wound in her mouth to stop the bleeding. But right now, the wound was on his thigh!

With her leaning over right in front of him to examine the wound at such a close distance, coupled with his current state of undress, Zhang Yun felt incredibly embarrassed! This... this...

He quickly tried to divert her attention. ”There’s another wound, and I was just trying to figure out how to treat it.”

”Where is it?”

Xiuxun had been pondering how to treat his wound. Hearing that there was another untreated bite, she was startled and quickly looked up.

Looking awkwardly at Auntie Pang’s distant back, Zhang Yun whispered, ”On my backside...”