The Devil's Favourite Obsession

Cixi felt emotionally numb. The kind that drowns anxiety before it can surface. Everything inside her had gone quiet, as though her body had decided that feeling anything at all was too dangerous and had shut the system down.

It took her a moment to realise Silviya was actually there, and it was not someone who looked like her.

Silviya.

Standing in the sports arena, arms wrapped around Cixi in a hug that arrived without permission, her voice saying words like ’missed you’ with the ease that it sounded real.

Silviya drew back from the hug and held Cixi at arm’s length. Her face held the expression of a woman who had just found her dearest friend after a long and painful separation. The smile on her lips could have convinced anyone— How lovely, two friends reunited.

Cixi had no reason to smile back. Soon her eyes found Kevin first, and then Ronny; a dangerous alarm shrieked inside her skull.

Her mind wrenched her backwards through time without asking her permission to the college.

To the hallway.

How Kevin’s foot connected with her ribs while she lay curled on the floor.

Ronny poured a bucket of spoiled food over her head, the rancid smell of it soaking into her hair and clothes.

Their shoes pressing into her stomach while she gagged on dirty water they had thrown in her face. The bruises that lasted for weeks. The humiliation and emotional damage lasted longer.

An icy shiver raced down Cixi’s spine as she felt the same pain, the same helplessness she had felt that time. She felt trapped inside her head.

”Cixi, are you okay?” Lily’s voice reached her, laced with weary concern. Lily’s concentration was on Cixi’s face, reading the tension in her jaw, the rigidity in her posture, the backward step that said more than any words could.

’This was a bad idea.’

A deep unease settled in her stomach. When she saw Cixi’s body tense up and noticed her backing away as if she had seen a ghost, Lily’s unease turned into certainty. She had made a serious mistake. She had led her friend into a situation Cixi wasn’t ready for, and she didn’t understand it well either. The guilt weighed heavily on her chest.

Lily’s worrisome voice helped Cixi come back from the nightmare. She did not reply. She couldn’t reply. Her gaze darted between the three of them. Ronny, Kevin and Silviya.

”Cixi, I am sorry. Did I make you upset?” Silviya’s tone shifted to something timid and fragile, like a woman handling glass. ”I was so worried about you that I could not sleep for all these six months. And then I found out you work at the cafe. So I came looking for you, but met with your friend. Your friend Lily, who is such a lovely person, helped me set up this meeting. So please don’t be mad at her. If you wanna take out your anger. Please take it out on me. I pushed her and asked her to set up our meeting. And after seeing you laughing, smiling, and enjoying your life, I feel so much better. I wish I had also been part of your life, where you are so happy.”

Silviya was boiling with rage, watching Cixi have a good time. How could she? She hadn’t granted her the right to smile, laugh, or engage in anything that celebrated the brighter aspects of life.

Silviya stretched her arms forward, keeping her anger in control. Because if she lost it, she would smack Cixi’s head on the floor again and again until it cracked open and a gush of blood rushed out of her head. Yes, that would make her happy.

Smiling, Silviya took Cixi’s hands in hers. Her grip was gentle, yet it felt venomous on Cixi’s skin.

”Let us sit down first,” Silviya spoke gently, squeezing Cixi’s hand, making her flinch faintly. ”I think we are creating an obstruction for the spectators.”

Silviya sat, pulling Cixi down with her, never letting go of her hands.

Lily lowered herself into the seat beside Cixi with visible hesitation. Her guilt showed in the way she perched on the edge of the plastic chair, as though she did not deserve to sit fully.

Ronny and Kevin settled into the seats flanking Silviya. Their expressions were neutral, controlled, carefully blank. But beneath the surface, smirks lived. Cixi could feel them. The same smirks they had worn in the college hallway while they kicked her, insulted her, laughed at her....

”So this was all your doing,” Cixi finally whispered. It was not a question, but a statement.

”Did I make you upset?” Silviya’s lower lip pushed out in a pout, her eyes widening, round and glassy and entirely faked.

”I came here to watch the match.” Cixi withdrew her hands from Silviya’s grip, pulling them back into her own lap. She sat upright, spine straight, shoulders squared, her light grey eyes turning toward the field. ”I would appreciate it if we watched instead of talking.” Her hands were trembling. So she pressed them flat against her thighs to hide it.

Silviya’s eyes narrowed at Cixi. The shift was so slight that a person sitting six inches away would have missed it.

Kevin and Ronny surveyed the surrounding crowd. Every seat was filled with spectators, cheering, chatting, and absorbed in the match.

There were too many witnesses to show Cixi her place for daring to talk back to Silviya. They did not want unnecessary attention for now.

Cixi said no word. She sat motionless; her grey eyes fixed on the field where players ran and collided and chased a ball she did not see. Her face held no expression. But she trembled with fear inside. Remembering every bruise.

Cixi could feel Lily’s gaze settling on her every few minutes with concern and regret. Not once did Cixi y give Lilyan an assuring smile? She kept her head facing forward. She did not acknowledge her worries either. She sat facing forward and let the match play out in front of her like a film in a language she did not speak.

When the final whistle blew, spectators rose with their last applause. People funnelled toward the exits. But Cixi did not move.

She sat in her seat, her hands folded in her lap, her grey eyes fixed on the empty field. Silviya remained beside her. Kevin and Ronny remained in their seats. Three pairs of eyes rested on Cixi’s, waiting for her to do something they could use.

When Cixi sat there like a statue, Lily couldn’t hold herself back. ”Cixi, I am sorry if I overstepped.” The words tumbled out of her in a rush. ”Silviya came and told me what you went through in college.” Cixi motioned. Her head turned toward Lily. ”I know about your abusive boyfriend.” A wrinkle formed between Cixi’s brows.

’Abusive boyfriend?’ Cixi repeated in her mind.

”She came to the cafe and said she was worried about you and wanted to make things right for you,” Lily continued, her voice sounding earnest as her brown eyes searched Cixi’s face with desperate sincerity. ”I thought you should not miss a friend like Silviya just because of your ex. You do not need to feel guilty about anything. She is your friend, and friends understand each other...” Lily swallowed. ”But I am truly sorry. I did not mean to go behind your back and hurt you. I thought maybe if you two talked, things would get better. The way they were before.” Guilt was written across Lily’sface in every line, every crease, every downward pull of her mouth.

’The way they were before... So that was what Silviya had told Lily.’

Cixi processed the lie in silence. An abusive boyfriend. Silviya had constructed a story where Cixi was the victim of a man, not of three people sitting in this very row.

Cixi took a deep breath. She released it slowly. And then she smiled at Lily. ”I know you mean no harm, Lily. You are a good friend.”

Lily’s shoulders dropped in relief. The tension that had been holding her upright for the last two hours drained out of her body like water from a cracked glass. Solace flooded her face.

Behind Cixi, Silviya’s warm smile remained perfectly in place. But her eyes, the eyes that no one was watching, held something else entirely.