The Captain's Dirty Little Secret

Chapter 36: Chapter 36 - Mom

The house smelled like food when Roxie opened the door.

She stopped in the entryway with her cheer bag still on her shoulder because the smell alone was enough to make her suspicious. Usually, home smelled like old smoke, cheap air freshener, and whatever takeout her mother had forgotten on the counter. Tonight, it smelled like garlic, rice, and something fried.

The living room light was on. The kitchen light was on too.

Her mother, Claire, stood by the stove in an oversized shirt and leggings, hair tied up, face washed, and no strange men anywhere near the hallway. A pan hissed in front of her, and two plates waited on the small table.

Roxie stared longer than she meant to.

Her mother glanced over and smiled. ”You’re home.”

”Yeah.”

”I cooked.”

”I can see that.”

Claire’s smile dipped a little. ”Don’t start.”

Roxie looked at the table again. Rice, fried egg, and garlic chicken. Actual food on actual plates, with actual lights above them. It was such a normal thing that Roxie did not know how to react without looking weird.

Her mother turned off the stove. ”Sit down before it gets cold.”

Roxie sat carefully, like moving too fast would make the whole scene change into something else, into the usual.

Her mother brought the second plate to the table and sat across from her. For a moment, she only looked at the food, pushing rice around with her spoon. Then she said, ”I paid the rest of the bills.”

Roxie looked up. ”All of them?”

”Yes, all of them.”

”Water?”

”Yes, Roxie. I said all of them.”

Her mother’s voice softened. ”I’m sorry about the other night.”

Roxie’s hand paused over her spoon.

The kitchen went quiet except for the refrigerator and a motorcycle passing outside. Her mother looked sober, washed out, and embarrassed, which was harder to deal with than anger. Roxie knew what to do when her mother yelled. She knew what to do when her mother got defensive. She did not know what to do with cooked food and an apology.

Her mother swallowed. ”I messed up.”

Roxie looked at her for a moment before answering. ”Yeah.”

”I know.”

Roxie picked up her spoon because she needed something to do with her hands. The chicken was good, which was annoying because now she had to deal with that too.

Her mother watched her take the first bite. ”Well?”

Roxie chewed, swallowed, and tried not to smile too much. ”It’s fine.”

”Fine?”

”It’s edible.”

Her mother pointed her spoon at her. ”You used to beg for this when you were little.”

”I also used to eat crayons.”

Her mother laughed, and Roxie looked down at her plate before her face did something embarrassing.

For a few minutes, they ate like normal people. Her mother asked if practice had been hard. Roxie said Coach Miller had told them pain built character. Her mother said he should let her graduate first. Roxie told her the squad had almost died on the mats, and her mother laughed again.

It felt easy, which made Roxie careful.

Easy was where people started believing things too fast.

She glanced at her mother. ”How’s the job?”

Her mother sat up a little. ”It’s going good.”

”Yeah?”

”Yeah. My supervisor said I’m catching on fast.”

”There’s this woman there, Marcy, loud as hell but nice. She showed me how to work the label machine without making it jam every five seconds. The guy next to me, Luis, keeps bringing extra coffee because he says the break room coffee tastes like burnt socks.”

Her mother said the names easily, but her eyes moved away before Roxie could ask anything else.

Roxie almost smiled. ”Does it?”

”It absolutely does.”

”And you’re showing up on time?”

Her mother gave her a look. ”Yes.”

”I’m just asking.”

”I know what you’re asking.” Her tone sharpened for a second, then softened again. ”Yes, Roxie. I’m showing up on time.”

Roxie nodded and looked down at her plate.

Claire poked at her rice. ”They said if I keep doing well, they might move me full-time.”

Roxie’s head lifted. ”Full-time?”

”Maybe. I don’t want to get ahead of myself.”

Her mother was smiling though.

Full-time meant regular money. Regular money meant bills paid before final notices. It meant lights that stayed on and groceries that did not require math in the aisle. It meant maybe her mother could stop depending on Steve. Maybe she could stop letting men into the house.

Roxie stabbed a piece of chicken with her fork and kept her voice steady. ”That’s good.”

Her mother’s smile widened. ”Yeah?”

”Yeah. That’s really good.”

Her mother looked almost shy, and Roxie hated how much that made her soften.

”I was thinking,” her mother said, reaching for her glass, ”if they give me more hours, we can catch up. Maybe fix the sink. Maybe get you new shoes.”

Roxie smiled before she could stop herself, and her mother smiled back at her.

For once, the kitchen did not feel like a place Roxie had to manage. It felt like a place where she could sit and eat and let her shoulders drop a little.

Her mother tilted her head. ”You have homecoming coming up, right?”

Roxie froze, then forced herself to scoop more rice onto her spoon. ”Yeah.”

”You need a dress?”

”Everyone needs a dress.” Roxie looked at the table. ”I’ll figure it out.”

Her mother watched her, then leaned back like she had decided something. ”I can give you money.”

Roxie looked up too fast. ”What?”

”For the dress.”

”You don’t have to.”

”I want to.”

”Mom.”

”I said I want to.” Her mother started thinking out loud, tapping one finger against her glass. ”I can ask for an advance. Just a small one. If I explain it’s for my daughter’s school event, maybe they’ll help.”

Roxie’s heart jumped before she could stop it.

”You don’t need to do that,” she said, but even she could hear how weak it sounded.

Her mother smiled. ”You need to shop now, right? Before all the pretty ones are gone?”

Roxie stared at her because that was exactly what Angela had said. The stupidest little school emergency in the world suddenly sounded possible.

She pressed her lips together, trying not to grin too fast. ”I mean, the nice ones do get taken early.”

Her mother laughed. ”They would. I’ll ask tomorrow.”

”Really?”

”Really.”

Roxie’s chest felt too full, and she hated how young that made her feel. She pictured herself in a real store with Karen and Angela, saying maybe instead of pretending every dress was wrong. She pictured looking at a price tag and not immediately wanting to leave.

Her mother’s expression softened. ”You’re still going to the Robinsons tomorrow?”

Roxie nodded. ”After practice. Mrs. Robinson said she might be late.”

”Babysitting again?”

”Yeah.”

Her mother tapped her spoon against her plate. ”You work too much.”

Roxie almost laughed because that was rich coming from her mother, but tonight had food, lights, an apology, and maybe a homecoming dress. She let the comment pass.

”It’s fine,” she said.

Her mother stood and came around the table.

Roxie tensed before she could help it, then hated herself for reacting that way.

Her mother only reached out and brushed a loose piece of hair back from Roxie’s face. ”You have beautiful hair.”

Roxie went still.

Her mother’s fingers moved gently through the ends, smoothing them the way she used to when Roxie was little and still believed mothers could fix things by touching your hair.

”It’s getting long,” her mother said.

”I know.”

”You should wear it down for homecoming. You’d look beautiful.”

Roxie looked away. ”Maybe.”

Her throat tightened, and she hated that too. She did not hate the words. She hated how badly she wanted to believe them.

Her mother dropped her hand after another second. ”Steve’s been trying.”

The warmth in Roxie’s chest cracked.

She looked up.

Her mother’s face had gone careful. ”I know you don’t like him.”

Roxie laughed once, without humor. ”That’s one way to say it.”

”He wants a better relationship with you.”

Roxie’s fingers curled around her spoon.

There it was. There was always something.

Her mother sat back down like she could feel Roxie pulling away. ”I’m not saying you have to love him. I’m saying maybe you can give him a chance.”

Roxie stared at her plate.

Her good mood started slipping.

Her mother’s voice softened. ”Please. For me.”

That was unfair, and her mother knew it.

Roxie wanted to say no. She wanted to say Steve was disgusting. She wanted to ask why every time her mother tried to get better, Steve had to come with the deal.

But her mother had cooked. Her mother had apologized. Her mother had paid the bills. Her mother had touched her hair and promised to ask for an advance for the dress.

Roxie swallowed the sharp answer sitting on her tongue.

”I’ll try,” she said.

Her mother’s face brightened so fast Roxie almost regretted it immediately.

”That’s all I’m asking.”

Roxie nodded.

Dinner kept going after that, but it felt thinner. Her mother talked about Marcy from the factory again. Roxie answered in the right places. They washed plates together, and her mother hummed while wiping the table.

Roxie stayed in the kitchen a little longer than she used to.

Even with Steve shoved into the middle of it, the night had still been the best one they had in a while.

That was the part that messed with her.

Bad nights were easy to hate. Nights like this made her start hoping, and hope always made her careless.

Later, in her room, she opened her bag and found the folded yellow note tucked in the front pocket.

Sorry.

She stared at it for a long moment.

Then she put it inside her drawer instead of throwing it away.

Her mother was trying.

Zac was trying.

Roxie should have felt relieved, but she only sat on the edge of her bed, staring at the closed drawer and waiting for one of them to disappoint her first.