Stellar Slacker: I Thought This Was an Idle Game!

The kitchen of Solitude Spire was bathed in bright, tranquil morning sunlight.

On the cedar shelf above the counter sat an old ceramic jar filled with dried mountain tea leaves.

It was cheap bulk tea. Felix had picked the leaves two years ago. He dried them on a rock and stored them behind the salt cellar.

It was bitter, coarse, and tasted vaguely of pine bark.

To Felix, however, it was his daily morning brew.

”Let’s see what this teapot can do,” Felix muttered. He set the jade pot onto the wooden counter with a clack.

【 Item: Mythic Nine-Dragon Glazed Teapot | Rarity: SSR Artifact | Function: Instant Boil (95°C) & Thermal Insulation | Safety Warning: Keep bone lid sealed; open vessel triggers Passive Dampening Field (50-mile null-zone) to prevent accidental scalding. 】

The teapot was cool to the touch.

Its porcelain rippled with fine dragon scales, and the carved bone handle fit his hand like it had been custom-molded.

Felix uncapped the bone lid and set it on the counter.

He filled the pot with cold well water from the kitchen bucket.

Then, using his thumb and forefinger, he tossed a pinch of dry tea leaves straight into the cold water.

”No kindling,” Felix smiled. ”No blowing into the hearth until your eyes water. Just one button.”

He pressed the small circular rune on the base of the bone handle.

Click.

* * *

At that exact microsecond, the internal True Yang thermal vortex flared to life.

The cold water reached ninety-five degrees Celsius in less than three seconds.

White, fragrant steam billowed out of the open neck, carrying the faint aroma of roasted honey and ancient dragon marrow.

And because the bone lid was sitting open on the counter, the passive enchantment engaged.

HUMMMMMMMMMMM.

A silent wave of primordial law expanded outward from the counter.

It moved with the speed of light. A wave of dead silence washed across the Seven Spires of the academy.

The passive effect: Absolute Mana Suppression Field (Radius: Fifty Miles).

* * *

Over on the Blade Spire, four hundred elite sword cultivators were in the middle of morning drills.

”Ascend the Nine-Sword Helix!” the Master of Swords roared, thrusting his fingers toward the sky.

Four hundred disciples pushed spiritual mana into their blades.

Suddenly, their mana vanished.

The mana didn’t drain away. It vanished as if someone flipped the master power switch off.

Clatter-clatter-clang-clang-smash!

Four hundred enchanted steel and mithril flying swords dropped out of the sky like dead pigeons.

Swords rained down onto marble stones, bouncing, chipping, and clattering across the plaza. Disciples tripped and faceplanted with undignified yelps.

”My sword!” a senior disciple wailed, crawling on his hands and knees.

”My mana connection... it’s gone!”

The Master of Swords stood frozen as his own Seventh-Tier blade crashed into a fountain.

”A-Absolute Nullification...” the master choked out. ”The elemental laws of the world have been extinguished!”

* * *

Over on the Solar Peak, the Grand Chancellor was in the middle of signing an imperial scroll.

A floating mahogany orb crashed onto his desk. It rolled off the edge and cracked against the floor.

Every enchanted lamp in the hall went dark.

Outside, floating sky-carriages lost altitude as their anti-gravity arrays died instantly, belly-flopping into courtyards and tossing noblemen into rose bushes.

Grand Chancellor Alistair leaped up, trying to summon his signature fire shield.

Zero sparks. Zero heat. His dantian felt as empty as a dry well.

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”An Abyssal Sovereign!” the Chancellor shouted in terror. ”The Void Sea has swallowed the ley lines!”

Elders tumbled down dark corridors in panic. The entire magical system of the premier academy collapsed.

* * *

Back on Solitude Spire, Felix leaned over the teapot and sniffed the steam.

”Oh, yeah,” Felix murmured happily. ”Smells way better than when I boil it on the wood stove. Steady heat really makes a difference.”

He picked up the bone lid and placed it back onto the teapot.

Clink.

The lid snapped shut.

Instantly, the fifty-mile mana suppression field collapsed, vanishing as cleanly as it had appeared.

Over on the other Six Spires, mana rushed back into the atmosphere like a burst dam.

Lanterns flickered to life. Disciples gasped, clutching their ribs as their stalled mana cores restarted with violent coughing fits.

Felix, completely oblivious to the chaos across the chasm, picked up two chipped ceramic mugs.

The screen door creaked open, and Lyra Ashford stepped cautiously into the kitchen.

Her face was pale, and her breath came in shallow gasps.

The moment she crossed the threshold, her spiritual senses went completely numb.

Her Fifth-Tier cultivation bowed—subdued by an aura of primordial draconic sovereignty that filled the kitchen like heavy syrup.

She looked at the counter.

Sitting there was the pearlescent teapot, emitting gentle curls of steam.

To Lyra’s eyes, the pale jade was living dragon scale. The bone handle was the horned crown of an ancient Void Leviathan that had fed on dying stars.

And inside boiled liquid glowing with concentrated solar essence.

Lyra leaned against the doorframe to keep from fainting.

He... he really is using the Primordial Leviathan Teapot... Lyra thought, her mind swimming in pure reverence.

Just now... the entire firmament fell silent.

Every spellblade lost their flight, all because Senior Brother lifted the lid to check the leaves!

The mere opening of his tea kettle is an extinction-level threat to the continent!

* * *

Felix turned around, holding the two mugs.

”Oh, hey, Lyra,” Felix said, offering a wave. ”Good timing. Tea’s ready.”

Lyra swallowed hard, forcing her voice into a whisper.

”S-Senior Brother... you made tea?”

”Yup. The new teapot is incredible,” Felix smiled.

”Three seconds. Boom, boiling water. You want a cup? It’s just that wild mountain stuff from the jar, but the hot water extracted the flavor nicely.”

Lyra stared at the mug in his hand.

Inside, the liquid was a deep, translucent amber that shimmered with golden nebulae. Tiny motes of celestial light drifted across the surface, giving off a fragrance of sweet nectar.

Divine Dragon Nectar... Lyra thought, her soul weeping. He is offering me a cup of Primordial Dragon Broth!

”I... I am not worthy, Senior Brother,” Lyra choked out, bowing low. ”Such a sacred elixir should be preserved for your celestial ascension!”

Felix frowned slightly, setting the mug on the pine table.

”It’s dried weeds from behind the salt shaker, Lyra,” Felix said, rolling his eyes. ”Don’t be dramatic. Just drink it before it gets cold i hate throwing out good tea.”

He pulled out his chair and sat down.

The pine table was rock-solid, firmly supported by the nine-dragon Sovereign Heart Seal beneath the front leg.

Felix picked up the Primordial Dragon-Bone Teapot by its polished handle.

He tilted the teapot at a forty-five-degree angle over his own mug.

Amber tea poured from the curved jade spout. It splashed into the ceramic cup with a melodious chime.

And then, it happened.

* * *

Felix tilted the teapot back upright. A single drop of hot tea failed to break away cleanly.

It curled around the lip of the jade spout.

It dribbled slowly down the polished ceramic exterior.

And with a tiny plop, it fell onto the clean pine surface of the table.

Splat.

A dime-sized circle of brown tea spread out across the scrubbed wood.

Felix froze.

His jaw tightened.

Felix glared at that single brown droplet. He looked like a gamer trapped in an unskippable video ad.

”Unbelievable,” Felix hissed through his teeth.

Lyra froze in mid-stride.

The temperature in the kitchen plummeted by thirty degrees.

The air grew heavy as a tomb.

Behind Felix’s slouched shoulders, the terrifying phantom of his 1.0-Earth-Mass rocky core pulsed with dark gravitational mass.

Lyra’s breath seized.

H-He’s angry! Lyra screamed inside her mind. The Sovereign is enraged! Did someone commit blasphemy against the heavens?!

Felix pointed a trembling index finger at the little brown stain on the table.

”Are you serious right now?!” Felix shouted at the ceiling.

”A Mythic-tier relic! A zero-point-zero-one percent drop rate! And the developers couldn’t even design the spout properly?!”

He slammed the teapot down onto the counter with a loud clatter.

”Look at that drip!” Felix ranted, grabbing a dry rag and scrubbing aggressively at the table.

”Look at it! Every single time you pour at an angle, it dribbles down the front! What kind of third-rate manufacturer made this mold?!”

He threw the rag onto the counter in disgust.

”Total lack of quality control,” Felix grumbled, massaging his temples. ”They spend all their budget on fancy dragon engravings, and then they completely skimp on basic spout hydrodynamics! Now I have to wipe the table after every single cup!”

Lyra stood frozen, her eyes wide as saucers, her hands trembling.

She looked at the teapot.

She looked at the microscopic damp spot Felix had just wiped off the table.

He... he is furious... Lyra realized, her mind spiraling into cosmic madness.

He isn’t angry at an enemy clan or a mortal emperor.

He is reprimanding the Heavenly Dao for a design flaw in its divine geometry!

To Senior Brother, a relic that suppresses fifty miles of law is worthless if it drips! Lyra realized.* Such terrifying standards... such unforgiving, peerless perfectionism!*

* * *

Felix let out a long, weary sigh, sinking back into his chair.

”Whatever,” Felix muttered, shaking his head. ”I’ll just keep a paper towel under the spout next time. Can’t expect indie devs to polish anything on launch.”

He picked up his mug and took a long, hot sip.

The tea was hot, smooth, and sweet, warming his chest with restorative heat.

”Tastes good, at least,” Felix conceded, feeling his irritation ebb away. ”Drink up, Lyra. Before it gets cold.”

Lyra took a trembling step forward.

She lifted the second mug with both hands. She treated it like the fragile egg of a phoenix.

She took a single, microscopic sip.

BOOOOOOM.

The moment the amber liquid crossed her tongue, her meridians exploded with blinding golden light.

The impurities in her soul veins were incinerated to ash in a fraction of a second.

Her Fifth-Tier bottleneck—a cultivation barrier that usually required years of bitter meditation—shattered like thin glass under an iron boot.

Her internal mana surged, condensing into pure liquid jade.

She had advanced an entire cultivation sub-realm with half a mouthful of tea!

Tears of profound terror poured down Lyra’s cheeks, splashing onto her tunic.

”S-Senior Brother...” Lyra wept openly, dropping to her knees beside the table.

”This... this tea... my cultivation...”

Felix looked at her crying into her mug and shook his head with a sympathetic grimace.

”Yeah, I know,” Felix sighed, patting her shoulder awkwardly. ”It’s pretty bitter, isn’t it? Wild leaves are always tough on the stomach. Next time, I’ll see if the gacha drops some honey.”

Lyra’s forehead touched the floorboards. Her happy tears echoed through the kitchen, overwhelmed by Senior Brother’s wisdom.