Rising Shards

I found Lillia sitting on the edge of a dock, not the long one that lead to the dumb fighting ring on the lake, just a small one. No one was around. If my footsteps didn’t clunk loudly against the wood, I could have ran away. But if I spent any longer worrying about what I’d say or how Lillia would react, I may not get it done at all.

”Hey,” I said, sitting down beside her.

”Hello,” Lillia said, only slightly turning my way.

”I just wanted to say I’m really sorry,” I said. ”I...there’s no excuse for it. I’m sorry.”

“Thank you,” Lillia said. “I’m sorry as well, I was potentially very rude.”

”If there was any time to be very rude, right after a break up is it, I think,” I said. “And you were right. I do go right for worrying about Zeta and us and making it all about me any time something like this comes up.”

”What you have with Zeta is special and you should cherish it. But…” Lillia said.

”But I can’t freak out like this every time someone else has a relationship problem.” I said.

”Exactly,” Lillia said.

”I’m sorry, if I wasn’t like this, I could have been there for you right away.” I said.

”You’re there for me right now,” Lillia said. ”And I promise I’m OK. It hurts, but I’m alright.”

“Are you really sure you’re alright?” I said.

“I’m really sure,” Lillia said.

The water sloshed just below my feet. I was tempted to dip my toes in the water, but I still had my shoes on.

“What happened?” I asked. ”If it’s OK to talk about.”

Lillia’s breath went short. ”Yes, I can talk about it.”

She took some time to gather her words, and I did my best to not fill the air talking about myself. While I did kind of want to brag that I didn’t run to Zeta to confirm that we were still good, this really wasn’t the time for that. I vowed to myself I wouldn’t bring up Zeta to the best of my ability while we talked.

”There’s a girl that Ko knows,” Lillia said. ”A girl that comes and goes from her life. She moves around a lot, I suppose. But Ko told me that no matter what happens, when this girl comes back, she drops everything for her. Ko said she’s ruined relationships and friendships over her. And...she came back. She’s going to our school soon if she hasn’t started already. And Ko didn’t want to hurt me thinking about what would happen if we kept going the way we were going with this girl was back in the mix.”

”Dang,” I said. ”That’s so rough.”

“My suggestion was that we would attempt some sort of polycule, or something more open,” Lillia said. ”Ko didn’t want that, or didn’t want to try it at this time.”

”So she just ended it?” I asked.

”Yeah,” Lillia said. ”We were having some arguments as well, ones we couldn’t find a way to fix. So we agreed to call it for now. But we’re still friends, we’re still on good terms. The door isn’t shut for good.”

”That’s good,” I said. ”If anyone could have made that polycule thing work, I bet you could have. I dunno if that’s as supportive sounding as I want it to be.”

”It’s a nice thought,” Lillia said. She smiled like a bitter fall day. ”Instead of that though, I went from three people wanting to date me to zero.”

“Oh, Lillia,” I said. “I’m so sorry.”

Lillia took her glasses off, carefully placing them on the dock so she could wipe her eyes. I rubbed her back.

“I know you really don’t wanna hear about there being other people out there,” I said. ”That’s where my mind is going first.”

“I don’t,” Lillia said. “Not right now, at least.”

”Then...hm,” I said. “Wait, stay right there!” An idea struck me so suddenly that I couldn’t believe it didn’t come to me while I was wandering around thinking of what to do. I sprinted back to my tent, getting my backpack. Lillia was thankfully still there when I got back. I sat down again, plopping my backpack between us.

”I brought a bunch of snacks and candy thinking it’d be good to share with the group,” I said, unzipping it and revealing a treasure trove of treats. ”But I think it’d be better to have them now for a girl talk.”

Lillia’s face was stoic as she dug into my backpack without a moment’s hesitation. She didn’t say a word until she pulled out a handful of peanut butter bars. ”I hope these aren’t all the peanut butter buddy bars you brought.”

”They aren’t, I got a ton!” I said.

”Good,” Lillia said, smiling faintly before she obliterated that handful of candy in like, fifteen seconds, making me glad I really did get a bunch of those peanut butter bars.