Rising Shards

After everything changed, I expected the whole world to feel different. That now that I’d been through that harrowing mess with my real actual parents that the colors of the world would change, that I’d see things differently, maybe even go full KJ bleak. But things just kept going like normal. I was informed I would be suspended for two days for sneaking into the void, which was a new one for me. One day of at home suspension, then a day of in school suspension. I didn’t get disciplined too much when I learned about that, as Principal Penteldtam and Berin just gave me a book titled So, You Learned Void Related Things About Your Cani Family You Wish You Could Immediately Unlearn along with kind of a pep talk.

“We actually had a hand publishing that one, given all the. You know. With the Kilanders.” Berin said.

“That’s the best you got for her?” Penteldtam said. “Gosh dang it, be more supportive for your students!”

“Shouldn’t you be…focused on 09? Don’t worry about me.” I said.

“Ah, I’m not worried about her.” Penteldtam tapped his temple for some reason. “Not at all worried about my daughter wherever she goes.” He patted his own head and winked. “Trust me on that one.”

I was also grounded for the weekend. I got to spend it at the new apartment at least. I wasn’t allowed to use the TV, my phone, or computers, but Stella didn’t ban books, so Raina Starlight was there to comfort me. She did let me call Oka for an hour a day, which did help. The first day I mostly just cried apologies. The second day I was able to form better sentences, but I still started the call with an apology.

“I understand if you’re mad at me.” I said.

“I’m not mad, I was just really scared when I found out.” Oka said. “Well, OK, I’m a bit mad. But not at you. I’m really mad at 09, obviously. And Ovie. And Aira and Laenie. And your parents.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t say anything.” I said. “It all just happened so fast that I didn’t think anything through, but that isn’t a very good excuse.”

“Next time call me, and I’ll drop what I’m doing to help out,” Oka said. “And if the next time is more you in an Order of Terina type situation…I’ll save you.”

“I hope there isn’t a next time, but I’ll call you right away.” I said. “And you did save me already.”

“Huh?” Oka asked.

I gave Oka a rough, tear-filled version of the events on our Saturday call, but on Sunday I was able to go into more detail. Caya had told her about it as well, but I didn’t tell Caya that the main thing that let me hold on when I was experiencing beast tendency was thinking about Oka.

“Oh…” Oka said. Neither of us knew what to say after that on the somewhat impersonal nature of phone calls, so we ended up changing the subject to Oka’s theater camp, which was a lot more fun for me to talk about.

Things were really awkward with Stella that weekend. I didn’t know what to say to her. I didn’t know where to start, from our parents, the whole Faleur not being our given last name, the beast tendency. I had nothing. Dr. Diast was really cool though, and supportive to both of us. She didn’t make it feel like a big deal, not in a dismissive way, but in a ‘let’s all heal up’ way. She told me she could give more detail on beast tendency if I wanted to and when I was ready, but I didn’t think I’d be ready to learn more for a while.

Finding out my parents were actually around and were actually incredibly terrible was a lot. But from all the chores I had to do while I was grounded, and my alone time in suspension, I had time to think. This was a definite gut punch, so soon after my last void related gut punch with Jeans. A lot of puzzle pieces were now together, but the picture they made when completed was depressing. I let myself be sad, obviously, and tried to accept that this was something that would probably stick with me forever. But after thinking all that through, I decided I didn’t want to just mope around and be sad forever. I wanted to bounce back better from this than I did at Fang Moon Web. To be a new Zeta Faleur. Or not a new person, really. The same me, but like, better. It was easier said than done, but I did my best to balance letting myself feel what I had to feel with improving myself.

When I finished my day of in school suspension, it meant I could finally go back to my dorm room. I wondered if this was how it felt to leave prison, though obviously just having to be in a single classroom for a day was a lot different than prison. Still, that dominated my mind for some reason as I rushed to my floor. I didn’t go to my room first. I hoped I could catch her before practice. Maybe like five seconds after I knocked, Oka rushed out from her room. I barely had time to process her expression before she clamped on me with the firmest and most comforting hug I’ve ever gotten in my life. I nuzzled against her shoulder, hugging her back just as tightly. 

”I know you probably have to go to practice,” I said, my voice somewhat muffled against her shirt. I started to pull away, but Oka clamped down the hug even tighter.

”Don’t worry about that,” Oka said.

There was so much I wanted to say, a lot of it probably repeats of everything I said over the phone that weekend, and I’m sure she had a lot to say too, but we let the hug talk for us. I heard someone else walk out past us. I couldn’t see who from my nuzzled position, but it had to be Lillia. I sensed that Lillia was maybe giving a soft glare to Oka to let her know they really had to get to play practice. I also sensed that Oka was giving a less soft glare back.

”I’ll tell them you’ll be a few minutes late.” Lillia said.

In the best way, in the way I needed most right then, Oka didn’t let go for a long time. She refused to go to practice until she was sure I was alright. Seeing her warm smile again, feeling her embrace, her gentle kisses on the top of my head, I couldn’t put into words how much better I felt from a few minutes in her presence.

”If I had my way, I’d keep you all to myself today.” I said.

”Maybe I can sneak you in my bag?” Oka asked. ”You’d have to sit through practice but you’d be close to me, you know?”

”I’m flattered you think I could fit in there.” I said.

”If I move some stuff around, sure, I think I could.” Oka grinned as I started giggling. ”There,” She said, her hands cupping my face delicately. ”That’s how I know you’re better. That smile.”

”I could be faking...” I said.

”Nah, I know when you fake a smile,” Oka said. ”Remember when we thought we broke that thing in Caya’s classroom so we tried to act casual when Caya showed up? That was a fake smile.”

”OK, fair.” I said. I really didn’t want her to go, but I didn’t want her to get the theater club heated at her either. ”See you after practice then?”

”I’ll come running, Starlight Boo.” Oka said.

Someone had mostly explained the ordeal to Kalei as well, because she was way nicer than usual when I got back to our room. She had experience with Endoran stuff like I just went through, so I didn’t have to explain much else for the details she hadn’t heard about.

”If I ever see Ovie, 09, Aira, or Laenie again, I’m kicking their asses in your honor. Just saying.” Kalei said as soon as I finished up managing my version of the events.

”Thanks.” I said. I didn’t want to be mad at Aira and Laenie, they kinda tried to stand up to my parents. But I couldn’t help the hurt from their involvement. So I let Kalei be mad at all of them while I sorted my feelings out. 

For the rest of the day, I pretty much just watched Kalei play video games. She offered to play ones she thought I’d like to watch the most, but I told her to pick whatever; I just wanted something to look at to distract me from myself. 

* * *

When I returned to regular class the next day, I thought the vibe at school with the other students would be like it was after I had the fight with Ovie, with lots of people staring and whispering about me. But this didn’t seem to have that kind of impact, which was nice. Most of my friends seemed to be under the impression that it was just sick days and given how rattled I still visibly was after the beast tendency, it wasn’t hard to assume I just had a bad flu.

“I just want to blend into the background for the rest of the week.” I said as I poked at my breakfast. My appetite wasn’t fully back yet, and knowing my body wanted food for energy while also not feeling really hungry had me immediately out of the mood for self-improvement. “This month. Rest of the semester. Whatever.”

“I’m gonna make you happy in that background!” Oka said. “Wait, that sounded like a threat. Like I was pushing you into the background. Zeta, I’ll make you happy this week! Or I’ll just be supportive if you’re not up for happy right now.”

“Thank you,” I said.

“Terina freaks as parents, that’s rough.” Kalei said. “Tell you what, my mom can be your mom now, I’m sure she’d be fine with it.”

“Thanks,” I said. I was still very foggy. Just the idea of knowing more about my parents, even just both their names, would have been a treasure a week earlier. Now I knew entirely too much.

“But you do have Stella though, she’s like a mom.” Oka said.

“Yeah…” I said.

“I can’t believe you’re the first one of us to get suspended.” Kalei said. “What’s it like?”

“The out of school suspension or the in-school suspension?” I asked.

“Both, I’m very curious.” Kalei elbowed Oka. “You’re dating a real troublemaker.”

“I’m kinda curious too.” Oka said. “Just don’t get in trouble like that again, alright?”

“I won’t.” I said. There was so much I hated about finally seeing my parents, but maybe the worst was how much I hurt Oka. She said she wasn’t mad, but I felt like she should’ve been. “Out of school, Stella just made me do chores, but like harder chores than normal. She made me rake all the leaves, pick up after—” I almost said, ‘pick up after Dr. Diast.’ “Pick up her junk, and she wouldn’t even let me use my phone outside of letting me call Oka once a day.”

“I asked her to send me updates on you,” Oka pouted. “But she said that was basically you texting me through her and to only contact if there was something serious. She did send pictures of you to let me know you were doing alright, at least.”

“Stella sent you pictures of me?” I asked.

“Uh huh,” Oka said. She pulled out her phone and brought up her message chain with Stella. Oka turned up her businesslike texting style all the way to max with Stella apparently, as every message began with “Greetings,” and had her sign her full name. Stella had sneakily taken pictures of me in the kitchen or in the living room.

“How about the in-school suspension?” Kalei asked.

“I just had to sit completely silent and do class work for the day, and a multiple page essay about how sorry I am for sneaking into the void carelessly.” I said. “Caya didn’t yell at me about that, but she spent like two hours explaining how dangerous and stupid it was to sneak into the void. Also, I kept an eye on Ema Kari and Snake Riley, because they kept throwing their pencils at the ceiling and I thought they were going to fall down and hit me. Oh, and Chumbler and her friend were there too.”

“Man…” Kalei said. “Hey, did Stella say if you could still do the sleepover this weekend?”

I nodded. “She said as long as I ‘did my time’ in getting grounded and the suspension business that I could still go.”

“Yay!” Oka said.

“See, Stella’s cool enough to not ground you from the sleepover though.” Kalei said. “My mom totally would have canned that indefinitely if I got in some crap right before it.”