Rising Shards

I finally lifted my head up and turned to see Oka sitting on her bed, her face a bit red and her hands firmly clasped.

“H-hi, Zeta,” Oka said.

“Hey…” I said. “I know they said we have to talk about this, but if you want, we can just never speak of it again like all the other dumb, embarrassing stuff I do. And I think…I’d like that best, maybe?”

The silence that followed was agonizing. I couldn’t read Oka’s face either, so I stayed frozen, feeling my stomach sinking, lips about ready to start bleeding from my fangs biting into them.

“That doesn’t seem fair to you, though,” Oka said.

“Fair? I’d be coming out of that great!” I said. “We could just put all the freak outs we both just had beside us and move on.”

“I dunno,” Oka said, her words churning my stomach. I didn’t want this to turn into a fight or anything, but I suddenly felt like I did before Jeans turned a conversation from tolerable to bad times. “Hey, wait wait!”

“What?”

“Nuh uh,” Oka said, burying her face in her hands for a second. “Sorry! I didn’t mean to…”

“You didn’t do anything,” I said.

“No, I made you think of her,” Oka said. “And I’m sorry. How can we steer this away from that? But while, also still talking about it. Because I think we should talk about it.”

“Why, though?” I asked. “Can’t we just call it a big stupid by me and let it go?”

“But it wasn’t that!” Oka said. “That’s so not fair to you!”

“I’m not getting what you mean by fair here,” I said.

“I mean…” Oka said. “How is it fair that I got to see you…like that. Even just for a second or two, and you don’t get anything?”

I blinked maybe like fifty times in two minutes before I could muster a response.

“Wait, WHAT?” I said, almost swearing I could hear my brain gears grind and then like explode as I tried to comprehend that. Oka blushed furiously immediately, and I was probably super red as well.

“You…liked seeing me…like that?” I said.

“I mean, I freaked out, sure,” Oka said. “But…we’re dating. Even if this is a little early, well, a lot early, you’re still…someone I want to…” She coughed. “See like that, you know? Down the line, when we both discuss it and set proper boundaries, et cetera et cetera…”

I struggled to catch up. I knew Oka wasn’t Jeans by any stretch, but once we started dating some of my default reactions to partners had come back.

“I guess I’m just confused,” I said. “Jeans never reacted like that to me at all. She never really said much about how I looked other than ‘cute.’ Sometimes. So I’m kinda…scared, I guess.”

“Aw,” Oka said. “Jeans really sucked, you know? Every new thing you tell me about her still surprises me. So I’ll try to be patient as we work through that, because we’re a team. You’re incredibly patient with me despite my upbringing hang ups, so I should obviously offer the same to you.”

“Th-thank you,” I said. “I’ll try to get over my Jeans reactions, so you don’t have to stress.”

“Deal,” Oka said. “And you know what else?”

“What?” I asked.

“If this is stemming from a worry about how you look, or about how you think I think you look, really, don’t worry. Because.” Oka stopped, her voice sounding like her mouth had gotten dry. “I uh…stare at you. A lot. Before. You know.”

“What do you mean?” I asked. I never even noticed her staring before.

“Not in like a creepy way! I hope not, at least. I mean, you’re cute and part of why I freaked out is because I think you’re…I’m like.” Oka grabbed a pillow and screamed into it for a second then blurted out a rapid-fire confession. “I’m very attracted to you and IstareatyouallthetimeevenbeforeweweredatingandIthinkyouhaveaveyrattractivefigure andI’mreallybadatsayingallthisbutIhavedefinitelystaredatyourbuttbeforelikewhenwewereatthepoolthatonetime andsometimeswhenyou’rewalkinginfrontofmeandIshouldprobalbystoptalkingnow—”

Oka froze, as though she’d just hefted off a twelve-ton boulder she’d been carrying around, but that boulder also had evidence that she stole from a bank or something.

“I got some of that, I think,” I said. “So I’m…not like a sewer monster or something?”

“No!” Oka said. “You’re…I think you’re…gorgeous! Mesmerizing! I don’t even have the words for it! That’s why I don’t think it’s fair! Because I got to see your body, why should we just…” She lost track of her words and sighed. “We’re dating, right? I think we should take things slow, obviously, but…I don’t think it’s a bad thing if we…I don’t know what I’m saying. Help me.”

“It’s not bad if we have intimacy,” I said. “I think that’s what you’re saying.”

“Yes!” Oka said, clapping and pointing to me. “That’s it! Exactly!”

“I think I’m just scared,” I said. “You won’t like dump me if I turn out to be like a…freakish sewer monster, let’s say?”

“You won’t, and I won’t dump you for that. You could have a like grotesque little alien mutant creature that could only speak in Jecruible swear words sticking out of your back and I’d still love you.”

“Aww,” I said. “That’s like the nicest and grossest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”

We were both burning up from embarrassment, but for me it felt like I had also dropped a twelve-ton boulder I had been hefting.

“And if I’m bad at…stuff, would you be mad?” I asked.

“No, because I’ve never done anything either!” Oka said. “I’ve read like health books from thirty years ago! That’s my experience! We can learn it together. And again, I want it to be fair for both of us.”

“You keep saying fair…what would make this fair for you?”

“I mean…” Oka started. She alternated fidgets with her necklace and with her wrist cloth. “If I was gonna say what we’d have to do to deal with this little…incident? I guess? I’d say I’d want it to be even.”

“You…mean…” I said, my brain still slowly rebooting. “You’d wanna…?”

“Just for a second or two, right?” Oka asked. “I could just like…turn around and lift my shirt up so you could see my back. You know?”

“They’re gonna be back in here any minute!” I said. “They can probably hear all this, too…”

“Nah, and if they do, I can just drop the shirt back down.” Oka said. “Unless I’m overstepping! Or…you don’t want to see me.”

“No, no not that!” I said. “Definitely not that. Can we…crack the window open? I’m…very warm all of a sudden.”

“I’ve been warm for a bit here,” Oka said. She got up and opened the window, but made sure the shades were still drawn and weren’t gonna blow open. Then she turned to her bed.

“It’d only take a second or two, right?” Oka asked. She inched closer to her bed, kneeling on it like I did. My heart was pounding in my ears. Half from the stress of the potential busting in of our friends, and half from staring at Oka kneeling on her bed turning back towards me.

“But…if they come back when…” I said.

“Here, I have an idea.” Oka said. She got off the bed, grabbed something from the ground, and darted into the bathroom.

“O-Oka….?” I asked.

“One second!” Oka said. I could hear the sink running for a second.

“What are you…?”

After a few minutes, Oka came out in one of her sundresses. It looked like she had splashed water in her face to cool off.

“See?” Oka said, twirling a bit in front of me. “Then if they come back, I can just flop it back down and turn around quick.”

“Are you really gonna…?” I asked, my eyes widening.

“Betcha Jeans would never do anything like this, huh?” Oka said as she winked at me.

“Not in a trillion years,” I said.

“But that’s the last thing I’ll say about her tonight,” Oka said. She turned to her bed, and it looked like it dawned on her what she was about to do. 

“So, are you ready?” She asked quietly.

“Y-yeah,” I said. My voice was even quieter.

“Alright,” Oka whispered, and climbed on her bed and knelt down. She turned her back to me and hesitated a second longer before pulling her dress up. My heart skipped a beat when I saw she wasn’t wearing anything under it. I could only see her back, and just a bit lower with her place on the blankets. I knew she was strong but seeing her back muscles like that gave me new appreciation for that. Her skin looked so smooth, and the curvature of her spine and hips made her look almost like a sculpture. In the brief moment, my eyes traced her up and down. I looked at her with the same wonderment I had stargazing in a quiet field away from any city.

“You look…” I said. “Incredible.”

“Thanks,” Oka said as she dropped her dress back down. “That’s what I thought about you, too.”

Oka sighed. Not in anguish or from exhaustion. Just relief.

“I can’t believe I just did that,” Oka said. ”Oh. Zeta. You got a little...”

She gestured to her nose. I didn’t even realize the slight nosebleed I had until she pointed it out.

”Oh, s-sorry,” I said, getting a tissue to my nose. ”It’s...pretty dry in here, you know?”

”Yeah, exactly,” Oka said. 

We both started giggling, half from nervousness and half from all the pressure being released in short order.

“When my night started out like it did, I really didn’t think it’d end up here.” I said.

“That’s the benefit of dating me,” Oka said. “I’ll always keep you guessing. But in like, a good way.”

“For sure,” I said. “Now, we’re even, right?”

“I think so. Unless you wanna…see a bit more?” Oka said. She giggled for a second as she teased lifting her skirt up again, but there was nervous anticipation in her voice. “I did technically still see more than just that. We could make things even…evener?”