Naruto : Venom

Otogakure, Alvarcus’s Lab

”Fuck me.” I look over the mess that used to be my lab. ”I should have made those assholes clean this up before Orochimaru and I had fun. Fuck! That was not fun! No. I didn’t enjoy that. I will not become like him. I can’t.”

I’m lying to myself. I’ve reached a new low.

”I’m supposed to be a good guy.” My head drops in shame. ”How can I be a good guy when I’ve enjoyed... that? Who am I kidding, I haven’t been a good guy for a while now. I’m in the gray zone and I’m teetering on the edge of dark.”

I look out over my lab again and heave out a loud sigh.

”It’s not going to clean itself.” I roll up my sleeves. ”I can berate myself as I work. Might as well do something productive.”

...

”This is so COOL!” Naruto shouts down the long tunnel that he and Jiraya are in. ”How long has this been here?”

”Since before you were born.” Jiraya chuckles at Naruto’s antics. It doesn’t take much to impress him and he get so excited about the littlest of things. ”Years before you were born.”

”Can I use this whenever I want?” Naruto asks with stars in his eyes.

”Nope, both ends are blood sealed to specific people. If anyone who is not keyed in tries to open it they’re in for a nasty surprise. I suppose I could add you to the list, since I did make the seals for it, but you’re not ready for that kind of responsibility.”

”Come on I’m totally ready for this!” Naruto tugs on one of Jiraya’s sleeves.

”Naruto you put your shirt on backwards this morning.” Jiraya bluntly says. ”I had to point it out to you.”

”That doesn’t mean anything!” Naruto pleads. ”Please? I won’t tell a soul!”

”Fine!” Jiraya yanks his sleeve out of Naruto’s grasp. ”I’ll add you to it!”

”YAY!” Naruto fist pumps in victory.

”When you’re older.” Jiraya smirks in victory as Naruto wilts.

...

Hokage’s Office

”Hokage-sama?” A familiar mop of silver hair pokes into Tsunade’s office. ”You summoned me?”

”Yes.” Tsunade looks up from her overflowing stacks of paperwork. ”I did. Three hours ago.”

”I overslept?” Kakashi offers weakly as he steps into the office.

”Ugh! You are lucky you’re so damn good at what you do! No one else gives me the sass that you do!” Tsunade says in anger, but there’s a hint of a smile on her face. After all, the day Kakashi shows up on time is the beginning of the Apocalypse.

”What can I say, it’s one of my many talents.” Kakashi stands before her desk. ”So, what’s going on? Konoha has stabilized from the invasion so this isn’t you yelling at me to take missions.”

”Correct. I have a task for you. Consider it comparable to a high A-rank mission.” Tsunade tosses Kakashi a mission scroll. ”You’ll be going on that mission.”

”High A-rank?” Kakashi snags the scroll and quickly browses it to understand the gist of the mission. ”This is a C-rank. Barely at that, the only reason it is one is because it’s out of the village.”

”That’s just your cover.” Tsunade temples her fingers together. ”Your true task is a bodyguard mission. The asset must be kept alive at all costs.”

”Simple enough.” Kakashi shrugs. ”But I shouldn’t be going on a C-rank mission. I need a better cover than just leading the team. If I still had a genning team then this wouldn’t be an issue, but... yeah.”

”Yes, you had a rough go with them. You lost one, another abandoned the village, and then there’s Alvarcus.” Tsunade snarls out the last name. ”Enough said about him.”

”Agreed. So what’s my cover then?” Kakashi steers the conversation in another direction. Neither of them are eager to talk about Alvarcus. Each for their own reasons.

”It’s rather simple really, you’re not going to be leading the mission.” Tsunade grins at Kakashi’s gobsmacked look. ”You’ll be there in case something goes awry. After all, we can’t let a fresh chunin lead such an important mission as his first one without some form of a safety net. Especially since he’s one of our clan’s heirs.”

”You’re sending Shikamaru to lead the mission?” Kakashi asks in surprise. ”You do realize how much he’s going to complain, right?”

”Of course, but you’ll be there to motivate him.” Tsunade smiles in contentment.

”Yes, I bet him and I will get along nicely. And who is the asset I’m supposed to keep alive?” Kakashi refers to the mission scroll for a brief moment. ”This Yukie Fujikaze? She’s the one this mission has as in need of an escort. There’s not a hit out on her, is there? Assassin specialists are annoying to deal with.”

”Aren’t you one yourself?” Tsunade jabs at her jonin.

”I’m more of a jack of all trades.” Kakashi offers up a lazy shrug.

”Good point. You do everything.” Tsunade concedes. ”Anyways, the asset isn’t her. He’s one of our own. It’s Naruto Uzumaki.”

”Oh.” Kakashi says softly. ”He’s back?”

”For a bit.” Tsunade confirms. ”Should be here sometime today.”

”You... do know about my connections to him, correct?” Kakashi hesitantly asks.

”Of course. It’s another reason I picked you.” Tsunade stares straight into Kakashi’s eye. ”You of all people will do everything in your power to protect the Fourth’s Legacy.”

...

Alvarcus’s Lab

”Okay.” I stretch out my back with my arm extended up towards the sky. ”Whew! That felt great! Even if it was utterly pointless. I don’t need to stretch. My back didn’t even hurt.”

I dust off my hands.

”Everything is cleaned up!” Sure enough the lab actually looks like a lab again. Well one for seals. Not like medical lab or anything crazy. ”I think that means it’s lunch time.”

...

The Mess Hall

”I wonder what’s on the menu today?” I mumble to myself as I open the door to the Mess Hall.

”All hail the Prince of Sound!”

The sudden noise startles me and I reflexively flinch away from it. Then I take in what made that racket, or rather who. It’s three people, three of the most stupid morons I’ve ever met. Sakon, Jirobo and Kidomaru are all flanking the door. But that’s not enough for them. They’re standing at attention. Their backs are straight, they’re wearing clean celebratory clothes and they have the balls to be saluting me.

”HAIL, THE PRINCE OF SOUND!” The entire fucking room calls out.

I slowly look around the entire room. From the saluting Sound Three to the smiling and laughing masses inside the Mess Hall. Everyone is staring straight at me.

I mechanically step backwards out of the Mess Hall and softly shut the door.

”Five. Four. Three. Two. One.” I chant to myself before hesitantly opening the door again.

”All hail the Prince of Sound!” The Sound Three call out and they salute me again. So I’m not imagining this.

”HAIL, THE PRINCE OF SOUND!” The entire fucking room calls out again.

As I look over the sea of shinobi before me I can’t help but be impressed. For the Sound Three to get this many people involved in pranking me, well it’s not a small feat. The coordination and timing alone could not have been easy to get down. I bet that they even had a few practice runs to make sure everyone had it down. It’s a prank worthy of my praise.

But they made the mistake of pranking me of all people. Revenge will be sweet, so very sweet.

”Did you see his face!” Jirobo says between laughs.

”Priceless!” Sakon could only force out the one word.

”There’s no topping this one!” Kidomaru pats himself on the back with one of his many arms.

”You three have a five second head start.” I frostily say to the three masterminds behind the latest prank at my expense. ”Five.”

The Sound Three sprint out of the room while laughing like the assholes they are.

Instead of immediately giving chase I calmly walk over to the buffet and load up a plate.

”You’re not going to chase them?” A familiar voice says from way too close to me.

...

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