Naruto : Venom

”Brilliant.” Orochimaru grins in science fueled lunacy. ”Absolutely brilliant! You want to make it! How have I never considered doing so myself? I’ve always wanted to acquire the original blade but to make one? Simply brilliant! You truly are my child!”

...

I viciously squash the urge to shiver at Orochimaru’s praise. ”So, do you have any idea how to start? I’m pretty sure you know more about the sword than I do.”

”None at all!” Orochimaru gleefully says. ”That’s what makes it so exciting! Oh I do have an idea!”

Thank Kami. Honestly I have no idea how to even begin this.

”I’ll leave it all to you.” Oh fuck me! I have no idea what I’m doing Orochimaru! ”This will be your project, if you can pull off a feat like this then I will pronounce you a seal master! I’m not even sure the Fourth could do this so you have your work cut out for you.”

”Yay. This is so fantastic.” I dryly say to my Kage. ”I’m still going to bounce some conceptual ideas off of you. And I’m going to need some serious help with genjutsu Sasuke so I’ll be bugging you about that eventually.”

”Whatever. Just ask me when you get to that part. If you get there.” Sasuke agrees. Sort of.

”And on that note, I will retire for the night.” Orochimaru rises up and walks off to one of the bedrooms. ”He wants to make the Sword of Totsuka! Kukukuku, he’s even more ambitious than I was at his age! I can’t wait to see what he comes up with next!”

”I’m going to turn in too.” I say to Sasuke and break off towards another bedroom. ”I’ve had a long and very trying day.”

”Was seeing the hammock again really that difficult? You know that I could have burned it for you.”

I glare at Sasuke. ”I meant the whole getting my head cut off thing. Even if I act like it’s painless it’s still excruciatingly painful. But thanks so much for reminding me of that. Now there’s no way I’m getting any peaceful sleep.”

”Oh. Sorry.” He quietly says.

”Yeah yeah I know you didn’t do it on purpose. Just let me sleep and tomorrow we can go back to Sound and put this whole Chunin Exams cluster fuck behind us.”

”You can say that again.” Sasuke groans. ”It’s so annoying to go by code names.”

”Yeah imagine having to type it all out, always making sure that you’re using the right name in the right spot, then getting the bright idea to change one of them halfway through. It makes proof reading a bitch!”

”What the hell are you talking about?”

”I... actually don’t know. That was pretty weird. Stupid fourth wall.”

”Go sleep. I’ve had enough crazy for one day.”

...

The Next Morning

”Can we finally leave now?” I eagerly ask Orochimaru and Sasuke. ”As cool as I look, I really don’t enjoy being wrapped up like a mummy all damn day. I would kill to be able to shed all these damn bandages.”

”I can arrange that.” Orochimaru playfully smirks at me. ”I’m sure I can spare an experiment or a dozen for you. Or perhaps the Kusa shinobi on the other side of the door?”

”Well I suppose I could but then we’d have to fight our way out. I’d rather not.” Sometimes it’s better to just go along with Orochimaru’s unique madness. ”Although it certainly would leave a lasting impression.”

”You... You know that I can hear you right?” A shaky voice says from the other side of the closed door.

Orochimaru lights up at the voice and swings the door wide open. ”Fumia! Oh how have you been? How’s the wife? The kids?”

”I’m not married.” He starts to escort us out of the hotel and presumably the village.

”Shame.” Orochimaru tries to comfort him. ”It’s difficult growing up as a bastard child. I feel sorry for your children.”

”I don’t have kids.”

”One day you will Fumia, even with the accident. I still have hope for you.”

”It’s Fumio.” Fumio pauses and turns drastically pale. ”Wait, what accident?”

”Whoops.” Orochimaru grins evilly. ”Forget I said anything. And on a completely unrelated note, Midori remind me to use Vial 12-B.”

”Didn’t we use that one last time?” I’ll play along with Orochimaru on this. Partly to keep my cover but mostly because it is funny to watch this Fumio squirm. ”That was the one that caused those rashes. Perhaps Vial 7-H? It’s a new strain that’s still untested.”

Orochimaru is delighted that I’m playing along if his wide smile is anything to go by. ”Yes, yes. But I don’t really want to use that one, the mess is just terrible!”

”Wait a moment.” I cut in. ”The 7’s cause fur growth right? How is that a mess?”

”The subjects have this nasty habit of shedding everywhere.” Orochimaru states matter of factly. ”Then they explode. I’m still not sure how that’s happening.”

”Ah. Then how about Vial 17-A? That one is brand new.”

”Hm.” Orochimaru turns his yellow eyes onto the terrified Fumio. ”It would be interesting to see a human with neon pink skin.”

”Oh thank Kami we’re at the gate.” Fumio sighs in relief. ”Just go. Don’t even worry about the paperwork I’ll do all of it myself. Please just go and leave me alone.”

”Fumia-chan you’re so nice, never forget that.”

”Please just go.”

...

On the Way Back to Sound

”Did you two really have to traumatize that poor shinobi? He couldn’t have been more than a chunin.” Sasuke groans out. ”I can’t go anywhere with you two.”

”Well I was bored and it was fun.” I sass back to him. ”I’m more curious as to where the Sound Four are. Or is it Sound Three now?”

”Oh them.” Orochimaru dismisses them with a wave. ”I sent them back on the first night. Both of you are more than enough to protect me.”

I snort and Sasuke scoffs. ”Like you really need protecting.”

Orochimaru raises an eyebrow at me in question.

”Uh hello! You’re Orochimaru-sama! One of the Legendary Sannin? The person who has killed two Kages? S-rank threat and founder of Otogakure? Why would someone pick a fight with you?”

”Yet it seems to be happening more and more lately.” Orochimaru mutters to himself. ”Believe me, I have plenty of enemies that are very skillful themselves. For some strange reason S-rank shinobi attract other S-rank shinobi.”

Yeah and for some even stranger reason I seem to be attracting the Akatsuki.

~Speaking of the Akatsuki...~

You better fucking not right now.

~Well it might not be them. How big are their ranks again?~

You’re sensing someone and it might be the Akatsuki? Nine. There are nine of them. Maybe eight. Depends on when they get Deidara into the group.

~Oh good, so it’s not them.~

Thank Kami. Wait, so that means that we have more than nine people tailing us?

~They’re not tailing us, in fact they have us surrounded already.~

”Fuck me.” The words escape my lips with vehemence and rage. ”Can’t I get a fucking break?”

”What’s going on now?” Sasuke asks as he grasps the hilt of his sword and starts scanning our surroundings for threats.

”So you finally sensed them, did you?” Orochimaru smirks at me. ”We’ll have to work on your range, I felt them minutes ago.”

”Yeah well good for you. Now what the fuck are we going to do? Keep running toward Sound or stand and fight?”

The sound of a thousand birds chirping fills the air and in a split second a very familiar person is right behind Orochimaru with the full intention of ramming the ball of lightning through his heart.

A green beast, no The Green Beast appears behind me with a fist reared back and a determined expression. Gai has every intention of punching my head clean off my shoulders.

In a swirl of leaves the slowest of the trio of assassins appears behind Sasuke with a pair of glowing blue trench knives.

Konoha has made it’s move, they’re trying to assassinate Orochimaru and whoever he is with.

A pale hand darts to my shoulder and clamps down hard. In the next moment I’m standing meters away from where I was and I’m spun around to observe our attackers. Orochimaru pulled me along in his own shunshin.

”Assassin team fall back and regroup with the others.” Kakashi orders Gai and Asuma.

The trio vanish into leaves, no doubt using shunshin to speed away to Tsunade.

”Are you damaged?” Orochimaru growls out in a low tone, one full of pure rage.

I quickly pat myself down. ”Nope. All good. Everything is here.”

”Good.” Orochimaru steps forward towards where the trio left. ”I will not lose you. Now if you’ll excuse me I have some people to rip into tiny shreds!”

”Of course.” I’m making sure Sasuke and I stay far out of his way. It’s not hard to guess who will be waiting to fight Orochimaru. Who can challenge a Sannin except for another Sannin? ”Wait a moment. Where’s... No. That can’t be right.”

...

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