Naruto: The Shameless Uchiha Tycoon

The air deep underground smelled heavily of formaldehyde, damp earth, and cheap bleach.

Ren walked casually down the dimly lit, subterranean corridor, his hands tucked into the pockets of his tailored trousers. He stepped carefully to avoid the puddles of stagnant water, deeply annoyed that the humidity was threatening to ruin the crease in his pants.

Right in front of him, Kakuzu took the lead.

A nearly invisible tripwire snapped against Kakuzu’s shin. Instantly, the stone walls on either side of the corridor opened up, firing a volley of senbon directly at them.

Kakuzu didn’t even break stride. His skin instantly darkened into the diamond-hard armor of his Earth Spear technique. The needles struck his chest and face, shattering against his hardened flesh with a series of sharp, metallic clinks before raining harmlessly onto the dirt floor.

The towering treasurer paused, leaning down to inspect one of the broken needles.

”Standard iron,” Kakuzu grumbled, dropping the scrap metal in disgust. ”Not even chakra-conductive steel. He is using discount traps to secure his perimeter. The man is completely destitute.”

”It’s honestly tragic what a lack of government funding does to a pioneer of science,” Ren sighed, stepping over the pile of broken needles. ”Let’s put him out of his misery.”

They reached the end of the tunnel, stepping through a heavy iron door and into a massive, cavernous laboratory.

The room was a bio-hazardous mess. Rows of towering glass cylinders filled with murky green preservation fluid lined the walls, housing floating anatomical anomalies. The lighting was poor, the surgical tools on the stainless steel tables were visibly rusted, and the distinct chill of an unheated bunker hung in the air.

”I must admit,” a cold, raspy voice echoed from the shadows near the ceiling, ”when my acquisition squad failed to return, I thought Hiruzen-sensei had finally caught wind of my extracurricular experiments and sent his ANBU hounds to shut me down.”

A pale, elongated shape slithered down the side of one of the massive glass vats. Orochimaru dropped gracefully to the stone floor. His yellow, serpentine eyes locked onto Ren, carrying a heavy killing intent.

”I certainly didn’t expect the Uchiha brat and a rogue bounty hunter to deliver themselves directly to my dissecting table,” Orochimaru hissed, a long, pale tongue darting out to lick his lips.

Kakuzu stepped forward, the thick, black tendrils of Earth Grudge Fear beginning to writhe menacingly beneath the collar of his cloak.

Ren simply held up a hand, stopping Kakuzu in his tracks.

Ren wasn’t intimidated. He didn’t ready a combat stance. He just looked around the depressing, underfunded laboratory, his expression perfectly flat.

He walked directly up to the nearest stainless steel operating table, used a silk handkerchief to brush a layer of dust off the surface, and hoisted the heavy, titanium briefcase he was carrying onto the metal.

Clack. Clack.

Ren popped the locks and spun the briefcase around, pushing it open toward the Sannin.

Orochimaru’s eyes narrowed suspiciously. He stepped forward, looking down into the open case.

There were no weapons. There were no explosive tags.

It was packed to the brim with tightly bound, vacuum-sealed stacks of high-denomination Ryo bills.

”I hear the Hokage cut your budget,” Ren said smoothly, leaning against the edge of the operating table. ”I am here to replace him.”

Orochimaru stared at the sheer volume of hard cash inside the briefcase. The oppressive, murderous aura in the room hitched, stalling completely in the face of raw funding. ”What is this, Ren Uchiha?”

”That is just a signing bonus,” Ren explained, tapping a stack of bills. ”I also have three private, off-the-grid, fully sanitized subterranean facilities near the Land of Hot Water ready for you. They come equipped with state-of-the-art centrifuges, premium chakra-infused surgical gear, and a completely unrestricted power grid.”

Orochimaru slowly looked up from the cash, his yellow eyes locking onto Ren with a new, highly dangerous level of intrigue. ”A private sponsor. How novel. And what exactly does the little Uchiha want in return for funding my research?”

Ren tapped the skin beneath his right eye.

”I unlocked a biological flaw in my bloodline,” Ren said, dropping the casual tone, his voice turning dead serious. ”The ocular pathways degrade with use. I want a permanent, cellular-level stabilization cure. You are going to synthesize it.”

The emergency ocular serum had stopped the worst of the damage, but Ren could feel the right eye fading every time he blinked. Temporary products were not cures. They were subscriptions.

Orochimaru’s eyes widened slightly. His gaze fixed on Ren’s clouded right side, and his brilliant, twisted mind instantly began calculating the biological implications of an Uchiha admitting to genetic degradation.

”You want me to manipulate the Uchiha genome,” Orochimaru whispered, a genuine, twisted smile spreading across his pale face. ”To stabilize the Mangekyō without a blood relative’s transplant. That requires the introduction of highly volatile, regenerative cells.”.

”And I heard you’ve been experimenting with exactly that kind of cell, haven’t you, Orochimaru-sama?” Ren said smoothly, a knowing smirk playing on his lips. ”The First Hokage’s.”

Orochimaru didn’t answer immediately. He looked at the rusted scalpels on his desk, the flickering, cheap lights overhead, and then back down at the briefcase holding more untraceable cash than the entire Konoha science division saw in a decade.

He bit his thumb, drawing a drop of blood, and swiped it across the bottom of one of the contracts Ren pulled from his jacket.

”We have a deal,” Orochimaru smiled.

The Sannin reached into his robes, pulling out a thick, heavily sealed black scroll. He tossed it across the operating table.

”Consider that a down payment,” Orochimaru hissed. ”My preliminary research data on Hashirama Senju’s cellular structure. It outlines the foundational math required to force those regenerative cells to bond with a host’s optic nerve without causing a fatal rejection.”

Ren caught the scroll. He looked down at the dark, heavily coded seals. It was exactly what the System needed him to acquire. It was the key to unlocking his Eternal Mangekyō.

He tucked the scroll safely into his suit jacket.

Then, Ren calmly reached into his other pocket, pulled out a small, travel-sized bottle of high-grade antibacterial hand sanitizer, and aggressively pumped a dollop into his palm.

Orochimaru blinked, watching in sheer bewilderment as the Uchiha aggressively rubbed his hands together.

”Kakuzu,” Ren said, turning on his heel and walking toward the exit. ”Help our new Chief Medical Officer pack up his test tubes. I want him moved to the new facility by midnight.”

”I am billing you for the moving expenses,” Kakuzu grumbled, cracking his knuckles as he looked around the damp lab.

Ren just waved a sanitized hand over his shoulder, walking back up the tunnel. He had the data. It was time to pay Tsunade a visit.

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