My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1445: Chapter 1240: Changes

Our feelings have gradually changed; no one is living just like before, and no one can bring everything back to its original state.

Just as Zhang Zhentian was ready to go on an overseas trip with his wife, she realized that some things are truly not as simple as she had imagined. Some things cannot be achieved just by wishful thinking. If she continued to use this approach to hold onto the people around her, what meaning would her life in this world have?

Even if she wholeheartedly gave herself to him, what does it matter? The result she received time and again was nothing but heart-wrenching pain. No matter how much she sacrificed and to what extent she went for him, in his eyes, all of it was just a trivial matter, never placed deep within his heart.

Everything was ready...

”Zhentian, there is something I must clarify with you. No matter how we end up this time, I hope you can let go of me in the future. Perhaps in your eyes, you think all of this is not very important, but in my eyes, I take it very seriously. Everyone has different perspectives on things, different ways of seeing them. You may not understand, but do you know? I have truly been happy and blissful during these years with you; you’ve given me so much that I hadn’t been able to get before.

Yet deep in my heart, I really cannot forget him. This outcome may seem unfair to you, may make you feel incapable, but do you know? Being with you has brought me so much joy, so much happiness.

Today may be our last time going on a trip. Once this trip is over, we may have no more connection, but do you know? I am also afraid of this outcome; I fear such things happening around me. I don’t want these issues to repeatedly become barriers between us; I just want to live the life we all desire smoothly and peacefully.

But the life you most want in this world, I have no way to give you because my heart isn’t here. I deeply love the man in my heart; I’ve loved him for so long, willing to disregard everything for him, but in the end, he couldn’t be with me. This, for me, may be a wound that I cannot heal for the rest of my life. I’ve questioned myself over and over again: why am I doing this, for someone who’s already lost? But then I realized I really can’t lose him. Losing him, I have no way to live; he is the entire motivation for my life.”

Zhang Zhentian cannot bear his wife’s inconsistency. What is the meaning of acting like this repeatedly? Clearly, she promised to give herself a chance to try loving him; why say such things to him now? Isn’t this a blatant slap in my face?

”Xia Jing, I don’t know what you are thinking deep down; don’t you feel that you are openly slapping me? Because you’ve already promised to give us a chance, why say such things now? Don’t you find it unfair, too cruel to me? If you had even a little affection for me, you wouldn’t treat me like this. In your heart, what do I count as, a pet that comes when called and goes when waved away or what?

Can you do anything without such inconsistency? What’s the point of being so unpredictable? You just keep hurting those who care about you, don’t you know?

You feel you can’t lose him; losing him means you have no way to live, but what about me? What do I count as? I’m just like you; I can’t lose you. Losing you means I have no way to live; I don’t even have the courage to face reality. Can’t you pity me, give me a ray of hope for living, so I can live happily here, stay by your side, isn’t that great? Do you have to push everyone to the brink to be satisfied?

In truth, deep in my heart, I really don’t understand. Why is it that after all this time, you still can’t let go? In my eyes, you used to be so understanding, and now, why have you become so unreasonable!

I just want to peacefully go on a trip with you, restore some things, take you to see the natural scenery. But why do you keep treating me this way? You’ve already promised me, so why reject your agreement now? Where does that leave me, and what do you take me for?”

”I don’t mean that; in my heart, you have always been my family. There are some things I just don’t know how to tell you or how to explain them because the more I say, the more excuses you may see, just as evasion. I really don’t want us to reach that point with each other.

There are some things I also cannot explain to you. The gap between us is too large; some words may not mean anything to you, but there are things I have to say. Why do you see everyone as complicated? All we want is a stable life, but why can’t you even achieve the bare minimum?

Love cannot be forced; it’s been years of staying by your side, and I gradually realize that even though I’ve reserved a place for you in my heart, and you’ve taken some weight there, you can never surpass her. Because in my heart, she is what matters most; for her, I can sacrifice my life, but I cannot do the same for you.

This is the difference, such a huge difference; can’t you feel it? With such a big difference, why won’t you let go? Do you want everyone to suffer terribly, so you can be happy, be satisfied? Why is human nature so greedy, so selfish?

You think I’m inconsistent, but am I truly inconsistent? I want just like you, a simple, peaceful life, so who can provide us with this kind of life? This kind of life can only be achieved with someone you truly love, isn’t it? Since I don’t love you, even if we’re together, even if I forcibly stay by your side, you may be happy. But what about me? Should I gamble my lifetime happiness on whether I will someday love you? Don’t you think that’s too harsh for me? If you truly love me, then please give me a chance to see if I can live the life I desire, wouldn’t that be good!”

Let our memories gradually become the most important things in life, wouldn’t that be wonderful? There’s no need for everything to completely change.