My Alleged Husband

Chapter 534: Chapter 513: Take Back Your Love_1

Perhaps in your eyes, you think that is a form of love, but in my eyes, it’s nothing, because your love is too selfish, too decisive. I can’t bear your love for me, do you understand? You, for your own love, do not hesitate to use any means, even if it means hurting others—is this what you call love?

Love should not count the cost or the return, yet you are preoccupied with how to be arrogant, how to be conceited, how to make others pay back everything they ’owe’ you. Such a person as you really doesn’t deserve love. Because of every single thing you do, should others have to pay back everything to you?

If you really think that way, then congratulations, you’ve achieved it—my mother has prepared to pay you back for everything. But how will you continue to live with us from today on, and do you deserve to live with us? The way you are, you will never be with us again.

”I can give anything up, not care about anything, but can you please use your head when you do things? Don’t always assume that every decision you make is the right one, and don’t think you haven’t wasted money on this person. Do you know that everything you want others to have, and why? Because they worked hard to earn it by themselves, unlike you, who extends your hand for clothes and opens your mouth for food, always expecting to receive from home. Do you think the people at home owe you something, that they should keep bearing the consequences of your mistakes as if they had made them themselves?”

To be frank, if you really feel that way, then you are so very wrong. The world is fair; everyone suffers harm for the mistakes they make. What you are doing is nothing but stealing other people’s lives. It may mean nothing to you, but for others, it’s devastating harm. What others want isn’t much; they just hope to gain the understanding of their loved ones. And then you, you just force your way in, destroying everything for others—is this what you want?”

Zhang Zhentian never meant for such things to happen. What she wanted was very simple—she hoped to gain her family’s understanding, to make everything she cared about become more joyful and lighthearted. She hadn’t imagined that returning to the beginning would be so difficult, so hard, which is why she has ended up where she is now, step by step.

”What am I in your eyes? I really don’t understand. If you had even a shred of love for me, you wouldn’t do things to harm me like this!

Am I doomed by nature, to be hurt by you again and again, to be abandoned by you over and over?

If you are dissatisfied with something I did before, I can change it; the cause and effect are all on me, and they have nothing to do with him. Yet, if you refuse to be with him for some other reason and ultimately use me as an excuse, then I cannot accept that!”

”Maybe in your eyes, my love for you is nothing but heartless and cold, you scorn such heartfelt sincerity from a person like me. For someone like me, what right, what reason do I have to flaunt love that isn’t originally mine? It was you who gave me a new lease on life; it was you who filled me with the desire to be reborn, with everything that entails. I really can’t manage to make you forget me, especially not from your memory entirely. Those memories are indelible, etched deep into my heart.”

”Please, just shut up this instant; don’t hurt me with your love anymore. Put away your deceptive love, your hypocritical love. You’ve acted it out far too much, and even today, you continue to pretend in front of me, pretending your love for me. Do you think this is appropriate? Meaningful?

A shattered marriage cannot be repaired with a few sweet words. The good love that once was, you destroyed with your own hands. Now, to come looking for him—what’s the meaning of this? What you’re doing is just too much, essentially blaming him for all the mistakes, making someone without any psychological burden bear all the consequences. Is this your attitude towards dealing with things?

I believe there’s really nothing left to say between us. Everything that needed to be said has been made clear. There’s no need to meet up again and again in the future. Doing so would leave me empty-handed and cause me distress, do you understand? Every time I see you, it tortures me deeply inside. I must suffer this torture repeatedly—this is what you call love for me, what you refer to as love? Too deceitful, this love I truly can desire but cannot have; I even less can bear the hurt it brings me.”

Zhang Zhentian never expected that the sincere love she wholeheartedly offered her wife would be seen as deceptive in Xia Jing’s eyes. How could her heart accept this? What she wanted wasn’t much, simply a feeling from the bottom of the heart, just a desire for pure love. This love, that they made worse themselves, allowed no one else to intervene to ultimately resolve the cause and effect. As it seemed, all the results must eventually be resolved by Xia Jing alone. The entire cycle of cause and effect must take responsibility. Indeed, fate is fair; if it gives you something, it takes another away. It won’t let you suffer a loss, nor make you feel specially cherished.

”So it turns out in your eyes, my sincere love for you is nothing but an act. You always think every action I take is just putting on a show, but you don’t realize my love for you is ingrained in my bones—a love that can’t be forgotten just because I say so. I chose to be with you because I believe in my heart that I can never forget you. I hope you can give us another chance, but now it seems everything has been too passive on my part, leading to being rejected by you time and time again. I’ll never be so foolish, so naïve again, to wait for your rejections. I can’t bear such blows!”

”I hope you can properly put away your fake love, never letting it show again. Doing so will only make me feel that you’re harming rather than loving me!

If one day you understand all the truths, I hope you won’t blame me. Sometimes the truth is really cruel, causing unending torment in one’s heart, agony that won’t fade even as someone grows...”