Louis Collins: A Post-American Odyssey

They went to the upper lounge. Angelique opened the bar cabinet and took out a bottle of yuzu sake. She poured it into eight flutes and handed them out. They sat on the sofas and looked out the windows at the passing landscape.

“So the thing just drives itself? Just like that?” Cherish asked after taking a sip.

“With a GPS, sensors, and AI,” Willa said. “It’s safer than a human driver. Especially for a vehicle this big.”

“I’m still a better driver.” Maeve put a leg on the sofa. “I can feel the road. The robot can’t.”

“You can’t beat its reaction time, though,” Willa said. “Or its multitasking.”

“I don’t need multitasking,” Maeve said, stretching. “I need a good throttle. And a good brake.”

“And a good lawyer when you cause an accident,” Willa said.

“I won’t cause an accident,” Maeve said. “I’m a professional. I’ve driven a truck since I was eight.”

“Eight?” Donya asked, her eyes wide.

“Yeah,” Maeve said. “In West Virginia. You learn early. Or you die.”

“That’s awful,” Donya said, taking Maeve’s hand.

“I think that’s cool.” Gladice said, searching her handbag. “I only started driving at twelve.”

“Twelve?” Willa said. “Where did you drive?”

“On my neighborhood streets. I stole my mom’s car and crashed it into a tree.”

“What happened then?” Cherish asked.

“My dad grounded me for a month and paid for the damages,” Gladice said, taking out a tube of hand cream. “He was not happy.”

“I bet he wasn’t.” Savannah raised an eyebrow. “What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done, Glads?”

“Besides getting abducted with Louis and Angel?” Gladice asked. “I stole a police car once in New Orleans and drove it to a party.”

“How did you get away with that?” Donya asked.

“I didn’t,” Gladice said, applying the cream on her hands. “My dad decided to send me to the army instead of charging me. The rest is history.”

“I’m surprised they let you go,” Willa said.

“He’s the mayor. He can pull some strings.” Gladice winked. “But he was not happy. Again.”

“You’re a troublemaker.” Savannah shook her head.

“I know,” Gladice said, putting the tube back into her handbag. “And I love it.”

Angelique sighed. “You haven’t changed at all.”

“Why should I?” Gladice asked. “Life is short. And fun.”

Louis smiled. “I agree.”

“I knew you would,” Gladice said, winking. “You’re a troublemaker too.” She finished her sake in one go and poured another one. “This thing is good. I like it.”

“It’s my favorite,” Angelique said. “Light and refreshing.”

“I like it too,” Cherish said, smiling. “It tastes like flowers.”

“That’s the yuzu,” Angelique said. “It’s a Japanese citrus fruit. Very aromatic.”

“It’s nice,” Cherish said. “I want to try more.”

“We have a lot of it,” Angelique said, pouring more sake into Cherish’s flute. “And a lot of other drinks. This bar is well-stocked.”

“I can see that,” Donya said, looking at the glass cabinets. “Will we be able to bring any of this into the Central Union?”

“Technically, no,” Willa said, crossing her legs. “But I doubt they will search a Rolls-Royce RV escorted by the Dominion Guard. Unless they want a diplomatic incident.”

“Which they probably don’t,” Angelique said. “But we should still be careful.”

“I’m always careful,” Gladice said. “Except when I’m not.”

The RV drove on. The landscape outside became more arid, with fewer trees and more yellow grass. The river remained on their left, wide and blue.

“Are we still in the Dominion?” Cherish asked.

“Yes,” Angelique said. “We are a big country. We have a lot of different landscapes.”

“What’s the Central Union like?” Cherish asked.

“More conservative,” Angelique said. “And more rural. They like their farms and cows. And rules.”

“I like farms,” Cherish said. “I like cows too. They are gentle.”

“You’re going to love it there, then,” Maeve said, smiling.

“I don’t,” Willa said, taking out her phone. “I like cities with technology.”

“You don’t like cows?” Cherish asked, her eyes wide.

“I like cows,” Willa said, not looking up from her phone. “I just don’t want to live next to them. Or smell them every day.”

“I like beef,” Gladice said. “So I like cows. In a different way.”

“You’re terrible,” Donya said, laughing.

“I am,” Gladice said, taking off her shoes.

“Are we going to see any cows when we get there?” Cherish asked.

“Probably,” Angelique said. “Idaho is famous for its potatoes. And its cows.”

“And its Mormons,” Willa said.

“Right,” Angelique said. “And its Mormons.”

“What are Mormons like?” Cherish asked.

“They are religious,” Angelique said. “Very religious. They believe in God and Jesus. And in a prophet. And in a lot of other rules.”

“Like my church?” Cherish asked. “Do they have snakes?”

“No,” Angelique said. “They don’t have snakes. They have temples and sacred underwear. And polygamy. Sometimes.”

Savannah laughed. “They worship bras and panties?”

“No,” Angelique said, sighing. “They wear special garments under their clothes. As a sign of their faith. And their commitment.”

“That’s weird.” Cherish frowned.

Gladice looked at Angelique. “You seem to know a lot about them. Are you a secret Mormon, Angel?”

Angelique rolled her eyes. “No, Glads. I read a lot. And I have a good memory.”

“Show off,” Gladice said.

“It’s called being educated,” Angelique said.

“I’m educated too.” Gladice shrugged. “I went to the best schools in New Orleans. I just didn’t pay attention in history class.”

“Because you were too busy sneaking out and stealing cars?” Willa asked.

“Exactly,” Gladice said, pouring more sake. “It was more fun.”

“I’m sure it was,” Angelique said.

“What’s polygamy?” Cherish asked.

“It’s when a man has more than one wife,” Donya said. “At the same time.”

“Oh,” Cherish said. “Like Louis and us? But with marriage?”

Louis felt all the women’s eyes turn to him. He gave a small shrug. “A little. Except I’m not married. And you are all my equals. Not my property.”

“Good,” Savannah said. “Because I don’t belong to anyone but myself.”

Louis took her hand. “I know, Savvy. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Savannah squeezed his hand. “I know, Louis. I trust you.”

“I’m glad you do,” he said.

“So the Mormons have multiple wives?” Maeve asked. “For real?”

“Some of them do,” Angelique said. “The ones in Utah. Not the ones in the Central Union. They had a schism back in 2012, when the Prophet King Joseph Taylor declared himself a new prophet and seized power in Utah after the Collapse. The LDS Church was divided. The majority joined him. The minority rejected him and went into exile in the Central Union.”

“What’s schism?” Cherish asked.

“It’s a split in the church,” Angelique said. “When a group disagrees with the leadership and breaks away.”

“Oh, I think I understand,” Cherish said. “We had a schism once in our church over the species of snakes. Some of them thought rattlesnakes were more holy. Others thought copperheads were.”

Louis blinked. “What happened?”

“The copperheads won,” Cherish said. “The pastor’s son was bitten by a rattlesnake and died. They said it was a sign from God. So they killed all the rattlesnakes. The group repented. And the church was united again.”

Gladice stared at her. “You’re shitting me.”

“No,” Cherish said. “It’s true. Papa told me. He killed a lot of rattlesnakes for the good of the church.”

“I’m speechless,” Maeve said.

“Me too,” Willa said, putting away her phone. “And that’s saying a lot.”

“That’s a different level of crazy.” Gladice laughed. “I like it.”

“It’s not funny, Glads.” Donya frowned. “People died.”

“I know.” Gladice said. “That’s the fun part.”

“Sometimes you can be really insensitive,” Donya shook her head.

“And sometimes you can be really preachy.” Gladice rolled her eyes. “Let’s agree to disagree.”

“Let’s not,” Donya said, looking at Gladice. “This is important. We can’t just laugh at other people’s suffering.”

“Why not?” Maeve asked. “They would laugh at ours.”

“That doesn’t make it right,” Donya said. “We should be better than them.”

“We are.” Louis smiled. “Let’s show the peasants what happens when they mess with us.”

Donya looked at him. “That’s not what I meant, Louis.”

“I know,” he said. “But you’re asking us to be better than them. And I’m telling you, we’re already better. We have power, and they don’t. And among us, we have a good heart. You.”

Donya smiled. “Thank you, Louis. But you can be a good person too, if you try.”

“I want to be a good person to you, to us,” Louis said, kissing her cheek. “Not to them.”

“I understand,” Donya said. “Allah brought us together for a reason. Maybe it’s to challenge each other to be better. In our own way.”

“I like that,” Willa said. “Even if I don’t believe your God, Donya. I like your intention.”

“Allah is in intention,” Donya said. “He knows what is in our hearts.”

“I hope he appreciates mine, then,” Gladice said. “Because it’s all about having a good time.”

“I think he has more important things to worry about,” Willa said.

“Like my ass?” Gladice asked, winking. “It’s a work of art.”

“Indeed,” Savannah said. “And it deserves a museum.”

“I have an idea,” Gladice said. “Let’s have an ass-showing contest. Right here. Right now. Louis will be the judge.”

Louis choked on his sake. Savannah patted him on the back.

“No.” Angelique rolled her eyes. “We are not doing that.”

“Why not?” Gladice asked. “Are you scared I’ll win?”

“I’m not scared of anything,” Angelique said. “But I’m not interested in your childish games.”

“I’m not childish,” Gladice said. “I’m adventurous. There’s a difference.”

“We are on a mission,” Angelique said. “Remember? We are looking for Brother John and the sex traffickers.”

“So what’s our plan?” Maeve asked. “When we get to Idaho Falls?”

“Find a Mormon. And make him talk,” Savannah said.

“Or a Mormoness,” Gladice said. “They might be more talkative.”

“We should start with the local LDS community,” Willa said, checking her phone again. “The report said the six suspects were associated with the underground LDS Church. We can find their meeting place or their leader.”

“So we just walk in and ask, ‘Hey, are you a spy for a sex trafficking cult?’” Gladice asked. “I’m sure that will work.”

“We have to be more subtle than that,” Angelique said. “We can use our cover as tourists and our charm.”

“Your charm, you mean,” Gladice said, yawning. “You’re the only adult here. And a princess. I’m sure they will be impressed.”

“I hope so,” Angelique said. “But we should not rely on that alone. We need a better strategy.”

“We’re not going to be discreet in this RV,” Willa said. “Not to mention our sixteen-man escort. They know we’re coming. They will be watching us.”

“So we need a diversion,” Savannah said. “Something to distract them while we do our real work.”

“I have an idea,” Gladice said, a sly smile spreading across her face. “We can have a party. A big party. In the RV. With alcohol, music, and dancing. We can invite some local girls and boys. We get them drunk. And then we make them talk.”

“You want to have a party with a bunch of underage Mormons?” Willa asked. “That’s a disaster waiting to happen.”

“It’s not a bad idea,” Savannah said. “Maybe those Mormons are curious about the outside world. Especially if it’s forbidden. Maybe they will come and talk.”

“They might also call the police,” Willa said. “Especially their parents.”

“Not if we are careful,” Gladice said. “We can have the party in a discreet location. Like a forest or a field. And we can have our guards keep an eye on us to make sure we don’t get into trouble.”

“The question is, I don’t think some Mormon kids know much about the spy network,” Louis said, resting his head on Savannah’s shoulder.

“It’s a good point,” Angelique said. “They might not know anything useful. And they would be a security risk.”

“True,” Gladice said. “But we can still have fun. And it would be a good distraction.”

“We need a better plan,” Willa said.

“Agreed,” Louis said. “We need a target. And a way to get to him. Or her.”

“So we need to find a member of the underground LDS Church who is also connected to the Common Roots Foundation,” Angelique said. “And we need to find a way to approach them without raising suspicion.”

“We can use the RV,” Savannah said. “We can park it near their church or community center and wait. Someone may come to us out of curiosity.”

“Good idea,” Maeve said. “People are always curious about big, shiny things.”

“Especially when they are rare in a small town like Idaho Falls,” Willa said.

“So we park the RV and wait. Then what?” Gladice asked.

“Then we talk to whoever comes,” Louis said. “We show interests in their faith. In their community. Like tourists with a spiritual curiosity.”

“I can do that,” Donya said. “I’m good at talking about religion. And I’m a Muslim. They might find that interesting.”

“Me too,” Cherish said. “I know a lot about the Bible.”

“I can talk about the history of Christianity,” Angelique said. “From a Catholic perspective. They might not like it, but it will make the conversation more academic.”

“And I can talk about the magical underwear,” Gladice said. “And ask where I can get some.”

“You’re not helping, Glads,” Angelique said. “At all.”

“I’m just trying to be friendly.” Gladice smirked.

“There’s a difference between curiosity and mockery,” Donya said.

“I know,” Gladice said. “But sometimes they overlap.”

“Let’s focus on the main plan,” Louis said. “We park. We wait. We talk. We find a lead. And we follow it.”

“Simple enough,” Savannah said. “I like it.”

“How about our security team?” Willa asked. “What will they do while we are talking to the Mormons?”

“They will stay hidden,” Louis said. “But close enough to intervene if needed. Captain Yamamoto knows what to do.”

“He seems competent,” Angelique said. “And discreet.”

“He is,” Louis said. “I saw his profile. He’s a veteran of the Second Civil War and a specialist in covert operations. So are the men in his team.”

“Good,” Savannah said. “We might need them.”

“Especially if we find Brother John,” Maeve said. “I want to shoot him in the balls.”

“I’ve shot one in the balls before,” Gladice said. “He didn’t like it. So I shot him in the head.”

Louis thought of Pastor Bell’s body over Angelique on the train. He looked down.

Angelique sighed. “Please don’t mention that again. I don’t want to think about it.”

“Sorry, Angel,” Gladice said. “I’m just saying. We need to be prepared for violence.”

“We don’t have to this time,” Louis said. “At least not by ourselves. We have our guards. We can let them do the dirty work.”

“Let’s not underestimate our enemies,” Willa said. “They managed to abduct you from New Orleans with Gladice. And to cover their tracks for months. They are not stupid.”

“Maybe the Mormons are stupid?” Maeve asked. “Religious fanatics usually are.”

“Some are. Some are not,” Willa said. “They might be a different breed.”

“The kind that likes to spy on people and to sell them,” Savannah said. “That’s what we are dealing with.”

The RV drove on. The landscape became flatter, with barren hills in the distance. The river was gone by now.

“Are we there yet?” Gladice asked, standing up. “I’m bored.”

“We’re still in Oregon,” Willa said, looking at the map. “We have a long way to go.”

“I need to pee,” Maeve said.

“Then use one of the bathrooms,” Angelique said.

“It’s weird to pee while moving,” Maeve said.

“You’ll get used to it,” Louis said. “It’s a lot better than stopping by the road.”

“I suppose,” Maeve said. “I’ll try.”

She walked to the second bedroom.

“I need to pee too,” Cherish said, standing up.

“There are two bathrooms downstairs,” Angelique said. “One in the master bedroom. And one powder room in the hallway.”

“What’s a powder room? What’s it for? Powder?” Cherish asked.

“It’s a small bathroom with a toilet and a sink,” Angelique explained. “Guests use it to freshen up. Or as you said, to powder their noses.”

“Oh,” Cherish said. “I see.”

Donya stood up too. “I’ll go with you, Cherry.”

They went downstairs. Gladice put her feet up on the sofa. “At least we have three toilets on this tank.”

“And a full bar,” Willa said, sipping her sake. “And a lot of alcohol. I like that.”

Savannah turned on the gaming console on the TV. “And we have games. I call dibs on the controller.”

Willa found her bag and took out her laptop. “And I’m going to do some research on the LDS Church in Idaho Falls.”

“Good idea,” Angelique said. “Let me know what you find.”

“Will do,” Willa said.

Louis looked out the window at the endless road ahead. He thought of the journey he had taken across the continent with Angelique, Gladice, and the others. They had survived so much together. And now they were on another journey in a luxurious RV with a security team, with a new enemy to face.