Last Gun Alchemist

The little white glow only shone faintly within the endless darkness, like a candle that could die at any second. The black void around Gena slowly pressed inward from every direction, swallowing the weak light bit by bit while her eyes gradually lost focus and her breathing became slower and rougher.

Blood dripped from the corners of her lips and nose in thin lines. Some slid down her chin and soaked into the floor beneath her face. Her Cognis was completely unstable now. The white glow moving through her veins pulsed wildly beneath her skin like something alive was trying to claw its way out from inside her body.

Her fingers twitched weakly.

Pain spread through every part of her body.

It felt like her muscles were being torn apart from the inside while her bones slowly cracked beneath pressure she could not control, but even with all that pain, she no longer had the strength to scream properly.

The darkness was already consuming her little by little.

”Gena...” A familiar voice echoed softly. ”Gena...”

The voice called again.

”Haha... haha...”

Gena laughed weakly, the laugh sounded dry and broken.

”I’m hallucinating again...”

Her lips curled upward, but the expression on her face looked closer to madness than amusement.

”Are you really going to allow yourself to be swallowed by this darkness?”

The voice came closer and closer.

Gena slowly clenched her trembling hand into a fist.

”I don’t want to hear those words coming from your mouth... MINA...”

Her voice cracked apart halfway through the sentence.

She forced herself up slightly with shaking arms.

”You gave up living...”

Her eyes sharpened with anger and grief at the same time.

”And now you’re here trying to lecture me about not being swallowed by darkness?”

The darkness around her slowly shifted, then Mina appeared before her.

The same gentle face, the same calm eyes and the same warm smile.

Just seeing that face made Gena’s chest tighten painfully.

”You don’t have the right.”

Her glare became sharper.

Mina quietly stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Gena.

The warmth from that embrace felt real.

Too real.

Gena’s body froze.

”I know I don’t have the right,” Mina whispered softly. ”But I do have the right to stop my friend from falling into the same place I fell into.”

Her voice carried warmth that almost broke Gena apart emotionally.

Mina gently tightened her embrace and pressed Gena’s head against her chest like an older sister comforting a child during a storm.

”Why...?”

Gena’s voice shook violently.

”Why... why wasn’t it you who survived instead?”

Her tears finally burst out again.

”I’m nothing special... I’m just lucky, that’s all...”

Her hands gripped Mina’s sleeves tightly.

”The person who even helped me was someone I tried to kill together with the others... and we still failed...”

She cried harder.

”Yet instead of killing me when he had the chance, he helped me...”

Her shoulders trembled nonstop.

”He trained me... he kept helping me over and over again...”

Her voice slowly lowered.

”And I know he doesn’t even see me as important...”

That realization hurt her the most.

”He doesn’t see me as a friend...” Her tears dripped faster. ”But he still helps me...”

The darkness echoed her crying endlessly.

”I don’t understand it...”

Her breathing became uneven again.

”Why do I keep receiving things I don’t deserve?”

She looked down at her bloody hands.

”How am I supposed to grow stronger when I’m not even sure I can become strong?”

Her lips trembled.

”He said I have a special physique... but...”

Her voice weakened.

”Can someone like me really have something special?”

Silence filled the dark space for several seconds.

Mina simply stared at her quietly.

Then...

”Growing strong has nothing to do with being special, Gena.”

Mina finally spoke.

Her tone was calm and simple.

”It’s more about understanding what you’re capable of... and continuing to improve on it properly.”

She paused thoughtfully.

”I think...”

Mina raised one finger to her lips while thinking seriously about whether her explanation made sense.

Gena blinked twice through her tears.

”Eh?”

Her crying reduced slightly.

”But I don’t have any capabilities...”

She lowered her head again.

”I already told you... I only surv...”

”Gena.” Mina gently lifted her chin. ”I heard you, the first time.”

Her eyes softened.

”You survived because of luck.”

Hearing those words from Mina hurt far more than hearing them from the hallucinations earlier.

Gena’s chest tightened painfully again.

”But...”

Mina smiled.

”Since when did luck stop being a kind of strength?”

Gena froze completely.

”You survived from the First Trial all the way to the Seventh.”

Mina slowly counted with her fingers.

”And now you’re going to survive this one too.”

She lightly tapped Gena’s forehead.

”So, whether it was luck or strength... aren’t they both part of survival in the end?”

Gena stared blankly.

”At the end of the day, you survived.”

Mina’s voice remained soft.

”And you still kept trying your best.”

She tilted her head slightly.

”So why do you keep comparing your best to someone else’s?”

Mina slowly let go of her face and stood up.

”You’re the owner of your own life, Gena.”

She walked forward into the darkness with her hands behind her back.

”Whether you were born special or not doesn’t matter.”

She turned back slightly.

”The moment you were born with something, that already means your existence has value.”

Her finger pointed directly at Gena.

”And if you still think you’re worthless...”

A faint smirk appeared on her face.

”Then prove everybody wrong and keep working harder.”

She smiled proudly.

”After all... aren’t you going to become spectacular someday?”

Gena stared at her silently.

Then...

A laugh escaped her mouth.

Small at first, then louder, then louder again.

Suddenly...

Her eyes snapped open.

Darkness.

Nothing but darkness surrounded her again.

Cold darkness.

The hallucinations were gone.

Everything that happened after she collapsed...Everything she heard...Everything she saw...Everything she thought she achieved.

”It was all in my head...”

Gena laughed weakly.

”Argh!”

Pain shot through her body instantly.

Her muscles spasmed violently, her unstable Cognis still flowed wildly through her veins from the mental breakdown earlier.

”Not all of it was fake though...”

She gritted her teeth hard, her breathing steadied slowly.

Gena closed her eyes and focused.

Little by little...

She began stabilizing her Cognis flow, the violent white glow beneath her skin slowly calmed.

Her heartbeat gradually returned to normal, then she exhaled deeply.

This time...

There was more resolve in her chest than fear.

She continued advancing toward the Novice Rank.

***

Nate breathed heavily within the darkness.

Sweat dripped down his jaw and neck while Cognis gathered and slowly formed the outline of a second star inside him.

Pain spread through his body during the breakthrough process, but he endured it silently while memories he buried long ago slowly resurfaced one after another.

Because the day Nate turned eleven...Was the same day he saw his mother dead and it was also the day he killed someone for the first time.

Nate was born in the Kingdom of Kosmos.

A ruined kingdom crushed beneath war.

Kosmos stood near Britannia’s borders at the eastern-southern side of the continent, and after losing the war against Britannia, the kingdom slowly rotted apart from the inside.

The village Nate grew up in was filled with hunger, crime, and fear.

The lands that used to grow crops had become fields of black dirt, cracked stone, magma scars, and the remains of explosions left behind by war.

Many domestic animals disappeared long ago.

Most were seized by nobles and royal families who sold the kingdom away just to preserve their own comfort.

And worst of all...

Lawlessness spread through the kingdom like a disease.

I never liked the life my family lived.

Nate’s thoughts echoed slowly within the darkness while his Cognis continued rotating around the forming second star.

His jaw tightened.

My sick father would always bow to those bastards... who never worked for their own food, yet they could threaten people who did.

His breathing became heavier.

People who struggled every single day just to feed their families.

Nate remembered it vividly.

The gray sky, the hot wind.

The dirty road filled with nothing by flowing dry sand.

His father knelt on the ground with his forehead pressed against the dirt while three grown men laughed above him.

One of them stepped on his father’s head hard enough to push his face deeper into the dry sand.

Another picked up the thin rabbit his father had managed to hunt after spending almost the entire day outside despite being sick.

The rabbit was so skinny its ribs could almost be seen through its fur.

Then they took the few copper coins he earned from selling other animal skin earlier that morning.

They laughed while leaving, like it was entertainment.

Young Nate stood behind a broken wall nearby, staring silently while his hands trembled.

Why didn’t he fight back?

The question burned inside him even now.

His father was clearly stronger than them.

Even while sick, his father still had broader shoulders and rough hands hardened by years of labor.

He could have beaten them.

At least enough to stop them from doing whatever they wanted.

So why kneel? Why did he bow? Why did he endure it? But...

Nate gritted his teeth hard.

The Cognis flowing around him became unstable for a brief moment because of the twist in his emotions.

That was the life his family lived.

Always bowing, always lowering their heads.

His father and his mother, both of them lived that way, then one day...

His father left to hunt and came back as a corpse.

After that...

Life became worse, far worse.

His mother cried every morning, every night too.

Sometimes Nate would wake up in the middle of the night and hear her muffled sobs through the thin walls of their small house.

The sound annoyed him back then.

Now...

It haunted him.

She couldn’t endure losing his father, but even now, Nate still couldn’t completely understand why she chose the path she eventually walked.

Or maybe... He did understand it now.

That was what hurt the most, because he only understood after it was already too late.

If only I paid more attention...If only I understood earlier...

Hunting had been their only way of surviving and without his father, that source of food disappeared completely.

His mother forced herself to continue living.

Even while holding back tears every day, she still woke up early each morning to work on the nobles’ farms.

The payment was miserable.

Sometimes she worked an entire day only to receive enough money for stale bread and thin soup.

Around that same time, Nate started getting sick more often.

His body became weaker.

With medicine and food costing money.

Living itself costs money.

And his mother had almost nothing left.

Then...

Fear consumed her.

The fear of losing her only son.

That fear slowly pushed her into something that destroyed her completely.

Even after years of suffering, she was still beautiful.

Her face still carried traces of the elegance she once had during her younger years.

And her body...

It easily caught the attention of the noble she worked for and his sons.

At first, she firmly rejected every advance.

Nate remembered hearing arguments late at night whenever she returned home angry and shaken, but life moved too fast.

Hunger moved faster, his sickness became worse and eventually...

She gave in.

And the money she brought home suddenly became better.

Better food appeared, medicine appeared and Nate recovered little by little, but something else disappeared from their lives.

Respect.

People in the area slowly started calling her a whore.

Not behind her back.

Directly to her face.

Women whispered whenever she walked past, children mocked Nate constantly, some boys even laughed and asked how much his mother charged, others joked about becoming customers when they got older.

Nate started hating his mother around that time.

Not only because of what she became...But because he felt she betrayed his father.

Betrayed his love and betrayed their family.

That hatred piled up slowly inside him like poison.

Then one day...

Everything exploded.

Nate returned home earlier than usual.

The house was quiet, too quiet.

Then he heard noises from the dining area and followed the sound.

His eyes widened.

A man had pinned his mother against the dining table.

Her hands shook weakly against the wood while the man moved behind her.

Nate froze.

The image burned itself into his mind instantly.

The sound, the movement, the expression on his mother’s face.

His stomach twisted violently.

He vomited immediately onto the floor before running outside crying as hard as he could.

Sand crunched beneath his feet while tears blurred his vision.

He kept running and running and running.

Until night arrived.

By the time he returned home, his legs already hurt from exhaustion.

”Nate!”

His mother rushed toward him immediately after seeing him enter.

Her face carried panic and relief at the same time.

She reached for him, but Nate slapped her hand away hard.

”Nate, why did you come back this late?”

Her voice trembled anxiously.

”Don’t you know how dangerous it is outside at night in this area?”

She stepped closer again.

”What if you got kidnapped?”

She tried touching him once more.

”DON’T TOUCH ME!”

Nate suddenly screamed.

The hatred in his eyes stunned her completely.

”You disgust me.”

His voice shook violently.

”I wish you were never my mother.”

Those words struck harder than any blade.

His mother froze beside the door, her hand remained suspended in the air for several seconds.

Nate pushed her away and ran into his room before locking the door loudly behind him.

Outside...

She slowly collapsed to her knees, then she began crying.

Not quietly, not softly.

She cried like someone whose heart had finally broken completely.

Days passed afterward.

The two barely spoke anymore.

Nate stopped eating her food.

Instead, he started earning small amounts of money doing chores for elderly people and food vendors around the streets.

Despite his age, he understood quickly how valuable money was.

Back then, he truly believed he could build a better life than his parents.

He would never become weak like his father and he would never become filthy like his mother.

That was what he believed.

Yes...That was what I believed.

Nate slowly calmed the violent movement of his Cognis again.

His breathing steadied.

The forming second star regained stability little by little.

But deep inside...The bitterness within those memories still remained there.

The day of Nate’s eleventh birthday was also his mother’s birthday.

That morning, the sun shone brightly across the broken streets of the slum while warm wind slipped through the gaps between old wooden houses. The sky looked blue but dead, yet for the first time in a while, Nate’s mood was not entirely bad.

Like always, he left home early to continue working.

He carried crates for street vendors, cleaned tables, and helped old people move goods around.

Ran errands for small coins.

By the time afternoon came, his head already hurt from the heat and labor, but he still kept the little money he earned safely hidden inside his pocket.

Today was different.

After saving for a long time, Nate finally decided to buy something for himself.

He stood before a tiny roadside stall, staring at the cheap items displayed there while smoke from grilled meat nearby drifted into the air.

After thinking carefully for several minutes, he bought a small item for himself.

Then...

His eyes drifted toward another object.

A simple hairpin.

It was not expensive, not beautiful either, but it looked clean.

Nate stared at it for a long time.

”It’s been a while since we actually talked...”

His voice came out quietly.

He lowered his eyes and scratched the side of his cheek awkwardly.

After hesitating for several seconds, he bought it.

The small gift was wrapped inside thin brown paper.

Nate looked at it silently while walking through the snowy streets.

Maybe...

Maybe things could finally become better again.

That thought barely formed in his head before several familiar voices echoed nearby.

”Well, if it isn’t the whore’s son.”

Nate’s expression instantly darkened.

Five boys walked toward him with smug looks on their faces.

They were older and bigger than him.

The same boys who bullied weaker children around the area and the same boys who enjoyed mocking his mother the most.

”Hey Nate,” one of them laughed loudly. ”Did your mum work hard last night?”

The others burst into laughter immediately.

Another boy leaned closer with a disgusting grin.

”When I grow older and get enough money, I’ll definitely try her too.”

”Maybe she’ll even give me a discount since we know you.”

More laughter followed.

Nate’s grip tightened around the present bag, his breathing became heavier, then he lunged at them first.

The fight happened exactly the same way it always did.

Five against one.

Nate punched one boy directly in the mouth before another kicked his stomach hard enough to make him stumble backward.

A fist smashed into his cheek.

Another hit landed against the side of his head.

He still kept fighting, still throwing punches wildly, but numbers and size overwhelmed him quickly.

Soon, he was already on the dry ground while boots slammed into his ribs and stomach repeatedly.

”Fight back more!”

One of them laughed while kicking him.

”Maybe your mother can heal you afterward!”

The boys finally left after growing bored.

Nate remained on the ground breathing heavily while rain slowly landed on his bruised face.

After several minutes, he slowly pushed himself back up.

His lip bled.

One side of his face had already swollen slightly, but the small wrapped gift was still safe.

Nate wiped his mouth with his sleeve and quietly walked home while the rain began to increase.

Step by step.

The cold began to spread, but it didn’t bother him.

When he finally reached the house...Something felt wrong.

The door was slightly open and the air smelled strange.

Nate slowly stepped inside.

Then...

The gift slipped from his fingers with his eyes widened.

His mother lay on the floor.

Her clothes were torn apart violently, body looked twisted unnaturally, fingers were broken badly and her face...

Her face had been smashed beyond recognition.

Blood spread across the wooden floor endlessly.

Drip.

Drip.

Drip.

The sound echoed inside Nate’s ears.

He froze completely, his mind stopped functioning for several seconds, then he slowly raised his head.

A man stood nearby.

His pants were still halfway lowered while he casually counted silver coins with a satisfied smile on his face.

Lots of silver coins.

Far more money than Nate had ever seen together before.

The man placed the coins back inside a large pouch and smirked while glancing at Nate like he was looking at trash.

Something inside Nate snapped instantly.

”AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

His scream sounded raw, broken like an animal.

He lunged toward the man without thinking.

Smack!

The man casually backhanded him across the face.

The impact sent Nate crashing onto the floor immediately, before he could recover...

The man began stomping him.

Again, and again and again.

Boots smashed against his stomach, ribs, back, and face without stopping.

Nate curled his body tightly while crying from pain and shouting for help.

Still...

Nobody came to help.

Nobody.

Not a single person.

The neighbors clearly heard everything, even with the noise of the rain which was already slowing down, it wasn’t impossible to miss the noise made by a child, but nobody entered.

Nobody cared.

After getting bored, the man bent down and picked up the small wrapped present Nate bought for his mother, then he took the little money Nate earned too.

He raised his pants fully and walked toward the exit calmly, like nothing important had happened, like a human life meant absolutely nothing.

”No...”

Nate weakly stretched his trembling hand forward.

”Come back...”

His fingers shook violently, then he noticed the blood covering his hand.

Too much blood.

It wasn’t his.

The blood coming from him was only from his forehead and mouth.

The rest...Was his mother’s.

Nate slowly turned toward her body again.

Or rather...

What remained of her body.

He could no longer recognize her properly and at that moment...

The final regret inside him exploded.

He never reconciled with her.

Not once, not even once.

The last thing he told his mother was...

’I wish you were never my mother.’

Tears burst out of his eyes uncontrollably.

Everything was gone.

His father, his mother, his money, his anger, his hatred.

Everything.

Then...

Something finally clicked inside him.

The world he lived in wasn’t a world where hardworking people survived.

No.

It was a world where only those willing to growl, kneel, kill, and lose themselves could continue living.

That was the world Nate came to know.

Slowly...

He forced himself back onto his feet, his entire body trembled from pain and rage.

His eyes no longer looked like a child’s anymore.

They looked hollow.

He grabbed a kitchen knife from the broken table nearby, then he walked outside.

The little rain continued falling around him quietly and his steps made noise from the little water soaked on the soil.

The man had not gone far.

He still walked casually down the road while holding the pouch of coins.

Then...

Stab!

The knife pierced into the man’s back suddenly.

The man screamed and turned around in shock, but Nate stabbed him again.

Stab!

Again.

Stab!

Again.

Stab! Stab! Stab!

Nate’s face twisted completely while tears and snot mixed together across his face.

He kept stabbing.

Again, again and again.

Even after the man collapsed, even after the screams stopped, even after blood flooded the snow beneath them.

Nate still continued stabbing.

His small arms moved wildly without rhythm.

The knife entered flesh over and over again like he was trying to destroy every bit of hatred inside him physically.

Until...

His arms became numb, his breathing completely broke apart and nothing remained inside him anymore.

The knife finally slipped from his hand.

Nate sat there beside the corpse while rain slowly soaked both him and the dead man.

He started crying on the slow rainy night.