Last Born Of The Desdemona

Chapter 100: Chapter 100: Praise the Queen [1]

Chapter 100 – Praise the Queen [1]

Cassius stared at Sarah intensely. Her blue eyes were shaking with fear, with pain, but most importantly of all...with unbearable love.

It was so plain, so obvious, that he wondered for a moment how this young woman managed to hold such an overwhelming love within herself — all while watching the man she loved use her like a plaything — without shattering entirely.

’Perhaps she already did.’ Cassius thought. ’Perhaps what is in front of me is simply the shattered version of her. The version I think of as her original self, because it is the only side of her I have ever known.’

Yes. Perhaps.

But that knowledge, unfortunately, did not serve the current situation. Sarah was growing restless in his prolonged silence, her tears beginning to flow faster, faster still.

”Y-You... you asked me.” She croaked, as if blaming him, her hands fisting so hard they turned bloodless white. ”You asked me to be true to myself. True to my desire. I have done it. So why don’t you answer, sir? Why are you silent? Answer me, I beg you. Or do you think I am not worthy?”

”Well?” Cassius cocked his head. ”Tell me, are you worthy?”

Sarah bit her lip. ”As a commoner and an orphan, I am not worthy, sir.”

Then she added:

”But, sir, I assure you, and I can swear an Oath on it, that if it is purely a matter of love...” she smiled, beautiful and sad, ”only I am worthy of the Prince.”

Then her face twisted, and there, Cassius saw the hatred he had glimpsed earlier surge across her entire face like a patch of cold ice spreading across a floor.

”I am more worthy than Lady Anesthesia!” She almost shouted. ”She doesn’t love him! But I do, sir! I do.”

”That is heartwarming.” Cassius said with an almost amused tone, shaking his head softly. ”But, alas, we are not in one of those fairytales where love transcends everything. I am sorry, Sarah. But your love — no matter how great — will not on its own earn you Raven.”

’After all, even with all the love you feel for him, somehow, in a strange way, you still fell for Emrys.’

And the reason was simple. Emrys had given her not only his love but also his care, his affection and his respect.

Raven had done none of that. He only received Sarah’s love without giving anything in return.

Sarah might not know it yet, because the only man she had ever known was Raven. Only him. But she was parched of love, like a flower withering from lack of water.

In that sense, if someone began to genuinely care for her — to water her, to continue the analogy — she would undoubtedly grow fond of them.

Add to that Emrys’s protagonist’s halo, and it was a foregone conclusion that she would eventually fall for him.

And it seemed Sarah, despite her lack of experience in matters of love, already sensed that love alone was not sufficient, for she lowered shamefully her head at Cassius’s words.

”I still don’t understand why.” He continued, watching her. ”Even after everything Raven has done to you, you still want to be with him?”

”Yes.” Her answer was immediate. ”I still want to, sir.”

”Because of love?”

”Yes, sir.” She lifted her head again. ”Because no matter how many times I have tried, I cannot let go of him. You know, sir, my Prince confessed something to me. To me alone...”

She smiled at that, as if thrilled by the very fact.

”...he told me he loves and hates Lady Anesthesia at the same time. He told me he needs my love to bear his unanswered feelings for her.”

”That only proves he doesn’t love you.” Cassius said. ”He sees you as nothing more than something to lean on to keep himself going through this farce.”

”But he can learn, sir.” Sarah said stubbornly. ”He can learn to love me.”

”He obviously can.” He acknowledged with a smile. ”But do you think he will, with Anesthesia around?”

Sarah blinked, the truth of it landing on her. ”There...there must be a way, sir.”

”There is always one.” He nodded. ”But what — or rather who — do you think it depends on?”

He didn’t wait for an answer.

”It depends on you, Sarah. My uncle will never love you, even without Anesthesia in the picture, as long as his perception of you remains unchanged.”

Sarah listened attentively.

”He must first stop seeing you as an object that belongs to him. He must begin to see you for who you truly are. And that will only happen when you yourself begin to see yourself as something more than a bed warmer.”

The maid’s face twisted. ”I... I tried, sir. I swear I did. But I love him. And I cannot refuse him anything. He only has to ask, and I will do it.”

”That needs to change.” Cassius said, tired, with finality. ”There is no other path. You are a commoner, a maid, and someone who has always said yes to his every whim. Of course he does not respect you. Of course he gravitates toward Anesthesia, who makes clear every single day that she is a person in her own right, that he is not the central pillar of her existence. But you...”

Cassius raised an eyebrow at her. Sarah almost flinched inwardly, bracing herself for the contempt she had been expecting all her life.

But the Last Born of the Desdemona’s eyes were calm as still water. Holding judgment without a doubt, but no condemnation.

He was looking at her for who she was. Only that. Without hating her, loathing her, or looking down on her for it.

He simply... saw her.

And Sarah’s heart shivered, crying out in a silent sob — a whimper, a wail that made her head spin.

Cassius continued smoothly while her mind was still catching up to its own turbulence.

”...you, Sarah, act like you are nothing without him. Raven can see that. He has loved it, without a doubt. But he does not need that. He is a Prince. His entire life, people have obeyed his every desire. Don’t be another one of them. Be like Anesthesia.”

”H-How?” Sarah asked, wishing she could kneel at his feet like a student before a teacher and simply absorb every word. But it was obvious the young master had no interest in such reverence.

There was arrogance in his red eyes. But not the kind that demanded others diminish themselves so he could feel great.

”How can I be like her?” She asked hesitantly. ”Is it... is it even possible for me?”

”You know Raven better than Anesthesia does.” Cassius said. ”That alone is enough. But to use that knowledge correctly, Sarah, you first need to be ready to become a person of your own. And to be that, you need respect. Let me tell you something...”

He smiled.

”...no one will respect you if you do not respect yourself first. And if you do not respect yourself, you will lie to yourself just to bear the weight of it. And if you lie to yourself, the next step is to loathe yourself. Because lies are ugly, wicked things that make you into something you are not. And you cannot love something you are not. So the conclusion is very simple:”

He raised a single finger.

”Respect yourself to be respected. Love yourself, only then will you know how to love others, and how to receive their love in return.”

The words were like sunlight flooding Sarah’s mind, burning away every shadow and leaving nothing behind but absolute clarity.

In an instant, everything was obvious. Her past actions, which she had believed were acts of devotion and love, were nothing more than desperate attempts to be loved by something greater than herself, in order to feel worthy of love.

Worthy of meaning something in a world that had abandoned her at birth.

That realisation, however, came with harrowing questions, ones that made her heart run cold.

’Do I truly love my Prince? Or do I love the possibility of being loved by the Prince...me, an orphan commoner?’

Was she doing this out of vanity? To prove something to herself? To prove something to the world?

Or did she honestly love him?

The two possibilities crashed against each other inside her mind, nearly bringing her to her knees.

Sarah was lost. And afraid.

”I understand it now.” She said shakily, looking at him. ”But sir... I am also frightened by what I understand. What if... what if I don’t love him? What if I only wanted to be loved by him, and confused that desperate feeling for love itself?”

Cassius smiled, genuinely pleased that Sarah was finally thinking clearly. ”That is something only you can discover.”

Her face fell, but she said nothing.

”For now, you only need to confirm one thing.” He continued. ”How would you feel if Raven were officially with Anesthesia, leaving you behind entirely?”

Sarah’s face changed rapidly, anger and jealousy plain and undisguised on her beautiful, tear-streaked face.

”That is all you need.” Cassius said, nodding at her expression. ”You cannot stand the thought of it. And I, most certainly, do not want that girl too close to Raven...not without my own arrangements in place. But I can do nothing directly. Only you can. So tell me, are you ready?”

”Y-Yes, sir!” She said, strong but cautious.

”Are you sure?” He asked with a cold smile. ”I will not invest my time and effort for you to fall short at the crucial moment. You would not like the outcome.”

The poor maid shook. ”I will not fail you! I will swear an Oath!”

”Oh, but of course you will swear one.” Cassius said, as if it were the most obvious thing. ”Because I did not call you here only for your pitiful love life.”

Her lips twitched. ”What do you need me to do, sir?”

By now, Sarah was ready to do anything within her power.

”First, you will do me proud and refuse any demands Raven makes of you that involve using your body to please him. Only perform your duties as his maid. He will neither kill you nor strike you. Raven is many things, but not a woman-beater. His mother taught him that much.”

She nodded, already dreading how she would manage such a feat. She loved the intimacy with him, even as she hated being kept for nothing but her body.

”Second,” Cassius pressed on, ”start training. Weak women are only for men whose egos exceed their worth. My uncle has many flaws and weaknesses, but not in that category.”

He paused, then continued.

”Now, love matters are settled.” He clapped his hands once. ”I have heard you. I have given you my advice. If you do not follow it, you will waste my time. And I will come for you.”

As he spoke, he produced from his space ring a Death Contract — black-coloured parchment oozing murky black essence — given to him by Helene herself.

”This is the third and final thing.” He continued, smiling. ”Sign this contract with your blood, then swear an Oath to Mother System to become part of my Sect: the Fallen Angel.”

He smiled like a devil.

”No negotiations. No bargains. You either accept, or you are killed here and now, dear Sarah. So tell me, what do you choose?”

A snake’s hiss echoed through the room. Sarah’s every hair stood on end like frozen spikes.

”...death, or life as a Fallen Angel?”

—End of Chapter 100—