I Only Summon Villainesses

Chapter 61: Wiping The Ass With The Floor, Or Do We Wipe The Floor With The Ass? (Help me out Here?!!)

I was silent for a few seconds, then sighed and shook my head.

”Derek, I don’t have time for you right now...” I shifted my gaze around the cavern, catching glimpses of curious faces in the dim light. ”Or anyone. Whether you believe I defeated the gate guardian or not, it’s been defeated. And as we were taught—”

’Not that half of you paid attention.’

”—in three hours, the gate will begin to destabilize. Complete collapse in six. The Scavenger teams should be entering soon to harvest the mana crystals and clear the corpses.”

I paused, letting that sink in.

”If they aren’t here already. Which means...” I pointed at myself, then gestured to the assembled crowd. ”You and I need to find the others and evacuate. Or you guys can handle the search party while I get out of this death trap.”

I slung my bag of cores over my shoulder — Christ, when did loot get so heavy? — and stepped forward.

Derek blocked my path.

His gaze was steady, challenging.

’Of course he is.’

”Where do you think you’re going?”

I looked at him with what I hoped was a mildly irritated expression and not the exhausted grimace it probably was.

”Uh? Home, Derek. Same place you should be going. Same place everyone here should be going.” I gestured vaguely at the unstable gate around us. ”You know, before this whole place becomes origami.”

Instead of yielding, he raised his chin, and there it was — that dangerous light in his green eyes. The one that meant he’d already made his decision and my opinion was irrelevant.

”If you’re so sure you defeated the gate guardian, then taking me down should be easy.” He cracked his knuckles.

’Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.’

”Don’t worry — I won’t even use my summon.”

Before I could respond — before I could tell him exactly where he could shove his challenge — the bastard lunged.

He pulled a vicious right hook from his hip, textbook form, all his weight behind it. The punch drove toward my stomach.

But something was different this time.

It wasn’t until that moment that I noticed it. Actually, no — it wasn’t just then. When I’d dodged that frozen stalactite earlier, the one that had nearly turned me into a Cade-kebab, I’d chalked it up to adrenaline. Pure survival instinct overriding my usual mediocre reflexes.

But this...

Derek’s movement was slow.

Not slow like he was holding back. Slow like I was watching it happen through water. As his fist flew forward, I moved my hand almost casually, intercepting the blow with my palm positioned just over my gut.

The impact was still solid — Derek wasn’t pulling his punches, never did — but it only made me stagger backward a step.

’Honestly, probably just the weight of the bag throwing me off balance.’

I let the cores slide off my shoulder and hit the ground with a heavy thud, then fixed Derek with my best ”are you serious right now” glare.

He looked lost for a moment. His fist was still clenched, arm extended. Then he straightened, and that insufferable smirk spread across his face.

”Hmph. I barely put anything into that punch and you’re already stumbling?” He scoffed, playing to his audience. ”And you killed the gate guardian?”

Behind him, murmurs rippled through the crowd. Mocking laughter.

’Real supportive, guys. Fantastic team spirit.’

I rolled my eyes.

”Oh please, Derek. You put everything you had into that punch.”

’And we both know it.’

But even as I said it, my mind was racing.

’He was fast... but not as fast as before. Not like the blur he was when he attacked me before. And my body — why does everything feel lighter? Different?’

I fixed Derek with a harder stare, actually entertaining the idea of fighting him.

Could I beat him? Absolutely. I’d survived Kai — actual Kai, not Derek’s budget-brand aggression. I’d grown from fighting several beasts. By those metrics, Derek was a warm-up, not a threat.

But beating him easily would mean showing my hand. Revealing my new attributes, I couldn’t let it slip. Not here. Not in front of everyone who’d love nothing more than to dissect how the failure suddenly got an upgrade.

So I wouldn’t demolish him.

But I was still going to teach his ass a lesson.

The expression on my face shifted from docile to something considerably less friendly.

”You want a piece of me that badly, Derek?!”

He frowned, hostility mixing with something that looked almost like discomfort.

’Good. You better squirm.’

”You want to bully me so bad? Establish your supremacy as a B-rank?” I spread my arms wide in mock invitation. ”Come on then, Derek! Come get a piece of this F-rank failure! I’m going to wipe the floor with your ass — or is it wipe your ass with the floor?” I paused. ”You know what, I’ll figure it out as I go.”

I positioned myself in a casual stance, an insane, rage-baiting grin plastered across my face.

Derek’s jaw tightened. ”You fool. You must’ve gotten high off whatever participation trophy you got for stumbling into that guardian kill.”

Movement at the entrance caught my eye — new arrivals filtering into the hall. I spotted Elena among them, her expression unreadable. No Kai, though.

’Probably still recovering. Or avoiding me. Smart guy.’

No Kael either, but that was expected. We weren’t seeing Kael again.

Poor bastard.

I refocused on Derek, letting my grin sharpen. ”What’s wrong? Suddenly hesitating?” I tilted my head. ”You’re all bark after all, huh? Pussy.”

Derek’s eyes blazed with rage.

Then he shot forward.

’It worked!’

Getting him to commit to a sharp, uncalculated charge was exactly what I needed. Now that I could actually follow his movements — track them, predict them — I could set traps. Lead him into positions where defense and counterattack became trivial.

’It’s almost unfair... No sorry, Derek.’’

A thought flickered through my mind, half-serious: ’Damn, was I a battle genius all along and just never realized it?’

I knew better, of course. I knew exactly where this sudden strategic clarity came from. But I could enjoy the moment anyway.

Derek closed the distance, planted his lead foot, and angled a heavy punch toward the side of my face — putting his whole shoulder into it.

My eyes tracked the incoming fist.

’Derek, why are you suddenly moving like you’re underwater? What are you, a kindergartener throwing a tantrum?’

I shifted back one step.

His punch sailed past my face, missing by inches. The momentum carried him forward, and he staggered — actually staggered — trying to recover his balance.

I watched him stumble with what had to be the most embarrassing lack of grace I’d ever seen from him.

’Here comes my legendary counter...’

I stepped forward, coiling slightly, then brought my head down like a hammer.

Just as Derek recovered from his stumble — just as his eyes widened in belated recognition — I smashed my forehead straight into his nose.

The impact gave me butterflies in my belly.

His head snapped back. Blood arced through the air in a crimson spray, catching the dim light of the gate’s fading crystals. Then he fell backward, landing hard on his ass with a grunt of pain and shock.

I stood over him, looking down.

”I told you...” I gestured vaguely at the palette of blue blood he’d landed in — gate guardian remnants mixing with his own red. ”I’d wipe the floor with your ass.”

Or something like that. Close enough.

Murmurs rippled through the assembled crowd, a wave of shock and disbelief and — if I wasn’t mistaken — a few poorly-suppressed laughs.