I Might Be A Fake Cultivator

Translator: Henyee Translations Editor: Henyee Translations

An Lin injected his presence into Su Qianyun’s voice transmission talisman and also made a request for two sets of personal identification documents.

One of them would be under the name of Su Qianyun, while the other would be under the alias of Bai Dachun.

After that, he set up a phone each for the two of them.

They then all gathered together and looked at one another with baffled expressions.

An Lin discovered a very serious problem.

For f*ck’s sake, Da Bai and Su Qianyun don’t even know Mandarin! Da Bai had never learned Mandarin before and Su Qianyun failed in her attempt to do so. These are two illiterate idiots, what’s the point of getting phones for them!?

Xu Xiaolan was very enthusiastic and volunteered to teach Su Qianyun how to use her phone, or at least just on the basic functions like how to call someone as well as how to answer a call. Da Bai was also eagerly learning from An Lin as he carefully fiddled with the phone with his massive paws. He wore an excited expression on his face, akin to the expression he adopted when he went into battle.

“Ding Dong!”

A WeChat notification appeared on Huang Shanshan’s phone.

New friend request with an accompanying message: “I am Bai Dachun.’

Accept.

Bai Dachun: “Hi, Sister Shanshan, it’s Bai Dachun!’

Huang Shanshan: “Uh-huh, you’re An Lin’s beast pet, right?”

Bai Dachun: “That’s right, I knew you’d remember me.”

Da Bai was very excited. He then posted a nude photo to Huang Shanshan.

Bai Dachun: “You like what you see?”

Huang Shanshan: “…”

Bai Dachun: “What pose do you like? I can take photos for you.”

He then posted another nude photo in a raunchy pose to Huang Shanshan.

Huang Shanshan: “…”

Bai Dachun: “Why do you keep sending these ellipses to me?”

However, Da Bai didn’t get a chance to send through the message.

System notification: “You and Huang Shanshan are not friends, please add her as a friend first if you would like to message her.”

Da Bai listened to An Lin’s translation of the notification and immediately jumped up. “Huh? Sister Shanshan unfriended me? How could that be possible? What did I do wrong? No, it must be because Big Brother An screwed me over! Woof!”

An Lin had been responsible for typing the messages as well as the translation so Da Bai felt like he had been screwed over without him knowing.

An Lin turned his head away coldly without a word.

Da Bai passed his phone to Xu Xiaolan and looked up at her with big watery eyes. “Celestial Maiden Xiaolan, please look at my message history and see if it’s what Big Brother An says it is.”

Xu Xiaolan: “…”

She had a glance and silently handed the phone back to Da Bai without even bothering to provide an explanation.

Da Bai finally realized something was wrong after seeing An Lin and Xu Xiaolan’s disdainful expression.

He muttered to himself in confusion, “Could it be that my flirting methods are wrong? But isn’t this how everyone flirts?”

An Lin’s lips twitched slightly. He had initially planned for Da Bai to realize his own faults through this experience, but it looked like he was beyond salvation!

Right at this moment, his phone suddenly began to ring.

He whipped out his phone to find that the caller was Huang Shanshan.

Oh crap, she wasn’t calling about Da Bai, was she?

An Lin was panicking a little bit, but he still answered the call.

“Hello, Sister Shanshan, what’s up?”

“An Lin!!!” Huang Shanshan’s furious voice sounded from the other side of the line, “Are Yao Mingxi and Hu Guan members of your team!?”

“Er… yes.” A bad feeling began to well up in An Lin’s heart.

“Come and collect them, they’ve been held captive after performing tricks at a temple fair!” Huang Shanshan yelled.

An Lin was even more dumbfounded now. “Huh? Why would they be held captive for performing tricks?”

Huang Shanshan hollered with rage. “Have you seen anyone break a slab of stone over their chest, except with a real stone? [1. Breaking a slab of stone over one’s chest is a renowned street performance in China, except that brittle plasterboard is normally used as a substitute for obvious reasons.] Have you seen someone perform sword-swallowing by chewing a real sword to pieces before swallowing it? Have you seen someone spit out flames from their mouth without the use of kerosene or methylated spirits? Have you?!”

An Lin wiped away some sweat from his forehead. “I have not…”

Huang Shanshan laughed grimly. “Well everyone that went to the temple fair has seen all that and more!”

An Lin’s body swayed, and his legs almost gave out from under him. “Holy sh*t!”

“Seeing as Yao Mingxi and Hu Guan didn’t resist when they were being taken captive by the National Special Operations Department, we won’t report this to the Heavenly Court. I’m going to send the address to you so you can take them and teach them a lesson on societal norms!” Huang Shanshan’s voice sounded from the other side.

“For sure, I’ll definitely teach them a lesson!”

An Lin was starting to regret allowing everyone to go off on their own as all they did was cause trouble for him.

“Hmph, you’re piling even more work on my plate, do you have a death wish?” Huang Shanshan grumbled one last time before hanging up.

An Lin sighed and brought out his phone before climbing onto Da Bai’s back to go to the location Huang Shanshan had sent him.

Xu Xiaolan and Su Qianyun continued their shopping spree. This was the team leader’s job so there was no point in them coming along.

Only Tian Lingling followed along voluntarily, for no other reason than to get another opportunity to ride on Da Bai’s back.

Within a certain special detention center in the Yu Province.

An Lin bailed out Yao Mingxi and Hu Guan.

Tears welled up in both their eyes when they saw An Lin.

“Big Brother An, sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused, it was my idea to try street performance, so you can pin the blame all on me.” Hu Guan stared at An Lin with a scorching gaze.

“No, Big Brother An, it was all my fault. I didn’t act as a good moral compass and even went along with doing something so stupid, I take full responsibility for everything.” Yao Mingxi looked deeply into An Lin’s eyes with an expression filled with remorse and guilt.

An Lin shuddered lightly as goosebumps began to appear all over his body. He was terrified of other men looking at him like that.

He very carefully delivered an hour-long lesson on societal norms to the both of them.

The two retarded superfans listened intently to the lesson provided by their idol and even whipped out notebooks to record some of the more important details.

Tian Lingling looked on from the side in shock. How could they be so interested in listening to something so boring!

Just as Tian Lingling was about to fall asleep on Da Bai’s back, An Lin finally concluded his lesson.

“You guys can go now, but be careful with your action.”

An Lin was completely exhausted and began to send the two of them away.

However, the two of them refused to leave as they wanted to stay by An Lin’s side.

After a moment of hesitation, he still decided to send them on their way, but only after a huge amount of persuasion.

Who knew what would happen if these two fanatical male fans followed him around everywhere?

“Are you finally done? This team leader gig doesn’t seem easy.” Tian Lingling swept her short brown hair behind her ears as a sweet smile appeared on her porcelain-like features.

An Lin laid down on Da Bai’s back with a dejected expression. He didn’t want to say anything.

First, he had to go to the capital city and summon lightning over a busy shopping mall. Then he had to travel to the Yu Province to bail these two idiots out, and in the process copping a scolding from Huang Shanshan twice. Who could understand his misery?

This team leader role sure was hard…

Su Qianyun’s problem had been resolved, now he just had to pray to the heavens that Yao Mingxi and Hu Guan could take his words to heart.

A short while later, An Lin’s phone rang again.

He looked down, and his whole body shuddered as he discovered the caller was once again Huang Shanshan!

Oh God, what now … An Lin’s heart rate immediately accelerated through the roof.

“Hello, Sister Shanshan, what’s up?”

“An Lin!! Is Tang Ximen part of your team too?!”

An Lin was slightly taken aback by her words. Tang Ximen was a fourth-year student, and he had said he was only going to visit some old friends. He looked pretty reliable and didn’t seem like he would stir up any trouble.

An Lin could only brace himself and replied truthfully, “Uh… yes, Tang Ximen is indeed one of my team members.”

“Ha! Are doing all this on purpose, An Lin?”

“Sister Shanshan, just what is going on…”

“Tang Ximen was discussing the way of the sword with the leader of the Hua Mountain Sect. During the process, he sliced the whole tip off the Hua Mountain, how about that?!”

An Lin almost collapsed to the ground.

What the f*ck was he doing at Hua Mountain?!

“This is a major incident! Although it’s quite far away from the scenic area, he has damaged a cultural heritage site of the Hua Nation, so remember to bring your spirit stones when you come to pick him up!! You’re f*cking trying to kill me, aren’t you? I’m not wiping your ass for you anymore!” Huang Shanshan’s enraged cry sounded from the other side.

An Lin collapsed to the group as tears welled up in his eyes.

He wasn’t trying to kill her; it was his team members that were trying to kill him!!!

F*ck this team leader gig, whoever wants it can take it!