I Am Scouted by Real Madrid

Chapter 63: Chapter 34: Satire

”World Sports Newspaper” and ”Daily Sports” have been updated.

As the two largest sports newspapers in the Catalonia Region, if there’s something most loved by fans, it’s the football cartoons that are published almost every issue.

These cartoons drawn with exaggerated techniques often make fans laugh uncontrollably, and the ones with satirical content about Real Madrid are particularly pleasing to Barcelona fans.

In the last issue, ”World Sports Newspaper” used exaggeration to create a satirical cartoon of Real Madrid winning two league matches and daydreaming. In the cartoon, Schuster has a gigantic head, his mouth agape as bubbles emerge from it, the largest two say ”Champion” and ”Best”, while bubbles are bursting beside them, seemingly foretelling the breaking of Schuster’s championship and best dreams.

”Daily Sports” depicted Calderon in a suit and tie, chasing a piggy bank with his short legs, and in the wind-blown suit of Calderon, patches were clearly visible, satirizing Real Madrid being so poor that their clothes need patches, yet still willing to go to extremes to buy players.

It’s noteworthy that ”Daily Sports” seems afraid that readers won’t know the inside story, as it published a report after this cartoon, where someone questioned Real Madrid’s debt level, believing it has exceeded 400 million. Following this report, ”Daily Sports” did an exclusive interview with Jose, an economics professor from Barcelona, who earnestly analyzed that Real Madrid’s debt might have exceeded 500 million.

In response to attacks from ”Daily Sports” and ”World Sports Newspaper”, ”Marca” and ”Diario AS” also responded, with both newspapers working together in remarkable harmony.

”Marca” invited Calderon for an interview, where Calderon stated that the club’s finances are very healthy with 100 million Euros available in the bank, debt left by Florentino during his presidency not affecting Real Madrid, and encouraged Real Madrid members not to worry.

In the interview, Calderon also announced good news that the club’s operating performance last season reached a historical peak, having full capability to repay both short-term and long-term debts.

”Diario AS” mocked Barcelona’s poverty, telling how Barcelona pretends to be rich despite not having money, using installment payments for player signings this summer, only paying a down payment of 13.5 million Euros, with Henry’s transfer fee delayed until next year, hoping they first take care of their own pocket before worrying about others.

With the start of the season, the four sports newspapers chose sides, attacking each other from various angles, making it easy to feel, if reading only one side, that the other club is about to disband.

In this issue, ”Marca” and ”Diario AS” naturally used Real Madrid’s three consecutive league wins and top league position to attack Barcelona’s 1 win and 2 draws, while ”World Sports Newspaper” and ”Daily Sports” stopped discussing league results, instead using ”Chen Zhong” as a breakthrough point, publishing two satirical cartoons.

”World Sports Newspaper” featured a baby with flames on its head, wearing a number 22 jersey, surrounded by Real Madrid players holding toys trying to appease the baby, with the most prominent being Raul in a number 7 jersey, offering a football with ”All for you” written on his head, while off in the distance, Schuster sits in front of a TV with a childcare book, looking at Barcelona’s Messi and Bojan buddying up, filled with envy.

”World Sports Newspaper” was mocking Real Madrid for lacking geniuses, packaging Chen Zhong as a genius when he was merely a spoiled giant baby, the true geniuses being Bojan and Messi.

If ”World Sports Newspaper” depicted the present, then ”Daily Sports” illustrated the future.

”Daily Sports” showed Chen Zhong sitting on the ground crying with a pacifier in his mouth, while in the distance, Bojan and Messi are clearly seen driving towards the goal with the ball, and Casillas at the goal with hair, eyebrows, gloves, and shoes flying off in fright, beside Schuster whose eyeballs are popping out, with the upper caption reading ”The Real Genius.”

Attached to both cartoons were photos showing clearly Real Madrid’s captain Raul, vice-captain Guti, alongside Sneijder, Casillas, and other players around Chen Zhong, giving off a feeling of stars supporting the moon.

Complimented by stirring text beneath, several Barcelona fans even introduced Chen Zhong as ”Fake,” ”Defective,” ”Artificial Genius,” during conversations, using it not as truth but as a talking point or even weapon.

Meanwhile in distant China, in the sports news sector, some irresponsible websites that only focus on reposting regardless of truthfulness displayed the news from ”Daily Sports” and ”World Sports Newspaper”, even used attention-grabbing headlines like ”Embarrassment Abroad, Exposed Fake Genius.”

Some fans who watch football express anger at this, while some ’pseudo-fans’ believe it and criticize profusely.

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Spain, Madrid

With merely one day left until the Champions League match, Schuster held copies of ”Daily Sports” and ”World Sports Newspaper”, struggling greatly to repress the curve of his mouth.

He truly felt what it means to have his wish granted effortlessly.

He roared, half-angrily, half-smilingly: ”From today all must have lunch at Sports City, and take a nap after. During the season, nighttime curfew is enforced.”

Announced with quick resolution, the change was ”uncertainly” approved amidst the silence of most players.

After Schuster vented, Francisco appeared, soothing players’ feelings, and assured it was temporary, meant to help players get into state faster.

Then announced the starting lineup for the next Champions League match.