Glory Of The Football Manager System

So I did it at the window, out loud, badly, the way I do it.

We averaged 25,063 last season. Wembley holds 90,000. That is 64,000 more seats, 19 league games, 3 European nights, plus whatever the cups throw up.

”That is over a million more people.”

”1.4, on our modelling. And I am not doing the yield with you, because you will start on ticket prices and we will be here until 3.”

”And UEFA.”

”15 and a quarter million euros for turning up,” Steve said. ”2.7 a win, 900,000 a draw, 9 and a half if we get out of the group. There is a version of this season where this football club earns more out of Europe than it earned out of the Premier League the year before I hired you.”

He let me have the window for a minute and then he went at the next one, because he had said 3 things and he had 40 minutes.

”Second thing,” he said. ”Macron are done.”

”Done as in.”

”Done as in the deal expires and we are not renewing.” He had the paper out again. ”4 good years. Nothing wrong with them.

”But we are a Champions League club now. There were 3 manufacturers in this building inside a fortnight of us finishing 2nd, and one of them has offered us a number I had to go and stand in the car park about.”

”Steve, you go and stand in the car park about everything.”

”I do. It is a good car park.” He almost smiled. ”Adidas.”

”Adidas.”

”5 years.” He said it flat. That is how you know. ”It is the biggest commercial deal in the history of Crystal Palace Football Club by a distance that is frankly rude, and it is not close, and I am not going to say the number out loud in a room with a window in it.

”Global distribution. Their top-tier template, not the one they give to the clubs they do not care about. Boot deals for the academy. And they want the kit launched before the Community Shield.”

”The 5th.”

”The 5th.”

”Steve, that is 16 days.”

”I am aware.”

”Third thing,” Steve said, and this one he did not enjoy.

”Front of shirt.”

”Front of shirt. The current deal runs out at the end of this season and they want to talk about extending, and they are decent people and they have been decent to us.

”And in the last 9 days I have had 4 approaches from companies who were not returning our calls in March.”

”Because of Russia.”

”Because of Russia.” He put his hands flat on my desk. ”Danny, I have run this club for 8 years and I have spent most of them ringing people who do not ring back. On Monday a brand I will not name in this room had somebody on a plane to see me. On a plane. To see us.

”That is what you have done to the commercial value of this football club in 6 weeks, and I am not going to insult either of us by pretending it is anything else.”

And I did the thing Marcus calls the ledger and Emma calls my worst habit.

Because a manager does not think in revenue. A manager thinks in what lands on his desk in a spreadsheet in January.

130 million in the bank from the summer. A wage bill that went up 40 per cent when Kovačić and James signed permanent. 15 and a quarter million for turning up in Europe, before a ball is kicked, before a win bonus.

An Adidas deal that is 5 years and a number Steve will not say out loud with a window in the room.

A matchday line that goes from 7 pence in the pound to something I cannot even model, in a stadium we do not own, for one year, before it goes into a ground with 60,000 seats in it.

And a squad with no third goalkeeper and no right back.

”So take the money.”

”I am going to take a lot of money,” he said. ”But I am not signing a 5 year front-of-shirt deal in the middle of the best 3 weeks this club has ever had, because in 3 weeks we might be worth more, and in 3 weeks we might have played Real Madrid.

”So I am going to hold. And I wanted you to know I am holding, because if it goes wrong it is my name on it.”

He got up and went to the door and stopped with his hand on it.

”Danny.”

”Steve.”

”Are you leaving me?”

That is the fourth time he has asked me that in 14 months and every one of them has been at a door.

”I have got a Community Shield in 16 days,” I said, ”and 130 million pounds in the bank and a right back to buy, and no third goalkeeper, and a stadium I have never played in, and a kit I have not seen.

”When would I have the time?”

”That is not an answer.”

”No,” I said. ”It is not.”

Steve Parish looked at me for a second and then opened the door.

”They are on the grass at 12,” he said. ”23 of them. And every one of them has watched that final about 40 times, so do not expect a lot of running.”

”Sarah said the same thing.”

”Sarah is always right. It is extremely annoying.” He went out and then put his head back round the frame. ”The 2 new lads have been in since half 7. Grealish was here at 20 past.”

”Doing what?”

”Waiting for you,” Steve said, and shut the door.

I sat there for a bit after that.

I got up and turned the whiteboard round, and did the only part of this job I have ever been able to do.

Somebody had wiped it. 6 weeks of pre-season on it, and Bray had cleaned it Thursday night. That is Bray telling me it is mine again.

Squeak.

I did not start with City. I started with the year, because the year is the problem.

Last season we played 38 league games, 6 in the FA Cup and 6 in the Carabao. 50, and it nearly killed us in March.

This season is 38, plus the Community Shield, plus a Super Cup, plus 6 group games minimum in the European Cup, plus 2 cups.

55 to 63 matches.

I wrote that number in the corner and put a box round it and then I sat and looked at it for a while, because 63 is not a number this football club has ever had to think about.

4 things, in the same order. I have done them that way since a Portakabin in Bromley.

Squeak.

MINUTES.

You cannot play 63 games with 11 men. Every club that has tried it has been in an ambulance by February.

So it is not a first XI any more. It is 18 men who all play, and a plan written in July, before anybody is tired and before anybody is upset.

Zaha does not play Tuesday and Saturday. He never has. He is worth more to me at 34 games than 50.

Benteke plays the Carabao and starts the physical ones. Bowen plays the Thursdays that are not Thursdays.

And Kovačić has a knee I do not trust and a baby due in December, and I am going to have to sit down with him and say a thing he will not like.

Squeak.

SHAPE.

One system. Not 2.

Everybody at this level is now playing 3 different shapes and telling their supporters it is flexibility. It is not flexibility, it is 4 training sessions a week and no time to do any of them properly.

We play the same way against Manchester City and against Huddersfield and against Real Madrid. Højbjerg holds, Neves and Kovačić either side, Zaha and James wide, and everything through the middle third at pace.

If we lose, we lose doing the thing we are best at. I will take that in front of any board in England.

Squeak. Squeak.

SET PIECES.

And this is the one nobody has said out loud in this building since the 6th of June.

Luka Milivojević took every penalty this club had for 2 years. 10 goals last season and 8 of them off the spot, and he is at West Ham.

I sold our penalty taker.

I wrote WHO TAKES THEM on that board and underlined it twice.

I did not have an answer at 10 past 10 and I did not have one at half past 11. It will cost us points in October.

Milivojević also took every corner from the left. Ziyech is not walking through that door, whatever the internet says.

Squeak.

***

Thank you to Sir nameyelus and Kostas_Gounakis for the support.