Getting Warhammered [WH 40k Fanfic]

“Nice of you to finally bother taking me out of your toy cube,” I said, levelling an unimpressed gaze at the lazy Necron while I slurped up the last remaining splotches of bio-matter on the floor.

“It has been a month at most,” Trazyn remarked with a verbal shrug in his voice. “It’s not like you’d die of old age like a human, is it? No need to be so sour about a measly month.”

I levelled a narrow gaze at him, then cast it about to take in my surroundings. We stood in a rather small room that had all the motifs and signs of the inside of a Necron-made building. I sent my aura out a bit further than would have been strictly polite — at least what I would have felt polite to be when talking to other Psykers — and took in the whole … ship that we were riding in.

“Nice ship you got here,” I said, spinning around like I could see right through the heavily reinforced walls that seemed to be made just so nobody could do just that. “So, I believe you summoned me up to give me my payment for last time? Or do you have something new for me to do?”

“No new assignments worth your time are forthcoming I’m afraid.” Trazyn shook his head, and I could almost see the squint in his artificial gaze as he tried to guess whether I could really see through his fancy walls. “But I’d be loath to become known as one not paying back a service done to me. With the … unexpected level of challenge faced in retrieving the latest Artifact of Vulcan, I’m willing to part with samples of a higher rarity … if that is still the form of payment you are interested in?”

“It is,” I said, then thought for a moment as I added with a hint of wariness, “Unless you’d be willing to teach me how to mould some fancy necron weapons out of necrodermis?”

“I’m afraid the facilities needed to shape necrodermis into weapons and the knowhow to how to make them is not something I am willing to share … “ he said, starting off in an almost offended tone but by the time he was trailing off at the end, it shifted into something more thoughtful as his hand came up to tap his metallic chin. He shook his head after a moment. “No. Let us keep to the original agreement. You provide me services in line with what could be expected of a mercenary, and I provide you with unique and curious samples of bio-matter. Clean and simple.”

I gave an overly dramatic sigh, then spat at his death mask. The ancient Necron overlord stared at me as a tiny mechanical scarab pinged off of his face and I stared right back. 

“It’s rude to put mind-shackle scarabs into your business partners,” I said, not quite sure whether to be amused or offended at his audacity. “I don’t think most people react well to having tiny insects bend their thoughts this way and that.”

“… the risk to reward ratio is usually more than worth the gamble,” he said, a hand reaching down to grab the scarab currently dissolving in the strongest bio-acid I had on hand. “I have only met a few beings capable of even detecting them once implanted. Shame. Will this be a problem going forward? I’d perfectly understand if this breach of polite behaviour on my part is cause enough for you to terminate this … agreement we have between us.”

The sheer audacity of this pile of scrap. I wanted to shake my head in astonishment, almost awed by the Necron’s gall to tell it to my face that it was a ‘shame’ he couldn’t mind control me. “I want a piece of the Fulgrim clone you have. On top of the price I’m owed for the last mission, of course. If you can agree to that, I’ll forget this attempt at mind controlling me.”

Trazyn only took a second of time to think before he gave a nod. “Done. Unless you want the entire clone?”

“I know it’d take more than that to get that out of your grabby hands.” I shrugged. “Plus, what the hell would I do with a perfect Primarch clone? It’s perfectly fine with me if it sits around in your collection for a while more.”

His gaze narrowed at my final words, but he let it go easily enough. “Name your price.”

I couldn’t help but grin at that, my voice almost a purr as I asked, “Do you have a list of all the stuff you have?”

*****

“And this, is sustainable?” Selene asked with a hint of incredulity in her voice as she watched me construct the skeletal frame of my newest prototype spaceship far down in the belly of the now finished headquarters. 

“Sure is,” I said cheerily, applying another layer of an updated pseudo-adamantite onto the hull. “I am in a net energy positive already, the Orks just love to die and reproduce and that’s giving me a fuck load of energy. I could make a few more spaceships and only then would I get back to being even with the initial energy I had when we landed on this barren rock.”

“This is just so … “ she trailed off, watching on as the ship practically grew around the skeletal support system like something organic. 

“Awesome?” I asked. “Awe-inspiring, magnificent?”

“Eerie,” Selene said with an amused roll of her eyes that took the edge out of her words. “It feels so indescribably wrong to just watch a ship grow itself like a living being. Even with knowing everything you’ve told me, watching this feels like I’m being witness to something unholy and unnatural.”

“Hummm.” I halted, Blinking over to my girlfriend to take in the view from her perspective and just watched as metallic carapace grew over the skeletal frame while tunnels grew like veins and hallways formed to serve as organs of the ship. It was deeply strange, but I really didn’t have the personal background Selly had, nor the religious education that likely gave birth to those feelings she had. “I can see that, I guess. Do you want to do something else? We don’t need to be here for the ship to be … built. Wanna go dragon riding? Maybe a stroll through the wilderness?”

“I think I’ll check up on your newest rescue,” Selene said, shaking her head a bit. “You have fun with your ship. Don’t stop for my sake … see you around later? You said you built a nice pool into this thing?”

“I did,” I said, feeling only the slightest bit disheartened by Selene shooting down another impromptu date. Guess she needed some alone time too, oh well. “Alright then, see you in the evening?”

“Yeah, bye!” She gave me a little wave before disappearing with a swirl of psychic power. Her Blinks were still more stomping through space than gracefully slipping through, but it was getting better. 

Smiling at the thought, I threw myself back into designing the ship, but without Selene being there to talk with, I allowed my mind to expand and supervise a few more projects.

In a set basement room well below the surface a test was going on, supervising and teasing out the kinks of the mental effects Tau Ethereals had over their kin from the other castes.

Coldstone thankfully took my handshake at face value when he left, and I’d managed to nab a few skin cells from him.

With the Tau being as simple organisms as they are, that was more than enough to reverse engineer their full genetic template.

In another, I was playing around with replicating generic Imperial materials like plasteel, rockrete and ceramite while another still was dedicated to stress testing various drone bio-forms.

My mind-cores, on the other hand, were now working almost exclusively on refining my next Combat Form with the addition of the Fulgrim sample I got. It still had major problems, I had to see how to best mix and meld things together for the best effect, but it was looking good.

Even the Norn Emissary’s bone sword template was coming along nicely, its cost to produce having gone down another 21% since the last time I’d used it in my fight with the Custodian.

I checked on the progress of the planet at large. The floral ecosystem was going pretty nicely, my mind-cores calculations and simulations having turned out almost entirely correct and all the various species of plants and fungus meshed together pretty well.

The animal ecosystem was a bit rougher, a few predators already starting to get far to ‘apex’ and dominant for the whole variety of species I’d introduced to the planet to last.

That’d require some heavy-handed intervention if I wanted to keep my variety. Maybe some separation would do them good once continents started forming as my nascent ocean filled up a bit more.

That was my last problem, the ocean. My little plants worked overtime to produce water out of whatever they could get their roots and leaves on, but it was a slow and monotonous task that they nonetheless worked to complete with laudable stoicism. With them being plants, that was sort of a given, but that was neither here nor there.

Anyway! With Selly off to play with our newest resident Psyker, I decided to get one of my other projects that’d been kept in the ‘idea’ phase launched. 

*****

Robarus, or ‘Bob’ according to some eccentric aliens, was just enjoying his leisurely afternoon with a cup of sour tea in hand and the soft breeze blowing in his face. Before him, a verdant world spread out like a beautiful painting and despite having seen hundreds of planets in his long life, Robarus still found this one enthralling in a way few other planets were.

Maybe it was the knowledge that ferocious beasts from a dozen death worlds fought for dominance beneath the verdant canopy, just out of sight? Or that he had seen the barren, lifeless rock this moon had been just a month ago?

Truly, if he hadn’t seen the alien woman doing it, he would have wondered whether the Emperor finally rose from his Golden Throne, only to bless this one planet with abundant life. Alas, weird Xenos seemed to wield more power these days than the God Emperor of Mankind. 

Robarus wagered protecting the collective soul of humanity from the Great Enemy was a trying task, but it was one that went unseen by most. He had heard of miracles happening in a few faraway stretches of space, but those were more rumours and hopeful delusions than anything else. 

Doesn’t matter anymore. Robarus thought, closing his eyes as he enjoyed the clear air bereft of the fumes of heavy machinery or even the stink of humanity ravishing his nostrils. Nothing mattered anymore, nothing besides the fact that he had Fae back. Even his own regained youth was secondary, though a welcome surprise.

He’d never say no to another few centuries with the love of his life.

The only hangup he had was the price of such a thing. Rejuv treatment already cost a fortune and a half, and that was if one even had the political pull to even get the chance to pay that fortune for the treatment. What he had gotten was beyond even the most advanced rejuvenation treatments he knew about.

He couldn’t afford it. Not in a million years, and there wasn’t even anything making sure the trade had to be fair. The Xeno his love was so infatuated with had all the power and then some. She could ask for Robarus’ soul in return for his new lease on life, and he would have little choice in the matter. 

He had been waiting for the other shoe to drop after he’d been given his youth back; he had been on edge, jumping at every move of the alien woman. Then an hour went by without the woman as much as glancing his way. Then a day, a week and then a whole month. Then two. 

He had stopped bothering to worry and stress over it somewhere along the way, and was just doing his best to enjoy every moment of freedom, knowing very well it could be his last. 

When the woman, Echidna appeared before him, floating just a few inches off the ground like some ethereal ghost, Robarus just gave a shallow sigh and stood. His eyes were serene like the face of a lake as he stared into the emerald eyes of the alien woman, forcing himself not to get lost in the fractal-like cracks shifting through the green of her eyes.

“Whatever it is, I am ready.” Robarus didn’t blink and merely straightened his … tunic? Was that what the thing he had on was called? It didn’t matter. “But before you collect your price, may I say goodbye to my love? I’d hate to leave her without at least that.”

The woman looked at him weirdly, tilting her head in that eerily unnatural way that would have been endearing had he not seen her transform into monstrosities taller than most Space Marines before. It just felt fake to him, an alien trying to mimic human behaviour.

Worse was that it was succeeding, though he supposed with the ability to read minds on a whim, that wasn’t much of a challenge.

“What do you suppose I am going to ask of you?” she asked, a curious lilt entering her voice. She sounded conversational, easygoing, even, and it almost lulled Robarus into the false sense that she was not actually here to claim his soul.

“Eat my soul?” Robarus shrugged with the fatalistic acceptance of only one who knew their death was inevitable and nearing. “Twist me into some abomination?”

“And why would I do either of those things?” Echidna asked, sitting down mid-air atop thin air. Swinging a leg over the other, she leaned on her knee and propped up her chin with a knuckle. 

“I don’t know,” Robarus huffed, the shrug he gave more forceful than he would have wished. “I never claimed to know the minds of aliens, but I reckon power like yours doesn’t come freely. Maybe it’s souls that fuel it, or the flesh of innocents. I’ve seen stranger things before, neither would surprise me. As I said, all I ask is that you find it in yourself to allow me a final goodbye to my love.”

“And people think I’m sappy,” the Xeno sighed, then shook herself like a wet dog as she returned her piercing gaze onto him. “No, there will be no need for goodbye as I have no intention of eating either your body or your soul. Do you know how little the human body is worth in terms of bio-energy? Less than an Ork’s clipped nails. Souls though, I have no taste for. I only eat daemons, and even those give me indigestion so I’ll refrain on that front too.”

“Then what do you want?” Robarus asked, his voice growing heated as even his lax nerves were pulled taunt and starting to strain. “I assume you’ve come to claim your price for granting me my youth. Out with it, what is it that you want of me if it is neither my body nor my soul?”

“Well,” Echidna said, squinting at him like a predator examining a particularly amusing prey. “I’ve been thinking of what to do with you. Val, Selly and Fae are all Psykers and can help out as such, so is the new addition and the Orks are suitably good in a fight, but I had no idea what role would suit the single regular human in my crew. So, I’ve thought of something interesting … Say, have you ever thought about architecture? Building stuff? While we’re at it, how do you feel about getting some organic upgrades to your flimsy human body?”

“Wha-” Robarus started, then snapped his mouth shut with an effort of will as he thought the woman’s words over. She wants me to build her stuff? Like a Tech Priest or like some construction worker … No, she wants me to plan the buildings too. 

Organic upgrades were a harder sell, but he could live with them. Supposedly, the woman’s human consort already had a fuck load of them if Fae was to be believed, and she didn’t look like a lumbering abomination so Robarus could reasonably expect that he too would keep his current shape if he accepted.

Parts of him screamed in protest at the absolute heresy and lunacy of even considering the offer, but Robarus had buried those parts of himself six feet under centuries ago. They mattered less than a fart in the wind, and if this was what he had to pay for staying with Fae?

“I accept.” 

He would have given his soul without resistance for the few months he’d gotten to spend with her. This much was nothing. 

“What do I have to do?”