Dragon Canon

Instead of taking stock of his newfound loot, Wei Yuan hurried to treat his injuries instead. If he waited any longer, he might actually die.

He felt around his body but couldn’t find so much as a single pill. It was because the sword qi had obliterated every item he carried in his armor, pockets, and even his body[1]—not that they would be useful even if they weren’t. The medicines Wei Yuan carried with him were all of the lowest grade; the kind that cost only a few taels of immortal silver each.

Although the Xu Clan’s secret vault was still in his possession, and it contained well over 100,000 taels of immortal silver, Wei Yuan calculated every tael he spent and was unwilling to spend even half a tael on himself.

Therefore, looking at his wounds now, Wei Yuan could only sigh in resignation. A poor man could not afford elixirs; he could only bear it with his physical body.

Wei Yuan began cycling the healing technique from the Supreme Yin Lunar Essence Myriad Manifestations Chapter, awakening all vitality within his body. He then borrowed a speck of aura from the Bay Laurel Immortal Tree and the Red Lotus Bodhi to elevate his level of existence, just in case his bad day wasn’t over yet.

The Bay Laurel Immortal Tree turned away, refusing to share its aura with him.

The Red Lotus Bodhi proved generous; dropping him an entire leaf. However, this caused Wei Yuan such a heartache that he nearly passed away there and then. He repeatedly muttered, “A whole leaf! There’s no need! I can take it!”

The variant Star Dragon Tree suddenly swayed in place, releasing a speck of origin qi that had been transformed from the nether soil it was growing on. Wei Yuan was both amused and exasperated—did it know that this would worsen his condition? Or was it hinting that the afterlife wasn’t so bad?

The rest of the spirit plants all released a trace of their aura; energy that had been refined over the years and refined into worldly origin qi. It was a grade higher than ordinary spirit qi.

Thanks to their help, Wei Yuan’s vitality surged to an unprecedented peak.

Wei Yuan’s injuries were horrifying. Some of his internal organs had been completely torn open. Blood was everywhere in his wounds. However, Wei Yuan’s blood was pale pink in color and congealed like gelatin. Not only was it sealing all of his wounds, it was constantly wriggling and pulling the surrounding flesh close.

It seemed as though every organ within Wei Yuan’s body had developed a sentience of its own. Many fragments were drifting here and there, searching for their rightful places. For instance, a fragment of his lungs and his intestines met along the way and sized each other up, both curious about the other stranger they had never met before. After a brief exchange, the two fragments went their separate ways and continued seeking the path back to their rightful place.

Wei Yuan’s body was now completely beyond his control. Even his muscles had gained a mind of their own, desiring to emulate the ancient style of the Bright King Hall and grow into his skull.

Wei Yuan could only lie flat on his back, unable even to gaze at the sky. It was because his two eyes were busy looking in their own directions and arguing which way the head should turn. However, the head had a mind of its own, so the dispute quickly turned three-way.

For some reason, Wei Yuan suddenly recalled the description of several legendary immortal elixirs of the Palace of Absolute Beginning: “Reversing yin and yang, regrowing flesh from bone.” Wei Yuan hadn’t thought much about it at the time, but now, he realized that the reality of it was likely not a pleasant one.

At the moment, only his sea of consciousness truly belonged to him. Thus, Wei Yuan decided to enter the Great Realm. If he couldn’t see it, he couldn’t get annoyed by it.

Meanwhile, the Bay Laurel Immortal Tree had quietly moved to the other side of the jade hill. Wei Yuan wasn’t quite sure how to handle this situation.

The Bay Laurel Immortal Tree had not unleashed its sword qi during that final, desperate moment. At first, Wei Yuan had assumed it was just throwing a tantrum as usual, and he had feared that his failure to drag a powerful enemy down with him would endanger his master. That was why he had flown into an unholy rage.

Its usual little tantrums were one thing—they could even be considered a charming trait of the plant. But to act up during a moment of life and death? That was something Wei Yuan could not tolerate. If he had truly died, the Bay Laurel Immortal Tree would not have dissipated along with his Dao Foundation. In the end, it would only serve to profit his enemy. That was why he was going to destroy it.

In that split second of life and death, with a sword’s edge literally hanging over his head, Wei Yuan had shouted his shock and fury inside his head—and it seemed that the Bay Laurel Immortal Tree had heard him.

But only now did Wei Yuan realize that it wasn’t that the immortal tree was unwilling to lend it its sword qi—it literally couldn’t. The girl had taken them all and refined them into the immortal sword, Crimson Night Slayer of Immortals.

It was like a little girl who had painstakingly saved her New Year’s money, placing every copper coin in a piggy bank and refusing to spend a single one, only to have it all taken away by an adult for some other purpose, and then get scolded for it. If their roles were reversed, Wei Yuan felt that he would feel wronged as well.

Immortal objects were sentient, so Wei Yuan felt he should treat this matter seriously. He walked over to the Bay Laurel Immortal Tree, who was still facing away from him. In truth, the immortal tree looked the same from every angle, but Wei Yuan was convinced it was currently turning its back on him.

Wei Yuan bowed deeply and said, “In the heat of that critical moment of life and death, I had misunderstood you. It was my fault. Please accept my apology.”

The Bay Laurel Immortal Tree seemed surprised that Wei Yuan would actually apologize. It turned halfway around but stopped itself at the last moment. For a moment, it seemed unsure whether to stay angry with him or just forgive him.

After struggling for a bit, the Bay Laurel Immortal Tree flung a pale red blossom at Wei Yuan’s face. Then, it resumed its sulking.

Before Wei Yuan could react, the flower dissolved into pale red immortal qi and seeped into his body.

As a result, not only did the vitality in every part of his body rise to a new level, their sentience had also improved dramatically. Thus, many of his vital organs began harboring dangerous thoughts of carving out their own territories and declaring themselves kings.

His head suddenly felt it could no longer stand to associate itself with these fools, so it prepared to detach itself from the body and make a run for it. However, his five senses disagreed. The two eyes reacted the most fiercely—earlier, when they had tried to turn the head, the head had adamantly refused. Now, no matter what ideas the head was concocting, they opposed it all. It wasn’t a matter of right or wrong, but of stance: whatever the head insisted on, they would oppose.

Meanwhile, the muscles’ invasion had intensified multiplefold. Not only were they stronger, they were even employing strategies and tactics. For a time, the head was too busy fending them off to consider splitting itself away.

A few minor organs lacked such grand ambitions. They merely wished to die, take their meager bit of consciousness into the cycle of reincarnation, be reborn as humans, and find liberation.

This would have been fine. While there were indeed organs bold enough to attempt suicide, they were few and far between.

However, a certain vital part of his lower body—one that had been honed day and night and once gone head-to-head with the First Consort—suddenly awoke. It felt it possessed innate wisdom and was now diligently studying the immortal spell of scattering beans into an army.

Reflecting on the first half of its life, it realized that Wei Yuan had always been bustling about, but not once did he actually focus on the things that truly mattered. It believed that he had long strayed from the cosmic order and the Great Dao of true immortals.

As the entity bridging the past and the future and connecting yin and yang, its importance in the cosmic order ranked as “One”—second only to Primal Chaos, and standing above even yin and yang. Yet since its birth, it had scarcely had a chance to prove itself. It was one thing when it had been dazed, ignorant, and oblivious, but now that it had awoken its sentience, it immediately sensed that something was terribly wrong. What could be more important than passing on one’s legacy for ten thousand generations! Even the sages had spoken: of the Three Unfilial Acts, having no descendants is the greatest[2]!

It must be because the wretch, head, was jealous of his talent and capabilities! It was deliberately preventing it from fulfilling its purpose!

It felt that, at a time where the treacherous and the corrupt ran rampant, a purge was necessary to return purity to the realm!

As soon as its immortal spell was perfected, it would scatter the beans and transform them into immortal soldiers. Then, relying on the support of its countless immortal soldier descendants, it would stage a coup, seize control of the body, depose the head, banish it to the cold palace, and bestow all its fiefdoms upon the muscles. From then on, if Wei Yuan wanted to think, he could only rely on it!

The muscles wholeheartedly agreed and redoubled their assault. Unfortunately, a small ring of muscles around the head remained under its control[3]. Though they were struggling to hold the line, the defense was holding. The muscles wanted to turn their kin against the head but didn’t know how to go about it.

Seeing that his body was in utter chaos, Wei Yuan wasn’t sure whether to cry or laugh. This was especially true considering that a certain part of his body—the one claiming to be researching an immortal spell—was standing proudly erect and having a distant stand-off with the head.

Wei Yuan wanted to cover his face. Thank goodness this miniature world hadn’t collapsed yet. Otherwise, if his shifu or his Big Senior Sister saw this....

Suddenly, a strange thought popped into Wei Yuan’s mind: it didn’t really matter if his Big Senior Sister saw it, right? It wasn’t as if she hadn’t seen it before.

Wei Yuan snapped out of the strange thought, realizing with a startle that he had been influenced by a certain rebellious part of his body. He quickly banished the improper thoughts, but doing so only confirmed the rebellious part’s suspicion—the head was screwing with him!

By now, it had nearly finished perfecting its immortal spell. So, it gathered its spirit qi, raised the banner of rebellion, and prepared to scatter the beans into soldiers!

[4]

1. ??? WHERE ARE YOU HIDING THEM??? ☜

2. An actual quote from Mencius: Li Lou Shang btw. ☜

3. This is how I know for sure the author meant head and not brain btw. ☜

4. ... What? Surprised I didn’t leave a troll face? What can be more troll than most of this chapter? XD ☜