Diary of a Teenaged Mimic

Dear Diary,

Y’know, I’m not sure what it says about me that for all the horrifying shit that Poseidon has done, it’s the interruptions to what I’d gotten used to as my daily life that has me wanting to cover myself in hot sauce for extra damage. Yeah, he’s hit the level where Canadians going to war would look at him and say something like ’ooh, you’ve gone too far now, haven’t you’ or some shit like that. Seriously, rape, torture, brainwashing, even, whether you look at it from an age or maturity perspective, conscripting child soldiers. I think the only reason he hasn’t used weapons of mass destruction is because he doesn’t fuckin’ know how to make them.

Wait, no, the OG kaiju was a metaphor for nukes, so I guess the goddamned motherfucker has done that shit too.

Yes, I use that word with very specific intent. I’m not sure it works on Deities, or if his Deific might will keep it from sticking, but as Dad told me a long time ago, I intend to end this goddamned motherfucker, so I don’t think pointing a gun or damnation at him is inappropriate.

Thing is, I think I want to end him more because he’s fucked up my daily schedule of lady ogling and kid playing more than any other single thing. Shit, I’m pissed at him because I can’t do the Academy’s fuckin’ laundry. Which is not a reason to end a goddamned motherfucker, and I’ve been trying to get better about that. After the last couple time it happened, I’ve realized I’m gonna wind up enjoying it when I end some asshole, which means I need both a really fuckin’ good reason, an alternative, or both. Like, I did not actually get physical gratification from having my peeps on the Black Dragon end Loviatar. Bitch needed to die, but I did not need to personally separate her head from her shoulders, so I didn’t.

Just to be clear, I’m not denying responsibility for her death. I held her in place so they could shoot her. I’m morally responsible for it. But I didn’t get off on it, or savor it, or anything else. I wasn’t polishing my pearl by executing the bitch, I was taking out the trash. Changing a diaper. I’d say ’doing laundry’, but I think I actively enjoy that more than I did ending Loviatar.

Yeah, I have a bunch of bad reasons why I want to end this goddamned motherfucker. Thing is, when it comes down to things I can emotionally process on a day to day basis, they’re all kinda petty. But that does not invalidate the atrocities he committed in Tartarus, nor the fact that he’s still throwing brainwashed child soldiers at the Alliance, ones powerful enough that I don’t think we have any choice but to kill them, especially with him still lurking around, just waiting for an opportunity.

At least that’s what I assume he’s doing. I knew assholes like him back in the day. Guys who would talk shit, get someone to meet them for a fight, then have their boys beat the shit out of the guy before they lifted a finger. Then they’d add to the beatdown and claimed they were the one who put them in the hospital. I know I’ve said it before, when it comes to a fight you jump in, but there’s a difference between somebody starting shit and jumping in to help your homie defend themselves from the shit starter and pre-emptively jumping in on the side of the shit starter.

Not sure if that translates well, or if anybody else would know what I’m talking about, but those fuckers always exist. Worst part is that in this case, the asshole in question isn’t weak. I’m pretty sure that if push came to shove I could take Hades, even in his own throne room. But Poseidon didn’t just ’take him’, he wiped the floor with him and killed his dog. Yeah, I know I can still take him, but I’m also pretty sure at this point that one of the two of us is responsible for the storms that almost had Saffron cosplaying as Siobhan over the past day. She’s not normally prone to seasickness, but then she’s not been on a ship in really rough seas before now.

So I gotta be careful, because if he and I get to battling anywhere near shore, we could wind up setting off hurricanes and tsunamis and shit without intending to. I mean, I wouldn’t intend to. Pretty sure that asshole will do so as a spoilsport if I let him.

At any rate, speaking of the schedule that mister briny deeps has been fucking with, I wound up having to step to New Amsterdam to apologize. Showed up next to the Altar to find Marie sitting there with Dana standing by her side. Before I even really dropped my Blend fully, she glanced up at me. ”Vlickies.”

I pulled her into a hug as Dana turned and said, ”Pardon, but what did you say, High Priestess?”

”She’s Here.”

My Blend dropped the rest of the way, and Dana bowed her head. ”Apologies, Goddess. The High Priestess told us you wouldn’t make it to the Revel tonight.”

I sighed and nodded. ”She’s not really wrong.” I amplified my voice to filter through the Temple and said, ”I’m sorry, my friends, my guests, and especially my faithful Worshippers, but I cannot devote all of my attention to you tonight. Poseidon sent a dozen berserk kaiju to attack the Alliance, and I’m gonna go meet them in the ocean before they make it to land.”

I heard cries of ’Poseidon’ and ’kaiju’, but mostly I felt a wave of fierce, possessive, and above all proud Worship. Dana turned to me and seemed to voice what all of my Worshippers were thinking. ”You will meet Poseidon in the ocean, Goddess?”

I nodded. ”He’s been hiding from me, but yeah, if I can, I will. But I gotta catch him far enough out that I don’t accidentally screw up the coastline while I’m kicking his ass.”

That sent a wave of gasps through the audience, but the Worship just got even stronger. It redoubled when Marie grinned from her spot on the Altar and purred out, ”True.”

I realized right then that I needed to do one more thing. ”There are up to a dozen kaiju attacking all along the coast. Each one is a little different, but the ones we’ve seen so far have been hundreds of feet tall, taller than the biggest Jotnar.” I suddenly didn’t want to think about their reaction if they realized we were fighting legit Titans. Even if they weren’t the really powerful Primordials they’d heard about, they were still big and dangerous, and I didn’t need folks panicking. But I also didn’t need them dying from being unprepared. ”We have all five Tentacles and the Black Dragon moving to intercept them, and I’ll be scouting as well. So far none of the seven who’ve attacked have been sneaky, but the ocean is a big place. One might get past us. The rest of the Alliance navy are,” I poked Saffron, and when she confirmed, said, ”gathered around our outermost ports; that would be here and Norfolk. We have scouts watching the shore as well. So if they sneak past our cordon, I’ll move as fast as I can to intercept.”

That got a surprising reaction from a Temple full of folks here to get their Revel on. They felt... Angry.

”Yeah, I get it, you don’t want these assholes breaking what we’ve built. And if you see a way you can help, that’s great, but that’s what the Army and Navy are here for, not to mention all the Heroes we’ve trained up. So if you want to help? Get ready for flooding. Even if we stop them all, these storms have definitely got a bunch of rain coming down. Watch out for each other. Watch out for everyone else. If someone’s hurt, get them to a Healer or a Temple. Stay strong, stay safe, and I promise you, when I find him, I will make that rapist bastard pay.”

I’d like to say I stepped to my other Temples to give the same speech, but it would be truer to say that my Worshippers fuckin’ launched me with a wave of angry, happy, proud Worship. Then proceeded to do so in Norfolk, and in Calverton. When I finished up the speech in the Temple of Love, which I saved for last because frankly Phileo and the Yards are about hundred miles from the mouth of the Delaware, or fifty if some asshole kaiju decided to tromp overland.

Yeah. The combination of happy, proud, and angry elsewhere wound up with an extra component in Phileo. An extra special eagerness to be part of Poseidon getting his long overdue dosage of Find Out.

I love my town. I really do.