Diary of a Teenaged Mimic

Dear Diary,

I’m a fucking moron.

No, seriously, I’m not sure which point I failed on; failing at basic mathematics, underestimating my Kitten’s Glorious lack of anything resembling mercy or restraint, or how much the rest of my little whatever it is will back her up exactly when I’m not sure I want them to.

So, yeah. Basic mathematics. I mean, even with amnesia I could count to seven, so I got that part right. But apparently somewhere in there I missed the fact that eighty nine Verses of three seven syllable lines each means two hundred and sixty seven. Okay, minus two because I didn’t really get the idea until the end of the first Verse. That’s still two hundred and sixty five consecutive orgasms. Which sounds like ’oh, holy fuck yes’, possibly literally what with me being a Goddess, but even my Divine body apparently has its limits. Like, when you remove the whole fucking concept of refractory periods, not to mention basic shit like ’chafing’ or ’being out of breath’, things start to cramp up a bit after a dozen or so.

I’d figured out a workaround for that with Siobhan, of course. Simple Heal to the aching cramped up muscles and they loosen right up and you’re good to go. Of course, that doesn’t build up any kind of resistance to whatever had made things flex until they cramped in the first place, but apparently Siobhan thought of that as a feature, not a bug. My tiny dictator had other ideas. While I lay there curled up in absolutely exquisite agony as my body kept clenching muscles that had run out of clench twenty climaxes ago, Saffron, without pausing her serenade one bit, thought, oh, you simply must learn to tolerate more, my love. You’ve created a hymnal that is just so perfectly you, it would be a shame if they didn’t sing your praises whenever possible.

You... I was panting inside my own brain, and I didn’t need to breathe. You unbelievably cruel bitch.

Still singing, she Grinned at me and thought, was that a complaint?

I... No.

So she kept singing all the way through. For what it’s worth, since none of our duBois training really covered singing, and we didn’t have any water in the Bedroom, by the time she hit Verse Eighty Nine, she’d started to get a little hoarse, since she hadn’t stopped or slowed either. As I lay there blissfully whimpering, she came over and rolled me onto my back, then rubbed my sore, twitching belly as it slowly stopped twitching, the muscles unclenching bit by gradual bit. Way faster than I really thought it would, but then as I’d noted a long time ago, my Endurance had bypassed normal human limits a while back.

She leaned over and whispered in my ear, ”my poor Goof, her plans for lazy aural gratification gone awry.” I whimpered out something while nodding, and she said, ”well, my voice needs a rest, so...” I pulled her down to lie against me, at which point she said, ”Sister, I believe Tabitha needs to hear your opinion... I mean rendition of her Holy Text.”

I’d completely missed her handing off the copy to Siobhan, but before I could move, especially what with Saffron holding me down, Siobhan started singing. Slower. Quieter. Making the whole thing sound far less mocking. No less effective, and no less excruciating after a dozen Verses. Of course, by that point I’m sure my Dopamine stream had some blood in it, although any test would probably have been spoilt by all the endorphins mucking about. Siobhan still sounded a little ragged by the time she finished. I was more than ragged, I was sweaty and curled up around myself.

They worked together to unroll me, then rubbed my belly until I felt almost like a human being again, not some kind of overstressed orgasm having machine. ”All you need do is tell us to stop, love.”

”Yes, Tabitha. I... I wouldn’t have done this had you not handed Saffron that book, fully expecting her to sing to you. I haven’t overstepped, have I?”

At least that answer was easy. ”No.”

Saffron ran one finger along the midline of my belly, right down that center valley of my six pack. ”Do you want us to stop?”

I tried really hard, but for some reason the word ’yes’ wouldn’t come out my mouth. ”No.” Of course, I couldn’t keep my fuckin’ idiot mouth shut. ”Of course, both your voices are pretty shot by now, right?”

”Marie?”

I couldn’t even cover my ears at that point, as my marvelous Murder Mittens made her melodious voice echo through my skull. She had a surprisingly good singing voice. Also surprisingly high pitched. Maybe a little nasal, but I wasn’t really in the best position to judge minor details like that. Of course, with her not using her actual vocal cords, or even holding the Holy Book, apparently, she had her claws free to make biscuits on my belly as I cramped. Oddly, that helped. I mean, I still wound up curled around her murder mittens by the end, but when she hit that last verse I was almost not entirely incapacitated.

”Welp,” I wheezed. ”You’ve each had your turn. Thank fuck you reprobates haven’t convinced Tallulah to join your Tabitha torture yet.”

Saffron frowned. ”I’m afraid she’s rather less flexible in her tastes than Karen.”

Her eyes lit up, and I interrupted with, ”nope, not gonna interrupt her, uh, Yule gift.”

Saffron got a faraway look, then smiled. ”Oh, I see. Indeed.”

”You guys can see through each other’s eyes too?”

Saffron nodded. ”It’s not commonly done, because most Deities are unwilling to facilitate it.” Her voice took on the ’lecturing Archmage’ tone I loved to listen to so much. I don’t like to admit it, but I really do have a thing for nerds doing their nerd thing. ”Technically I’m not really seeing through her eyes. You are, but not consciously, and I’m seeing that through you.”

”Huh. I don’t remember doing that. Or, like, setting that up?”

”Do you object?”

”Nah, so long as you guys respect one another’s privacy just a little. Like, if one of you hangs up the ’do not disturb’ sign, or something like that.”

Saffron giggled, and a moment later the other two joined her. ”Oh, if she were going to hang out such a sign, she likely would have done so. It would also be rather hypocritical at the moment.”

I wondered what she was talking about, then shrugged and took a look myself. Couldn’t quite tell what I was seeing, but the edges of her other senses told me exactly what she was doing. Given that I knew who I’d introduced her to, I kinda had a guess who, too. The where was right on the bed throne thing in the center of the Temple of Love. Which, after all, was pretty much a Temple of Lust after hours, and I’m pretty sure I heard other people doing the same elsewhere in the temple.

”I would say more ’Temple of Carnal Delights’, myself, love.”

”Huh?”

She shrugged. ”Karen walked me through it while you were indisposed. There’s a very nice bar, an equally good restaurant, and even a few intimate musical venues. Touch, taste, smell, sound, sight, all are celebrated in your Temple, love. Not just after the children are in bed, either, although the more adult activities are behind closed doors if they go on at all.” Then she turned to the other two. ”Ready?”

They nodded as I said, ”ready for what?”

Singing in chorus, of course. Somehow my poor Goof brain decided that was a good reason to triple up on everything. Like I said, I’m a fuckin’ idiot.

At the end of that round, they pulled me back to bed in the middle of the cuddle pile and let me try to stop whimpering. Which I couldn’t really, until I fell asleep. I couldn’t get the grin off my face either, so I’m not complaining, just noting.

Dreamt of... Look, Mimic is a continental mass of tentacles with a single central maw. I don’t even know she considered herself a sexual being. I don’t know how the other three managed to get Karen and Tallulah, of all people, to join in on that chorus, but Mimic responded. I guess we have the same Pavlovian responses or some shit. Again, not complaining, per se, but just... so fuckin weird. I just hope they don’t teach that song to the Kraken.

Woke up oddly dichotomous this morning. Like, on the one hand, the kind of utterly and completely relaxed that comes with having entirely naturally induced neurotransmitter overload. Like, this compared to right after one of Loki’s Soul Massages, except without the stiffness. Or being so totally wasted that you can only sit and stare and giggle in relaxation, but without the hangover or munchies. I realized why that bothered me so much like half an hour later; my brain kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. I hadn’t been cut to ribbons by an army, or fallen out of the sky, or Co-Located through my own Anti-Co-Location Ward, or fallen out of the sky with nine sixteen inch phallic symbols between my legs, or even gone up against a Goddess Incarnate. Okay, maybe a little bit on that last one, but not to put too fine a point on it, I’d walked away from the first time with only some interesting scars on my hands, and I hadn’t even gotten my shit together that time.

Holy shit, I had my shit together. Like, not completely or totally, obviously. I’m not sure I’d still be me if I didn’t have some kind of bullshit going on inside my head. But... no crises. No wars, plagues, or famines. I guess there’d always be Death happening, but hopefully nobody, like, out of the natural order of things, and even if that happened, at least three of us on the Homestead had Revive ready and waiting. I needed to do something to make Ria maybe a little more death resistant too, what with the whole ’collapse to powder on death’ thing.

So eventually the rest of the fam woke up, a kind of cascade as each of them went from asleep to awake, then gradually kinda restlessed the ones around them awake. Once everyone had a chance to wake up fully, we pulled the curtains back and made our way up to the Bath via the Bore. In part because those back stairs seemed a lot less visible to the front door, mostly because our bedroom door was only like twenty feet from the big double front doors of the house, and while they were thick wood it was still fuckin’ cold as Helheim outside. Meanwhile the big fireplace was, like, right under that back hallway, and the heated cisterns were adjacent to the Bore above the level of the bath, so the kids’ hallway and the lower Bore wound up totally toasty. Well, not compared to our bed inside the curtain, but definitely compared to, like, anywhere else in the Alliance at the moment.

Warm showers are nice, and definitely quicker than a bath scrubbing, but holy hell that Bath. Siobhan and most of the kids acclimated themselves bit by bit, and even Saffron walked in slowly, but Maze and I just slipped right in and lay back, utterly at peace with ourselves and our little well over skin temperature world.

Breakfast... wasn’t. Not really. Like, I’m sure the women had breakfast downstairs, and I’m sure Marie made breakfast for them, but Saffron and I both agreed, no eating in the Bath, and after stuffing themselves for the entire day yesterday, the kids were surprisingly okay with it, just hopping out in twos and threes to run to the toilet and run back right after. Like halfway to lunch time, as I drifted to the surface to look around and see what the kids were up to, I saw Sigyn and Lyman... okay, Lymanette, talking with Siobhan and Ria. I kinda floated my way over into the conversation.

”Hey Mom, Dad. Missed you on Yule.”

Lymanette snickered. ”Oh, Daughter. Yule is a season, really. And since my most devoted Daughter gifted me a Hearth last Yule, this Yule it behooved me to see a proper Yule log laid and burning.”

”Huh. How long does Yule last, then?”

She shrugged. ”Traditionally it’s until the Yule Log itself burns to ash. But equally traditionally it’s twelve days, since some fools decided that their ’log’ would be the size of a whole tree and started burning their houses down.” I laughed, and he gave me some fake side-eye. ”Oh, she who has six foot of the trunk of an old-growth oak in your Hearth. It might well still be burning ten days from now.”

I shrugged. ”You know me, go big and go home.”

He laughed, and we settled in to talk about nothing much at all until lunch. At that point he and Sigyn handed out gifts. Mostly toys and clothes. The one that stood out at the time was Lyman, back in his Lyman guise now that we’d all gotten dressed, giving Ria the gifts he’d brought. First, a little two inch silver cylinder.

I barely heard him say, ”don’t let Sun Wukong know you have this, he’ll be terribly upset.” Then he shook it, and it popped out into a full length metal quarterstaff. I wandered over at that point as he showed her how to slide it back together. ”Now, that’s not the sturdiest staff in the world; it’s hollow, for one. But you can carry it in a pocket, and it’ll rap someone’s noggin if they’re in need of that.”

I watched her collapse and extend it a few times, then she started moving through some... spear moves, I guess? I hadn’t really studied spear all that much. After a couple minutes of that, he nodded and pulled a wooden staff, one that would have made a decent pole arm for Tallulah, out of nowhere. ”Now this, this will be something you can fight with when you’re grown.”

She collapsed her metal staff, pocketed it, then took the wooden one and ran her hands over it. ”I... don’t recognize the wood.”

Loki just nodded. ”I stole it.”

She giggled, then tilted her head. ”It’s... blunt?”

He smiled. ”This is but the haft. The head... I’ve spoken with your brother, and he says he’ll need your sister’s help, but if you can convince her to assist him, he says he would love to, and I quote, ’make a spear worthy of my Fae sister’.”

While she ran through those forms with the longer, heavier stick, surprisingly unclumsy even with half a weapon, and that too big for her, I sidled up to Lyman. ”So... Conrad?” He nodded. ”You actually went to him about it?”

”Politely. Yes.”

I gave him a hug. ”Thanks, Dad.”

”Oh, you can thank me by letting me soak myself in that Bath of yours once you free me.”

I snorted. ”I haven’t forgotten, Dad. Still working on it. Getting there though.”

He nodded. ”I didn’t think you had, Daughter. Even if you forgot everything else for a time. Besides, just imagine Odin’s face when he finds out that the most potent spear in any Realm belongs not to him, but to my granddaughter.”