Diary of a Teenaged Mimic

Dear Diary,

”Understanding Equity,

Is key to understanding,

Egalitarianism.”

Doctrine of Tabitha, Book of Egalitarianism

I’ve been trying to remember that word for like three damn days now. Equity. If Equality is the idea that we’re all the same, which is cool if you mean ’we all should be valued and given dignity’, but is just obvious bullshit if you mean ’we’re all the same’, and Egalitarianism is that idea about equal value and treatment by the powers that be, then Equity is the idea that in order to have equal chances in the world, or at least making sure everybody has some arbitrary minimum ’chance’, means giving different people different things, because different people have different needs.

Like, there is just about no Human or Human-Adjacent place where Marie or any other Maenad is gonna need a stepstool. On the other hand, I might need one for high shelves, and Saffron is gonna need a fuckin’ ladder. If we’re gonna have the same chance to make something decent in the kitchen, Saffron’s gonna need that ladder available, and I’m gonna need that stepstool. I guess Marie and I might need kneepads, too, for getting into the cabinets down near the floor. Yeah, maybe I’m stretching the analogy a little, but it illustrates my point pretty good. Now I just gotta find a way to make that into sound bytes and poetry and shit.

Of course, the next step I remember would be ’removing systematic barriers’, but honestly? That’s kinda my job in the here and now. Y’know, what with most of the systematic barriers being asshats with power. And me being really good at either removing people’s heads from their asses metaphorically, or removing their heads literally and shoving them up their own asses. Not something I’m super proud of in the one instance where I literally did that, but if I’d shoved Oliver and Octavio’s heads up each other’s asses? I think I could live a guilt free life knowing I did that, because both of them were different flavors of exploitative evil jackass.

So last night the kids stayed with us at the Academy suite, all of us bundled up on Marie’s floor bed. I woke up before dawn with the beginnings of a headache, not something I really remember experiencing since I got to the here and now.

”Marie?”

”Yes?”

”Could you maybe get me some water?” She didn’t reply, but a few moments later she leaned over me with a full stein. ”Thanks, Mittens.”

”Welcome.”

Doing my best not to disturb the kids, I stretched, but everything still felt tight. Achy, almost. So after quietly cooing over Daya and David, who’d snuggled in with Isnomi on her toddler bed, I lay back down and snuggled up with Marie to wait for everybody else to get up. Of course, when they did I wound up getting an unpleasant surprise.

”Everyone join hands please,” Saffron announced. Then she looked at me. ”Sorry, love, but we’ve only the one chamber pot, and the children have gotten into some habits.”

”Oh, hey, no worries. Can you maybe come back when they’re done?”

A few moments later, the kids vanished, and Saffron smiled up at me where I was still pulling on one of my casual blouses. ”Or I can just stay while I take them. Goof.” She pulled herself up with her arms around my neck and gave me a kiss, then dropped back down to the ground. ”Of course, while I’d love to spend the day lazing about with you, I really do need to get back to the Grand Council, Siobhan has paperwork to catch up on after yesterday, and you, my love, need to visit your father.”

”Uh...” I tapped my tiara. ”Little problem there.”

She nodded. ”I know, love. But while Conrad’s device gave us invaluable information regarding the curse, I’m afraid it damaged you far past what any amount of Smiting is going to fix.” I slumped a bit. ”Oh, love. Don’t fret. I’ve some ideas on how to make your curse less onerous; not least of which will be returning you to Lancaster House once Loki has done what he can with your Soul.”

I smiled sadly at that. ”Yeah, I miss bath time.” I shook my head. ”Never thought I’d say that.” Then I smirked at her. ”Kinda miss my birthday present too.”

She smirked right back at me. ”Don’t worry, love. We all miss our private time there.”

I scooped up both Saffron and Siobhan, ignoring how it made my scars pull at me, and spun them around so I could glomp Marie as well. ”Don’t tell me you guys have been letting it get all musty from lack of use?” When they all looked at me with varying degrees of astonishment, I rolled my eyes. ”I decided. Jealousy is stupid. Just because I can’t play with my toys at the moment doesn’t mean you guys shouldn’t.”

Siobhan looked Saffron in the eye and said, ”that settles it. We simply must find a way.” Saffron nodded.

Marie intoned, ”Agreed.”

”How are you gonna do that, though? I mean, look, I’m serious about the jealousy thing.” I took a deep breath, because while my brain said jealousy was stupid, and my heart kinda agreed, I wasn’t sure my lady bits were gonna be on board. ”Being jealous is stupid, and being jealous of myself is even stupider.”

Saffron reached up to touch my face. ”Are you sure, love?” I nodded, and she turned to Siobhan. ”I’ll need you to let me know when the next staff meeting is, and distract the Marshall when it happens.”

Siobhan frowned. ”How distracted do you need him?”

Saffron laughed. ”Nothing like that, silly Ice Pop. Just engage him in conversation on some topic he needs to think about.”

”Okay, so I’m guessing you guys need to be about your days?”

”Not quite yet.” Saffron pulled me down into a kiss. When she’d finished with me, she turned me to Siobhan, who did the same. Finally she nodded to Marie, who staged an absolute tongue invasion of my...

Suddenly becoming aware with a seven foot tall blonde’s tongue seven inches down my throat was a new experience for me. On one hand, I’m not sure how hyperbolic that tongue statement is. On the other hand, I’m absolutely sure I do not give a fuck about that, because Marie knew how to put her tongue to good use. When she pulled away, she handed what looked like a dull tiara to Saffron. ”Good...” I looked over my shoulder to see the sun peeking over the horizon. Don’t ask me how I knew the window faced east, because I could not tell you, but I knew it did. ”Morning, ladies?”

”Good Morning, Tabitha,” said Siobhan, frowning just the tiniest bit. ”Although I’m afraid I really do need to get down to the Infirmary and catch up on my paperwork.” With that she stood on tiptoe to kiss me, then left via the door in the bedroom.

As she walked through I saw what looked like a hotel or dormitory hallway, only in the same dark gray stone that made up the ceiling and top half of the walls in our little suite of rooms. When I turned to look at where Saffron had walked over to settle into her desk with a sigh, I noticed the closed armoire and shuddered. ”So, what’s going on today?”

Saffron looked up at me with a sad frown. ”Siobhan is returning to her duties in the Infirmary, as she said. I’ll be managing the Grand Council meeting and working on my research here when I get a break.”

I turned to move toward her, only to have Marie curl me into her arms. Little bit surprising, but after the past week it would be laughable to put getting a surprise hug on the ’bad thing’ roster. ”Cool. Whatcha researching? Can I help?”

She turned a smile just as sad as her frown to me. ”I’m working on a portion of the Shape for the new Inspect which I think will also be useful for an improved version of my Assess Health.” Then she sighed. ”And I’m afraid not, love. You’ll be going to your father’s today.”

I shrugged. ”Any particular reason? I’m not in the doghouse for something, am I?”

She shook her head, her smile getting a little less sad. ”No. Not at all, love. You’ve,” she paused, sighed, then stood and walked over to lean against me, the side of her face against my breast. ”I know you don’t remember, but the past day or so has been wonderful.”

I frowned, definitely feeling some kinda way. ”So, what, I’m the not wonderful part?”

Now she frowned up at me. ”No!” She stopped herself, then pulled the hug tighter, as did Marie from behind. ”No, love. But there are so many little ways that you’ve become woven into our daily lives.” She let out a little chuckle. ”For at least a few weeks you’ve spent the day letting me sit in your lap here in the office while I worked on my research.”

My jaw dropped a little. ”So... uh... not that I’d be totally upset, maybe just a little weirded out, but am I, like, a trophy wife or something?”

My whole body ached just a little, and I did not care, because the source of the ache was the vibrations as both Marie and Saffron laughed. ”No. Oh, no, love. If anything, we are all your trophies, won on the field of battle time and again.”

”Battle?”

She nodded. ”You... That’s where you got almost all of those scars.”

”Yeah. Yeah, that kinda tracks. I must be really shitty at ducking.”

She snorted. ”Oh, I think it has less to do with that and more to do with fighting two armies at once.”

”What? How was I in two armies at once? Like,” I paused as she stared up at me. ”You meant exactly what you said.” She nodded. ”I mean, these are like little medieval fantasy armies, like a couple hundred guys? Yeah, I can see how I got my ass kicked doing something that dumb.”

I did not expect her to slowly crumble to thump her ass on the toddler bed while she slowly dissolved into laughter. Eventually she calmed down enough to speak. Meanwhile Marie kept me from feeling some kind of way through the simple tactic of letting me know with her hands that while I had a blouse on, I’d apparently forgotten panties. ”Okay, like, what brought that on?”

”Love, the last time I can remember you losing a fight was sparring in the Practice Yard.” She smirked. ”To me, in fact.”

”Yeah, that tracks. Little ones are always meaner.”

She snorted, then shook her head. ”Our trainer, your mentor, the Marshall of Phileo, William DuBois, has described you as ’the single most powerful military force in Atlantis’. I suspect if he knew the truth, he’d lose that final qualification.”

”Atlantis? Really?”

She tilted her head. ”What else would you call the continent on the far side of the Atlantic from Europa?”

I shrugged. ”America?”

She mouthed the word, scrunching up her nose like it tasted bad. ”That’s an awful name. Was it named for someone? The explorer who discovered it, perhaps?”

I smiled. ”Nah. Dude who made an early map of it. He straight up put his name on the continent, and it stuck.” Gotta love a good con, especially when it doesn’t really get the con artist shit except notoriety.

She snerked at me, muttered, ”that would amuse you, wouldn’t it?” Then she shook her head and said, ”be that as it may, no, you did not ’get your ass kicked’ by a few hundred troops. You fought against two armies, each of over ten thousand men, plus hundreds of Heroes in each army. Minutes after you engaged them, ten thousand troops lay dead, both armies routed, and perhaps two dozen Heroes surrendered with their Souls intact.”

I barked out a laugh, one that died in my throat as I realized she wasn’t smiling. Not, like, in a joking way. If anything, she had a melancholy frown as she reached up and took my hands. ”How...” I stared at my own hands, half expecting them to have ground in blood or some shit like that. ”When?”

She looked up, her frown replaced with an equally melancholy smile. ”Just before last Yule. We, and by we I mean Phileo and Camden Yards, were at war with Newark and New Amsterdam. The Marshall, General Lancaster, Hero Potami and I were waiting to speak with their diplomats under flag of truce outside the walls of Newark.” She took a deep breath. ”The ’Damn leadership betrayed us. They dropped a chunk of rock bigger than this room onto the tent we waited in. You,” she looked up at me. ”You thought I was dead. You flew into a rage, and... ’neutralized’ the combined armed forces of Newark and New Amsterdam. Both the army that waited in Newark and the one that had marched on Camden Yards. You crushed them. Shattered them.” She snorted. ”That’s part of why we can’t just send the entire Army back to their normal lives, you realize?”

”What, are we still occupying them?”

She shook her head. ”No. And we have you to thank for that. No, love, our four Cities, Phileo, Camden Yards, Newark, and New Amsterdam, became the core of the Alliance at your suggestion.” She smiled up at me again, this time without that melancholy. ”You thought I was dead, and crushed the ones you thought killed me like vipers under your heel. Then, when you realized I was alive...” She stood, once more laying her head on my breast. ”You gave me the world.”

”Wait, the Alliance covers the whole fuckin’ world?”

She barked out a laugh, then looked up at me again. ”What’s that phrase you used once? ’Some assembly required’. Before that day, my world was always a few people and a few rooms.” She snorted out a laugh. ”The important parts still are, I guess, but... my world now?” She looked up at me, but she wasn’t seeing me. Or not just me. ”The horizons of my world are as far as I can push them. All because you had faith in me.”

”’Course I do.” When she raised an eyebrow, I shrugged. ”No reason for me to trust you. Not really. But I do. Can’t call that anything but faith. Can’t say I’ve been disappointed yet.”

She had to hop up a little to kiss me, but after doing so she dropped to the floor and pushed away, headed for her desk. ”Well then, I’d best be about those tasks to which you’ve set me. You, however, need to go visit your father. I know of no one better for attending to injuries of the Soul.”

”My Soul is injured?”

”Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten Conrad’s machine.”

I shuddered. ”Nope. Not forgetting that. I... I kinda hoped that was safe?”

She shook her head. ”I’m sure it was as safe as he could make it. You’ve suffered no irreversible mischiefs, but you’ll need treatment for most of the pain to go away.”

I rolled my shoulders and realized what she meant immediately. ”Most?”

”From what you’ve told me in the past, your scars rarely are entirely pain free.”

I heaved a sigh. ”Well. Shit. That kinda sucks. Still...” I pulled Marie’s arms around me, then looked Saffron right in the eye. ”Worth.”

She smiled, then waved Marie and I off. Marie tugged at me, and between one moment and the next we stood in a cave. A kind of homey cave, with a table, and a hearth, and a big stone bed with a big fuckin’ snake curled up near the head of it, and a literal giant sitting on the foot of the bed, his elbows leaning on the table as he paged through a tome.

None of that mattered.

”M... Mom?”

I don’t remember moving from one end of the cave to the other. I think I might have bonked the back of her head into the wall of the cave. I definitely cracked my knuckles on the wall behind her as my arms went around her, forcing her back a step as I slammed into her at a sprint. I couldn’t think. Couldn’t breathe. All I could do was blurt out endless repetitions of ”Mommy!” and cry. She was taller than me. The last time I’d seen her, body ruined by decades of overwork and a decade long fight with cancer, she’d been shorter than me, not to mention thin and wasted. But this was the Mommy I remembered from my childhood. Taller than me, and all softness where her arms went around me, holding me and crooning to me as I cried. Holding me with muscles under that softness, muscles I knew must have been there, because you don’t do physical labor sixteen hours a day without putting some muscle on, but...

I snorted out a laugh as someone, probably the giant dude, picked us both up and gently set us in his lap, arms around us. ”What do you find funny, daughter?”

Still sobbing, hiccupping, I managed to force out. ”Reminded me of Saffron. Guess I did wind up marrying my mother.”

She looked down at me, stroking my hair. ”In some ways we always do.”

”Oh, I’m your father now, too?” I realized right then that somehow this twenty foot tall dude was also Loki. Which... fuck, Loki. Isekai. This was actual Loki, like heir to the throne of the frost giants and shit.

”Not really, daughter. Oh, I’m sure I could make a play for that, but I long ago chose not to. My father’s people are unpleasant at the best of times.”

”Shit, can you read my mind?”

He shrugged. ”Along with being my daughter, you are also my High Priestess.” We can, indeed, see each other’s thoughts, should we choose to.

Without thinking about it, I tried to tell what he was thinking about. I got a really, uh, explicit picture of Mom and him. ”DAD!”

”I didn’t say you ought to do so, only that you could, daughter.”

I turned back to my Mom. ”But... how? Fuck, never mind, I don’t care how. You’re here.”

She stroked my hair, gently humming to me. ”Tell her, my husband.”

”Tell me what?”

Loki sighed, stroking my hair with two fingers, following Mom’s hand. ”You are aware that you have been cursed?”

”Yeah. I can’t remember anything past being shot. I mean, other than bits and pieces of the last couple days.”

He nodded. ”That is the bulk of it, but not all of it. The rest...” He waited until I nodded. ”You see some people different to who they truly are. From what Saffron tells me, you saw the Trolls in Calverton as Human soldiers.”

”Trolls? Really?”

”Yes.”

”And I missed them? Fuck. That sucks.”

He tilted his head. ”I think that is the first time I’ve heard someone disappointed that they did not in fact see a Troll. At any rate, Maenads are another group you see as other than they are.”

I turned to Marie, and she nodded at me. She looked absolutely adorable in her Maid costume, and I waved her over. She stepped forward almost shyly, until Mom reached out and pulled her into our little family embrace. ”You think the Goddess of Marital Devotion would not know about your engagement to my own daughter, Maenad Marie?”

Marie just blushed. So adorable. ”Wait, so... what do Maenads look like?”

”You are familiar with the great cat known as a tiger?” Loki asked.

”Duh. Yeah. Philly Zoo has a big old bastard of a tiger. He’s, like...” I trailed off, not really wanting to go into how visitors had to have umbrellas or rain gear because of the tiger’s habit of projectile ejaculation out of his cage onto the audiences coming to see him. ”Really big,” I finished lamely.

Loki laughed. ”Yes. Well. I believe I have heard you refer to Maenads as ’Tigers who woke up and chose bipedalism.”

”Wow. Tigress?” She nodded. ”Do you have, like, fangs and claws and shit?” She waggled her long fingernails at me, then pushed the collar of my shirt back. Twisting my head, I saw four big circular scars. ”Fuck. Did I piss you off or something?”

She pouted at me, then shot me a mischievous smile and said, ”Hickey.”

”Wow. Oh, holy shit wow. Tell me that shit happened while we were bangin’?” She nodded. ”Sweet!”

Loki shook his huge head. ”This one would fit in well in the Valhal, would she not?”

Mom shook her head. ”No, husband. Her humor, her bearing, is just as crude as theirs, but,” she ruffled my hair and gave me a kiss on the forehead. ”Never cruel. Never hurtful to those who would be her friends.” She leaned back far enough to look at me. ”I’m so proud to call you daughter, Tabitha Diaz.”

Something gripped at my guts. ”Call? Call me daughter?”

She sighed and nodded. ”Yes, daughter of my heart. Just as Loki, Elder God of Hearth and Home, Trickster of the North, Jotnar Prince, has adopted you as his own, so have I, Sigyn Solsdotter, Goddess of Marital Devotion.”

”You make up new Titles for me, yet forget my favorite, bestowed by your own chosen daughter.”

”Oh? What Title is this, that I’m only now hearing of?”

He nodded. ”In the tradition of Bearer of the Golden Ewer? She has dubbed you Bearer of Dat Ass.”

”DAD!” I squealed, as Mom... Sigyn... Fuck. I teared up, even through my laughter. I collapsed into her. ”Mommy.” I sobbed into her chest, leaving tears and snot all over her blouse, alternating between sobbing out, ”Mommy,” and, ”Sorry.”

She just stroked my hair. ”Never you mind that, daughter. I may not be the woman who birthed you. I may not be the one you remember. But I will stand in her stead as long as you’ll allow me to do so.”

I... I broke down. I stopped thinking, stopped caring. The part of me that knew this wasn’t my Mom took several fuckin’ seats as I clutched at her, crying my eyes out, while she held me, soft and gentle yet oh, so strong.

Somewhere above me I vaguely heard Loki say, ”Marie, please let Tabitha’s wife know she may be here longer than planned.”