Diary of a Teenaged Mimic

Dear Diary,

”My mother gave me a sense of independence, a sense of total confidence that we could do whatever it was we set out to do. That’s how we were raised.”

- Robin Wright

Yeah, I don’t know if my mom did that for me, exactly. I think she always saw me as a little bit too ungirly, and she was a little bit too traditional, for me to fit into any of the roles that she could see a woman in. Don’t get me wrong, that was a lot of roles; Eastside Camden was functionally a female society for the most part. You take all the men away and vibe sales might go up. You take the women away and the economy of the remaining ghost town fuckin’ collapses like a post-apocalyptic wasteland or some shit. But almost all of that stuff is the normal, day to day business of people living their lives. I think I’ve discovered in the here and now that while I kinda enjoy some parts of that, it’s definitely not where my strengths lie. I mean seriously, look at bath time. Saffron’s the meticulous one that makes sure the kids aren’t hiding grime anywhere. Marie puts their clothes on properly, making sure they fit and have them on right and everything. I make wet kid not wet, mostly.

But then, she spent pretty much the whole time I knew her working to make sure I’d have a future. Like, I don’t think she had any idea what I’d wind up doing, but she made sure I’d get there to do it. Even if she never got to see it.

So yesterday after Siobhan checked out, I looked at Canta and said, ”you want a ride back to Phileo with her?”

He shook his head, but said, ”if you would be so kind, please.”

I hefted Siobhan over my shoulder, because while a princess carry is cute and feels totally special when somebody does it, it’s also pretty fuckin impractical if you need your other hand, and she was out like a light anyway. I took Canta’s hand, stepped us to the Infirmary, then lay Siobhan on one of the cots. ”Hey, Grandma?”

Grandma wandered over from where she’d been doing something with some of the other cots, and I nodded to Canta. ”Grandma Aetos, this is Canta. Canta, this is Grandma Aetos. Can you guys watch her until she wakes up?”

They both agreed, and I hopped back home, stopping in the bedroom just long enough to make sure everybody was mostly snuggled up before stepping into the bathroom, ditching my clothes in a laundry basket, and slipping into the steaming hot bath. I moved slowly, more out of a desire to avoid stepping on Maze than any need to acclimate. Yeah, that shit burned, but it burned so, so good. After a few minutes, she slipped around atop me, pushed me a little further under the water without pushing me all the way to the bottom, then curled up on top of me and went to sleep.

Nothing major happened in Calverton, just a few red flares Olga took care of.

When I went over to Loki’s cave to visit, he took one look at me and facepalmed. Kinda hilarious watching him do it, especially when he reached out, grabbed the table, plonked it in front of him, and just pointed to it. He spent most of the day doing really delicate shit around my head.

”What did you... no, wait, do I even want to ask?”

”Someone beat my face in.”

”Do I even want to know what you did to them?”

I nodded. ”Yeah. I beat her face in.” He blinked. ”I killed some kid’s mom and dad. I couldn’t very well not avenge them for her, could I?”

He just stared at me, flipped me over, and went to work massaging my scalp.

Got home at the end of the day feeling better than normal. After all, I’d only wound up dying once over the past week, and that one was purely self-inflicted, which left the damage pretty well contained to my face.

Slipped into the tub, but this time kept my head out of the water. When Maze popped her ears and eyes out of the water, I asked, ”so, Maze, may I marry your mama Marie? I really wound kinda like to be your mama, but I don’t have to be if you don’t want me to be.” She frowned, almost nodded, but then shook her head. I sighed. ”Okay then. Hey, do you have to sleep in here, or is just more comfortable?”

She thought about that for a moment, then lifted her mouth clear long enough to say, ”nice. Feels safe.”

I nodded. ”Okay, yeah, I get that. I’m not messing that up, am I?” She shook her head. ”Do I make it better when I stay with you?” I got a tiny nod from her. ”Okay then. I’ll stay. But...” I paused, waited for her to get a questioning look, ”you’d be even safer in the pile with Marie and Saffron and I, you know. You’re absolutely welcome there, too. If you want.”

She popped up long enough to say, ”maybe.” Then she dove under the water, and when I felt more than saw her curl up on my chest I let myself slip under the surface of the water. The heat of the water combined with the post-Loki rubdown workout to melt all my stress away and send me straight to sleep.

In the morning, when Maze brought up the tail end of the morning bath crowd, while Saffron lathered her hair she asked, ”so, Maze, have you made up your mind yet?” When Maze didn’t answer, she continued, ”about whether Tabitha and I have your permission to marry Marie?”

Maze slowly turned and quietly asked, ”you’re asking me?”

”Of course. It would be stupid to try and tell you, and I do try not to be stupid.”

Maze thought about that while Saffron turned her around and continued scrubbing. ”But you’re the Imperator.”

”Yes.”

”You tell people what to do all the time.”

After pouring water over her head to rinse her hair, Saffron turned her around and pulled her just a little closer before staring in on her front. ”I ought not teach you this, what with you not being our daughter yet, but good faith gestures are important. I rarely tell anyone what to do.”

”No?”

Saffron shook her head. ”No. I explain why something is the right thing to do. I ask them to do it. Sometimes I have to find out what will convince them to do it for me.”

Maze cocked her head, which Saffron corrected to get behind her ears. ”How?”

Saffron leaned in and stage whispered, ”I ask them.” Then she pulled back, smiled that beautiful smile I would do anything for and asked, ”so, Maze, is there anything you could think of that would convince you to let Tabitha and I marry Marie and become your mamas?”

Maze stood there pondering while Saffron finished bathing her. At the end of the bath, she leaned in, gave Saffron a quick hug, then said, ”no.”

I didn’t push anything; I’d asked the night before, and I’d set myself a limit of once a day, so I didn’t hound the poor kid to death about it. I just patted and squeezed her dry. I got a hug when I finished anyway.

I took Saffron to the Practice Yard. Today I had her lifting weights. It’s so weird that even with her being an absolute recruiting poster for short stack supremacy, she can still not only lift me, but can bench press her own weight with me sitting on it. No idea how she’s gotten so strong without losing her basic curvy squish. I mean, I’m ripped as shit, when I see him at lunch now Bill looks like he’d fit right in at one of those ’strong man’ competitions, and if Angel has some fuckin’ bodacious curves, they’re pretty clearly layered over like half again as much muscle as Bill. But my petite pulse pounding paragon of pulchritudinousness must have had steel cables buried deep under all the adorable squish I loved to squish so much.

Not even gonna talk about the fact that I can’t really do anything except high rep workouts in the Practice Yard, because all the fuckin’ weights are too light for me to do anything that would qualify as ’power lifting’ for me. I mean, I still did some lifting while Saffron caught her breath between sets. At one point I set her down on one of the two biggest barbells we had, pointed at the other and said, ”one on each, please?” then started alternating curls with her clinging to the weights with her hands and legs.

She turned and glowered over her shoulder at me. ”Show off.”

”Sorry,” I lied blatantly. ”The weights by themselves just aren’t enough to even get me breaking a sweat. I mean, you’re only adding what, maybe eighty pounds, tops, to each one? But,” I shook the weights a little, enjoying the way it made her butt jiggle. ”The view is way better this way.”

”Turn me about,” she commanded, and I juggled the weights, spinning them and catching them so both of her faced me. She clamped her legs around the weights hard enough I could see her muscles flex through the squish, and leaned her chin on her interlaced fingers, elbows on her knees. ”No need to be sorry. It wasn’t a complaint. It was a command. Because I agree with you about the view.”

Yeah, despite my use of the verb, I can’t really ’juggle’. Just toss things up and catch them most of the time. Gotta say, it’s impressive that I could see some frontal jiggle physics even through her uniform jacket.

”I think we might need a set of weights for the Library, love.”

I laughed, ”enjoying the show?”

She stuck both of her tongues out at me and chorused, ”the ride’s not bad either. But I was thinking of something else.” She waved me over, and I pulled both of her in so she could whisper in my ear. ”fresh sweat.”

It wasn’t fresh by any means, but both of us were pretty fuckin’ soaked by the end of the day. With sweat. Entirely what I meant. Sweat. Really.

Today was another boring day on overwatch in Calverton. The one time I had to go in, with Olga and her crew responding to one flag while Marie took care of another, it was in a side alley suspiciously like sus alley. A big crowd of basic bitch undead, which charged right after I got there. I cranked my Blend up and drifted through them, chain casting Smite and tagging them one at a time. All of them dusted, no more suspicious bodies to research.

I sauntered back to the squad. One kid stepped forward, couldn’t have been more than fourteen, but by his uniform he was a Calverton Soldier. ”You in charge?”

”Yes, Majesty!”

I reached over, rustled his hair, then leaned in to kiss him on the forehead. ”Good job, kid.” He looked like he felt some kinda way, so I stopped myself from collapsing back to the Black Dragon and said, ”what?”

”I... I’m not a child, Majesty.”

He blushed so fuckin’ cute when he said it. I reached out, grabbed his chain shirt and the padding beneath it, and lifted him to look me in the eye. ”You’re not?”

”No, Majesty!”

”Oh, good.” I slammed his back against a wall, pinning him there, then did my best impression of Marie’s tonsil invasion. When I let him go, he hung there kinda dazed, but when I wrinkled my nose at him and said, ”good boy,” he grinned like an idiot. I dropped him and collapsed back to the mast.

Thinking about the bodies had reminded me, and while I dealt with the squad commander, I grabbed Marie and Co-Located a pair of each of us over to M-Space. We tracked down the other two specters, both of whom were doing some weird Nosferatu shit over some faintly glowing forms on the floor. The glows went away when I Smited the specters.

The first dude looked at me and said, ”why?”

”Why try and rescue you?”

”Rescue? You’ve doomed me to yet again live without any of my loved ones!”

I shrugged. ”Dude, if you’re that set on joining them...”

”You’d threaten to kill me?”

I shook my head. ”Dude, you’re dead. You’re a Soul. Your body’s on my ship. I could Revive you, kinda planned on it, but if you really don’t have anything to live for, like not even trying to free Calverton for, like, friends and distant relatives? I can give you a ride to wherever your family went when they died.”

He scoffed. ”Ares would never allow you near the elysian fields.”

I cocked my head. ”Bitch please. Arse tries to keep me out I’ll feed him his fuckin’ kneecaps. Besides, isn’t that place just for, like, people who die famous and shit? I hate to break it to you, but your family died of Plague, right?” At his nod, before he could go off again, I said, ”then they puked themselves to death, or suffocated from the snot and blood in their lungs. Not Glorious ways to die. Why I Cured as many people as I could. So your family’s probably in Hades. Sure as shit you’re not slated for the Fields either, what with the whole, ’willingly becoming an abomination unto the gods’ thing. But I’m willing to give you a ride to Hades, maybe put in a good word, see if I can’t bribe him into letting you stay with them?”

He looked away. ”Fine.”

I reached out, took his Soul by the hand, then took Marie’s hand. ”Lead the way, please?”

She stepped us to another huge, dark, and gloomy cave. We stood outside what looked more like a shop than anything else I could think of. Marie stepped forward and knocked on the door.

”Come.” Dude with a quiet baritone called out. Marie led us in. A dude sat behind a desk that stretched most of the way across the room. He looked up from some kind of accounting book, then blinked a little when he caught sight of my Maenad. ”Marie?” He stood, then came around the desk, arms open. She stepped forward, and if the hug looked a little awkward, as much of that was from the dude acting like he simultaneously wanted to hover hand the thing and squish her like you’d do to a kid as from any hesitation on Marie’s part. Then he turned to me. ”Who are your friends?”

I stepped forward, holding out a hand. ”Tabitha Diaz. Champion of Loki. Also maybe sorta gonna be Marie’s wife some time in the future.”

He turned to Marie. ”Does my nephew know?” Marie just shrugged, eloquently expressing her lack of fucks over that topic. He turned back to me and shook my hand once. I got a sense of subtle power there; not a crusher grip or anything like it, just a dude with strong enough hands to give a good handshake. ”Daring enough to steal away Dionysus’ favorite and to walk into the land of the dead unafraid. Although I suppose if our Marie brought you here, she can carry you out again just as easily.”

”Hey, I’m not stealing nothing. I’m marrying her. Wife does not equal property. Sharing, maybe. Probably. Okay, sharing. No way she’s giving up the D for me.”

”Maybe.”

I coughed. ”Holy shit, Marie. Just go ahead and drop that bomb on me. Wow. No pressure.” I pulled her in for a hug, and at the last moment she lifted my chin up and bent down to turn it into a deep, thorough, yet somehow still sweet kiss.

When I pulled away, accountant dude looked at me grinning. ”Persephone would love you.” Then he sighed, and shit fell into place.

”Hades?”

He nodded, ”Lord of the Underworld. I take it this one,” he nodded to the Soul behind me, squinting a little, ”Jonathan Adamos,” He frowned. ”Destined for Tartarus.” He spat to the side. ”Undead.”

I stepped between them. ”Yeah, I gotta admit to some culpability there. Although most of it’s Apollo’s fault.”

”You would accuse my nephew of creating Undead abominations?”

I shrugged, but didn’t back down. I really wasn’t looking for a fight today. ”Yeah, he was shooting Plague arrows at me. And missed by, like, over a hundred miles. Dropped Plague all over Calverton, killed like ninety thousand people, so many that they didn’t have enough left to bury their dead.”

He frowned. ”I’d heard he’d been shooting at someone. How is it you’re still alive then?”

I smiled up at him. Now that I was looking past his unassuming clerkish appearance, I realized he had some height on him. Definitely related to Dionysus. ”Yeah, I’m a little bit hard to kill.” Marie lost her shit laughing at that, which definitely broke up the tension.

Hades, amused by the laughing Maenad literally rolling on the floor laughing, said, ”so it seems. Yet even so, what reason would I have for not imprisoning this one?”

I shrugged. ”I dunno. Persephone’s a nature goddess, right?”

”Yes.”

”So you think she’d maybe like a little sunlight down here? I could maybe arrange something like that for you.”

He frowned. ”My nephew wouldn’t sully his precious sun by bringing it here.”

”Yeah. I think maybe I could make it happen anyway. He’s not the only sun god out there, and my wife’s maybe got some sway with one of them.”

”Marie?”

”No, the other one.”

He blinked, then looked down at Marie. ”You’ve agreed to this?”

She shook her head, looked at me with a raised eyebrow, and said, ”Yet.”

I smiled and helped her up. ”I haven’t asked her yet. Officially. But, y’know, we’ve discussed it. So... skylights in exchange for letting Jonathan here stay with his family?”

He frowned at the Soul behind me, then said, ”I’ll think on it. He may remain while I do.”

”Cool! Thanks!” I held out a hand, Hades took it and shook it, and Marie and I collapsed back into the pair of us on the mast.

Fortunately the other specter, a woman, didn’t have anything like the gripe our earlier rescues had. I Smited her, confirmed she wanted to be Revived, then dropped her at General Hargreaves’ office where she enlisted right there and then.

Nothing totally exciting. Just another boring day. Even if it did get a little sweaty in some fun ways.

Oh, yeah, I totally stole some of the Practice Yard lifting gear for the Love Shack.