Corpse Retriever

“You’re sure you want this turned out?”

Master Ge held the blueprints with an uneasy look on his face.

There were two sheets.

The first one was still within a reasonable size range.

The second was not only outrageously large, with veins bulging all over it, but even had a curved tip.

“Yes.” Tan Wenbin handed Master Ge a cigarette. “Sorry for the trouble.”

The first drawing was for Eunuch Little Wang. The second was for the grand eunuch.

The two of them were going to be buried together, so they obviously could not have the same style. There had to be some distinction between them. What if one day the two of them got bored underground, dug them up, and compared them?

Master Ge asked, “Isn’t this kind of thing usually made of rubber?”

Tan Wenbin pulled an envelope from his pocket, slipped it into Master Ge’s work-jacket pocket, and patted it.“If rubber would do, would I need to come to you?”

Master Ge sighed. “If anyone saw me machining something like this, where would I put my old face?”

Tan Wenbin took out a second envelope and tucked it into his pocket too.

Master Ge nodded. “I’ll do my best. Two drawings, two copies of each, right?”

“That’s right. Two of each model.”

Of course it was impossible for one person to be buried with two of them, but considering how attractive this sort of thing was to eunuch ghosts, there was always a chance they might run into a similar situation again in the future. Better safe than sorry.

The spare set, though, would have to be hidden very carefully. It absolutely could not be seen by outsiders, or he would never be able to explain himself.

“Come get them this afternoon.”

“Sounds good. Much obliged.”

Tan Wenbin left the factory grounds, got into his little pickup, and drove north. When he reached a familiar turnoff, he swung inward.

The familiar village road, the familiar houses, the familiar utility poles, and the familiar act of backing the truck into the field.

Tan Wenbin got out carrying a pile of bags.

“Huh? Zhuangzhuang?”

Li Sanjiang was sitting in a wicker chair on the second-floor terrace, listening to the radio and basking in the sun. When he saw someone walking over, he first stood up, then kept peering behind him.

“Grandpa Li, stop looking. Little Yuanhou didn’t come back.”

Whether Little Yuanhou was even awake yet was still anybody’s guess.

“Oh, hehe.” Li Sanjiang smiled, a little disappointed.

Tan Wenbin pointed behind himself and said, “So should I leave?”

“You brat. Even if Little Yuanhou didn’t come back, how could your grandpa here not be happy to see you?”

“Heh.”

Tan Wenbin went inside and set everything he had brought onto the round table.

Then he turned his head and saw a woman on the other side of the room putting makeup on paper effigies.

She noticed his gaze, turned slightly toward him, and gave him a faint smile.

Tan Wenbin smiled back.

He knew who she was, but now he was no longer afraid.

Li Sanjiang came downstairs and pulled out his cigarette case.

Tan Wenbin beat him to it, took out his own, offered one straight to Grandpa Li’s mouth, and even lit it for him.

“What’s the matter, Zhuangzhuang? You suddenly came back. Something up?”

“Yeah, there’s something I need your help with.”

Tan Wenbin opened two of the packages, revealing two antique-looking urns.

Li Sanjiang narrowed his eyes, took a drag, and asked, “And who are these two guests?”

Anyone who handled sitting vigil for corpse retrievers would never be frightened by urns, much less think they were unlucky.

“A while back, I went into the mountains with my advisor for an engineering project. I got lost in the mountains, exhausted and thirsty, and fell asleep wedged between some rocks. I had a dream. In it, two people appeared and showed me the way.

“I followed their directions, made it out, and found my team.

“After that, I brought people back, dug beneath the spot where I’d slept, and unearthed these two sets of remains.”

Li Sanjiang blew out a ring of smoke. “Then they really do deserve a proper burial. What goes around comes around.”

“Exactly. That’s what I thought too. So I brought them here. Grandpa Li, could you help me arrange it?”

Tan Wenbin had originally wanted to buy them plots in a public cemetery, but first, the cemetery plots weren’t of a high enough grade, and second, those two had been buried in a paupers’ grave all that time. Digging them up only to send them into a crowded cemetery apartment block just didn’t feel right.

If he wanted to do something more elaborate and give them a refined Yin-dwelling, that really could only be done in the countryside. You could do it in the rural areas around Jinling too, as long as you were willing to spend the money, but that also involved long-term upkeep.

If people only took your money once, were they really going to treat you like family forever?

These days, demolition and development happened all the time. If that land got developed in a few years and the two eunuchs, as “ownerless graves,” were dug up again and left exposed, that would be even worse than leaving them where they had been.

After thinking it over, Tan Wenbin still felt it was most appropriate to bring the two eunuchs back to his hometown for burial.

The Tan family did have an ancestral graveyard, but his grandfather’s generation and his maternal grandfather’s generation would never be buried there again. As public servants, they had to answer the state’s call, keep funerals simple, and there was no way they would help him build an elaborate Yin-dwelling.

So in the end, he could only come ask Grandpa Li.

Li Sanjiang asked, “Want the place fixed up too?”

“Yes, and the specifications have to be different. This one has to be high-grade. He’s the elder. This one can be lower-grade. He’s of the son’s generation.”

“Got it. Leave it to your grandpa here. They saved our Zhuangzhuang, after all. We can’t possibly treat them badly. I guarantee I’ll build them something beautiful.”

Tan Wenbin was deeply moved. Everyone knew Grandpa Li adored Little Yuanhou the most, but he was genuinely good to him too. He agreed at once and never even mentioned money.

“Thank you, Grandpa.”

“What are you thanking me for? I only hope you boys run into more benefactors when you go out in the future.”

“That’s true.”

“Besides, if you give people a proper burial, then won’t there be two more people up above watching over you in the future? When you’ve got people in heaven, things are easier to talk through.”

“Everything you say is the truth, Grandpa.”

He did not know what it felt like to have people in heaven, but he had certainly experienced the benefits of having people below.

“I already picked out an auspicious grave site for myself and your Grandpa Shan, so let’s not go making this complicated. I’ll bury the two of them there too.

“Two more people means two more parts of liveliness. I was just worrying that after a hundred years, I’d get bored always chatting with your Grandpa Shan. You know what that mountain idiot is like. Half the day passes and he still can’t squeeze out a fart.”

“Don’t worry, Grandpa. These two can definitely talk. It’ll be lively for sure.”

“Then have you got anything else to do? Since you came back, you should go visit your Northern Grandpa and Grandma too. Oh, and you also need to go see Zhou Xiaoyun’s family.”

“Grandpa, her name is Zhou Yunyun.”

‘Yunyun’ sounds all woozy. ‘Little Yunhou’ rolls off the tongue better.”

“Then I’ll talk it over with her and have her change her name.”

“Pah. Your grandpa here just said it casually. You think you can use your grandpa as a well-drilling tool?”

“No, Grandpa, you’re blessed. A name you pick would carry that blessing.”

“Heh, what nonsense is this? Blessed? Since when did I know that?”

Beside them, the woman who had been silently putting makeup on paper effigies laughed too.

Li Sanjiang said, “Yinghou, don’t you agree? Hahaha.”

The woman nodded, laughing so hard her shoulders began to shake.

“Grandpa, there’s one more thing. When we dug them up, they had some gold and silver ingots with them. I exchanged them for cash.”

Tan Wenbin opened another bag and laid out stack after stack of large-denomination bills.

At the sight of so much money, Li Sanjiang’s cigarette hand began to tremble.

“Whoa. Tsk, tsk, tsk... that much?”

“Yeah.”

Eunuchs loved money, and since the burial had been done in haste, they had only had time to bring gold, silver, and jewels with them.

Tan Wenbin got the address of the place where Yin Meng had sold books last time, and he went to that same shop to exchange the gold, silver, and jewelry.

The owner of that shop was quite reliable. He inspected the goods, named a price, and handed over the money with crisp efficiency.

Judging by the look of things, he had probably been scared by Yin Meng before.

Tan Wenbin pushed both hands forward and shoved all the money toward Li Sanjiang.

“What’s this supposed to mean? You’re giving it all to me?”

“Yes.”

“How could I take their money? They saved you. The proper thing for us to do is build them a Yin-dwelling.”

“But there’s no way to return the money.”

“Then donate it.”

“That was what I was thinking too, but I still have school, so you’ll have to help me spend it. Fix bridges and roads in the village, give some to households with lonely elderly people or families in hardship, and give some to kids who are struggling to stay in school.”

Finding an account and donating the money would indeed be simple.

But wherever they were buried, that was where the money ought to be spent. The two eunuchs had no descendants, and they were outsiders besides. These funds could just happen to buy them some goodwill locally.

“That’s a good idea. I’ll go talk to the village chief.”

“You’ll have to make up a reason. Say Ding Dalin sent money back from overseas again and asked you to use it to benefit the villagers.”

Ding Dalin was dead, but that “overseas Chinese” identity of his was still very useful.

Li Sanjiang rubbed his forehead. “So, Zhuangzhuang, by selling this stuff... did you break the law?”

“I didn’t keep any for myself.”

He had originally been promised ten percent for himself, but Tan Wenbin did not plan to take it.

“Zhuangzhuang, when it comes to illegal things, we...”

“Don’t worry. I won’t do it again.”

“...we’ve got to do them cleanly. Don’t leave any traces.”

Tan Wenbin: “...”

“Smack!” Li Sanjiang slapped his forehead. “I nearly forgot what your family does. You’re a professional.”

Tan Wenbin did not know whether to laugh or cry. If his father heard that, he would probably get so angry he would yank off his belt and start whipping him on the spot.

“Zhuangzhuang, staying for a meal?”

“No, I have to go to Zhou Yunyun’s house.”

“Huh?” Li Sanjiang pointed at the gifts on the table. “So they weren’t all for me?”

“You get half. I have to bring the other half when I go over there. She didn’t come back last time she was on break, so this time I brought her home along the way. She’s at home now. We agreed I’d go have lunch at her place.”

“Then wait. Yinghou brought me a few jars of wine her family brewed last time. The flavor is excellent. Take one jar... no, make it two. Bring two over.

“Yinghou, go fetch them.”

“All right.”

The woman put down the brush in her hand and went into the inner room. Soon she came back carrying two jars of wine.

They were small jars, sealed with meticulous care.

Li Sanjiang introduced them proudly. “This wine is good. Tastes great, doesn’t go to your head, and you sleep wonderfully at night.”

Tan Wenbin reached out to take the jars, then quietly asked the woman, “Can ordinary people drink this?”

This was wine brought by a Dead Sinker.

Grandpa Li had enormous luck and a powerful life force. Even if his taste buds were dull and he mixed rat poison with water to wake up his appetite, he still might be fine.

But ordinary people... they would probably already be laid out stiff on a board.

The woman nodded at Tan Wenbin.

Reassured, Tan Wenbin said, “Thanks.”

Then he turned to Li Sanjiang and added, “Thank you, Grandpa.”

“You brat, what are you thanking me for? Oh right, since you’re back, take this money to Little Yuanhou while you’re at it. Saves me a trip to the post office.”

Ignoring the mountain of cash on the table, Li Sanjiang pulled money from his own pocket, dabbed his fingertips with a little saliva from his lips, counted out the big bills, and stuffed the smaller ones back into his pocket.

“Here. This half is for Little Yuanhou. This half is for you.”

“Uh, splitting it half and half between me and Little Yuanhou doesn’t seem right, does it?”

“The main thing is, since you’re standing right in front of me, your grandpa here would feel embarrassed giving Little Yuanhou too much more.”

“All right, then I’ll divide it myself and give the bigger share to Little Yuanhou.”

“Your grandpa treats everyone equally. Equally.”

“Understood, understood.”

Tan Wenbin accepted the money.

Li Sanjiang felt around in the pocket on his other side, which was actually empty, and asked, “Since you’re going to meet the family, shouldn’t you take some more cash too?”

“It’s not like I’m bringing a bride-price proposal. Some gifts are enough.”

Li Sanjiang kept rummaging through the empty pocket as he said, “How can that work? How are you supposed to carry yourself with no money in your pocket? The first visit has to set the tone.”

Li Sanjiang did want to give him some money, but the problem was that recent accounts had not yet been settled, this batch of paper offerings had not been shipped out, and the money he had just handed over was already everything he had on him.

“Heh, don’t I still have my Northern Grandpa and Grandma? Their pensions are huge. They can’t spend it all anyway. I’ll go mooch off them.

“When I really do get married someday, then I’ll come ask you for a giant red envelope.”

“Well... all right then.”

Li Sanjiang finally pulled out the hand that had been rubbing around in his pocket until it was practically hot.

“Grandpa, I’m leaving these matters in your hands.”

“Doing good deeds builds virtue for yourself. What trouble is that?”

“Oh, right. Grandpa Li, these two are from a pretty distant era, so the Yin-dwelling...”

“Do you even need to say it? I know. I’ll build them a little courtyard house.”

“As expected, you’re the professional.”

These days, living people in the countryside liked saving up to build two- or three-story houses. For the dead, it was no longer just a simple grave mound either, but delicate little two- or three-story homes, complete with doors and window glass.

He remembered once, when they were walking down the road, Runsheng had asked how Ultraman was filmed so large.

Little Yuanhou had pointed at the densely packed rows of modern, exquisite miniature houses by the roadside and said: Step inside one of those and you’d be Ultraman too.

After leaving Grandpa Li’s house, Tan Wenbin drove to Shigang.

Zhou Yunyun’s house was not in Shigang Town itself, but in a village under its jurisdiction. After driving into the village, he was just about to ask someone for directions when he heard people shouting from far away:

“Over here! Over here!”

Knowing that their daughter was bringing her boyfriend home for a meal, Zhou Yunyun’s parents had taken the day off from the textile factory. Together with her grandparents and a whole group of close relatives, they had been waiting out in the yard bright and early.

The village houses were spread out and the sightlines were good, so the moment a little pickup drove in, they recognized it as the future son-in-law coming to call.

Actually, Tan Wenbin was a bit late. What kind of person made a first home visit right at mealtime? But there was no helping it. He had needed to take care of funeral business first.

The main thing was that he was using the weekend to drive home, and he could not afford delays. If Little Yuanhou woke up, he needed to be by his side too.

Tan Wenbin drove over. He had intended to park below the yard, but Zhou Yunyun’s father enthusiastically took up the role of traffic director in front of him.

There was no helping it. He could only drive up into the yard and park there.

Zhou Yunyun stood among the crowd in a white sweater and jeans, her figure showing clearly, her whole look fresh and lovely.

After getting out of the truck, Tan Wenbin smiled at her, then immediately started handing out cigarettes to the men present. At the same time, he reached out and patted Zhou Yunyun’s father, who clearly had no experience dealing with this kind of situation, and said:

“Uncle, you’ve got to help me with the introductions.”

Zhou Yunyun’s father froze for a moment, then immediately began introducing everyone.

Each time Tan Wenbin greeted someone, he followed it up by asking what work unit they were in or which factory they worked at. Even if they were only doing temporary masonry work, he could still chat with them about whether construction sites had been busy lately.

It was all meaningless small talk, but some people had a way of making everyone feel valued, never slighting a single person.

With Zhou Yunyun’s father standing there in comparison, it almost looked as if he were the one making his first visit as the prospective son-in-law.

Everyone sat down and the meal began.

Zhou Yunyun was arranged to sit beside Tan Wenbin. While chatting with the others around the big round table, Tan Wenbin still remembered to pick food for her.

Zhou Yunyun, shy as she was, barely spoke most of the time and just sat there with her head lowered, taking small bites.

The whole scene made it look more like she was the one visiting the groom’s family.

“Drink, drink up, come on!”

Not only did Tan Wenbin refuse no one, he even took the initiative to attack.

By the end of the meal, Zhou Yunyun’s father, grandfather, uncles, and maternal uncles—in fact every adult man there except for the little cousin still in elementary school—had all been drunk under the table.

As for him, he remained perfectly calm. In the end, he even asked Zhou’s mother for two extra servings of rice, one mixed with braised-meat sauce and one mixed with chicken broth, and ate them thoroughly.

Actually, Tan Wenbin had not always been such a heavy drinker. But now he had two children on his shoulders, which was basically like carrying two extra brains. Even if he drank himself into alcohol poisoning, he could still keep a clear head.

After lunch, the women helped their own men inside to sleep it off.

Tan Wenbin walked out into the yard by himself and stood there in the wind.

A little black dog passed through the yard, glanced at Tan Wenbin, and Tan Wenbin glanced at it. They looked at each other and moved on.

That elementary-school-aged little cousin had to go home to do homework. He shyly waved at Tan Wenbin, and Tan Wenbin smiled and waved back.

Very obviously, Tan Wenbin did not need a little black dog or a little kid to defuse awkwardness or distract attention.

Zhou Yunyun came out while opening a pack of cigarettes, pulled one out, and tucked it into Tan Wenbin’s mouth.

“Smoke less.”

“Mhm, mhm, mhm.”

Tan Wenbin agreed while flicking the cigarette in his mouth toward Zhou Yunyun. He had noticed she was still holding a box of matches.

Zhou Yunyun struck one and lit it for him, then gave him a mildly reproachful look.

“Your mom’s a good cook. Everything she made was delicious.”

“Your mom’s cooking is really good too.”

Tan Wenbin blew out a smoke ring. “How are you able to say something so against your conscience?”

His mother’s cooking could only be called edible.

Back when he had grown up eating it, he had not noticed. Later, when he stayed at Grandpa Li’s house during senior year, Aunt Liu’s cooking made him realize: so this is what food for humans tastes like.

Too bad Aunt Liu’s apprentice, Mengmeng, had failed to inherit Aunt Liu’s cooking skills. Or maybe she had inherited them—surpassing her teacher and becoming even deadlier than the original.

“Do you have anything to do this afternoon?” Zhou Yunyun asked.

“I still have to go out later this afternoon, but there’s no rush. The factory hasn’t finished yet.”

“Then for dinner...”

“Your family didn’t prepare dinner?”

“My mom told me to ask. She was worried you might have something to do and need to leave this afternoon.”

Tan Wenbin immediately turned his head away and shouted toward the kitchen, “Auntie, I’m still eating here tonight! I want more of that braised fish and steamed pork too!”

“All right! All right!”

Zhou Yunyun could not help laughing.

“Come on, go for a walk with me. Help me digest. I ate way too much.”

“Well, whose fault is that?”

“I’m not like you. You come home and still act too embarrassed to eat.”

Zhou Yunyun lightly punched him on the shoulder a few times.

Then the two of them set off side by side for a walk through the village.

They had to stroll around and make their presence known, or the village aunties would start worrying about arranging blind dates again.

During the walk, Zhou Yunyun took a red envelope from her pocket and handed it to Tan Wenbin.

“My parents gave this to you.”

That amused Tan Wenbin so much that he laughed. “Wait, I get a red envelope too?”

“I don’t know. My parents gave it to me to pass on.”

Tan Wenbin did not take it. “Then you keep it.”

“Your mother already gave me one. If you don’t take this, how am I supposed to explain it to my parents?”

“You only need to show it to me. That’s explanation enough.”

Zhou Yunyun reached out and wrapped herself around Tan Wenbin’s arm. “You know, even now, it still doesn’t feel real. Are we really dating?”

“You’re dreaming. Wake up, Class Monitor. It’s time for class.”

Zhou Yunyun lifted her head and kissed him on the cheek, then held on to him and kept walking forward.

After they had walked enough to digest the meal, afternoon came. Because of the alcohol, and even though drunk driving was not being checked very aggressively at the moment, Tan Wenbin still did not drive. Instead, he borrowed Zhou Yunyun’s father’s bicycle and rode it to the factory.

He opened the package and inspected the goods.

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