Becoming a Monster

Chapter 653: Chapter 652: Would Knowing Have Changed Anything?

For a few moments after Alicia asked the question, no one seemed particularly concerned.

Bailey had been gone for some time, but with everything occupying their attention, no one had bothered keeping track of exactly how long it had been.

“I thought she went to the bathroom,” Alicia eventually added. “She told me she’d be back.”

Raven looked toward her with a confused expression, clearly having been under a different impression of where Bailey had gone.

“The bathroom? I thought she went to speak with Robera.”

Alicia turned toward her, her own confusion beginning to show.

“When did she tell you that?”

“Earlier today.”

Raven’s answer came easily at first, although the more she thought about the conversation, the less certain she became.

Bailey hadn’t actually told her that she was going to speak with Robera. She had mentioned wanting to speak with her, but at the time, she still hadn’t decided what she wanted to do.

“She said she was thinking about talking to Robera,” Raven corrected herself. “She wasn’t sure if she was actually going to talk to Elowen anymore. There were still some things she wasn’t sure about when it came to… you know…”

That was enough for Raven to assume Bailey had made up her mind and went to find Robera. With everything that had happened recently, she hadn’t thought much of Bailey wanting to speak with someone else before deciding what she wanted to say to Elowen.

“I thought she went to watch everyone leave.”

Jasmine’s voice drew their attention toward her, adding another explanation that neither Alicia nor Raven had been expecting.

“She told me she needed to clear her head for a while. I thought she was going to watch the others depart and come back afterward.”

By then, the conversation had begun drawing the attention of everyone else in the room.

None of what they were saying seemed concerning on its own. Bailey had been uncertain about several things recently, and wanting some time alone or choosing to speak with someone before making a decision wasn’t unusual enough for any of them to immediately question it.

Only now, after they finally began talking amongst themselves, did something about the situation start to feel wrong.

Paul frowned as he listened to them. “How long has she been gone?”

That question took considerably longer for anyone to answer.

No one had been paying attention. They had all been too occupied with the expedition and everything surrounding Noah to notice how much time had passed since they last saw Bailey.

Paul tried to remember, only to find it had been considerably longer than he initially thought.

Actually, now that he thought about it, she had been actively avoiding him since last night.

“Has anyone seen her since everyone left?”

The question caused several of them to look toward one another, each seemingly waiting for someone else to answer.

No one did.

That was when the concern surrounding Bailey’s absence became considerably more noticeable.

The others began looking between themselves, but the expressions around the room already gave Paul a good idea of what their answers would be.

Paul’s thoughts went elsewhere.

The timing bothered him.

Bailey had disappeared around the same time everyone had been focused on the expedition leaving, and enough time had passed since then that whatever she originally left to do should’ve already been finished.

A softer voice tried to speak somewhere among the overlapping discussions.

It barely carried far enough to be heard.

Paul would’ve missed it if he hadn’t already been paying close attention to everyone in the room. Right now, he was too worried that something important might be overlooked simply because everyone had started talking amongst themselves.

His gaze shifted toward Amara.

She looked as though she had been trying to find an opportunity to speak for several seconds, only to hesitate each time another conversation started over her.

“Amara.”

Her eyes immediately lifted toward him.

“Is there something you know?”

The other discussions stopped almost instantly.

No one seemed concerned about being interrupted or having their own thoughts cut short. Whatever disagreements had existed between them earlier mattered considerably less now that Bailey was missing.

Every gaze in the room shifted toward Amara.

The sudden attention only made her hesitate more.

She dreaded this moment.

More than anything, she wished she had spoken about this sooner. She had considered doing so several times since the last few days, but whenever she came close, she always found another reason to convince herself that there was no point.

Her gift wasn’t always considered one when she actually had to tell someone what she saw.

No one wanted to hear that someone close to them was going to die, especially when knowing about it wouldn’t give them any way to stop it.

And Amara couldn’t imagine how Bailey would’ve felt hearing it herself.

So she hadn’t told anyone.

At the time, Amara believed keeping it to herself was better than forcing everyone to worry about something they couldn’t change.

She especially didn’t want Bailey spending however much time she had left constantly thinking about the fact that she was going to die.

There was also the chance that knowing would make Bailey do something drastic, tying someone else’s fate to hers.

But with Bailey missing, combined with the people going to besiege Noah’s home, she understood that this was the moment that would lead to Bailey’s death.

Amara eventually looked toward Paul, meeting his eyes before releasing a long breath.

She liked being around the people here.

They genuinely cared about one another, something Amara had learned wasn’t as common as many of them probably believed. She had spent enough time around people who would do nearly anything to survive, even if that meant sacrificing someone else to ensure they lived another day.

The people here weren’t like that.

Amara tried to remind herself of that as she gathered the courage to finally tell them everything.

Maybe this time would be different.

“I noticed something when we were speaking with Varkesh.”

She started from there, explaining what she had seen and the exact moment she noticed Bailey’s thread disappear.

Some of them didn’t react immediately.

It had been a long time since Amara needed to speak about this part of her ability. None of the missions they had taken together had been dangerous enough for her to see someone’s thread disappear, and with no reason to bring it up, or even change colors for that matter, there were those who had nearly forgotten what it meant.

Those who remembered were different.

Their expressions noticeably changed before Amara even finished explaining.

Alicia was one of the first.

“No…” Her face paled as the meaning finally settled in. “Wh-why are you only telling us this now?”

Her voice rose enough that the question came close to a scream, interrupting Amara before she could finish explaining why she had kept it to herself.

Amara shifted slightly in her seat before meeting Alicia’s gaze as calmly as she could.

This reaction was familiar.

In a strange way, that made it easier for her to deal with. Alicia was afraid for Bailey, and that fear needed somewhere to go. Amara had experienced enough similar reactions to know that the person delivering the news was often the easiest one to blame.

What was considerably harder for her to bear was Paul’s silence.

He hadn’t looked away from her since she started speaking.

Amara couldn’t tell what he was thinking, and for some reason, that bothered her more than Alicia nearly screaming at her.

“Alicia’s right,” Jasmine spoke up before Amara could respond. Her voice wasn’t nearly as loud, but the accusation behind it was no less apparent. “Something like that is just too important not to tell us. If we had known, then we wou-“

“No.” Before Jasmine could finish, Paul interrupted her.

The suddenness of his response drew everyone’s attention toward him, including Amara’s. Out of everyone in the room, she had expected Paul to be the most upset with her.

He was closer to Bailey than any of them, yet instead of joining the others in questioning why she had kept something so important to herself, he was the first to speak in her defense.

“If we had known…” His words came slowly, his gaze moving between Jasmine and Alicia. “Would today have been any different?”

Jasmine frowned. “Of course it would’ve. We could’ve watched her. We could’ve made sure she didn’t go anywhere alone.”

“For how long?”

The question caused her to pause.

“We didn’t know when she would die. We didn’t know how.” He briefly looked toward Amara. “Knowing about her thread wouldn’t have changed that.”

“At least we could’ve done something,” Jasmine argued. “Anything would’ve been better than doing nothing.”

“Maybe.”

Paul didn’t immediately disagree.

“We could’ve followed her. Watched her more closely.” He paused again, considering his next words. “But what happens tomorrow? Or the day after that?”

No one answered.

“Were we supposed to lock her in a room?”

“And if we did… would that have saved her?”

His tone remained unnaturally calm, carrying none of the anger Jasmine or Alicia had shown toward Amara, or the concern one should have for their friend.

His controlled emotions, coupled with his rational thoughts, were the trigger that caused Alicia to rage.

“You’re talking about this like it couldn’t be changed,” Alicia screamed. “It’s an ability, Paul! Her ability! How does that mean some thread gets to decide whether Bailey lives or dies?”