Becoming a Monster

Chapter 270: Chapter 270: The Heart Never Lies

Arachne’s interruption planted a seed of doubt in Fenrir’s mind. Why now? Why call him stupid when he was clearly right? He saw it all — Noah letting Arachne consume a part of him, giving Ailetta not one but two orbs to strengthen her, and just moments ago, handing Eve a vial that changed her entirely. Yet he was the only one who received nothing.

Did she know something that he didn’t? Or....

Fenrir’s lips curled, his fangs briefly baring. A darker thought crept in. Was she trying to keep him weak? Was this her plan all along — to take his place as Noah’s sole protector by ensuring he never grew stronger?

A faint glow in his eyes burned with bitter resentment at the thought, but he contained his rage, there was still a chance that he was in the wrong.

”Noah gives us everything. Every one of us deserves to become stronger, even....her.” Arachne’s cold gaze never wavered under Fenrir’s aggressive stare.

She could understand Fenrir’s feelings the best, she too was once in his position. That was why she saw Fenrir’s behavior as nothing but foolishness. In her eyes, he was no different than Eve.

It was her that was Noah’s first creature; she should rightfully be the one who receives everything, and yet she was forced to share with everyone else.

If it was the past, she would have the same feelings as Fenrir. But the times of her failure made her learn, it made her see. It was only because of Noah that they were as strong as they were now. Until they can repay all that Noah has done for them, none of them can complain about what Noah gave or withheld.

”Don’t be a fool, Fenrir.” Arachne added, seeing that the wolf’s eye was still thinking of something stupid. She disliked speaking of any of her personal vulnerabilities, but Fenrir’s thick-headedness left her no choice. ”When it was just me and you, didn’t I have to share with you? Even though I was the one here first?”

Fenrir’s light snarl abruptly stopped. His pupils constricted, not from shock, but from the effort to process her words. He had to think back, to those days when it was only them, and for the first time, truly consider what she was saying.

No one interrupted him as he thought to himself. He remembered the times it was only him and Arachne, he remembered Ailetta when she was just the human nuisance. But above it all, he remembered when Arachne first labeled him with the name he couldn’t get rid of. All this time he never thought about why Arachne chose that name, but if Arachne felt the same way back then as he did now, then he was beginning to understand. And yet even back then, Arachne never argued with Noah like he was now.

The realization gnawed at him. Back then he always believed he was stronger than Arachne, and many events proved that he was better. Even so, Arachne never tried to keep Noah’s favor to herself, still accepting him as part of their group.

And now he was acting like a fool.

His bristled tail deflated between his legs; his ears hung at his side while his eyes stared towards the ground. His eyes only barely glanced up to look in Noah’s direction, unable to meet his gaze.

Seeing Fenrir in such a state lessened Noah’s frustration, but it didn’t immediately go away. He put in a lot of effort to care for each and every one of his companions. To have his intentions questioned made him feel that everything he did for them was meaningless. It was as if the trust and bonds he built with them could be so easily shattered by a moment of envy.

His teeth grinded together for a moment, trying his best to not let his frustrations get the best of him. His thoughts conflicted with his emotions as each word he spoke next was voiced with restraint.

”I’ve never stopped looking out for any of you. Each and every one of you means everything to me....that includes you to Fenrir...” Fenrir’s body jerked, a strong sense of shame traveled through his entire body, even more than before he wanted to crawl somewhere to hide. Still, he was still ashamed to look up.

”Here,” Fenrir didn’t know what Noah meant, but he heard it. Something landed right underneath where he was staring.

It only took a few seconds to understand what it was. At first Fenrir was filled with shock, then he was overwhelmed with the prospect of being able to grow stronger. However, all of that momentum was gone when he realized what he had done to get it. He didn’t feel as if he deserved it anymore. The thought of growing stronger wasn’t satisfying either. He was already thinking about giving the item to either Arachne or Ailetta, feeling that they deserved it more than him.

”Don’t make me think you’ve stopped trusting me,” Noah’s final words completely broke down any lingering resistance Fenrir had. His ears completely flattened, his entire body slumped down onto the uneven ground, he truly felt like the fool Arachne always claimed he was. He didn’t have the courage to look Noah in the eye.

He wanted to apologize, to beg forgiveness, to prove himself, but he knew none of those things would erase his earlier selfishness.

Slowly, his trembling paw reached out and pulled the item closer. He touched it gently, as if it were something he no longer had the right to touch. The thought of giving the heart to Arachne or Ailetta was running heavy through his mind. If given the option, he would tell Noah he doesn’t want it, that he doesn’t deserve it. But now, how could he? After everything he’s done, after what Noah said, and especially now that Noah gave the heart to him? How could he turn it down without feeling more like a fool?

He felt ashamed, and his guilt caused him to look out of the corner of his eye to see Arachne’s reaction now that he had gotten what he ”wanted”.

”Hmph, stupid...” The spider coldly snorted before she turned to walk away towards Noah.

His throat tightened, even now, after he’d caused a scene and proven his own selfishness, she didn’t press it any further. No jeering, no gloating, not even a glance of disdain. She simply turned away, leaving him to wallow in his shame.

”It’s....not that I didn’t trust him...” Fenrir’s small yet heavy voice muttered. His voice was almost indescribable, so low, and so jumbled from his deflated pride that it barely sounded like words.

But Arachne’s sharp ears caught it. She didn’t stop walking, nor did she turn to face him, but her pace noticeably slowed.

”...I know,” she answered flatly, as though she expected his words. Not a hint of condescension in her tone, for she too was once in his position. ”But that doesn’t make you any less stupid.”

Fenrir’s chest tightened, a twisting pain forming at the depths of his heart. It wasn’t the fact that she was being cruel, it was that she wasn’t cruel that made it worse. And for some reason, that hurt even more.

”...I just...I don’t trust myself...I didn’t want to be left behind, not by him....and not by you.”

Arachne stopped. Her head barely turned, but her tone softened. ”Then don’t be.”

Fenrir’s head shot up.

”Eat it, stupid Fenrir.” Arachne gestured toward the heart without even looking back at him. ”get stronger and help me protect Noah...that’s all that matters.”

For a moment, Fenrir didn’t move. He realized that even if he didn’t deserve it, if he didn’t get stronger, he would never be able to make it up to Noah, he would never be able to fight with him, to protect him.

”...Yeah,” Fenrir muttered, his throat tightening. With a deep, shaking breath, he turned toward the black heart, his maw opening wide. ”I’ll... get stronger.”

________________

Noah heard the entire conversation between Fenrir and Arachne, but he stayed to himself, his mind finding something else to distract himself. His body slumped over the chest, gathering the coins that were still left within, enough platinum coins to guarantee himself to buy a new skill when he found another shop. And yet he didn’t feel the least bit excited. His straight face while picking up each coin only hardened the more, he attempted to distract himself.

Roar!*

Suddenly a roar that was not only oppressive but filled with agony rampaged on his side.

Despite the urgency it should bring, Noah slowly looked over. He expected for something like this to happen the moment Fenrir consumed the heart.

He wanted to stay detached, to let Fenrir bear the consequence of his own selfishness, but the sight of his beast thrashing and convulsing on the ground tore that resolve apart. Before Noah even realized it, his body was already moving.

Noah loved his creatures. No matter how they felt about him, no matter how they acted, that fact would never change. Somewhere along the way, Noah had come to understand a hard truth about himself, one he knew he could never overcome. He would do anything for them.

Even if it was their own mistake.

Even if it was driven by their own selfish desire.

Even if they cursed his name in the end.

Noah would never let them suffer.