Beastmen Are Crazy, So I Sell Them Therapy

Chapter 124: Chapter 122

I was laughing so hard I almost couldn’t breathe as we sprinted deeper into the dungeon.

”Yes!” I declared triumphantly. ”We finally escaped them! Now all we have to do is—”

”Hey Troll,” Stephano interrupted while still running beside me, ”you grabbed the wrong person.”

I blinked. ”...What?”

I looked down, slowly at his face then screamed.

”AH—!”

I immediately let go of his hand like I had touched something cursed.

Unfortunately, that turned out to be the worst decision possible because the moment I released him, my balance disappeared too.

I tripped over absolutely nothing and landed butt-first onto the cold stone floor with a loud smack.

”OW!”

Stephano looked down at me in disbelief. ”Out of all the people there,” he said, breathing heavily from running, ”why did it have to be me?”

I glared at him from the floor.

”That confirms you have rotten luck.”

”That confirms you’re the worst possible option among our teammates,” I shot back immediately.

Stephano looked deeply offended. ”Excuse me?!”

Before we could continue verbally assaulting each other, several glowing armbands suddenly appeared from the corridor ahead.

Students.

A lot of students.

”They must have heard us because of your scream!” I hissed at Stephano.

One of them pointed toward us immediately. ”Hey! Which class are you two from?”

Neither of us answered, mostly because we were both too busy deciding whether fighting or running would hurt less.

Another student narrowed his eyes suspiciously. ”...Let’s just kill them first.”

”Wait—” I started but the group immediately started charging toward us.

Then—

CLICK.

The entire hallway went silent as everyone froze.

My eyes widened. ”...Why did that sound mechanical?”

CRACK!

The ground directly beneath me suddenly collapsed.

”AH—!?”

I instinctively threw my hand out toward Stephano.

”H-HELP—!”

Stephano reacted automatically and reached for me, our hands almost touching when realization hit his face.

”...Oh wait. It’s you.”

He immediately retracted his hand then waved cheerfully instead.

”Bye, Troll~”

I was actually speechless as I stared at him in disbelief while falling. ”You fucking—”

CLICK.

The charging students behind him triggered another trap.

CRACK!

Stephano’s expression immediately changed. ”...Wait.”

The ground beneath him collapsed next.

For one beautiful moment, we made eye contact as both of us started falling into darkness together.

I looked straight at him, slowly smirked as I finally burst into manic laughter.

”HAHAHAHAHA!”

”WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?!” Stephano shouted while falling beside me.

”BECAUSE NOW YOU’RE FALLING TOO!”

”THIS IS YOUR FAULT SOMEHOW!”

”ONLY MAN FOR HIMSELF!” I yelled triumphantly as both of us disappeared screaming into the darkness below.

The students above us watched silently as both of us disappeared screaming into the abyss.

”...Should we report this?”

”Nah,” another student answered. ”Let’s just pretend we never saw them.”

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

BANG!

SLAM!

CRASH!

The fall somehow felt like it lasted ten whole minutes instead of ten seconds.

One moment I was screaming.

The next I was questioning every life decision that led me here.

I slowly opened one eye.

I’m still alive, still breathing, and no sharp spikes through my stomach.

”I LIVED!” I shouted triumphantly while throwing both hands into the air. ”HAHA! I guess grumpy pants finally died already!”

”...Damn you...”

A strained voice wheezed beneath me.

I slowly looked down.

Stephano was crushed under my entire body like a very angry mattress.

”Why,” he groaned painfully, ”are you so damn heavy?”

’...Oh.’

So that explained why the landing felt soft.

”My bad,” I said casually but before fully getting up, I deliberately pressed my weight down harder one last time.

”UGH—!” Stephano looked one second away from ascending spiritually.

I finally stood up properly while dusting off my uniform.

”Shit,” he muttered while sitting up slowly. ”I think you broke all my bones.”

”Quit whining,” I replied immediately. ”You’re still talking so clearly your lungs work.”

Stephano glared at me like murder was becoming less of a fantasy and more of a realistic plan.

Meanwhile I started looking around the area.

It was still ridiculously dark.

The only light came from our glowing armbands and the faint flickering crystals embedded in the cave walls.

The pit we fell into looked more like some abandoned underground ruin connected beneath the dungeon.

Broken pillars.

Collapsed pathways.

Dust everywhere.

Very haunted.

I immediately searched for my Omni Drone hopefully expecting at least some source of light but I found the poor thing completely destroyed beneath rubble including Stephano’s.

”Hey grumpypants, what should we do now? Our Omni Drones are destroyed,” I said casually while brushing dust off my sleeves.

Only thing I got in response was his heavy breathing and a string of curses echoing faintly in the dark.

”...Why did it have to be now?” Stephano groaned.

I tilted my head and stepped closer, squinting at him in the dark.

I frowned and leaned closer, squinting into the darkness where I thought his face was.

”Stephano?” I asked cautiously. ”Are you okay?”

”Do I look like I’m okay right now?” he snapped immediately, glaring up at me.

”...I just don’t want to be the cause of your death,” I said with a small smile, genuinely trying to be considerate for once.

”What?” he barked. ”Killing me because of your weight?”

My smile vanished instantly.

I stared at him in silence for a long moment.

’...Maybe I should just leave him here. The dungeon could keep him for all I care at least the world might actually improve slightly.’

”No,” he added quickly, as if realizing I was one second away from actually considering it. ”I’m not injured. I’m fine.”

”Then why are you acting like that?”

”Then why are you acting like that?” I frowned, stepping closer again.

That was when I noticed something strange. His leopard ears had popped up, his tail was twitching uncontrollably behind him, and his face was completely red.

”Do... do you have suppressors?” he asked suddenly, voice strained.

I blinked. ”No. What’s a suppressor?”

He stared at me like I had just confessed to living under a rock my entire life. ”You must be mocking me right now.”

”I’m not.”

”You’re definitely mocking me.”

”I literally don’t know what you’re talking about.”

A long silence followed.

”You seriously don’t know anything?”

”No?”

He looked at me like I had just committed a crime against nature. ”You’re joking.”

”I’m not.”

His expression twisted in disbelief before he suddenly laughed.

”You’ve never even heard of suppressors?!” he said, almost offended. ”How are you even alive in this world?”

”Just get to the point grumpypants,” I replied flatly.

”Suppressors are a kind of medicine,” he explained through clenched teeth, ”used to stabilize beastmen when their instincts start reacting too strongly.”

”What about the energy stone? You can just use that,” I said, trying to sound helpful despite the fact that I was very clearly guessing my way through all of this.

Stephano gave me a long, suffering look. ”For someone academically smart, you’re impressively stupid when it comes to this.”

I rolled my eyes at him. ”Just start explaining.”

He exhaled sharply. ”Energy stones are used to stabilize Hysteria,” he said like I was physically draining his will to live, ”while suppressors are used to stabilize one’s needs.”

”Needs?” I repeated slowly. ”Suppressors? Wow, this world is seriously messed up.”

Stephano pinched the bridge of his nose.

”What kind of need are you talking about?” I asked, genuinely confused now.

He dragged a hand down his face like he was one second away from losing his sanity.

”What a fucking dense troll...” he muttered something under his breath before looking away. ”You know what? Just release your pheromones and I’ll handle it myself.”

I blinked then frowned harder. ”Pheromones? How would I release that?” I leaned in slightly. ”Are you sure you’re not just making words up at this point?”

His eye twitched.

”Seriously?” he snapped. ”You don’t even know how to release your damn pheromones?”

”NO!” I shouted back instantly. ”IF THAT’S THE ANSWER YOU WANT!”

The cave echoed with my voice as a few distant rocks probably crumbled out of respect.

”Fuck...” Stephano groaned, he covered his face again. ”Just leave before I do something I regret.”

I crossed my arms. ”So you don’t want my help?”

”You’re useless,” he bluntly said. ”You don’t even know the basics of your own biology. It’s not like you can just calm me down by holding— wait.”

His eyes flickered towards me.

I immediately stepped back. ”What now?”

A beat of silence passed.

”...Come here.”

”No,” I answered immediately. ”That sounds like the beginning of a terrible life decision.”

Before I could even take another step back, he moved in a blink of an eye.

One second he was just sitting there.

The next, he had already grabbed me and pulled me forward.

”Wha—?!”

We both hit the ground hard, the impact knocking the air out of my lungs.

I groaned and tried to shove him away immediately. ”Are you insane?!”

Stephano didn’t move away. Instead, his tail wrapped tightly around my waist and pulled me closer again, like it had a mind of its own, keeping me in place no matter how much I struggled.

”Stephano—get off!” I gasped, shoving harder.

Purr.

I froze in absolute horror

”Grumpypants, I swear to god—”

My voice cracked when he buried his face against my neck, warm breath brushing against my skin and sending a violent shiver down my spine.

His ears twitched against my jaw while his teeth lightly grazed my collarbone—not enough to hurt, just enough to make me stop functioning for half a second.

Purr.

My soul almost left my body.

”What the fuck are you doing right now?!” I shrieked in horror, trying to push him again.

It was useless.

Stephano only tightened his hold around me while aggressively nuzzling like some oversized affectionate predator that had lost all sense of dignity.

As if my suffering wasn’t still enough, he licked my cheek.

I went completely still. ”...Did you just lick me?”

Another lick.

”WHY ARE BEASTMEN LIKE THIS?!” I screamed in genuine distress, frantically wiping my face.

It didn’t matter because the moment I wiped one side, he licked the other.

”HORRIFYING!”

At that point I had no choice left.

SMACK!

I slapped him as hard as I could. Partly because I was annoyed and partly because this might genuinely be the only chance I’d ever get to slap Stephano without him immediately throwing me into a wall afterward.

Stephano froze instantly, his pupils focused again, and the purring stopped. ”...Did you just slap me?” he asked slowly.

”Yes,” I answered firmly. ”And I’m not sorry for it.”

He looked stunned for exactly two seconds before horror overtook his face.

”...I blacked out,” he muttered. ”I’m sorry for—”

He quickly pushed himself away from me, which turned out to be a terrible mistake because the second he moved away, his eyes dilated again.

”Oh no—”

He pounced me for the second time.

”YOU DAMN PERVERT!”

This time his tail wrapped around both my legs while he rubbed his face against my shoulder like an affectionate cat possessed by evil.

SMACK!

Another slap echoed.

Stephano snapped back to reality immediately.

”Fuck fuck fuck— I’m sorry—”

He scrambled backward in panic.

I widened my eyes instantly. ”No... NO—! WAIT— DON’T MOVE—”

Too late.

The moment he pulled away farther, he lunged at me for the THIRD time.

At this point the situation became so ridiculous I couldn’t even panic anymore.

I started laughing instead. ”HAHA— WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!”

Stephano looked one mental breakdown away from crying while still unconsciously clinging to me.

SMACK!

He blinked back to normal again, looking genuinely devastated now. ”Why am I like this?!” he whispered in horror.

Instead of staying still, the idiot started moving away again.

I immediately grabbed him before history repeated itself.

”Don’t you dare move,” I hissed while locking my arms around him.

Stephano froze. ”...What?”

”What if we hold hands instead?” I suggested desperately.

”What? No—”

”Do I look like I want to keep getting tackled every five seconds?!”

Silence.

Stephano looked deeply humiliated before he slowly—very slowly—held my hand.

We both sat there quietly in the darkness holding hands like traumatized idiots.

”...If you tell anyone about this,” Stephano muttered after a long silence, ”I’ll kill you.”

I squeezed his hand tighter. ”Purr for me again first.”

Flick!

Pain exploded across my forehead so hard my head nearly snapped backward.

”OW—” I clutched my forehead dramatically. ”Are you trying to kill me?!”

”Don’t treat this situation lightly, Troll,” Stephano muttered while glaring at me.

His ears were still twitching uncontrollably and his tail had not shamelessly stopped wrapping around me.

”You have no idea how difficult it is for beastmen to control their heat. You’re lucky your touch alone is enough to calm my inner beast.”

”...Wait.”

Stephano immediately looked exhausted already.

”The ’needs’ you were talking about...” I pointed at him slowly. ”You meant sex?”

Flick!

He flicked my forehead again.

Harder.

”OW!”

”So you know what sex is,” he mocked flatly, ”but somehow not the word needs?”

”Well if you had just said it directly!” I snapped while rubbing my forehead. ”How was I supposed to know what kind of need you were talking about?!”

”Stupid,” he muttered.

I silently mocked him behind his back while making a face he thankfully couldn’t see in the dark.

”Whatever,” I grumbled. ”Let’s just find the exit already. I don’t ever want to be trapped underground with you again.”

”Says the one who dragged me here,” Stephano shot back immediately.

”It was dark!” I defended myself. ”And it was an accident!”

I grabbed his hand and pulled him up but the moment he stood, he hugged me again immediately.

Like his body had auto-lock targeting.

I froze while his arms wrapped around me tightly again and his tail coiled around my waist like it belonged there.

I slowly covered my face with one hand. ”...I’m so tired.”

Stephano looked genuinely ashamed now, face completely red.

”I’m sorry, okay?!” he blurted out defensively. ”Apparently my body isn’t satisfied with just holding hands and now it wants to cuddle you too!”

”Don’t bother explaining,” I sighed tiredly while dragging a hand down my face. ”I already experienced this twice or many times anyway.”

Stephano froze. ”...What?”

I looked up at the ceiling dramatically. ”There was this one giant puppy back then—”

”What do you mean giant puppy?!” Stephano looked horrified instantly.

”Same behavior too,” I continued thoughtfully. ”Very clingy. Slightly dumb. Kept trying to lick my face.”

”...Are you comparing me to a dog right now?”

I looked at him honestly. ”You literally purred earlier.”