Back Then, I Adored You

“Nuannuan, actually, I’ve been wanting to say something to you for this past year…”

“Nuannuan, I’m sorry.”

“Nuannuan, I truly want you to have a good life.”

“Nuannuan, I only dare to say this to you because you are asleep.”

“Nuannuan, if it were possible, I would like to be a terminator, so that I could terminate your past. I also want to be an initiator, so that I could help you learn to love again.”

“But Nuannuan, I don’t have this opportunity anymore.”

“Nuannuan, don’t drink alcohol in the future or consume cold and raw food, because you have a weak stomach.”

“Nuannuan, take good care of yourself…”

Xu Wennuan abruptly opened her eyes and woke up. She stared at the ceiling for a long time before she managed to suppress the swelling emotions in her chest. She then threw her blanket aside, got out of bed, and poured herself a cup of water. As she was drinking it, she unwittingly caught sight of some souvenirs placed on the table out of the corner of her eye. Her lips moved and she placed her glass of water down before she slowly walked over. She lifted her fingers and touched the souvenirs gently before lowering her eyes.

Xu Wennuan’s fingers grazed against the souvenirs for some time before she eventually turned around and walked back to her bed. She found her cell phone and reflexively entered the game. As always over the past two months, his profile picture remained dark.

He’s an overwhelming presence in my life, regardless of whether his identity is Lu Bancheng or Zero Degrees. He vanished so thoroughly that I can only find a trace of him in my dreams, to the point that I’m beginning to believe that he has always been just a dream.

Xu Wennuan sighed softly before placing her phone down and stared out into the pitch-black night sky. After some time in a daze, she suddenly began wondering about his welfare.

Is he okay? Is he doing well now?

Xu Wennuan had no impression of how she had fallen asleep the previous night, but by the time she woke up it was already noon. The sky was gray and gloomy outside, and the continuous drizzle covered the window.

Xu Wennuan was too lazy to go out to eat, so she called for food delivery. Xu Wennuan continued to laze in bed for a while before she headed to the bathroom to wash up. By the time she came out, the drizzle had turned to heavy rain. She stared out the window and began recalling the night in Lijiang when Lu Bancheng had driven her back after she had lost her purse. It had been raining heavily that day also, and the car had broken down. Lu Bancheng had thought that she was afraid of being with him, so he had gotten out of the car with his umbrella and stood on the side of the highway.

Wu Hao had also been in Lijiang that night, and she had overheard the conversation between the two of them.

“I am Zero Degrees. I’m the Zero who has been acquainted with her in the game for more than 10 years.”

“Although I left her 10 years later, I still continue to watch over her.”

“Unknown to her, I continue to accompany her under my initial identity in the virtual world.”

Xu Wennuan felt as if something had seized her heart tightly, and the pain made her draw in a deep breath of air. A sense of panic and depression came over her at once, something she had never experienced before and that seemed to drown her entire being.

No matter how unwilling I had been to acknowledge this truth, I have no choice but to accept it now. I dearly miss Zero and Lu Bancheng.