A Knight Who Eternally Regresses

-No?

”Yes. No.”

Audin was firm. In this part, Audin spoke with the will that there would be no compromise. A faint light gathered on Audin’s shoulders. Since Audin even stirred holiness and spoke like this, what more was there to say?

It wasn’t any different from swearing on Will.

-Then why did you come?

The teacher asked. Audin corrected posture. Both hands were gathered neatly, and the back was straightened. Polite, and proud. From here, it was time to persuade the teacher.

”I came because if I stay as I am, that barbarian from the west will run wild and make Youngest noises, and it’s obvious.”

The light blinked. It was still a confession no different from an oath. Audin continued.

”And the swordsman from the north will act arrogant, too.”

The light flickered several times. If it were a human, would that be nodding? Or tilting the head?

-Explain.

The answer came back. Audin knew the habits of the teacher made of light. The teacher had great interest in worldly affairs.

To the point that, if allowed, the teacher would want to call a storyteller here all day long.

So long as that storyteller didn’t have eyes melted by the intense holiness and die.

All the more if it was the story of a disciple the teacher acknowledged—interest would only grow.

From the outside, it looked like some incarnation of an angel, but if you looked closely inside, you could see an old person who was nosy about other people’s business.

An old person who, at the slightest thing, would go, ‘Ah, I should die.’

”Then.”

Audin began the story. If it were the past, Audin would have told it without any order, but it was delivered in a plausible, organized way.

Should this be called thanks to Enkrid, too?

Teaching him, and then watching him again and learning, it was like learning how to speak all over again.

The long story ended.

-Interesting.

The teacher showed enjoyment. Audin nodded.

”They were enjoyable days.”

Past the point of grasping the thread of a life that had wandered and suffering over mistakes that had gone by, Audin accepted it and moved forward. This was now, after ending the wandering and breaking the taboo.

The illusion of the child who had been called a saint and died after making medicine underground still appeared, but there was no resentment like before. Sometimes, Audin only smiled.

It felt like it was saying the path being walked now was right.

-You’ve made up your mind.

The teacher said. Audin’s armor did not have physical substance. It was a kind of metaphor.

-Take it.

As the teacher spoke, the teacher projected light. The light became a form, settled on Audin’s shoulders, flowed down, and then tightened and squeezed the whole body. Audin was able to accept it. At the same time, Audin observed the inside of the self.

-How far have you realized?

The teacher asked. Long ago, in a time worthy of appearing in history books, this was one who abandoned the self to protect Legion. Not a fool eaten by holiness, but one who sacrificed the self and protected everyone.

Instead of words, Audin answered by releasing holiness.

’Vortex.’

Based on what Enkrid had shown at any time, Audin put rotation into holiness. The armor laid over Audin’s whole body began to dig into the flesh little by little.

Because of that, blood began to flow from Audin’s whole body.

If Audin stayed like this, Audin would die. Knight or not, if you bleed too much, you die.

Audin released holiness and wrapped a Holy Light Armor over the skin. The materialization of holiness. It was drawing a formless power out into a tangible form.

’I increase the density here.’

Audin mixed in what had been learned from talking with Enkrid before. Under the armor pressing down on the body, the Holy Light Armor took form and endured. Thanks to that, the blood slowly began to stop.

-Shape change and materialization.

It felt like the teacher’s words were coming from far away. Audin raised concentration. Letting the hands hang down in place, throwing the gaze into empty space, Audin concentrated, and concentrated again.

’One more time.’

Beyond shape change and materialization, Audin made holiness penetrate into the light-forged armor pressing down on the body.

-Transference and projection, too.

The teacher’s words followed.

No matter how much this was the teacher’s territory, the teacher couldn’t know every detailed technique the other held. That was why the teacher was surprised.

It wasn’t only Enkrid who had overcome difficulties until now.

There were also madmen around, endlessly provoking and pushing forward together.

Even Teresa would eventually break the shell and come out.

In the past, Audin was so drunk on holiness that Audin left a portion of holiness here. More precisely, the teacher tore it away by force.

-If you get eaten by that armor, an even more splendid berserker than before will be born.

A holy knight drunk on omnipotence—an event that happened because talent was not just outstanding, but excessive.

Of course, the desire to turn away from a world full of suffering also played a part.

If there had been no teacher then, there would have been no Audin now.

It was holiness clung to like escaping reality because the heart hurt. If Audin entrusted body and mind to it, even this suffering would end.

-In the end, you would’ve become something like a slaughter weapon that kills those who oppose holiness.

The teacher had recited Audin’s future. Audin cut off the portion of holiness realized, with great difficulty.

Instead of being drunk on power, Audin opened eyes again in a place full of suffering. It was the time when the child’s illusion endlessly spat resentment.

-It is armor you made. If you have the confidence to overcome it later, take it then.

Even when being subjected to the taboo, Audin had not thought even a little about receiving it again.

’The situation changed. Brothers and sisters.’

Even if beaten to death, Audin could not live while lagging behind Rem. Audin was already realizing something and moving forward.

Having noticed that, how could Audin stop in place?

The substance of the armor made before was holiness forged while forgetting the self and forgetting the world. Making all of that entirely one’s own, chewing it up and swallowing it, was the purpose of coming here.

Rotation, change, materialization, transference, and projection.

As the teacher said, Audin handled holiness freely. In a way, it was a flow similar to changing the nature of Will.

With it, Audin tried to suppress the armor made before. But this was not the right answer. And it wasn’t the end, either.

’A wrong path.’

It was not the right direction. No one told Audin, and the teacher did not teach it, but inborn talent showed the way.

Even while wandering a wilderness thick with clouds, with not a single starlight, the right direction is found by instinct alone.

That is the advantage talent gives. Audin was the strongest genius Legion had ever produced.

Audin reviewed and tied together what had been learned from the days as a martial priest up to the present.

’What is holiness?’

Is it power bestowed by god?

Then why does it not settle on all who are devout?

Then why does a counterfeit called the Gray God exist, granting power to them as well?

The manifestation of holiness belonged to some talented people, and was not proof of devotion.

’What if holiness is, in truth, not something god gave?’

Distrust brings cracks. Audin accepted the cracks. Audin endured breaking and shattering.

-You will die, Audin.

The teacher spoke. Vibration made of light shook the chest and carried into the head.

Cracks born of distrust shattered the Holy Light Armor formed over Audin’s body. Because of that, the mass of holiness made while drunk on power pressed down on the whole body. It dug into flesh. It tried to tear muscle and break bone.

’Do not doubt the Lord Father.’

Audin recalled the words of scripture.

’Even in a moment like this, must I not doubt?’

Did you not, as the Gray God, throw away the devotion of all who possess holiness?

Audin asked, and waited for an answer. God did not answer. Because of that, distrust grew.

What was interesting was that, here, Audin thought of Ragna.

”If the destination comes out, then it isn’t a wrong path, is it?”

Walk until the place desired appears. Ragna was like that. Ragna did not doubt the chosen path even a hair.

Only a human, yet there was no wavering in the will held.

The thoughts continued and reached the captain.

’The captain...’

Audin still did not know how Enkrid had reached the present. Enkrid’s talent was terrible. It would not have been strange for Enkrid to die at any time. Effort? The world does not change by effort alone.

’But it changed.’

Enkrid did that. Enkrid swung the sword, even saving the time that would be spent doubting.

Enkrid’s single moments gathered into a day, and that day became a month. Time clumped like that and formed the present.

’A life forged by will.’

Steps taken forward without even a hair of doubt.

’Hold as much as you believe, and walk as much as you believe.’

The words of scripture mixed in and clawed through the head. Audin believed in god. Audin realized what was inside was not distrust.

Audin believed wholly. Believed earnestly. Relied, and leaned. Asked for boundless benevolence, and received as much as was asked. Within faith, thoughts settled anew.

’Holiness is something god gave.’

Only, the one who uses it is a person.

’The Lord only gave.’

Only treated so with boundless benevolence and love.

A sword held by a murderer kills people, but a sword held by one who holds purpose protects people. Like the sword the captain held.

’Holiness is given to talented ones, and they are told to use it rightly, even a little.’

Scripture says it, and hymns say it. God always spoke.

It was only that people were divided into those who listen and those who do not.

Audin heard the scream of the holiness piled up in the past. It was the scream of stubbornness that wanted to smash and crush everything around, force everything into the order god set, and cram it in by force.

’I was young, too.’

Unlike before, now, the eyes that saw the world had changed. Audin gathered the mind and collected holiness.

’If Will is change...’

Holiness is immutability. A central axis set firmly within a wavering heart.

Faith, even if it shakes and surges, does not collapse. It must be so.

’Holiness is the center, an anchor.’

It is what grabs what tries to fly here and there and makes it stay. It is power that makes one hold firm in that place even if a tsunami crashes.

’So is it enough for it to be firm like a rock?’

It is not.

If the one who uses it wishes, holiness becomes rock and becomes steel. It also becomes current, and also becomes flame.

-Anything is possible. Believe in omnipotence. Faith is a weapon. If you believe in yourself, your holiness will respond and catch up.

The teacher’s words were heard. Audin agreed. Faith granted a portion of omnipotence. Holiness becomes anything.

’If faith, too, does not change just as will does not change, then that is all.’

As thoughts were gathered, peace came into the heart. Fildin’s illusion nodded.

Blood that had been flowing from Audin’s whole body stopped, and wounds began to heal on their own.

Blood flowing through blood vessels doubled in speed, and the holiness dwelling within it emitted the light of healing.

Starting from Audin’s fingertips, upward it went to forearms, shoulders, and face; downward it ran along the thighs to under the feet, a faint light slowly dyeing the body.

’It moves according to faith, but...’

The center is faith. Believe and revere. Then everything will be achieved as desired.

’Because the Lord loved us and bestowed it.’

Only the way to use it fully is needed.

-I will look forward to it. Later, you will come to finish me, won’t you?

At the teacher’s words, Audin opened eyes.

”I will.”

Legion’s guardian knight still held this place. Audin had also heard that Pope Noah had raised voice, saying the soul placed here should be released at once.

Audin knew the teacher’s will. A person as peculiar as the adoptive father.

If the teacher wanted an end, the teacher could end it alone. Let go of everything, cut it off, and go to meet the War God seated above the heavens. But the teacher did not.

-Out there, war and demons are still overflowing.

Saying that, the teacher did not let go of the self. The teacher still guarded this place. That was why the teacher was Legion’s guardian knight.

Only, there was a lot of grumbling, to the degree of saying the teacher wanted to die, and even the Lord accepted that level of grumbling serenely.

The Pope had noticed that will as well, and now only left it alone.

”I will come again.”

-Do so.

Audin broke the armor and once again came up to the surface. Outside, it was just before evening. The sunset fell and lit the surroundings. Orange light wrapped the world. Audin felt god’s love. To bestow love even like this.

”Lord.”

At any time, the Lord watches over Audin’s world. Wraps it in light, and hides it in darkness.

Helps the difficult, reaches a hand to the pitiable. Spreads benevolence regardless of right and wrong.

Even if the human who watches it uses it wrongly, the Lord’s benevolence does not change.

Audin stepped forward. Now, if Audin went back, Audin would be able to smack that bastard Rem and Ragna, and even Jaxon, once or twice.

That was something to look forward to.

’This, too, must be joy the Lord has given.’