A Guide to Humanity’s Extinction

September 9th, at dusk, Leijing Bridge.

A ghostly, bone-white figure sat atop the highest steel beam of the bridge. It tilted its head, resting against a pillar to quietly watch the river glitter under the setting sun.

Cargo ships came and went below, while an endless stream of traffic flowed across the bridge deck.

White Jack let out a yawn. He hugged his cane like a dying beggar, completely motionless as the wind whipped his top hat back and forth.

Hunched over, he stared until the cruise ship in his hollow eyes shrank into a tiny speck of light on the river. After a while, he shifted his gaze toward the massive red shadow that had appeared at the far end of Leijing Bridge.

[Codename: Red Lizardman (Type: mutant) (Danger Level: C++ Rank)]

It was a crimson giant lizard two and a half meters long. Flicking its tongue, it darted through the bridge’s steel framework, smashing its head through car windows to snatch the drivers. It crushed their torsos in its jaws, feasting on flesh and blood amid screams and wails.

In an instant, the people on Leijing Bridge abandoned their cars and fled.

White Jack looked away. Acting as if he hadn’t seen a thing, he leaned his head against the pillar and went back to dejectedly staring at the sparkling river.

That beautiful sun still hung in the sky, slowly sinking toward the horizon.But the screams, wailing, and honking blared without end, punctuated by the booming crashes of colliding cars. He clamped his cane between his legs, watching it bob up and down as he let out one irritated sigh after another.

The final straw that shattered his thoughts was the horn of a cruise ship passing under the bridge: ”Bwoooom—!!!”

”I really don’t get it. Is it that hard to let a guy enjoy the scenery in peace?” White Jack raised a finger and dug into his ear.

He finally bothered to lift his head from the pillar. A second later, White Jack slid off the steel beam and dropped straight down, landing squarely in the Red Lizardman’s path.

The Red Lizardman was clinging to the white steel girders. Looming above, it quickly noticed the eerie white figure standing on the deck below.

”Don’t come any closer. I’m warning you, stay back. My nose is a little itchy... and I can’t guarantee what will happen next.”

White Jack spoke with his usual dubbed-movie inflection. He lowered his head to scratch his nose while raising a hand and backing away.

The Red Lizardman didn’t waste time on him. It scrambled down from the girder and hit the deck, its four limbs stomping the ground as it launched itself forward.

”Ah—choo!”

A fierce gale blasted against his face, but White Jack suddenly threw his head back and sneezed, blowing a colorful bubble out of his nose.

[Rainbow Bubbles (D Rank skill) — Blow out rainbow bubbles. Any body that touches the bubbles will temporarily lose gravity; you can also wrap yourself in a bubble and control its ascent into the sky.]

The instant the Red Lizardman made contact, its massive body was entirely engulfed by a giant rainbow bubble.

As though stripped of gravity, its body drifted upward uncontrollably, looking as if it were going to float through the atmosphere and fly all the way to the edge of the universe inside that bubble.

”I already warned you. It’s really playing the damn lute to a lizard.”

White Jack shrugged. He conjured a tissue from the tip of his cane and wiped his nose. Finding it didn’t get him completely clean, he simply summoned the little doll Mio from his inventory and used her small skirt to blow his nose, making loud honking sounds.

”No—! White Jack, why are you so disgusting? You’re not allowed to wipe your snot on Mio’s skirt!” Mio frantically pressed her skirt down with one hand while forcefully hammering White Jack’s head with the other.

”It’s fine. Just go back into the inventory and take a bath. You’ll be spotless next time you come out. This is called properly utilizing game mechanics, Miss Mio.”

White Jack said with a red nose, letting go of her skirt.

Right then, he abruptly lifted his head, spotting a red tide surging across the steel beams above.

More accurately, it was a swarm of red lizards. Each small reptile was about the size of a human fist. Hissing and flicking their tongues, their crimson eyes wide, they surged toward White Jack like a flood.

”Why are there little lizards too?” White Jack said, turning his head to look at the Red Lizardman trapped in the bubble. ”Mr. Red Lizardman, don’t you realize your actions constitute child labor? I could absolutely hit you with a lawsuit.”

”Why is White Jack so low on energy today?” Mio looked at him in confusion.

She had expected him to sound much more righteous and impassioned.

”Men just get this way for a few days every month,” White Jack sighed. ”You’re still a child, you don’t need to know, Miss Mio.”

”Mio is already two months old!” Mio crossed her arms. At that exact moment, the Red Lizardman also crossed its arms and shredded the bubble with its sharp claws.

The giant lizard broke free. Roaring, it plummeted from the sky, bringing a fierce gale as it slashed its claws toward White Jack’s head.

”Look at these little guys. They look like they’re starving.” White Jack stared at the lizard swarm, not even glancing at the Lizardman. ”What’s that phrase again? Ah, ’crying piteously for food’—yes, crying piteously for food. We should bake them a cake, Miss Mio.”

”White Jack, you bastard. Go make a cake out of your own snot,” Mio huffed.

”That’s a great idea. I’ll give it a try next time.”

White Jack suddenly lifted both hands as if holding serving platters. A split second later, a cream cake appeared in each of his palms.

[Drowsiness Cake (D Rank skill): Within 30 seconds after activating this skill, you can expend your own stamina to create a ”Drowsiness Cake” (only one can be created at a time).]

[Note 1: Anyone who is hit by the Drowsiness Cake or eats it will rapidly enter a ”Drowsiness Status”.]

Without even looking up, he casually tossed one of the cakes at the Red Lizardman.

The cake exploded against the Lizardman’s face, seeping into its mouth and nose. The ferocious giant lizard immediately lost all its energy, plunging from midair to smash a parked Audi before tumbling across the ground.

White Jack looked up at the oncoming red tide. There were too many little lizards to count.

”Sing, Miss Mio,” he said, instead of throwing the other cake.

”Guwawawa—!” Mio took a deep breath and shrieked. Her song seemed to form a physical sonic barrier. The swarm of red lizards crashed against the wall, dropping like stones onto the bridge deck.

”Good job. Your singing voice is as sweet as ever.”

White Jack tossed off the compliment as he hurled the Drowsiness Cake at them, like dropping bait to goldfish in a pond.

The moment it landed, cream splattered everywhere, painting every single red lizard white like a fresh coat of paint.

Flicking their tongues, their eyes turned hazy and drowsy, completely unable to get back up.

”Your mission is complete, Miss Mio. See you next time.” White Jack lifted Mio’s right arm and high-fived her.

”Mio hasn’t been let out in so long, how could you treat Mio like this...” She pressed her skirt down, looking at him with deep grievance. ”Mio is so bored.”

White Jack fell silent for a moment before shoving his Magic Cane into her arms. ”Here. Since you’re always so bored, you can play with my cane. Just don’t break it... oh right, you can do my homework for me, too.”

With that, he recalled the doll to his inventory. He then pulled his white top hat down lower and glanced to the right.

The bridge deck was a scene of devastation. Destroyed cars were strewn haphazardly, and not a single person was in sight along the road. But at the far end of the bridge, he could still spot a few reckless videographers.

They were crouching next to their cars, pointing their cameras in his direction to record.

White Jack looked away, turning back to the red lizard twitching and struggling on the ground. Its expression was hazy as its massive form slowly reverted to its original state. In its place lay a man wearing heavy smoky eye makeup, a jacket, and trousers.

”That’s quite a contrast,” White Jack said as he walked over. ”I figured you’d be some big, burly guy.”

”Piss off,” the smoky-eyed man croaked.

White Jack crouched down, grabbed the man by both hands, and hauled him to his feet, continuing to chat as he did so:

”Oh, you know... I had a dream recently. Honestly, I’m not sure if it was a nightmare or a sweet dream. But objectively speaking, it probably counts as a nightmare?”

”Lunatic...” The man narrowed his eyes and spat at him.

”You got that right,” White Jack said. ”The dream was about me traveling the world with a crazy girl. Honestly, she wasn’t exactly a good girl. She liked to wear a blue and black dress with a torn skirt...”

He paused. ”And me? I was a rabid dog forced into everything I did.”

At that point, White Jack suddenly placed both hands on the man’s shoulders, ripped both of his arms clean off, and casually tossed them over his own shoulder.

The severed limbs splattered a trail of red as they flew over the railing, plunging into the sea below with a splash. An instant later, an agonizing shriek tore through the dead silence of the bridge.

Through the man’s wailing, White Jack remained perfectly composed, continuing his story without missing a beat:

”Then we traveled around the apocalyptic world, killing a whole lot of people along the way. We piled up superhuman corpses into the Eiffel Tower, and watched the French sun sink below the horizon from the very top. We danced on the Perlan in Reykjavik, and by the time we snapped back to reality, the city was riddled with holes, and corpses were flowing like a river.”

White Jack murmured softly, reaching out to wrap his arms around the man’s back. Applying a little force, he pulled the man into a tight embrace and snapped his spine.

The man’s pupils constricted, his entire body convulsing. He could no longer muster a scream, his lips merely trembling.

”In the dream, I asked her, ’Don’t you think I’m cruel?’ She said, ’It’s fine. We’re both lunatics anyway. Lunatics don’t need to think about anything, we just need to dance together.’”

As he spoke, White Jack picked the man up and leaped onto the bridge railing.

He suddenly let go, only to grab the bloody stumps of the man’s shoulders, leading him into a graceful dance along the railing.

”Did you know? She’s the person I love most, and also the one I hate most. The reason I hate her is because I keep wondering why she had to appear in front of me at all. I could have gone without worrying about so much.”

White Jack kept his head lowered, dancing the tango as he spoke:

”And then in that dream, we finished our last dance. The numbers above our heads kept ticking away. Honestly, it was so incredibly loud. That tick-tock, tick-tock sound was practically deafening. But when the numbers almost reached zero, we suddenly couldn’t hear a thing. All we could see were each other’s eyes.”

He paused. Suddenly raising his hollow gaze, he stared into the man’s rolled-up, bloodshot eyes. ”And then, do you know what finally happened in that dream, sir?”

”I don’t know.”

The man shook his head in a blur of semi-consciousness, whispering hoarsely. He had already lost both arms; he knew if he didn’t play along with this madman, he would only die a worse death.

”She took my hand... I thought she was going to kiss the back of it, but instead, she used my hand to strangle herself to death.”

After finishing, White Jack lowered his head to gaze into the man’s eyes and clamped his right hand onto the man’s neck.

”That’s right, sir... I strangled her.”

The moment the words left his mouth, White Jack violently snapped his neck. With a sickening crunch, the neck broke. Blood sprayed everywhere, staining White Jack’s cheeks red.

Expressionless, he ripped the man’s head off and casually tossed it into the ocean.

”Honestly, even though it was a nightmare, I was pretty happy. So much so that I felt exceptionally empty when I woke up.” White Jack shook his head. Looking at the headless corpse, he asked,

”Sir, why was I so happy...”

He shook the headless corpse. The corpse gave no response.

White Jack drooped his head in disappointment. ”Maybe I really am just too lonely. Too desperate to bare my soul to someone... even if that person has gone insane. Even if that person said she never wants to see me again.”

With that, he let go of the headless corpse, giving its chest a gentle push.

The body teetered on the railing twice before toppling backward. It plummeted into the sea below, sending up a massive surge of snowy-white foam.

Immediately after, a red pop-up appeared in front of White Jack’s eyes.

[Weekly Mission 1 Completed: Kill one super-human species (Reward: 1 Attribute Point).]

[Allocate Attribute Points immediately?]

White Jack curled his lip. He raised a finger, tapped the panel, and quickly allocated his newly acquired stat point.

[Congratulations. You have consumed ”1” Attribute Point. Your ”Spirit” attribute has been upgraded from B Rank to B+ Rank.]

[Player ”Ke Mingqing”, your current attributes are as follows: Strength: B+; Agility: B++; Spirit: B+]

”Damn it, I boosted my spirit, so why don’t I feel any better mentally?” White Jack closed the string of panels. Leaping up from the deck, he scaled the bridge’s pillars until he reached the very top of the steel framework.

He cast his gaze into the distance, looking at the Magical Girl Company towering high like a giant, and muttered:

”I guess I’ll go see what’s happening.”

...

...

Twenty minutes later, outside the 10th floor of the Magical Girl Company.

Like a child, White Jack sat slouched on the railing of the high-altitude construction platform.

He looked down at the brightly lit city and covered one ear, as if blocking out the high-altitude drafts and roaring wind, to quietly listen to the faint voices drifting up from the conference room directly below.

After a long while, the conference room doors suddenly opened.

White Jack locked his legs around the platform’s railing and let his upper body drop. Hanging upside-down, he pressed his head toward the window, his hollow eyes peering into the conference room from an inverted angle.

At that exact moment, a young girl wearing a miko outfit with a cherry blossom hair accessory slowly walked in.

Simultaneously, a super-human species panel slowly reflected in White Jack’s pupils.

[Codename: magical girl Sakurahime]

[Danger Level: A+ Rank]

”Why do I remember her rating being B++ Rank before? Did she get infected by a witch’s magic again?” White Jack rubbed his chin. ”If you ask me... I should team up with Cinderella. From now on, before I kill these magical girls, I’ll toss them to Little Grey to lock up for a few days so they can level up. Then I’ll kill them, and the experience I get will be even higher.”

Clutching a long sword to her chest, the magical girl Sakurahime pulled out a chair and sat down.

Just then, a young girl in a qipao sitting at the far end of the conference room set down her teacup. Raising her clear, elegant eyes, she slowly spoke:

”You’re here... Then tell us. What exactly happened?”